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Reesa Teesa

I am not sure how many of us are on TikTok but there is a 50 part series by ReesaTeesa called  "Who TF Did I Marry?" Now, full disclaimer, I cannot justify spending 6 hours listening to someone recap their life and them bypassing enough red flags to line the race track of the Indy500, but that is not why we're here. I have watched a few recap videos and they all say the same thing, Reesa and Legion, her husband, moved way too fast and it was only when Reesa had space from Legion and could actually process what was being said and done, that she realized he was a liar but she met, moved in, married, and got pregnant by this stranger all within a few months. Way too fast. I could see if she was with him for years and he flipped but Reesa barely knew him and that is the problem with many modern relationships. People move way too fast because it proves that it's "real," only to find themselves in a mess because they didn't take the time to get to know the person they pledged their undying love and loyalty to. I know waiting isn't fun or sexy but waiting can save you a lot of time and money.

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.~ Ephesians 5:6-10

I believe a lot of the conflict we have in relationships is not just due to differences in opinion but not really knowing each other. I've had relationships, not just friendships, where it seemed like we were building a long lasting friendship, but when the dust settled and everyone relaxed and became their true selves, a lot of differences were revealed and there were many personality clashes and we realized we didn't like each other or agree as much as we thought and the friendship ended badly because of the hurt and disappointment, at least on my part, because I really wanted the relationship to work and I not only didn't understand why it didn't but why it had to end the way it did.

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.~ Matthew 7:16-20

I am not a horticulturist, in fact I think I have a black, or at least a very dark gray thumb, so I don't know the difference between a peach, apple, or fig tree when they are just saplings and have to bear fruits, I only know which bears which fruits, once the tree has fully developed, even limes and lemons look similar until maturation happens and the only one who knows what was planted is the gardener and the tree, the rest of us have to wait until maturation. Tyler Perry wrote in his 2006 book Don't Make a Black Woman Take her Earrings Off, and said in Madea Goes to Jail, the play, that many of us have turbulence in our lives and relationships because we took a leaf, a temporary person, and put them in a position of a branch or root and instead of dying and going into its rightful place, we try to make it into something it isn't, and was never meant to be. 

And that is why we need to practice caution in relationships. I am not victim shaming or blaming, but if Reesa stepped back to think instead of getting caught up in the idea of being married to a high value man, having a nearly million dollar home paid for in cash, a couple trips to Europe, and a brand new luxury car, we wouldn't know who Reesa Teesa is. That relationship would have been grand opening, grand closing. Don't get me wrong, we wouldn't have the entertainment she is bringing online and she wouldn't have the blessings she is getting from her videos going viral, but one "wait a minute" would have saved her a lot of time.  

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Healing your inner child

I see a lot of millennials talking about healing their inner child and while I understand that we may have felt we missed out on things as a child, I am here to tell you that you cannot heal your inner child with permissive parenting.

As someone who has two kids and needs to pay someone to clean their carpet and to repair a few things because kids are destructive, letting your kids do all the things you wish your parents let you do as a child, gets old and expensive real quick. I believe part of the parenting expense is replacing things your kids break because they surely break a lot.

I see a lot millennials claiming they are buying themselves the McDonalds they never got as a child, which is cute, or whatever but buying yourself McDonald's because your parents claimed not to have McDonald's money when you were a child or having a closet full of shoes because your parents refused to buy you Jordan's is only going to make you fat, in debt, and your house cluttered. Do you know that after awhile shoes, even the real ones, start to dry rot? You have spent thousands of dollars on something with a very short shelf life. I am not one to tell anyone how to spend their money but putting a band aid on childhood wounds in the form of buying what you never had is not it. You need to ask yourself if the shoes are a trigger because you feel rejected, like your needs weren't truly met, and not having them made you feel inadequate and like you didn't fit in. Does your mom saying no to McDonald's make you feel ignored and neglected because you saw her money and she worked, so in your childhood mind, she surely had McDonald's money? Does childhood you think your mothers check should have been used to buy you shoes and fast food, even if you guys were just scrapping by but you didn't know it because it wasn't your place to know that your mom had to borrow money for rent or you were almost evicted or she had to go without food to buy your new shoes, even if they were payless? Did you have shoes and food to eat or did you just want Jordan's and McDonalds? Please don't get me wrong and say I am dismissing trauma, I am simply trying to give perspective. I know it hurts to see your parents with not just McDonald's money but Chick Fil A money and new outfit money for your kids, but think about this, a twenty something working a minimum wage, or just above wage job, with several kids to support, is different than a 40 or 50 something, who may have gone back to school to get a career and now has a better job, and let's be real, only having your grandkids a couple days a month is great on your food, water, and light bill. What I am saying is really look at your childhood trauma and ask yourself why is it tied to these really inconsequential things because it's probably not about the thing but the emotion and perceived action attached to it.

Monique is prime example of unhealed childhood trauma and projection, and anyone rooting for her to keep telling the same story for the last 15 years with no real intention of healing or reconciliation is just an enabler. Tyler Perry and Lee Daniels have both apologized to her and yet she still finds a way to make her yearly rounds about the same thing she has been complaining about for 15 years. For the record, I get it and I am not saying that Monique shouldn't tell her story but she made a choice and choices have consequences. We have all made the choice to say no to something and regretted it but if you look deeper, this is not about her allegedly being blackballed. I am not dismissing Monique's pain but I don't think her pain comes from Tyler Perry, Lee Daniels, or Oprah and if you actually listened to her talk and not just the sound bites, you would realize the experience triggered Monique.

Monique is a victim of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of her brother. It wasn't a one time thing, it was ongoing. Often when people are violated, they try to make themselves less appealing and I believe Monique's weight and hygiene, i.e. not shaving her legs is a way to make herself unattractive and therefore less of a target of abuse. I believe Precious triggered Monique's trauma and when the movie became big and her story became front page news, I believe it overwhelmed her and she wanted to retreat, which is why all expenses paid and an extra week didn't appeal to her, even when offered to bring her family. I think the promo and attention from all she was doing overwhelmed her and she needed a break and couldn't say it, so they made it about the money, which it wasn't because no amount of money would have been sufficient. 2009-2010 was Monique's year, she had a TV show, won an Oscar. Monique was it and I believe success can trigger deseeded trauma. I believe Monique was triggered when she saw her entire family on the Oprah Winfrey show supporting the person who caused her so much pain. It has to hurt to not be believed but to have everyone rally around the person who not only hurt you but is now clout chasing by saying it is true. That had to hurt. I don't think Monique needs an apology from the big three and I think all three have already acknowledged her pain and at least two have tried to pay her or give her a job, I think the apology and acknowledgements she needs is from the two people who are dead. I think she needed her mother to believe her and acknowledge her pain and she only did on national TV with her brother, her abuser. Even recently, someone claiming to be her sister, made a viral post attacking her for not attending her parents funerals and that had to hurt, even if she didn't acknowledge it. Even today, nearly 50 years later, no one has acknowledged the pain of what happened to her as a child and they all want her to move on and stop talking I don't think Monique ever got a real life, one on one acknowledgement of her pain from anyone, let alone her family, which is why every time someone disagree with her, she has to confront them and put them on blast. It's almost as if that experience of being called a liar as a child, has made her always want to defend herself and prove she isn't a liar. My heart really hurts for Monique and I say this in love, but it is time to figure out how to move forward. It has been 15 years and it seems as if every time she tells her story, the list of people that have wronged her, only seems to grow but it also seems as if the list of people who don't want to be associated with her or limit their interactions with her and her "daddy" grows as well. Like I said, Monique may very well be right but in a world built on relationships, it isn't working, especially if after 30 years in the game, you still have to borrow money to pay rent, obviously this hobo tour isn't working, so what is the plan, sis? How do we get you consistently working and paid for your jokes, not just your pain?

