dontfollowmeplsxxx - Tumblr blog

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Elon’s being weird again. Threatening everyone on twitter for calling his weird friends weird.

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adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision.  On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me.  i know that fucker’s weaknesses.  i could totally take me in a fight.”

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Pros of having a brain that makes very fast associations: Good comebacks and jokes.

Cons of having a brain that makes very fast associations: that story about how you broke your foot reminded me of a fun fact about lizards.

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george is too relateable

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I bought this expensive ass yogurt as a gift to myself so that I could make little candles in the tiny terracotta pot it comes in and it turns out it is the best, creamiest, most buttery heavenly delicious yogurt I have ever tasted and I’m now addicted

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My morning glory doesn’t like the wind chime

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see when people try and nitpick me because i call my dog "my dog" when it's technically "the family dog".......well first of all i still call my brother "my brother" and not "the family boy". although maybe that should change. second of all sorry i'm still thinking about the family boy. btw i fell asleep while making this post last night and i think you can tell

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Working at an aquarium will have you saying things like “this is my favorite scallop because he’s sassy”

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Spending years toiling at wizard school in the notoriously elitist necromancy department, barely scraping by for several years before they begrudgingly give me my necromancer degree, all so that I can go sit on the beach and revive ediacaran fossils on the beach and look at the creatures.

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NOAH LYLES pulls out the Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Exodia the Forbidden One Yu-Gi-Oh! cards before winning all of his 100m races at the 2024 Olympic trials

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BIG LITTLE LIES. season 2, episode 4.

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Kill me once, shame on you. Kill me twice, how did you did that.