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i thought of them

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ive never been tiwed in my life i dont know w

ID: Orange and white tabby sitting on a sofa with his back against the arm of it with his eyes completely closed, his head leaned back and his paws tucked together

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amazing text from my mom

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Officially licensed Yoshi's Island handkerchief from Japan.

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How Ponify ruined my life

Possibly the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me occurred today. So I’m in a creative writing class at university right now and we had to print out twenty-five copies of our first, one page assignment to distribute to the class. I had to print mine at the computer lab as I don’t have a printer, but here are the three crucial facts that made this the worst mistake of my life.

1. Sometimes, when you log into Google on Chrome, it activates all of your extensions, even ones you’ve deactivated.

2. In high school, my friends and I got really into Ponify (a words replacing chrome extension) and switched the preferences so we could read political articles and have congress get into a “rousing snow ball fight” and the like.

3. Ponify reverted to its original My Little Pony lingo when opened on a new computer’s chrome.

So when I distributed my twenty-five copies of this I noticed the word “everypony”, my heart seized up and dropped into my stomach, and with my imminent death approaching, I began furiously correcting all twenty-five of them. My teacher, confusedly, agreed to let me correct them as I was too infuriated and ashamed to say my mistake aloud. 

I just realized, however, that the line “as she watched the binding fall away in her hand” was changed to “as she watched the binding fall away in her hoof”. 

And I just had to send this email:

And basically I’m ready for death how was your day

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are you a “cramming an elaborate costume into the car” renfaire patron or an “assembling an elaborate costume in the parking lot” renfaire patron

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A story within a story where a mother sits her rowdy children down and tells them a story about a the world's sweetest, kindest mother who never lost her temper, never cursed and never yelled at her children, no matter how rowdy they could get. She would only gently, kindly told them to not do the dangerous things. One day she sweetly, kindly told her children to not go play at the riverbank, because it's dangerous and they might slip on the rocks, fall into the water, and die. Her children do not listen. They go play at the riverbank, where they slip on the rocks, fall into the water, and die.

And the sweet perfect mother of the story comes to the riverbank, sees that all her children drowned, and starts crying so bitterly that angels overhear her, and the angels say to each other, "she does not deserve this, this woman has never done anything wrong in her life, this should not have happened to her", and feeling great pity for her, bring her children back to life, and after that they always listened to their mother and lived happily ever after.

And the storyteller's children, who at this point are familiar with the concept that these stories are supposed to have some sort of a moral or lesson in them, interject to point out that their mother hasn't always done everything perfectly, she isn't always sweet, curses a lot, and as a matter of fact loses her shit at her kids all the time. She isn't like the mother of the story at all.

And their mother agrees: Her children are correct. She is not a perfect mother who has never done anything wrong. Angels will not have pity on her, and they will not bring her little shits back to life if they go to the river and die. So they better fucking not go get themselves killed in the first place.

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kids these days just want to be on phone. NO ONE is dying at my antarctic research station

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Me watching my first goodtimeswithscar video: wow this guy is so good at building

Me watching my second goodtimeswithscar video: the American healthcare system must be abolished. Socialism is the only way.

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15 minutes used to be a long time you know. now its barely 15 minutes

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When I was a kid one of my moms would call her period "moon time" or "her monthlies" or shit like that and my other mom straight up stealthed it, but when I'm a dad I think I'm gonna go straight down the middle and call it Werewolf Week. Like sorry kids, dad can't roughouse right now, it's Werewolf Week

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mentally im always like that kitty on the beach looking out at the sea longingly

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Leave him alone !!!!!

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I fear people overestimate how normal any given Pearl fan is. I think this is because to people who are fans of other hermits, Pearl seems like one of the most normal people on the server and thus is a perfect side character for their fics and aus and such. But people who watch mainly Pearl know the truth. She is possibly the most insane of them all, possibly by virtue of the fact that she works the night shift and possibly because she is an Art Kid ™.

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sibling is on a work trip in kanto rn and apparently à la mode is a big fan of the hotel shower