Then Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?”~ John 5:8

It is time for Monique to get to the bag. You do not prove your innocence by lasting everyone you disagree with, you prove it by showing up, working hard, being talented, and handling grievances privately. I also don't think her husband is doing her any favors. I understand he is a king and he is protecting her but saying you're being raised by a mate in your 40s and 50s is a bit disconcerting, especially calling him daddy. I think that may also be another sign of trauma, maybe her dad was there but not present but either way, Monique is going to be 80 and Oprah will be dead and we will have long forgotten about Precious and Monique will still be on this who wronged me tour. Let's heal that inner child sis because this ain't it.

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Here I am

Hineini

Worship

JUST WORSHIP (Feat Osby Berry and Jordan Welch) beginning at 1:19:30 with the song “Better is one day/set a fire/nothing; going into the reprieve of the song “Nothing else” from 5:20-5:30.)

I am ready, I am prepared, I am present in paying close attention to what is being asked of me.

And I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?’ Then I said, ‘Here I am (hineni)! Send me.’ Isaiah 6:8

What do Isaiah, Abram, Samuel, Mary, and Moses all have in common? When God called them, they answered “Hineini” which is Hebrew for “I am here.” 

How many of us answer “Hineini” to God and then when things get real and he starts testing us, pruning, and asking us to sacrifice, we rethink our yes but our simple “I am here” is minute compared to what he is prepared to give us. He is asking for us to be available and present to him. He is not asking for us to be perfect. He is asking us to answer “Hineni.”

Some time later, God tested Abraham’s faith. “Abraham!” God called. “Yes,” he replied. “Hineni! (Here I am)”. Genesis 22:1, NLT.

‘Here I am! (Hineni)’ Moses replied. Exodus 3:4 NLT.

“Therefore Eli said to Samuel, “Go, lie down; and it shall be, if He calls you, that you must say, ‘Speak, Lord, for Your servant hears.’ ” So Samuel went and lay down in his place.~ 1 Samuel 3:9 

“Hineini" is more than a simple indication of being physically present in a location, the word “Hineni” is more of an existential expression. I’m not only here, but I’m here. Spiritually, I’m all in. I’m prepared to reflect on who I am, what’s important to me, and how I can effect change for others.”

God can also answer Hineni to us. God is every present and ever available to us. God promises us his enduring presence and protection. God delights in us and makes himself available to us. God has promised that as long as we say “hineni” and even when we don’t, that he will never leave us nor forsake us.” He said “hineni” long before we ever responded to him. 

 “Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I.”  (Isaiah 58:9)

By God saying ‘hineni’ to us, He is saying that He hears us, He sees us, and He knows us. God models to us the same kind of devotion He asks of us.

Sermon inspiration:

The Call of God | Sadie Robertson at Love is Red Conference 2020

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flaws and all

Mike Todd of Transformation Church preached a message last Sunday called "Strengthen your strengths" about allowing God to work on your weaknesses while you work on your strengths. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-11

The world loves to tell us where we fall short. We are too this, too that, not enough this, not enough that. Social media is like an infomercial, we know that peeling an egg is simple but the exaggeration of everything you aren't in hopes to sell you something, makes peeling a simple 7cm egg look like the ultimate struggle between life and death. We know everything we are not, we probably have a laundry list of places where we feel like if we can just fix that, that when we finally fix our imperfections and shortcomings that God can use us and we're wasting time. 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.~ Psalms 139:14

God knew your flaws when he created you and as crazy as it may seem, every one of those intentionally placed flaws will one day be an asset to the work that God has called you to. Instead of wasting time worrying about everything you are not and how you are flawed and not worthy enough, focus on strengthening the gifts and abilities the Lord has given you because I guarantee you, no matter how perfect someone may seem from the outside looking in, they have their flaws and shortcomings as well, so revel in everything God made you, flaws and all. 

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Good man or God man

Not every man is graced to be a Godly husband, just like every woman is not graced to be a wife and mother. I remember when one of my older friends told me not everyone is meant to be married, I nearly panicked and thought of reasons why he was wrong but as is the case with many young people, as I near his age, I realize he was right. Not everyone has the anointing of being a husband or wife and it takes even more grace and anointing

I understand the temptation to speed up the waiting process. To finally give that guy you put in the friendzone years ago a chance but do it sis. There are guys who simply happen to be your friends that may be your spouse but that hasn't been revealed yet and guys who have expressed interest in you and the feelings are not mutual. Listen to those instincts ladies, just because a guy seems nice and seems to be interested in you, doesn't mean you need to give him a chance. There is always the small possibility that you put your husband in the friend zone but trust me, your spirit analyzed him and said nope for a reason, plus I have heard too many stories of women finally giving that guy a chance and he ends up dogging her out due to resentment and the fantasy is always better than the reality and just like when Amnon just had to have Tamar, incest aside because ew but ride with me, and he concocted an entire scheme, with the help of his brother Jonadab, to force his half sister to lay with him and once he raped her, he felt more contempt for her than the love her claimed to have once felt and banished her. There are some people who will seemingly work hard to pursue you and court you and once they have you, they will feel contempt towards you. Everyone has flaws, even the most seemingly perfect and complete person and too often the rose colored glasses have us blind to their true nature. Don't go through your friend zone. It is like going through the clearance rack. You saw it and you didn't want it, so let it go.

Before you ask for the yoke of marriage, you need to really consider if you want the responsibilities of marriage and family. Do you really have space in your life for kids? Do you want kids? I feel like people take sex and reproduction too lightly. Too many people have kids that they do not want and those kids end up either in an already strained foster care system, living with relatives in an informal adoption, treating their kids with resentment or contempt, or worse and there are too many stories of worse. Taking family pictures are cute, the wedding pictures will get you a lot of likes and may even go viral but do you want to rush home in the middle of the day for an emergency, as a single woman you can pop a bowl of popcorn and pour a glass of wine and watch your favorite smut TV show but when you get married, your time is no longer your own. I know people are saying that social media is making marriage look bad, it's just that marriage needs better PR and many happily married people don't want to risk their marriage for social media likes and fodder, so they keep their business to themselves but nothing is more frustrating than being in a dead marriage that no one wants to revive. Many women get online to vent about being a married single mother and I guess to get support because their family and friends are tired of hearing her complain just to stay and even worse, tell their partner what was discussed and now there is division between the friend and the partner, only for themselves and their marriage to be dragged on multiple social media platforms. Plus, if you want to stay happily married, keep people out your business. All people, not just family, strangers on the internet count as well.

Too many women marry the good guy and not the God guy. Too many men marry the check list woman, she cooks, she cleans, she's beautiful, he enjoys having sex with her, she makes money, she's kind but he doesn't really love her, he loves someone else but that person may not be suitable for marriage, so he chose the better option not really loving her. It is unfair to marry someone you don't love simply because you are ready to be married. Marriage is not easy and you need God's grace and his hand to make it work and rushing ahead of God to get married so you can meet some imaginary deadline that you have in your head, probably isn't the best course of action. I know waiting is hard but you know what else is hard, being stuck in a dead-end marriage waiting for the kids to turn 18, so you can finally leave.

