dreadsuitsamus

[dreadsuitsamus]

what topic did you recently learn about in the last year that completely subverted what you believed before?

hang on lemme dust off my brain

this is gonna sound like it has no substance and is dumb but hear me out. i did not realize just how big the speedrunning community is. like, i knew it existed but i had no idea the extent of it. i randomly had a zelda speedrunner show up in my youtube recommended and these people are so skilled, it's ridiculous. as i watched more of that speedrunner (linkus7, for anyone interested) i eventually saw videos on his channel from an event called games done quick, which is a huge charity event where multiple speedrunners across multiple games play different things and try to raise money, there are different incentives (ex. in super metroid, at the end of the game you can optionally save these animals during the self destuct sequence and can see their little ship fly away before the planet blows up, and a common bid war for that game is to either kill or save the animals) and modes (i saw a guy play and beat mario 64 with a DRUM KIT?????) and it's really interesting. gdq has raised over 50 million dollars for the charities they support and that blew my fucking mind bc who knew some dorks with controllers had this kind of power? there are long histories of speedruns for some games and there are channels that will do hour plus long videos going into depth about them. idk i just never gave a ton of thought to that subsection of gaming before and then i found out i was missing out on a lot of really interesting stuff! the lengths players will go to for a better time is absolutely astounding and i can only dream of having the kind of motivation they do

[dreadsuitsamus]

sex toy company: "our packaging is discreet!"

also sex toy company: *mails out the dildo in a bubble mailer and you can fEEL THE SHAFT AS SOON AS YOU PICK IT UP*

[dreadsuitsamus]

other m is a bad game for many reasons, but i am adamant that samus' attachment to the baby metroid is not one of those reasons

[dreadsuitsamus]

i want luke skywalker to finger fuck me while using the force and i'm only slightly ashamed about it

[dreadsuitsamus]

[dreadsuitsamus]

it sounds so ridiculous but sometimes selfship is such a good way to mend the relationship you have with yourself it’s crazy

[dreadsuitsamus]

we used to turn the tv on and just watch whatever was on there

[dreadsuitsamus]

you've freaky friday transformed into one of your closest friends that knows both you and your f/o well, and your f/o can tell it's you by your voice.

you can only transform back to the right bodies if one of you (you vs your friend) sleeps with the other's partner in the exchanged body. if not, the curse will elapse after a month.

you cannot have an orgy.

please say why you picked!

[dreadsuitsamus]

You’ve failed, your highness.

[dreadsuitsamus]

LUKE SKYWALKER in The Empire Strikes Back

[dreadsuitsamus]

I appreciate The Empire Strikes Back for being the only time I can think of when a character just shot their enemy as soon as they saw them without pausing or having a dramatic moment beforehand.

[dreadsuitsamus]

there is no sexier photo a man can take than a mirror selfie where he's tugged his waistband down just enough to see some shaft

[dreadsuitsamus]

“We’re in a fanfic drought” Tell the writers you like their work.

“All Tumblr ever does is write oneshots now” Tell the writers that you’d love to see them write longer things.

“Nobody updates their fics anymore” Tell the writers you love the fic and want to see more of it.

Tell the writers.

[dreadsuitsamus]

hes j chillin

[dreadsuitsamus]

Sullied | Luke Skywalker x Reader |

author's note: wrote this in a frenzy. in fact it took longer to title than to write. i regret nothing

pairing: luke skywalker x fem!reader

warnings: virgin!Luke, sex worker!reader, nsfw, blowjobs and p in v fucking, no condom

It was only supposed to be a dance. Maybe even one with a nice kiss, if you liked him enough.

It started off rather simple: that ole bastard Han Solo had brought him beyond the curtain, to the fun side of the cantina to loosen the kid up just a bit. Pretty blue eyes were awestruck at the debauchery, at the skimpy clothes and the pay scale on the wall that went all the way up to things he'd never thought of, let alone knew to be real things a person could do.

