dreamersscape

[dreamersscape]

Today is the five-year anniversary of the day my father passed away. That might sound slightly morbid an anniversary to remember, but that number has stuck with me because of a figure my family came across after my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, a few months before he died. It said that one year after being diagnosed, only a third of those with that specific cancer are still alive. After five years it’s only 4%. I remember very clearly thinking at the time, as many would I suppose, that I would give just about anything to have those five years.

So that time has been on my mind a lot lately, but more importantly, my dad has been on my mind quite a bit. The last few weeks I’ve been writing down, little by little, all the big and small things I remember about him. Honestly, a good portion of it is the little, inconsequential details that made him my dad, and it’s more than a little sappy, but I’m not going to blame myself for nearly all my memories being of the cheerful variety. :)

Keep reading

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It is finished.

It is 19,587 words long, pending tweaking of the last section. I don't want to talk about it.

But I can FINALLY rest!!!

That is enough.

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The BBC was ridiculous in the mid 2000s. Let's have British folk hero Robin Hood be a skinny twenty-something with designer stubble and a mop top. Let's have Guy of Gisborne be a depressed emo bad boy dressed entirely in black leather. Let's give this thing a budget of £2 and have most of that go on CGI archery shots. Screw it, have Maid Marian be a masked vigilante. Period accurate costuming? Nah, give them hoodies.

So much fun. 🤣😂

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Do you think about this every day, or are you normal 💔

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I honestly do just presume everyone in the world has watched naruto I just can't comprehend a person that hasn't witnessed rock Lee take off his training weights or seen naruto sit sadly on a swing 50 times so when I see someone say they've never seen naruto I just don't believe them they have definitely watched naruto it is a universal life step

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So we've officially passed 16K. And you know what, fine. Whatever, chapter. Reach double the word count of chapter 1 in less than 800 more words, see if I care!

I gotta be zen now 'cause I have to write two characters arguing - well our pov character thinks the two of them are fighting but really pov character is just having a really awful couple of days and something's happened that makes them jump to conclusions and so they are being very snippy + passive aggressive to their friend - and my brain is holding the words hostage because any degree of conflict makes brain saddddd but we can't move on from this scene if you won't give me the words, brain! So I do not have TIME for your shenanigans, neverending chapter length!

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me @ you:

(but lovingly)

(and apologetically, as evidently I can not format/use tumblr today for the LIFE of ME 😡😡😡)

Also, you are apparently very helpful to your followers, according to the half dozen likes and 1 new follower this post accrued in the hours after your reblog (I'm laughing forever over this, not to worry; it's just that I have no idea if they were simply putting their trust in you, that any fic you're looking forward to they'd be interested in as well (fair), or if we've just given them undue expectations because WHO KNOWS what I'm writing. 😅)

For the record, this is the general vibe:

So long as y'all are on board with that and not much in the way of plot, have at it! (Is this the part where I dredge up the whole of my woeful stock of courage to come clean and admit to Pan and the rest of the world my current writing project isn't related to Naruto? I suppose it is. Sorry to demolish everyone's hopes and dreams in me. *is ashamed*)

I was going to confess all this to you, Pan, in my next correspondence-reply. I truly didn't mean to give you the wrong impression. What happened is that I originally conceived it as a Naruto/JJK crossover, so even if Jujutsu Kaisen doesn't work out for you, there would be parts of it you could still potentially enjoy. But then it evolved after I'd already mentioned it to you, and I had to end up splitting off the naruto crossover bits into their own plot, and I'm still in the process of fleshing that out. In the meantime, I've been working on a minor JJK portion, which now is its own thing with a narrower focus. So, yeah, that's... that. I know you support all my writing pursuits no matter what they are directed at, so this is hopefully not a letdown or big deal, but I am sorry if I misled you.

And sorry that my non-silly tags sounded more dramatic than intended. I'm okay, mostly. Just a little less okay than I used to be. I've been thinking about it being almost five years since I felt anywhere near healthy. Overall I am not bad off, I don't think; it's more about mourning who I was before and likely won't ever be again. I'm lucky to have friends who understand and empathize with that experience, as well as meet and take me where I am. I have been extended that grace, and I'm so grateful to you and everyone for that. You are all I could have hoped for in a friend. But I also miss who I was. I wish I could engage with you the way it was so comparatively easy to do before all this. I wish you could know that me. Not because she was a "better" version or anything. It's just... we have lots of fun now and I wouldn't change any part of that, but it's a drop in the bucket to the fun we might have had, volume-wise. It doesn't really matter if it isn't hampering our friendship - and I don't feel it does - but the longing exists regardless. I'm having trouble encapsulating the exact emotion, but this is somewhere in the ballpark. I'm not failing to give my all into my relationships because I'm doing the best I can, but it's not all I am, and I want to be all I am.

That's too many buts. I'll let it be for today.

Hitting 10K in a single chapter: Niiiiice!

At 12K: Wha- hey, whoa there buddy. Where do you think you're going?

14K: No, you- stop! STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU GOTTA SLOW DOWN I'M NOT EQUIPPED FOR THIS--!

[dreamersscape]

Hitting 10K in a single chapter: Niiiiice!

At 12K: Wha- hey, whoa there buddy. Where do you think you're going?

14K: No, you- stop! STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU GOTTA SLOW DOWN I'M NOT EQUIPPED FOR THIS--!

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i mean ship what you want, read into relationships between characters to your hearts content, but there’s something to be said about a particularly well written friendship, where they love each other and would die for each other and just understand each other but it never becomes romantic. like, platonic soulmates

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what wot fandom spaces and especially mat enjoyers are like rn

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PLATONIC INTERPRETATIONS OF CHARACTER DYNAMICS ARENT ANY LESS VALID THAN ROMANTIC ONES PELASEE

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"Disabled people can do everything abled people can!1!1!!" I'm gonna have to ask you what you think disabled means

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Love love love characters that present themselves as emotionally open social butterflies but the more you see of them the more obvious it is that they’re the most closed off fuckers in the story. Sure, they want to help you with your personal problems and messy emotions, but if you turn that shit back on them, they’ll shut down or deflect every time. Why are you sticking your nose in their business anyway? It’s not like it matters. They’re not a person, they’re just a role being played. They’re the guy who fixes things and saves people. Please ignore the man behind the mask, he’s fine. Everything’s fine.

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The Rokudaime going for a walk

I looooove his big chunky scarf and mysterious hat! One of my favorite looks on him actually. Does he look like this in the Boruto episodes too? I can't remember this part but I might have missed an episode and if I did I really need to go back.

The way he holds his kunai like a gun in that one panel with clear spaghetti western movie vibes <3 Love that he fights with a kunai at all, like he always has. Nothing flashy from the former Hokage, just the most basic ninja tool and skill.

Also love how he's so understimulated by his desk job that he secretly sneaks out to take down rogue nin now and then. You can't keep an old hound inside without enrichment or exercise, that's cruel. Kakashi needs to hunt.

Bonus: casual at the office after his walk