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Anointed but not yet appointed

On September 8, 2022, at 73 years old and after 53 years after being designated the heir to the British throne, Charles, Prince of Wales, became King Charles III. He now holds the honor of becoming the oldest person to accede to the British throne, after having been the longest-serving heir apparent and Prince of Wales in British history. There has to be a special award, some sort of sainthood, or at least a university course taught  in recognition of King Charles III patience because  53 years to be waiting for your birthright is a long time and, let's be real, some lesser people may have enacted a Shakespearean tragedy to speed up the process to get what they believe is legally theirs, and even though there were well rumored clashes about modernizing the monarchy between the Queen and the Prince of Wales but at least publicly, Charles knew his role and respected his mother as the queen and his queen, even though at some point, I'm sure he had to wonder if she was going to be the first person to actually obtain physical immortality.

Being patient and staying focused for more than half a century is no easy feat, and if the Prince of Wales wanted, he could have acted as a commoner with the excuse of being young and having time before he actually needed to act like a king and be kingly, but he didn't, he respected his future role. He was anointed to be king at a young age, from birth really, but he did not know when he would actually become king, as life and people are unpredictable. I am also sure, because times change, people don't, that more than one person tried to per pressure him into acting in a way that was unbecoming of the future king because one picture of a drunk and stumbling king could be life changing, at least monetarily and because those pictures don't exist, I will assume that he was always mindful of his duties and future position and how it will affect the monarchy, which was also his family. Imagine having the unique privilege of disappointing the queen and your mother at the same time. Similar to how Queen Elizabeth was then Prince Charles mother, queen, and appointer, God is our father, king, and appointer of our destiny's. Why disappoint him in hopes of gaining the favor of the world, which will always be fleeting, like the wind and short lived.

The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.~ 1 John 2: 17. 

As a boy, David was anointed king by Nathan and went back to the field to tend to his sheep. It was 18 years between the time young Jesus taught in the synagogue to when his ministry officially started and even then his appointed earthly time was only three years. Who knows how long Noah built the ark without evidence of rain. Sarah and Abraham waited many years, well into their old age, before Isaac, the child of promise, was finally born. God told them he would move in their lives and they would do something great and powerful but didn't say when, or even how. I feel like when people get anointed but not yet appointed, they do one of three things, either prepare themselves for what God has called them to, they try to rush or alter what God has called them to, or they go out in the world to try to have a testimony, if you know what I mean. Just like when Sarah tried to help God bring the promised child by using her servant Hagar as a surrogate and created a big mess, that not even Abraham wanted to touch, and caused a conflict that is still ongoing onto this day. God used Ishmael as a permissive part of Abraham's destiny but it was messy and still is. Look at what is happening in Israel. It is literally the descendants of Ishmael and Isaac fighting, tens of thousands of years after the original players went back to be dust of the earth.

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ~Ephesians 5:15

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit~ Ephesians 5:18

I do not call out Sarah or anyone else in the bible for the inability to wait and trust in God's timing because I have been all three. I have tried throwing it back, knocking it back, and taking things into my own hands and wondering why there is so much turmoil and conflict happening because that is not what I've been called to do and trying to fit into a place where I am not called, at least long term has been a big cause of conflict in my life. Have you ever seen someone try to fit in and you can see it is not them or even worse, watching someone you know is better than what they are pretending to be because they don't want to stand out in the way God has created them to, that was me. In todays day and age, being relatable or outrageous, may be one of the things that can help a person go viral and obtain internet fame and fortune but why have the testimony of throwing it back, getting sloppy drunk, and sleeping around, when you don't have to, especially when it is not who you are at your core. Having a testimony is great but why put yourself through the stress of the permissive will when you don't have to? Why struggle with things that you do not have to and make your life harder in a way that it doesn't have to be because you want to fit in? I have always been anointed and set apart but I didn't want to be so I tried to fit in and thank goodness my stint with alcohol, the club, and premarital sex when I was called to wait until marriage didn't last long and I got out with no side effects, just a small testimony but what if I got caught up because I wanted to be like everyone else instead of acting in my anointing and future appointment.

  Taste and see that the Lord is good;~ Psalms 34:8

I know a lot of people who want to wait until they are older to do what God called them to do and be who God called them to be because they don't want to miss something. They want to wait until they are considered too old to do the things the world considers cool because who wants to be seen as the old head auntie in the club when they can just pivot to the church and God doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be the placeholder you finally marry after you get too old and your options run out and you're left with gold diggers and opportunists. God wants to be the one you look at and immediately want to marry. God is not your long suffering side chick. Choose God today.

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Mamba Mentality

Too many of us are afraid to have confidence because we mistake it with arrogance and no one wants to be mistaken as arrogant or haughty, especially when they simply want to use their gifts to better the kingdom. Confidence at its core, is simply trust in yourself and your abilities. It is not the belief, or comparison, that you are better than anyone else. Confidence is truly me vs me and trusting the abilities placed inside of you to complete the task at hand. Confidence often gets mistaken as arrogance when we let the insecurity of man trump what God has given us. 

It is better to trust in the LORD Than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the LORD Than to put confidence in princes. All nations surrounded me, But in the name of the LORD I will destroy them.~ Psalms 118:8-14 

Sometimes the trust we have in what God has blessed us with can trigger the insecurities of others and make them afraid and that fear can cause them to become a vessel Satan uses to try to destroy your confidence. If you think about the story of Job and the conversation that God and Satan had, Satan didn't even want to kill Job, God didn't need to add that exemption because if Satan did it "right" all he needed to do was sift Job enough so that he would lose his trust in God and turn his back on him. Satan doesn't even have to kill us or infirm our bodies to really destroy us, all he has to do is get a few people that we think are our friends or place a few "friendly" haters in our path to get us to doubt our abilities and worthiness for us to veer of the path he has put us on.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.~ 1 Peter 5:8-9 

If it only takes a mustard seed of faith to move mountains, what can a mustard seed of doubt, especially from someone you love and seems to want the best for you, do? This is why we need to be careful about our thoughts and the things we allow to take root in our life. Once something borrows down within you, it is very hard to get it out. Once a seed is planted, it can continue to grow without being tended to. One day you'll look up and there is a large tree in your backyard and you have no idea how it got there. The only way to prevent having a garden full of weeds is to pull them out by the root. I remember spending my Saturday mornings out in the front yard, pulling up weeds and while it was a very tedious and sometimes painful process because a lot of the weeds have thorns, as a protective barrier, which can make pulling them difficult but necessary.

casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ;~1 Corinthians 10:5

I used this version because sometimes our thoughts and feelings can be considered imaginations with no real grounding in reality but if we do not capture our thoughts, they can take very real root. 

