dontyouworryyourprettylilmind

[dontyouworryyourprettylilmind]

Lotus flower

I am like a lotus flower

I didn't realize I was growing in muddy waters

But over time, the weight of it all sank in

The more I tried to keep up, the more I lost myself.

And just like the lotus, which rises above the murky water to bloom,

I began to see things clearly.

--🪷

[dontyouworryyourprettylilmind]

Hello, again.

Wow.

It feels both amusing and surreal to be writing again, naa gyud koy time karun ay usually ginakapoy najud kayko kay murag wa na may reason pero sayang pud if magpundo ranis huna huna tanan. I just want to make peace with myself, but it's new karon. This time with a fresh perspective shaped by experience and growth. Looking back, the reason I created my previous blog feels almost laughable now. It was driven by my fixation on my ex’s past relationship. I was trying so hard to measure up, to understand, and to make sense of things that didn’t really need my energy. But revisiting my old blog now makes me cringe. I see so much immaturity in the way I viewed love, how little I truly understood back then.

Looking back, I see how much I forced myself into a mold that wasn’t me. I was never one to thrive in a loud environment I was happiest just being in my own space, okay rajud kayo ko sa ako mga laki sa South Korea, enjoying my solitude.

Pero balik ta, ngano ga blog blog napud ko. Mao ba ni ako version sa trend sa fb nga "Ga vlogger naba ang tanan?" HAHAHA

Anyway....

Over time I genuinely started enjoying writing about the happy moments in my past relationship. But as things took a turn for the worse, my posts began to reflect the negativity as well. What started as a way to capture the good slowly became an outlet for my frustrations and emotions. Part of it was because others did the same, and part of it was my desire to share my own experiences. But more than anything, I was influenced by his ex seeing her openly discuss their past made me believe that maybe it was okay to air our problems in public too.

What’s strange is that, without realizing it, I started adapting to the qualities of my ex’s past girlfriend. I used to be quiet and content in my own world, but during that relationship, I became someone else entirely. It felt like I was constantly in competition, trying to prove that I was the best he ever had. I wasn’t just focused on our relationship. I was also fixated on making his ex jealous. I made it a point to highlight the best parts of our relationship online, as if showcasing our happiness would somehow validate my worth.

But little did I know, it wasn’t his ex’s qualities I was adapting to, it was his. I unknowingly mirrored his behaviors, particularly his constant need for validation. I had overlooked the narcissistic tendencies he exhibited, always seeking approval from others. Blinded by love, I failed to see the pattern at the time. With distance and clarity, I understand things differently. I recognize those unhealthy dynamics, and most importantly, I see how I allowed myself to be caught up in them.

Now, I no longer want to write the way I did before, shaped by the influence of others, disconnected from my true self. This time, I want to write with authenticity, to share the lessons I’ve learned, the perspectives I’ve gained, and the moments that have shaped me. This new blog is my space, a place to express my thoughts freely, to document my journey, and to reconnect with my past self. Not to dwell on pain, but to acknowledge it, learn from it, and appreciate just how far I’ve come.

-- 🪷

[dontyouworryyourprettylilmind]

The end of beginning

Ganahan kayko ay kay limpyo na ako blog hahaha, pero balik tas title... "the end of beginning" wow, what a deep and striking phrase, this really stuck with me. Nitatak ni shas ako huna huna kay na LSS kayo ko sa new song ni Joe Keery it’s been looping in my head nonstop. I started really listening, dissecting every line and somehow it spoke to me on a personal level. That’s just how i am, i guess. Deep, emotional, and always trying to find meaning in the little things.

Maybe one of the reasons i’ve been in this reflective mood is because daghan kog oras maghuna huna, karun ra mi sink in ang tanan ang break-up pati ang pressure hays. We just wrapped up our final defense and exams, and now things have slowed down a bit but more than that i think it’s because i've been missing my old life, my hometown, Ipil.

Life felt so light back then, way problema sa gugma, it was just the excitement of fangirling over EXO, BTS, or iKON, or having harmless campus crushes. Karun mag reminisce ko kay magkatawa nalang jod ko maghatag hatag pakog handwritten letters sailaha shet pati gifts. Cringe-worthy, I know but it was all part of the fun.

Pero ang di jud nako malimtan kay ang akong FRIENDS i’ll never forget our sleepovers, food trips, and spontaneous joyrides sa motor ni kuya panot suki namo nga driver sa side car nga naay fanbase, everyone calls him kuya panot and he was a constant part of our little adventures.

If you truly got to know me, you'd understand how much i treasure my friendships. They’re not just part of my life, part na sila sa ug unsa ko. I miss those carefree days when everything felt warm, easy, and full of laughter.

Looking back, one thing i’m truly grateful for is that i grew up in an environment that instilled the right values in me. I was raised around people who shaped me well, went to a good Christian school that taught me to value simplicity and gratitude. I had strict but supportive parents, akong lolo and lola who cooked the best meals and showered us with so much love. Every time my parents had to be away, we’d always stay with them.

I grew up learning to be thankful, to eat what’s served on the plate. We were raised to be content and appreciative of the little things.

Hahay i guess this is what happens when you start living independently, alone in a new city far from your family. A part of me is anxious. There are so many uncertainties, so many questions. Asa ko mag OJT. What will happen after graduation? What’s next?

Pero laban lang jud. I’m reminding myself that I’ve got this. Just like Taylor Swift said, ‘you're on your own kid you always have been. Because even though people might judge me or fail to understand what I’m going through, they don’t see the full process, wa sila kabalo asa ko gagikan.

That’s the real reason i’m writing this. I just want to reconnect with my core, remind myself of who i am, who i used to be. To go back to the version of me that found joy in simple things. The me who was grounded, grateful, and unbothered by what people said or thought.

Because at the end of the day, what they think doesn’t define me. Especially when they haven’t contributed anything to my journey.

I’ve been through a lot, but I’ll always come back to my roots.

To the small things that matter most. To the version of me that never had anything to prove.

In life, we often hit moments where things finally start to shift, when the confusion, fear, or uncertainty that marked the beginning begins to fade. That’s what “the end of the beginning” really is. It’s not a grand finale or a sign that you’ve made it. Instead, it’s a quiet but powerful turning point. The initial chaos is behind you, and now you’re stepping into something more stable, more real. It’s not the finish line, it’s the gateway to everything that comes next. The growth. The action. The becoming.

-- 🪷