“Relax, kid; this'll do ya some good.” Han had warned Luke, slapping him on the shoulder with a cocky grin and a sparkle in his eye. “You're in good hands.”

And then the boy was pushed into your booth, and that started your downfall.

He was nervous and stuttery and even though his eyes never quite made contact with yours, you could see just how gorgeous they could sparkle. Your laugh had chilled him to his bones, igniting a spark low in his body as your soft, convincing hands took hold of his arm and hand to drag him to the plush armchair, pushing him against it once the back of his legs had hit it. You'd asked him his name and for a moment you'd wondered if he'd forgotten, based on the way his mouth opened but no answer came.

Then he shook his head, steeling himself, and answered kindly. Luke Skywalker, he is. You'd teased him, just a tad, for his dreamboy name. And oh, he didn't like that. His frown, still on that cute face, was mean and you apologized sincerely with a soft kiss to his cheek, and of course that melted him like a sweet chocolate.

“Let me make it up to you.” You cooed right into his ear as you leaned over him, legs bending at the knees while you took a nice place on his inviting lap, guiding his unsure hands to the rests of the chair. “And remember not to touch, dreamboy.”

He would've pouted again, had you not taken your shirt off. It was already thin and tiny and to anyone else it didn't hide anything— but Luke lacked imagination before he met you. It touched you, truly, as his mouth dropped at the sight of your breasts. Aww, to be his first pair of tits… It isn't often a virgin comes in here, especially not one so cute.

Your pussy had lit up at the wonder, though the rest of your body didn't exactly hide your interest either. Maybe that's when it really started to go downhill. Your nipples peaked and goosebumps littered your body, and surely Luke took notice of it despite your attempt at a redirect; he'd come and paid for a dance, after all.

Your movements, the way your skin smelled and felt enchanted him, and fuck the only time he stopped looking at your breasts was when he took the time to see your face and to show you his reddened cheeks and blown out pupils.

You'd done that to him. He looked like that, so delicious and yummy and gone for— because of you.

The daisy dukes on your hips were thin and just a level or two above pure scrap fabric, only acting as a mere shield for your most precious asset. Not many men paid the hefty price for it when they could achieve similar results for cheaper just a few rooms down. And your pretty pussy burned for him, ached to bring Luke something nobody else had and it was purely unthinkable. This was a business! No freebies to just any blond with pretty eyes!

Then your hips slanted down, met with a heavy bulge and fuck he just had to sound so pretty, didn't he?

“Don't tell a soul.” You'd warned him as you got to your knees and made swift work of his belt and zipper before he even knew what was happening.

His cock didn't stand freely for long, as you took few moments to marvel that delicious, red cockhead that matched the cherry blush his face wore and instead had to have it in your mouth. Eyes crossed, pussy wet and a velvety tip in your mouth… And Luke still followed the rules. His fingers were curled up and his nails dug into his palms, but he sat there like a good damn boy and took his free blowjob happily.

It really wasn't supposed to happen like this. Sure, you yielded for a free cocksuck; he seemed like he needed it. But then you fucking looked at him, blissed out, sweaty, panting and fuck he moaned again… And for a virgin, had more stamina than you did will.

When you took your mouth off of him, he probably would've cried had you not shot up and kissed him. He was inexperienced and it was a hot, messy kiss but fuck if it wasn't the best kiss you'd ever given in this whorehouse. Nothing could beat making a virgin taste his own cock on your tongue.

Or so you'd thought.

Your pussy had ached and cried for more ever since you first took a spot on his lap, having soaked your shorts through since then. Whether you had done it for you or him, you weren't sure of. But the thought had no time to occupy your mind once you'd shoved down those itty bitty shorts and mounted him, took hold of that stiff cock and rubbed it against your wet, sensitive folds.

Luke’s eyes crossed and a gasp had been sucked almost forcefully from his chest. It was all his fault, really, when you sunk down and pushed him inside of your hot, slippery pussy. Shame still crossed you, but was promptly shoved aside as you rode that poor farmboy into oblivion, taking from him what was so unique without much of a care.