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."~ Proverbs 23:7

Thoughts become things and if Satan can create a record of all the negative things you and others perceive about yourself and play it on a loop in your mind and then trick people into mimicking those things, he's succeeded, he's won your mind and once your mind is won, he doesn't even need to fight for your body, finances, or spirit because you will readily give him those things because he has your mind. It's like when someone is in an unhealthy relationship, no matter how much they complain or how bad they're treated, like the elders say, once "their mind is gone" meaning they've been successfully manipulated, no amount of self love and positive talk will get them out of the situation. This is why the bible emphasizes the renewing of your mind and protecting your mind and controlling your thoughts because no matter who strong you think you are, we are all vulnerable. If you listen to any athlete speak about their abilities and how they prepare for any major game, trash talking and mental warfare is always apart of the strategy. They know the other team is just as good as them and they know that to win, they need to get into the mind of the other players, so they do this with trash talk or other intimidation tactics. Kobe Bryant, one of the best basketball players of all time, used to do this. He knew that no matter how hard he worked or how good he was, he needed to get into the minds of his opponents and one player told a story of how he was working out in preparation of a playoff game against the Lakers and he went to the gym to work out and Kobe was there and how he tried to wait Kobe out but Kobe, even though he was there before the player, ended up waiting the player out and was still working out when he left and when the player asked Kobe about it later, he said I had to show you, you were soft and you couldn't outwork me." That mamba mentality was everything. RIP Kobe. Adopt a mamba mentality and protect your mind by renewing it, capturing every thought, redirecting your focus. 

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.~Phillipians 4:8

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God the father, Donna the mother

1 John 3:1 – “See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”

Luke 6:35-36 – “But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

Today, I was sorting my girls toys when God spoke to me and said, the same way you love and provide for your girls, is the same way the Lord loves and provides for you. There is not a thing that my girls need that they do not have and there is not a thing that I need that I do not have. God has truly provided for me.

Luke 11:11-13- What father among you, if his son asks for a fis will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will our Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!”

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My Man, My Man, My man

It is a rare thing when the internet comes together to agree on something and the fact that the entire internet, men, women, black and white have all said the same thing in different ways about the Simone Biles husbands comments, let's me know that the future ain't looking too good for sis and her man.

The internet was right about KeKe Palmer and I fear they may be right about Simone Biles and her husband, Jonathan Owens. Even the men on the podcast recognized something was off about his comments and tried to subtly redirect him but he doubled down and Simone was just smiling and cheesing. I could hear the collective "oh girl" from every auntie, who has watched a brilliant, smart, accomplished woman become stupid or even derail her life for a man that they felt was beneath her. This is a train that is running 100 miles per hour without a brake and all you can do is wait for it to crash and offer aid to the injured and clear the dead, once it does. Simone Biles is just going to have to go through it and all the internet aunties and big sisters are going to be there with open arms.

We have to remember that Simone Biles is the epitome of the American dream. She is a foster child whose biological parents could not care for her and no matter how accomplished you are, no matter how much money you have, or how big or where your house is, there is nothing that can feel the void of feeling like your parents chose everything in the world except parenting you and feeling like you were not enough to make them change, especially if they go on to have another family and successfully raise other children. It is just as hard to love someone who has never felt love or acceptance from one of their primary caregivers. This could be mommy issues or daddy issues. I'm not saying that these people aren't worthy of love, what I am saying is if this person doesn't truly work through those issues of abandonment and rejection and not just bandage with things that make them look successful and healed like success, material things, or even a family but truly working to unpack and heal those things, you will spend the rest of your life paying for the sins of someone you may not even know and trying to fill that void. They will either punish you because they see their absentee or abusive parent in you or they will become childlike so you can give them the parental love they're missing and that is an impossible task. Simone Biles is one of the most talented and accomplished gymnasts and Olympians ever and she is downplaying who she is for an undrafted free agent, who no one knew existed until they started publicly dating. I am not throwing shade at him because making it to the NFL is no small feat but people are acting like her accomplishments don't matter because she married a man who is successful in his own right and that is crazy to me. Men saying that women, both black and white, are bitter because she married a football player is confusing. I live 10 minutes from the headquarters of my local NFL franchise and I am pretty sure with the tiniest bit of effort, I could pull a player, past or present, so we're not going to reduce her accomplishments to simply getting married.

I need my successful women who find their biological clocks ticking in their 30s and 40s, to either go to the sperm bank, adopt or get a puppy because you all are too old to have newfound baby daddy drama in your 40s and 50s. Y'all are picking partners like someone whose frontal lobe isn't fully developed and it's not cute. Y'all know better. What's the point of having all that money and access if you are going to spend most of it on child support or lawyer fees? I wish women would free themselves from the shackles of feeling like their success is worthless unless they have a family.

Many women find burden in their accomplishments because patriarchy tells them their accomplishments whether it is graduating college, having a high powered career, buying a house on your own, being able to pay all your bills on time and have some change left over without help, makes them masculine and undesirable to a high value man. I once saw a post in a marriage group that said a "drop out can have more of a successful marriage than a graduate." That's not what it said but that's the jest of it and it was written by a man about women that women who graduate from college are less likely to have successful marriages. Le sigh. Women feel like they have to apologize for their success and it is time to release ourselves from the societal expectations that we balance being a boss bae with wanting to be Cinderella with not a lot of men wanting to be Prince Charming.

The soft life is a pushback against feminism. The message of "don't work," and "stop producing" is the calling card of the soft life movement but many times it is a trap and a scam. A lot of men don't want to pay all the bills. They want the title and prestige of being viewed as the breadwinner while really being team "split the bills" but more of a 60/40 or 70/30 split because he is a traditional man who wants a traditional woman and he would never do 50/50. He may pay the mortgage and a few other larger bills but she is expected to pay her personal expenses such as her car note, maintenance, and the kids expenses. I have also seen men justifying not paying all the bills by stating their grandfathers died young or they were not able to enjoy their families because they worked so much and they don't want that for themselves. They don't really want a stay at home wife unless it is of some benefit to them or the family, for example, they have a high profile career and having a working spouse makes them look bad even if he can't afford to support a family on his income alone or their kids are small and it would be a burden to pay daycare and a mortgage even though her leaving the workforce impedes her future mobility and earning potential. The workforce wasn't created for women with families, even though women have always worked, even pre feminism but they, especially black women, weren't expected to raise their children, that duty went to older women who were too old or unattractive to work, if you understand what I'm saying.

I know we all want to collectively shake Simone and tell her that she can do better but the truth is that no matter how beautiful, smart, well spoke, or accomplished she is, she will only do as good as she believes she can and that is her man and all we can do is watch and mind our business.

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Forever Young

Age shaming to me is an interesting thing. I find it funny, not haha funny but the weird type, that people will compare a picture or video of a celebrity in their 20s to how they look and move in their late 30s, 40s, or even 50s and say "what happened?" The same thing that will hopefully happen to everyone, if they're lucky to live long enough, they aged.

I was recently watching This Christmas and some of the people I was watching with were discussing Lauren London and one of the women said, she doesn't look like that anymore and proceeded to pull up pictures of how she looks now. You mean to tell me that nearly 40 year old Lauren London doesn't look like 21/22 year old Lauren London. Color me shocked. Shocked I say.

Millennials are having to accept that we are aging and that we are technically middle aged. While most of us are only in our mid-late 30s and that is hardly old, it would be a lie to say that we don't look our age. There are very few of us that still looked how we did in our early 20s. When I see a post on social media of someone bragging about their age and saying 50 where or 40 where? I wanna say there because we can see it. It's there, it may not be obvious to everyone else but I can see it. Many times when a gen zer has a young looking mom, it is because the mom is usually young. If you're 20 and your mom had you at 16, that means she's only 36 and should look young because she is young. This obsession with proving ones youth and ability to remain looking youthful is weird and pointless. I see some stars who had some of their most iconic looks in the 80s and 90s, trying to recreate those looks' in their 50s and 60s and I'm just like, ok you look good but you definitely remade that outfit to fit your current size and body shape or let that dress out some and there is no shame because it looks great and makes for great content but let's be for real. You look good but not the way you did in your 20s and that's okay. Some of us age "better" than others but we still age, nonetheless.

