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[dreamingreality00]

Tumblr users will see a post mentioning a day if the week and just fucking black out and reblog it

[dreamingreality00]

I’ve had my share of [Crowley voice] you idiot thoughts at both of them over their terrible communication skills and severe chronic inability to say what they mean. But like. I get it.

For 6000 years, they had to talk in code. They had to express themselves in grand gestures and subtext and plausible deniability, out of fear of being found out. And they got really good at it! They developed a whole secret language of ways to say I love you because they couldn’t say it out loud.

But now that they can—and need to—talk about what they are to each other with actual words, they don’t know how.

Neither of them know how to say what they want, openly, and to ask what the other wants. And (I think this is a crucial component) they don’t know how to fight. They’ve had enough spats to have a 350+ year old apology dance, but they have repeatedly avoided talking about the really big differences in their worldviews and what they value, because those conversations would immediately bump up against the things they try hardest to avoid (doubt and guilt for Aziraphale; rejection for Crowley), and because that could lead to a real disagreement that they don’t know how to get around. And then where would either of them be? Alone.

So they bicker and they have drunken philosophical debates and they make up and do little dances all while not really talking about the big differences in how they see the world. And then when the pressure is on they have horrible miscommunication blowouts where they end up talking past each other and hurting each other deeply because they don’t even realize they’re not on the same page.

Upon rewatch I think this is part of why Crowley seems so unhappy in the early episodes. I think he did hope that once they weren’t working for Heaven and Hell, things would go in a more explicitly romantic direction. (But of course he won’t just come out and say that, until the absolute last ditch moment.) From his POV, he’s made his desires perfectly clear (he hasn’t) and I think he thought that working for Heaven was the last thing holding Aziraphale back. And then they cleared that hurdle and nothing changed. Or not enough. Because the problem goes deeper than that.

And bless(/damn) them, they’re still trying. The confession was clearly so hard for Crowley, and would have been even without the first half of the scene, because he’s working against his deepest insecurities. He can’t even finish his sentences, and yet he’s still trying. And I do think that Aziraphale was working up to his own version of it (he’s so openly physically affectionate with Crowley this season, much more than in the past) but he’s always moved a bit slower with these things, and then it was too late. (It’s always too late.)

But even if they’d both been able to openly say their I love yous, they still have this thing sitting between them, which is that Aziraphale doesn’t understand why Crowley would never go back to Heaven, and Crowley doesn’t understand why Aziraphale would want to. And having that conversation goes right to the heart of how they’ve both been damaged by the system of Heaven and Hell, which is why I suspect they’ve both instinctively avoided it before now. And at some point in s3, they are going to have to talk about that.

[dreamingreality00]

Up until the almost-end-of-the-world, the way Aziraphale and Crowley maintained their relationship was through a collection of well-established and repeated patterns (dances, you might say). These little rituals were what they used to communicate affection, intimacy and trust when they couldn’t say the things they wanted to say out loud. I like spending time with you. You make me happy, and I like making you happy. We’re in this together. I’ll always be there for you, even when your own side is not.

In season 1, as the stress of the impending apocalypse puts more and more pressure on their relationship, we see their patterns start to break down, and it’s very distressing for them. They’ve been communicating like this for so long that they don’t know what to do when one of them doesn’t follow the dance steps.

When we first see them in season 2, they seem in some ways to be closer than ever. They touch each other more easily, Aziraphale in particular. Crowley is comfortable enough in the bookshop that he has a Spot for putting his sunglasses when he takes them off by the door. They’re more open about acknowledging how much time they spend together and how many things in their lives are shared.

And I think, also, we expect them to be happy. They won, didn’t they? So it takes a while for the cracks to start to show.

It wasn’t until this post pointed out that the whole season, we never see them sit down and share a meal together in the present day (no, Crowley doesn’t eat; yes, it still counts) that it started coming together for me. The closer you look, the more you realize the old patterns they’re used to relying on are broken.

Three times, we see them sit down to their usual table for two (at the coffee shop, the bar, and the French restaurant) and then almost immediately get up again. This post also points out that we don’t see present-day Aziraphale eat anything on screen, other than one of the little candies in the Bentley. This in the same season we learn that Crowley is the one who introduced him to food! It’s one of their oldest rituals!

Even one of their most visually recognizable patterns starts to go wonky this season. In season 1, when the blocking allows it, Crowley’s always on Aziraphale’s left. When they’re standing or walking side by side, and most of the time when they’re sitting side by side together (there are some exceptions due to camera angles)…Crowley’s always on Aziraphale’s left (screen right if they’re facing us, screen left if we’re behind them). It’s one of the clues about the body swap that is easy to see when you know what to look for—in Berkeley Square they are each initially sitting on the “wrong” side of the bench. It’s so reliable that Aziraphale hears a little miracle bling in the sushi restaurant in s1 ep1 and turns to his left—because that’s where Crowley would appear—only to be startled by Gabriel on his right.

