dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

its 2026… someone asks you what your favourite book is and you say wuthering heights… they say, oh like the margot robbie movie? u light 40 cigarettes and eat them one by one. nothing is sacred

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

If your Jane Eyre adaptation doesn't include the exchange, "Am I hideous, Jane?" "Very, sir. You always were, you know," then what is even the point? You have to let them banter or they shall perish of romantic mistreatment.

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

jane eyre specifically is so crazy because the thing that makes jane decide that she can be with mr rochester in a partnership that is truly one of equals is that she gains a ton of money and he loses his eyesight and his house and his money and his reputation. THAT'S what it takes to bring them to a level of equality. and it also fully isn't true like.......she is still trapped!!!! she escapes the trap and is free and never has to set foot in the trap again and she willingly steps back into the trap and insists she's not trapped at all. it's crazyyyyyyyy

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

the thing is with rochester and jane is that they're insane best friends. like it's easy to call rochester weird but you cannot make an adaptation of jane eyre where you don't establish the fact the reason rochester falls for jane in the first place and why they bridge that huge gap they have in terms of age and experience is that she's the only one out there that's as weird and offputting as he is. that's literally mr and mrs bozo

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

Incorrect Quotes: Jane Eyre (70/?)

Source

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

jane eyre should’ve ended with jane and rochester getting married and then jane locking him in the attic for prolonged periods of time while the novel framed her as righteous and romanticized it

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

Big fan of romances that revolve around two very strange individuals weirdo maxxing together

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

there's a lady on the train knitting so aggressively and quickly that her needles clack like some sort of cartoon character and I am super intimidated

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

It was always going to end this way –

Just the way it started –

Just you, alone, in your bedroom.

Staring at that closed door.

It was never going to be different –

Not noticeably different from before.

Not any better, really, not any worse.

Just you, the lamp, the door.

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

"If men could see us as we really are, they would be a little amazed; but the cleverest, the acutest men are often under an illusion about women. They do not read them in a true light; they misapprehend them, both for good and evil. Their good woman is a queer thing, half doll, half angel; their bad woman almost always a fiend. Then to hear them fall into ecstasies with each other's creations – worshipping the heroine of such a poem, novel, drama – thinking it fine, divine! Fine and divine it may be, but often quite artificial – false as the rose in my best bonnet there. If I spoke all I think on this point, if I gave my real opinion of some first-rate female characters in first-rate works, where should I be? Dead under a cairn of avenging stones in half an hour." – Charlotte Bronte, Shirley

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

Another fantasy trope story:

A story where a prominent prophesy very clearly states that this specific important thing Must Be Done by the firstborn of one specific guy. So three young heroes head out to fix this: This Guy's official firstborn heir, his bastard he didn't even know about before getting married, and his unofficially adopted orphan kid who just started living with him at some point, who is the oldest of the three so technically speaking is still the one who was born first. And all three must go because while the meaning of the prophesy itself is very clear, it's an utter mystery to everyone which one of them counts as their father's firstborn.

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

I just came up with a really inconvenient, possibly unplayable four-player game: The Evil Advisor

All you need is a completely normal chess board and a deck of cards that you can somehow divide into an even amount of cards that mean "yes" or "no". Out of the four players, only two need to know how to play chess - those play the role of advisor. The other two play as rulers. At the start of the game, both advisors pull a random card from the deck, which dictates whether their goal is to win the game, or lose it. They keep their respective card, showing it to nobody else.

The rulers, who ultimately choose where to move the pieces, always aim to win the chess game, and also know that the advisor may or may not be on their side, and don't know whether to trust the advisor or not.

If the ruler wins the chess game, they win the whole game. An advisor only wins if they reach their own goal - if an advisor's goal was to lose, but the ruler wins, the advisor loses, and vice versa.

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

A video game mechanic of "fucking say it", where you get a random dialogue button in random situations, when you're not even in a conversation or anything, and you have no idea what you're about to say. It's a quick time event, too, so you've got to choose fast whether you're going to say that shit that just popped into the character's head.

There's a 40% chance that the response you get is just mildly negative but doesn't really change anything. 25% chance that it's going to start a fight you're probably not prepared for. 34% of something wildly positive happening because the shit you just said was so funny and clever, or the NPC you just insulted was impressed by your audacity. 1% chance that whoever you said that to will just straight-up kill you.

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

Representative spokesman of the alicorn hunting polycule: Hi, me and my eight husbands saw you across the bar and really dig your vibe. How would you like to have each of us buy you a drink and then get passed around like a cheap joint?

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

I never judge a book by its cover. As an empath with synesthesia, I can sense the moral constitution of a book just by smelling it. I don't even look at them before buying. I consume books voraciously and literally, I'll chew through paper faster than my own weight in termites. I am morally superior to any of you, as I consume only the most ethically pure and untainted books and have never read a problematic book in my life. I can't read at all.

[dontworryfolkswetookallherteeth]

Postscript

by Seamus Heaney

And some time make the time to drive out west Into County Clare, along the Flaggy Shore, In September or October, when the wind And the light are working off each other So that the ocean on one side is wild With foam and glitter, and inland among stones The surface of a slate-grey lake is lit By the earthed lightning of a flock of swans, Their feathers roughed and ruffling, white on white, Their fully grown headstrong-looking heads Tucked or cresting or busy underwater. Useless to think you’ll park and capture it More thoroughly. You are neither here nor there, A hurry through which known and strange things pass As big soft buffetings come at the car sideways And catch the heart off guard and blow it open.