I think with social media, the constant creation of appreciation posts and the uploading of old shows and videos from the 70s, 80s, 90s, and even 2000s we forget that people age because we're so used to seeing them how they looked in they heyday that we forget it was so long ago. Many stars reach their peak in their late teens-early 30s and even if they are still currently working, we often only see pictures of them from that period, so it can be a bit jarring to see a recent picture of that same celeb and see that they've aged and in some instances, not the way the public imagined them to have. I remember a few years ago when the Nicole Murphy, Lela Rochon, and Antwan Fuqua, cheating scandal/love triangle happened, people had the nerve to say that he deserved to cheat because Nicole Murphy still looked the same in her 50s as she did in her 20s and Lela Rochon let herself go. The sheer delusion of thinking a woman in her late 50s, almost 60s, who has lived life, had children, maybe health issues will look the way she did in her 20s and don't get me wrong, Lela's face card isn't declining, her body is just different and while everyone thinks they will be Nicole still wearing bikinis with their right and tight bodies that put women half their age to shame, lets be realistic. In my 20s and early 30s, I ate horribly and barely exercised but I was able to lose weight by simply working out a few times a week and tweaking my diet, now in my late 30s, I try to control my diet and I work out an hour a day, every day, sometimes even adding a walk or two with my children, and the scale has barely budged since having my youngest daughter almost 3 years ago. It has taken a bit to accept that my body has changed because I am a woman nearing a certain age. I am a woman in her 30s, who looks like she is in her 30s. I know women who look young and have barely aged and I can tell you that while she does take care of herself, genetics has a big part to play in it and you can't outrun genetics. It catches up to you every time. Angela Bassett, who is goals in her 60s, works incredibly hard and keeps a very disciplined regimen to maintain her physique and let's be honest, most of us are not that disciplined.

It is a weird flex to go to someone and say "that's why you old" as if time is not ever moving and one day they will be old too. No one stays in their 20s forever, unless they have unfortunately met an early demise and in that case, they truly are forever young but if you are aging, that God for the ability to live and enjoy life, no matter what age you are.

[donnabroadway]

RHOP Season 8 Ep. 2 thoughts

I wish they would let the new ladies organically form their own relationships and connections with the group. It seems like every season, they bring in a new lady with the intention of her being a foil to whoever the target is that season. They brought in Mia to go against Candiace, Charrisse, even though she isn't new, to go against Karen, Deborah to bring baseless allegations against Chris and Eddie, and now it seems like they're bringing in Nneka to go against Wendy, and it's tired. I know it's a show and they don't have time for slow burn or lukewarm friendships but at least get to know the group. It is unnatural to come into a situation already having an enemy. None of these ladies knew each other, even Karen and Charrisse were just acquainted, so it's unnatural.

Nneka, take you, your husband, and your generational wealth and get off this show. Make this your last season. I don't see how this show will benefit you, except by getting famous but if you don't succeed in tearing Wendy down, then you will be the next target of the Green Eyed Bandits. Even if you do succeed and stay in the clique, you're already getting calls about what you're saying and doing on this show and it was only your first group scene, it won't end well for you. Mia's marriage and life was upended, Juan can no longer cheat in peace, Ashley is divorced, Monique is divorced, Michael's reputation and business has probably suffered, Charrise chose this show over her marriage, Katie has had her personal struggles, and Wendy is next, if she doesn't get off this show. Nothing positive can come to you and your family by being on this show. You're happily married, young, beautiful, and successful, all the things Gizelle hates. I know Gizelle is already chomping at the bit to ruin your life and spread rumors about your husband looking oogly eyed to some random woman in his club. Run, don't walk away from this group.

Robyn is not leaving Juan and Juan is not leaving Robyn. They're comfortably, uncomfortable in the situation they're in, leave them alone.

Gizelle is trying to save Robyn and Robyn is trying to save Juan and neither want to be saved. Gizelle, as annoying as she may be as an unofficial producer, does know what the show needs and she knows people need Robyn to cry and show some emotion, even Juan knows it to, as I'm sure he, Gizelle, and Robyn have had some conversations about the show, public perception and how to save her job but Juan has been cheating on Robyn since they were teenagers and obviously she's okay with it. It affects her but not enough to leave. Juan can dribble a ball but not much else. If Juan was smarter with how he moved on the show and his assistant coach, then he'd still be employed. Coppin, though a good school, is not a top school and no one but alumni goes to watch Coppin play anything, so this was the most attention they've gotten ever. If Juan wants another job, he needs to either get off this show or tighten up. No school wants this type of attention.

I want Juan and Robyn to find another way to make money because clearly they are private people and don't want to be on this show. I think Gizelle fights so hard for Robyn is because Robyn is a buffer and an ally between her and the other ladies and if Robyn left, then Gizelle wouldn't have any protection and true friends on the cast.

Ashley gets away with the mess because she is an equal opportunity offender. She may be messy, spread rumors, and hit below the line but she knows when too far is too far and she will say that. Ashley is equally messy but I wish she stayed away from the Osu talk. As a black American, it's above her paygrade and she needs to find something else. Even if Wendy was Osu, what would Ashley, a biracial woman raised in a black household in the whitest county in the Baltimore region do with that information?

I don't like Karen's wig. It looks half done. It's blonde in the front, half brown/half blonde everywhere else. If they wanted to do blonde in the front and brown with highlights it would be cute but I'm not seeing the vision.

I think Gizelle is the only person who has truly benefited from this show. I noticed her new car and she has a stylist. This week was the first time I truly liked any of Gizelle's fashions. I am looking for that dress. I just wish she would finish her house. I know it takes time and money, and since this is her job, she probably schedules it around filming or when she gets paid but she's been working on her house for about four years. I get the house is an investment but a $1 million can get you any house you want in any zip code and that house was a scam because she can get a decent house for cheaper than that but she wants what she wants.

[donnabroadway]

RHOP

Next.

This show is overly scripted and dry. It gave enough for me to be mildly entertained but if Robyn is the cornerstone of the season, go back to the drawing board. It feels like the ladies have a checklist of things to address and they did.

Robyn- she's not getting fired, so put down your pitchforks. Robyn has a strong ally in Gizelle and even if she didn't, she fits in with the top players and does enough to keep her job. Plus, there aren't a lot of housewives qualified women, who actually live in Potomac, knocking down Bravo's door to play with their marriages, families, reputations, and/or livelihood. There is no replacement for Robyn so she stays. I laughed during her entire scene with Juan. If you like it, I love it. None of his excuses made sense and it was painful and not in a good way, like watching a low budget movie with bad acting, just painful. Robyn is the main breadwinner and they need her to stay employed, so of course he is going to show up more. I find it interesting that Robyn is okay with Juan calling the woman everyone thinks he is having an affair with "very beautiful." Maybe I missed something because I was multitasking but I don't recall Juan outright denying an affair. If Gizelle, Ashley, and Charrisse, want to stay friends, or at least cordial with Robyn, they need to allow their friend to be stupid in peace because in Robyn's mind, her relationship and Juan's lack of respect and discretion aren't the issue, it's people who can't mind the business who are the problem, so unless they want to see the nasty side of Robyn, I suggest they let it go.

Gizelle and that man- you wanted Gizelle with a man, so she bought one. Apparently, this is Jason's fourth show as a "boyfriend." This was painful to watch as well. Too scripted plus I don't believe they're having sex. There is a distinct energy that two people have when they've had sex and this ain't it. I hope Jason gets paid well, be it in coin or exposure.

