drakomatic

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I can't eat hotdogs at all they make me throw up. They are not to be confused with bratwurst, which is not only fine, but a delicious meal.

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We love mutant cow

THIS is deux face, a two-headed cow who is 7 (seven!) days old as of writing. She was born on a farm in Louisiana in the US and she is a beautiful miracle. If u want to learn more about her check out this post where I share updates from her farm (last updated: 3/6)

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Honestly rather go to double hell than face a spider

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My aspiration is to say something so utterly insane it requires an artist rendition.

In other words my life has entered a downhill spiral and I have found no way to cope other than violent escapism

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Id like to add this is the most liked image on my discord starboard

Fuck you take this image of husk

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Fuck you take this image of husk

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Everyone talks about how websites are stealing their data but i'd like to remind you that the singular of data is datum. We should only let websites take a singular datum.

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I've given it the goober and hopefully it won't go away

Holy shit my Tumblr account is so god damn old I forgot to give it the goober

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People say their life is like a movie

My life is a surrealist painting and I can't remember how I got here

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Apparently when I first made my account my username was spelled correctly but my blog name was spelled with an N instead of an M

Whoops

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Just took 16 Benadryl, I think I wanna eat wet concrete now

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Holy shit my Tumblr account is so god damn old I forgot to give it the goober

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I think we should use nihilism as a tool to justify non problematic happiness instead of using it to justify the depression

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If Tumblr isn't algorithm based how am I supposed to share my comedic genius with the world

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We should normalize the use of "I slept like a corpse" as a metaphor/simile

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Comedians really made their friends laugh and said "Fuck it! This is a paid service now"

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I didn't even read the post because I just wanna know HOW THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE 6 VERIFICATION CHECK MARKS

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’

Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay…..How old am I?’

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’

‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.