He lost the right to care about his virginity the moment he crossed that beaded curtain at the back of the cantina.

“Fuck— You're so— Mmm…” Full sentences never left your mouth. It was all too much, too dirty and wrong. You'd never, ever just given away so much; and if the big man running this slut shack knew what you'd done, there'd be trouble.

“Luke, a-are y-y— Fuck!—”

“I-I think ‘m…!”

It really, really wasn't supposed to go down like this.

Luke's arms wrapped tightly around your waist, his feet planted and that became that— he’d pumped ounce after ounce of cum into your cunt and all you could do was take it as your own orgasm was forced. He filled you to the brim with that virgin load, his face was hidden in your tits and all you did was smile about it.

“Sorry I broke the no touching rule.”

You caressed his face softly, laughing before bestowing a gentle kiss on him. “Sweetheart, we broke a few more rules than that.”

Han couldn't figure out what the look on Luke’s face was about once he was back in his care. All that joy from a single lap dance? “Guess I'll bring you back here soon, kid; we gotta toughen you up a bit more if you're ever gonna make it with the ladies.”

[dreadsuitsamus]

"Shh..." Kakashi hums into your ear at the soft sound of surprise that graces your lips at the very moment his hand finds your rear. Skillful fingers travel down the length of your dress, the skirt fanned out and pretty— not to mention short.

"Kash, right now?" You murmur as you resume your task of gathering more snack trays for your guests.

"What better time than now?" Your husband hums back, those slender fingers of his finding that slim piece of fabric you call underwear and easily pushing it aside.

"We have guests." Your hiss catches in your throat as your husband's fingers rub your slit. Has he lost his mind? Did he ever even have one?

"And they've had enough charcuterie for a lifetime." Kakashi's light jab pulls a scoff from your chest— the nerve of a man!

"I'd say you've had enough pussy too."

"Never that." His fingers push inside your little hole and he smirks when your ass pushes back against him. He's had you bent over three times today already, though each time was before your gathering of family and friends began, and yet you're still just as eager for a little bit of playtime.

The sounds of your slick gathering on your husband's fingers is audible enough that you can hear it yourself despite the music playing in the living room, and your ears burn hot at the idea of being caught like this. It's your house but it's certainly obscene and you could never show your face again if anyone were to hear or see what you're up to!

Best get off quickly, in that case.

Bracing your hands on the granite countertop, your hips rock back and forth on Kakashi's still fingers. His lips are suddenly at your ear as your breasts sway with each push back, his strong free hand coming to rub at your sensitive inner thigh.

"Listen to that... I don't think you'd like it very much if I stopped right now, would you?"

"N-No..." You don't dare speak above a whisper, lest Kakashi suddenly start assaulting your pussy with harsh pumps of his arms and turn you into a mewling slut for the whole party to hear.

"Hosting parties is a lot of work." Pink lips find your neck for a swift peck and a bite, those perfect teeth sinking in just before gentleness returns to him for a soft swipe of his tongue across the lightly beading sweat at the nape of your neck. "It stresses you out. Just let your husband take care of you."

"K-Kash." You stumble over your dear husband's name and fuck against the additional finger that slips inside of your tight little cunt. He's finger-fucking you right back with the precision and power of one of those sex machines and good lord his fingers must be longer than some men's dicks—

"Be a good little wife and cum." Kakashi's low voice coos over the ringing sound of your wet pussy, and your body tenses with a red-hot heat building up a fire down the backs of your thighs and surrounding the ring of muscle your husband has breached a thousand times over in your time together.

What goes up must come down.

"Oi, where's the snacks?!" One of your guests calls out, and all it takes is the sound of one footstep to break your horny reverie.

Kakashi's always a step ahead of you, and he's licking his fingers clean of your essence and picking up the tray you just prepped with a promising wink to finish this later tonight.

You are never hosting another party again.