Ashley- girl. I would say I don't know who is more delusional, you or Robyn but you're a close second. I don't think anyone can be more delusional than Robyn but for Ashley to believe she is playing Michael by staying married, okay girl. I will let you have it but Michael is winning. He knows that he just can't get rid of Ashley because it would be very expensive so he moved her into her own place, pays her a set amount, and can still play daddy when he feels like it. I will say that Ashley is a good mother. I love the relationship her boys are building.

Mia- I never believed Mia was the CEO because Gordon had the business way before he knew Mia but I can believe marketing director, since she has done interviews on behalf of the business before she was on RHOP but she was a gold digger who came up. I have nothing to really say about Mia and Gordon, except too bad, too sad. Mia has three kids, no rich man is taking that on but I believe she can be like Kim Zolciack and get a rich benefactor and a fake engagement ring but unless Mia snags a virginal tech nerd, no man is taking on all of that, especially a rich man with options.

Wendy-I will always say this about her, I wish she'd get off this show. I get it, she probably makes at least a quarter million off of this show, in addition to Eddie's income and her income from other things. The money allows her to pay down their student debt, build a nest egg, take care of family, and do other things but I want her to play long game. Wendy could be president of a university or something else. She has so much potential but she'd rather play in the mud with ladies who have not achieved a quarter of what she has. I get it but I don't.

Karen-next, same ol, same ol. Karen is a good foil against Robyn and Gizelle because she can hold her own, and go just as low without getting overly emotional.

Candiace- she and Chris are targets because Chris wants to be a reality star instead of a chef. I'm starting to think Candiace's mom isn't completely wrong. I think he gives off good guy energy and is a balance for Candiace, I'll give him that but has he stepped up to be there for all three of his kids and not just the two with the same mother? Has he had a consistent job over the years? He was a chef at a restaurant and because he essentially ran the place, he gets a percentage. I know people who have a percentage of a business, for whatever reason, but they are not owners, they get paid upon the sale. It's a thank you for your loyalty.

Charrisse- okay, girl. A common rebuttal for criticism against Charrisse is her connections but if she truly had them, she wouldn't be on this show. Her connections were contingent upon her husbands money, influence as a head coach in the NBA, and her children and the schools and organizations they were apart of and she no longer has none of that, plus she's on national TV spreading disparaging business in a world that values discretion. Charrisse has no use to any of the DMV upper echelons, so here she is staging a useless intervention for Robyn.

[donnabroadway]

Rotten milk and bitter honey

I hate to sound like Candace Owens but I don't have to support your business simply because you're black owned. Are we disproportionately disenfranchised and discouraged from opening any business besides a hair salon and barbershop? Yes, and I have personally heard stories of business owners of other races trying to sabotage successful black business owners. But let's not act like we sometimes do ourselves a disservice with our lack of preparation and customer service. I understand that others have a head start, and sometimes a hand up but being rude, having outrageous house rules, not adhering to scheduled hours, not communicating any changes to the public or your staff, being dirty, not offering expected services, being ignorant about common business purposes, etc is a sure fire way to fail, no matter what the comments or paid reviews say on social media. You can either be rude and have a great product or have great customer service and be subpar, but you can't be both. It's like at work, you can be a personality hire and just an okay employee or you can be an exemplary employee that is a bit socially awkward but both rarely receive the right to exist in the same space.

Chick Fil A is known for their customer service, which is part of what makes them so popular. They are quick, friendly, efficient, consistent, and their staff pretends like they're happy to do their jobs. One time, I pulled up to the drive through and the owner was there handing me my coffee like any other employee. Now, Chick Fil A food is probably a 7/10 on their best days but the customer service is a 9/10. Is it the the best chicken sandwich I've ever had? No, that honor goes to the Honey Butter Chicken at the Roaming Rooster in DC, but Chick Fil A is decent and consistent. I can count on it in a pinch. Which is why they will exist for as long as they wish. Too many people want to compare their business/brand/ and or service with Gucci, or any other luxury brand. because it's luxurious but draw the line at being compared to Chick Fil A or Amazon when it comes to customer service and delivering their products in a decent time frame. Or, they want to dismiss, or diminish, the complaints of their consumers by stating we let other races disrespect us or we take disrespect from places like Walmart, okay. I, personally, besides bills and other expenses I can't control, decide how I spend my money and I don't spend it with people or places where I feel disrespected. I don't go to my neighborhood Walmart because the lines are too long and I just don't like it but I go to the next one because they're quick. Like, I said other people may take disrespect because they want to support black owned businesses but I don't.

Too many people want to collect a check for doing nothing but the bare minimum. Every business requires some level of work. Passive income only exists for people rich enough to live off of the interest of their investments. That's not the average business owner. If you passively run your business, you will be actively unemployed. Too many people want to eat the fruits of their labor while minimally sowing. Stunting with homes, cars, and bags because people like to show off their money, is why a lot of business fail. Instead of taking the profits and putting it back into their business by hiring more staff to help with increased demand, investing in software, an accountant, consultant, pr, marketing, a manager, research and development, a larger space, increasing employee salaries, etc, they use it to enrich themselves and wonder why they fail. And when they do, they go on tirades calling their customers broke haters, who only want to see black businesses fail. No, people wanted to support and decided they didn't like the experience they had with your business and decided to take their money elsewhere because the business wasn't dependable or consistent. The Real Milk and Honey is inconsistent because they didn't want to serve regular people but broke their necks to serve someone famous. Unless, Keith Lee plans to move to Atlanta, he won't be a consistent customer but they turned off a lot of people who could've been. Too many business owners want to be hood famous and stunt on these hoes instead of truly building, fortifying, and recession proofing their businesses. We're in a recession and people still have Chick Fil A and Amazon money but none to get their hair done by you or eat at your mediocre restaurant with bad service.

The customer is always right because they pay the bills. I guarantee, that in a year or so, The Real Milk and Honey will be closed and/or running unusual specials. Why? Because instead of taking responsibility or even being silent, they shaded Keith Lee, which is a no-no in internet land, where most of their customers will come from. People like to pretend the internet isn't a real place but it is definitely an offshoot of real life and what happens online very often bleeds into real life. One of the owners allegedly called him autistic and they pretended like he didn't matter because "they're successful." I hope they enjoy their 9-5 because it's about to be the beginning of the end. The internet, about 15 million people, which is a lot, don't play about Keith Lee. Good luck.

[donnabroadway]

The church and happily single women

In the 2010s, there was a surge of young Millennial and Xillennial insta preachers. They preached purity, they were either happily single ,or happily married with a handsome husband that was equally anointed, cute, well behaved kids, perfectly curled hair, a beautiful smile, they were draped in quiet luxury. They WERE quiet luxury. These women were aspirational. They looked good and they preached all the right things. They seemingly had the formula figured out and these preachers quickly garnered a following of 20something Millennials and Xillennials in their early 30s. Most were single and wanted the life of their favorite Christian influencer. Their followers were young, and just starting out in the world and they wanted similar men but the church realized there was a shortage of these men. It wasn't that you'd have to find a diamond in the rough and polish him up, it was simply that these men didn't exist. They weren't in the church. Men are already scarce in the church but now they were either simply not there or the ones that were in our age group, were already coupled up and had been for years. So what could the church do now that it could no longer deliver on one of its many promises of providing a husband? They switched to purity and telling women that the Lord will essentially drop ship their husband into their lives, as long as they are obedient and submitted to him; and weren't looking for him.