Go look at the scene where we find out Gabriel and Beez are a couple. You know the one.

And of course, many people have noted that in the end credits, we’d expect their positions on screen to be switched. They’re on the wrong sides. And it’s such a long shot that I think it has to be intentional.

Some people have speculated that this means they swapped bodies again. I don’t really buy that. Rather I think it is supposed to indicate what becomes extremely clear on a second viewing, that things are Off and Wrong. They are not okay.

And the more you watch them you see that Aziraphale’s excitement during his little adventures is manic and brittle, and that he misses having a place and a purpose and a mission to do good. And Crowley is depressed, unhealthily codependent, even more hypervigilant and cagey and angry than he was before. They both have layers and layers of trauma, and no way to talk about it. They have the time and freedom now to talk about what they want to be to each other, now that they don’t have to hide and encode and maintain plausible deniability. But they have no way to talk about that either, because that’s never been an option before. They don’t know how, and they are both so, so afraid.

And in the fights they have in episode 1 and episode 6, you realize they haven’t resolved anything from season 1. They’re having the same fight they had at the bandstand. Crowley wants to run, keep the two of them safe and damn the rest, and Aziraphale wants to stay and help, believing he can make a difference even in an imperfect system, and neither of them really understands the other’s position. It’s the same damn fight. They haven’t been able to move past this impasse, and it’s the exact thing that breaks them in the end.

And it’s just. Fuck. It’s such a human thing to have happened to them. To make it through the fire (metaphorical and literal) and then have everything go to shit afterward because of unaddressed traumas and insecurities and things left unsaid until they fester.

I know this is not at all how I expected the season to go, and I think it took a little while for me to parse what was going with their relationship, because we are predisposed to want them to be happy and to want things to be easy for them now. But it makes so much sense that this is where they ended up at this point in the story.

I know they’ll make it back to each other. They both love each other too much to give up. They’ll fight their way back together, and I know they’ll figure it out in the end.

But goddamn.

[dreamingreality00]

we need to talk about how close aziraphale actually was to saying no to the metatron after the kiss and why:

he's extremely conflicted and keeps looking out of the window to crowley in the car.

he previously said "nothing last forever" when crowley told him that he cant leave the bookshop (crowley also meant "you cant leave me"; the bookshop is a metaphor for their lives on earth for him) and he states exactly this as the first objection here. obviously the metatron shuts it down by appointing muriel as the next owner of the shop.

now he's stuck between wanting to be with the being he loves & who he now knows loves him back and his deep inner need/duty to do good. crowley's confession and kiss clearly made him question his decision and change his mind because here is when he actually decides for both.

you can see how he does not want to join heaven alone. he keeps looking out the window when asked if he needs anything to take with him.

he desperately needs crowley there but he can not have him so he lies and says no.

i this moment he tries to say no to heaven one last time. he starts saying "i think i-" and then looks out to crowley one last time. he's really considering crowleys offer here. i think the decision that he makes instead is actually FOR crowley as well.

he decides to join heaven not as he was previously convinced by the metatron to do good and rule together with crowley (which he did not want to do) but instead to go and keep a close eye on heaven FOR crowley.

aziraphale isnt stupid, he remembers what crowley said about heaven being toxic.

i think the confession and kiss makes him question heaven. crowley, who fell for asking questions made aziraphale question heaven too. something that he was always too scared to do. he has started to rebel in his head. he realised that something has to be up with heaven/the metatron bc they offered him the position. he decided to go but with a completely different purpose than before. 

he puts on a smile and it seems fake because it is. he wants to appear like he hasn't just fundamentally changed his position and decided to go against the one force who he was always afraid of yet dependent on. 

this is sth extremely relatable to someone who is queer and autistic and was raised by very conservative family members. even the thought of supporting queer people felt rebellious, terrifying but also extremely exiting and powerful because i knew it was the right thing to believe. 

aziraphale was being so brave here. he saw a glimpse of the life he wants and can have and choose to join heaven anyway to fight for this life. he is convinced it will not be possible for them to be together if heaven is still kicking about and making him feel powerless and scared. he wants to secure their future by changing or possibly even destroying the system from the inside out. 

unfortunately he didn't have time to tell crowley about his change of intention and i think it really breaks his heart. crowley would probably not understand it anyway. they still have a lot to work through and learn but ultimately they will find each other again. they always do.

i am so so interested to see where and how they meet again in s3, if we get it. after everything i just really want them to be happy and to spend their eternity together. they deserve it after all they went through.