The message given to us, young, single 20 somethings was to enjoy your single season, work on yourself, and stay pure. And many women did that. They put their energy into bettering themselves, which meant focusing on their careers, advancing their education, going to therapy, healing, building relationships with likeminded women, getting hobbies, and growing closer to Jesus. Now these women are in their 30s and 40s, the time where they are supposed to be panicking about their bodies, fertility, and getting a husband. They are they leftovers, the wallhitters, and they should be desperate to be the wife of a manbaby or a stepmother to half raised kids, or whatever is left on the clearance shelf. But they aren't. They took the church's advice and enjoyed their single season so much that they don't want to give up their time and autonomy. They are healed, they have great careers, their student loans are paid, they have their own homes, have built a community of likeminded women, and they have disposable income and free time and the church, and society, is scared. In this season of her life, one of two things was supposed to happen, she was supposed to either give her free time and disposable income to the church or she was supposed to settle down and marry either a newly single divorcee, or one of the leftover men and she's doing neither. She is choosing to focus on herself and her wellbeing. And I see nothing wrong with that.

The current message that single women, with no kids, and/or responsibilities outside of themselves is that they are selfish narcissists for deciding how to spend their time and money and hilarious to me. The idea that a woman choosing to spend HER free sleeping or doing things that SHE enjoys or that a woman deciding to spend the money she earned, on experiences instead of choosing to mother kids that aren't hers, is crazy. The idea that she cannot possibly be happy or won't be happy in her 50s, without choosing to devote her life to others, doesn't make sense to me. She is doing what the church told her to do, which is enjoy her single season. It's not her fault she hasn't found a suitable mate. Why should she settle and move someone into the life she built, if that's not what she wants? Women are no longer desperate. They aren't crying about being single, they are seeing the opportunity in being single, as we were taught to do. We were told to enjoy our single season, so why is it a problem? Because there's a new crop of single men and vacancies in the church as more men divorce and more people die or become too old to serve. They need single women to sign up to fill those roles and they aren't. Again, they are enjoying their singleness, as the church told them to do.

These newly single men want a good woman and what woman is "gooder" than a Christian woman who has been "waiting on the Lord for her husband? Who else is going to give up their lives to raise children, that aren't theirs, so that their husband doesn't have to pay child support to his evil ex? Who else is going to give up a career she worked half her life for, so she can be a Trad mom or save money on daycare, or other expenses, even though she may be the breadwinner. Who else is going to support the church with their monetary gifts and free labor? Who else is going to sow an extra seed or shout in the front row in hopes of getting a husband or changing the husband who has knocked down half the congregation and half the neighborhood? And don't forget, the aunties are no longer retiring to the church. They are outside. Their kids are grown, they aren't babysitting, they are no long depending on the church for social interaction or begging their adult children to call them; they are going to brunch, taking trips, advancing their education, changing careers, and living their best lives. Women aren't selfish, they are choosing themselves. They are choosing to be rewarded now and not in the afterlife. They are choosing not to be miserable, selfless, and ignored with their obituaries riddled with everyone else's accomplishments and very few of their own. They have seen how that worked out for the older generation and just like men aren't killing themselves to provide, women aren't sacrificing their lives to be seen as saints. They want to be happy now and if that means single and childless, so be it.

I am not faulting women who decide to be Tradwives or stay at home moms and wives, but I also don't think we should fault women who decide that they don't want that life. That was the purpose of feminism. It wasn't to remove women from the homes and ruin the family, it was to give women a choice. Too many women were forced into motherhood and marriage, only to be abandoned their partners and shamed by society for not being good enough to "keep their men." I honestly believe that the church doesn't care about children born out of wedlock but they do care that there is a lack of children being born because that means there are no shamed women trying to atone for their sins and there is not a new generation being reared in the church.

The double edged sword about social media is that is has the ability to make stars out of regular people whose talent would not be seen otherwise but it has also exposed our leaders. A lot of those insta pastors are no longer active or they have been exposed as hypocrites and not living the life they claim to live and they can't stop the expose because how do you sue or threaten someone who isn't attached to a big entity who needs to keep a good relationship with the organization and this is their big break. You can't. The fallacy has been exposed in the church and very few millennials are going back to the brick and mortar church.

[donnabroadway]

The Other Black Girl TV Series review

First, let me preference this by saying that I loved this series. I binged watched in two days and can't stop thinking about it. Great series but major plot holes. I understand wanting to keep the people guessing in hopes of a season 2 but all major questions should be answered by the second to last episode with the finale being a wrap up of the season and set up for the next season. Viewers should want more but, if the show gets cancelled, they should be content with what they got. The story should be complete but open ended enough for a sequel. That being said, this thriller series does a bad job of thrilling us. I don't see the problem with a hair grease that neutralizes you and gets you to the front of the line. If you're black in corporate America, you're already partly neutralized, may as well get a big title, the accolades, paycheck and lifestyle that comes with it. Many of us smile at bosses and coworkers we'd love to curse out because we have bills and obligations and need our jobs. If I'm going to deal with the macro, or, microaggressions, at least make it worth my while. This is one of the only instances, I'd rather cry in a Bentley than a Honda.

I, like a few other black women who have settled comfortably into corporate America, who are still young enough to break records for being in high positions but old enough to have the required experience with at least 20 years to go before retirement, don't see this as a horror or thriller. This is reality. Corporate America wants your black skin, even better if you have black hair, but not your black thoughts or black ways. Corporate America is full of B.S and if a tub of hair grease gets me to the front of the line, I don't see the problem. Do the OBG's kill radical black people? Does the hair grease fry your brain after a certain amount of time? Is it like The Supreme on AHS where one has to die for another to rise? What is so bad about this organization that there is an underground resistance? The author, nor show, never explained. Like I said, I don't see the problem. I'd grease my hair in a New York minute. It also doesn't seem like the OBG's were looking for Kendra, even though she was looking for them, so why the resistance?

what happened to Kendra Rae to make her feel like a life off the grid was better than what she had? The show never answered this and this should be in season 2.

what is the OBGs? They never explained. All I see is secret meetings with the ladies stating what they want and getting their hair greased? I missed the bad part.

Did Nella grease her hair? The show implies that she didn't but for an organization that has spies all over, it would come out that she didn't.

what do they plan to do with the podcast host? Surely the disappearance of a podcast host with millions of followers who generates millions of dollars for big corporations, would be of great national interest. Do they plan to wash the grease out of their hair?

Also, a hair product that has to constantly be reapplied doesn't seem like a good brainwashing mechanism. Unless it is a miracle worker that can thicken your hair and grow it to your ankles, it wouldn't be a staple. Black women change hair products like underwear.

Who is Richard Wagner and how did he get pulled into this? Did the OBGs already exist and it was a family business he inherited or did he and Diana start it from scratch?

How did Diana get pulled into this? Like I asked in the previous question, how did this organization start? Is it like a sorority or like skull and bones? Can people know you're a member with discretion to sorority business or is it so secret that you can't even confirm your membership, even 50 years after graduating?

I won't give this show a rating because I think it's a great show, great concept, just full of holes and not explained well.

[donnabroadway]

Millennial Cringe

Every generation talks about the generation under it as if they're the most depraved people to ever walk the earth. Stop it. Every generation has been nasty, this is just the first generation to do it in real time. Every generation has had a piece of technology that the masses thought would end humanity. Even though Motown and early Rock and Roll may seem corny and tame compared to what is online today, let's not pretend that parents weren't losing their minds over the dancing and lyrics. People have been using morality and respectability politics to shame young people since adolescence became recognized and people weren't exploiting young people for their bodies, sexually and for work purposes.

For Millennials to sit online and disparage and misgender an artist that you don't like because you think they're trash, is disgusting to me and unnecessary. I know we don't think the music we listened to wasn't "that bad" but it was. There was a reason why music released in the late 80s, early 90s had a parent advisory sticker on it. The radio and our parents may have played the clean, radio edit version but Lil Kim wasn't on album cover with her legs open because she was singing gospel music. It was "that bad." It's just that it had to be played on radio and the videos had to air on family friendly programing because parents were in the car listening to the radio with their children or there was only one TV, so artists recorded two versions of their singles, one that was completely nasty and raunchy, and one with cleaned up lyrics, that only had a sprinkle of "n-words" and light curses like hell, damn, or ass. That was acceptable but let's not act like it wasn't that bad. The only reason you say it is real "music" when your parents called it noise, is because it's nostalgia and the memories but a lot of it was trash and a money grab. Let the babies have their music and pop culture. We're no longer the target audience and we don't have to like it or the artists, especially since everyone has ear buds and a handheld phone where they can listen to whatever they want.

It is also disgusting how people grow up, get families, have long term careers, become respectable members of society and want to stick their noses up at people and say "I wasn't like that" and while they may not have done the exact thing they're looking down upon, they were borderline hell on wheels back in the day. They may not have done "that" but they did enough that even if they don't agree, they should be quiet. That's why I love family discussions because those elders remember and they are quick to remind and humble. I don't care if Freaknik was started as an alumni picnic for respectable career minded individuals who wanted to relive their college days, it ended with someone's mother shaking their behind on a car and someone's father allegedly inappropriately touching someone. Gen X can try to rewrite history and allege it wasn't "that bad" but there were too many people shaking in their boots when the documentary was announced for me to believe that lie and if Gen X can hide behind youth, why can't Gen Z? It's cool when you do it, a problem when they do it. Got it.

The cycle is being wild and crazy, to either growing up or aging out and subsequently sticking up their noses at the youth and pointing out every mistake and wanting punishment and atonement for sins, to realizing this is the cycle of life and what it is what it is and if everyone else got through it, so will they. There is nothing new under the sun.

Getting called old is a cannon event and retorting back by saying the other person looks old or that you don't look your age, isn't the flex you think it is. In terms of pop culture, millennials are old. We're in our late 30s, and while our face cards may still work but it takes a lot of effort to only be slightly overweight, we're more concerned with responsibilities, making sure we have a roof over our heads, our kids can eat, that we can pay our bills, namely student loans, and still have a little bit left to play with. If we do spend a lot of money on frivolous things, it is only a few times a year, maybe a concert, convention, vacation or something major like a party or social event of the season. Gone are the days when we try to rob Peter and never pay Paul, to look fly and have experiences. Gone are the days when we'd rather have our lights off or eat ramen and hot dogs, for protein, to follow our favorite artists around the country. As much as we love Beyonce, lets not pretend that her audience isn't millennials or Gen X. Gen Z is not checking for Renaissance or anything that she has done past Single Ladies, maybe Lemonade, if we're generous. The peak of millennial pop culture was 2008-2016; Gen X and Xillenial was 1999-2006.

Let's face it, our artists have reached their nostalgia age. Many millennial artists have passed their peak and have either transitioned to a career behind the scenes, retirement, social media/reality TV fame, or nostalgia touring. There are two millennial artists I can think of that still have consistent hits and that's Drake and Chris Brown but Drake has to use younger artists such as 21 Savage and SexxyRedd to sell tickets and records and Chris Brown is played on the contemporary r&b station. I remember when Drake came out, people were telling older artists to retire and now people are calling Drake old to his face and saying he's having a mid life crisis. It's the cycle of life. Even Katherine Heigel, who is in her late 40s, is having to deal with Gen Zers, who are watching old clips of Greys Anatomy on Tik Tok, asking her if she's Izzy Stephens mother. We all get called old. We all age. Some age better than others but we all age.

[donnabroadway]

Double Standard

I know everyone is creaming themselves over the man who got uno reversed on custody. He asked for sole custody, after being an absentee father for nearly a year, and falling behind on child support and got it and now he's asking for her to be forced to parent, by social media, the courts, and the police and everyone is saying, "you asked for sole and you got sole." Many men, who I see request sole custody, either formally or informally by promising to take on the bulk of the parenting, end up regretting that decision. They either dump the kid on the grandma, their sister, another female family member, or whatever girlfriend or wife they happen to have at the time. I saw one man outline a plan for getting full custody that included "finding a good woman." Why do they need a good woman, might you ask. Because once he gets custody, he is going to need someone to take care of that baby and that someone is a "good woman." Many step mothers and girlfriends delude themselves into thinking he stepped it up and got full custody because she helped him see the light about how he was getting the short end of the stick, no it's because he didn't care before and now he has you to do the heavy work of parenting and doing the custody paperwork, so he's going to file for custody. That man had minimum custody because he wanted minimum custody. If he wanted more, he could have gotten it but this is not to dump on that man, as he's been dumped on enough.

The reason why this is so unique, is not just because the man has full custody after getting it to seemingly control her and the situation, it's that the responsibility of parenting has actually fallen to the other parent and not a grandparent, another family member, or the community. The majority of the time, if the mother is not the legal, physical guardian, the child is usually with a grandparent and not a father. Let's not pretend that women have not been walking away from their children since Adam and Eve. No matter how we try to paint it, many people have been reared by their grandparents with their parents only taking the lead once the child reaches adolescence or their frontal lobe develops. There are many people who have only experienced grandparenthood and never parenthood. There are a lot of people who had kids before they were truly ready and the responsibility fell on whoever would take it. What that man's baby mama did wasn't unique and I expect it to happen more now that abortion and contraceptions are increasingly becoming banned or frowned upon. It's noble to talk someone, who is not ready for the full responsibility of parenthood out of their options but what about when the baby is here and you need help and none is found. There was a story on TikTok where someone, who used to work at a pro life organization, realized how dangerous it truly was when a young woman he counseled came in frazzled and needed help and none was available. Babies cost and unless you're blessed with generational wealth, a good nest egg, or a wealthy, or comfortable spouse, you need to go to work to provide. They need food, clothing, shelter, not to mention, it's a 24/7, 365 job, even when they're adults. The $250 or $1200 in child support is not half of it, which is why so many men return their children and just go into arrears, drop the child off to whoever and the mother finds out years later, or find that "good woman" because most men, no matter how involved they say or think they are, it's not nearly as much as being a full time parent and they realize that real quick. That's also why a lot of step mothers are resentful because it's time and money that they don't see the value of, so it's either be a full time mom to a child you didn't birth or take money out of an already tight household. Let's also acknowledge that step mother is a fairly new role because many men would simply leave their families and children and start over and those kids would stay hidden well until adulthood or the obituary. It's only recently that men have to take financial responsibility for families they leave.

I can talk until I'm blue in the face about contraceptions and protecting your womb or your seed but too many people like raw sex and don't believe in birth control, which is why we are so reactive and not proactive about children. Birth control, condoms, or a vasectomy could have prevented all of this.