[dreamingreality00]

I think what makes this even more exceptionally heartbreaking is that to Crowley, Aziraphale is basically saying in so many words that he doesn’t love him as he is, the demon that despite being a demon, has gone out of his way for Aziraphale time and time again and been there for him every single time he needed it. He wants the Crowley that is “good” by default, uncomplicated and easy to love, not the actual, complicated person he’s been through thick and thin with and has had to work through difficult situations and emotions with. God, that is such a fucking gut punch

[dreamingreality00]

Angel Crowley being adorable and goofy

[dreamingreality00]

The Dreamer Demon - part 1

[dreamingreality00]

#AND THEN THEY WERE NOT GOOD

[dreamingreality00]

gabriel going to find aziraphale because he knows what it's like to fall in love with your demonic counterpart......because he knows aziraphale is a principality and will protect him when he's vulnerable........because he knows aziraphale is better than heaven.

and the metatron uses that play, that knowledge, to trap aziraphale in gabriel's stead. i'd bet gabriel didn't foresee that, but i doubt he'd have cared even if he had.

if one angel falls in love with a demon, that's a good story. if two angels fall in love with demons, that feels like an institutional problem. gabriel is just betting that he'll beat aziraphale to first place.

[dreamingreality00]

The good omens lore is so good, wish the bible was real and not just made up for the GOCU

[dreamingreality00]

Ok ok ok but the THING the thing that GETS ME about Aziraphale and I feel like I don't see as much about it written on here is that yes we all know that Crowley pretends to be cynical and dark because he wants so badly to be joyful and optimistic but he's been hurt & let down too many times so he puts up the cynicism as a facade.

But Aziraphale is ALSO DOING THIS, just using the opposite tactic.

Crowley assumes everything will go badly because he's protected from disappointment when it does, and gets to be pleasantly surprised when it doesn't.

Aziraphale assumes everything will go well because he's unBELIEVABLY anxiety-ridden ALL THE TIME and cannot deal emotionally with even the prospect of things going wrong. So not only does he optimism his way out of seeing issues that are right in front of him until he absolutely can't avoid them any longer (see: dancing in his bookshop surrounded by demons), but he also actively gaslights himself into thinking that the bad things that happened to him or that he was involved in weren't that bad, and pretends that he doesn't have negative emotions and is just fine and happy all the time because he doesn't know what to DO with those feelings-- he's an angel! He's supposed to be placidly happy forever! What do you mean he's angry or sad or disappointed or disgusted or lonely? Angels don't feel those things!

Season 2 showed us Crowley getting in touch with his feelings of love and care, and I think season 3 is going to show us Aziraphale getting in touch with his feelings of anger and disappointment, and I for one CANNOT WAIT.

[dreamingreality00]

RAARARARARGH it’s the way some of the things that were so romantic about their s1 dynamic have spiraled into these unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Aziraphale, who was valued so little in Heaven, found someone who valued him SO MUCH, who always, always showed up for him. But now he’s gotten so used to Crowley showing up, always being there, maybe with a few grumbles but always going along, that he’s shocked when Crowley gives him a hard no on something and they have no way to work through it. He sees it as Crowley refusing to help him, abandoning him for reasons he doesn’t understand, just when it looks like they could be getting everything they want.

And Crowley who was always circling Aziraphale, keeping a watchful eye out for both of them, has just wound himself tighter and tighter around his only friend, no connections to the humans they just helped save (not even the acquaintance-level ones that Aziraphale has with his neighbors), no hobbies or pastimes it seems (waiting around in the shop for Aziraphale is not a hobby), no home, never more than a few minutes away from being at Aziraphale’s side (I’m betting that alley where he parks is close by). It’s fear, it’s all fear, but buddy that’s not healthy. And then the gut-punch that after all that, maybe Aziraphale never really saw him at all.

[dreamingreality00]

"When Gabriel smites you, you've been...smited? Smote?" "Smitten, I believe. You're being silly."

[dreamingreality00]

Thinking about how Crowley was wearing his sunglasses during the kiss. Thinking about how it was not romantic, but rather desperate and angry. Thinking about how it was probably their first kiss ever, for both of them. Thinking about Aziraphale grasping at Crowley's back. Thinking about the moment during the kiss where Crowley seems to try and pull Aziraphale even closer. Thinking about how Aziraphale most definitely wanted to kiss back but didn't. Thinking about how Aziraphale could interpret it as Crowley tempting him. Thinking about how it was the most human way Crowley could possibly convey what he was feeling. Thinking about how it was awkward and went on for too long. Thinking about Aziraphale pressing his fingers against his lips afterwards. Thinking abou-

[dreamingreality00]

[dreamingreality00]

Individualism is a poison upon this earth.

[dreamingreality00]

hey everyone its april fools. but dont worry i dont have anything planned. just going to sit here and...

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