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Proof of life

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My favorite activity

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Update: just turned 28 and it’s still this bad

I grew up thinking “I just have to get to my 20s. I just have to make it there and I won’t feel like this anymore.” I was so naive. Two months shy of 27 and I still think about killing myself every single day.

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The mausoleum of Léonce Evrard and his wife, Louise Flignot, stands as a deeply symbolic tribute in the Cimetière de Laeken in Brussels. Léonce, a skilled marble worker, was devastated by Louise’s loss and, in 1920, dedicated this unique chapel to her memory. Designed by architect George De Larabrie, the structure includes a striking sculpture of a mourner reaching toward a blank wall, capturing the profound themes of love and grief.

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yum

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#travel #norcal #tahoe #coochieboard #laketahoe #bestfriends

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Are you becoming what you've always hated?

Isle of Dogs / Game of Thrones / Painting by Jenn Mazza / Unknown / Ancestral Memory by Hari Alluri / Unknown / Venetta Octavia / Emma Tranter / Unknown / Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo / @ machineryangel

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Bothersome beast, comforting friend

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I can't be a giver anymore. I want to be loved, nourished, taken care of, spoiled and prioritized. Not just by words, by actions too.

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I’ve had this blog since I was what, 14? I’m 27 now.

If one were to take the time to scroll down, all the way to the beginning, they’d be unraveling a web of lost loves, attachment, pain, and lust.

You’d read about my first crush, and then my first boyfriend. You’d read the pain of my first heartbreak, and the confusion of my second, and all the little butterflies in between.

Tonight I write about a new heartbreak. One that’s been five years in the making. A best friend. A true man, a love like nothing I’ve ever felt before. The connection was instant, he saw me so deeply and it shook me to my core. It scared me so bad I tried to run, I tried to do everything I could to push him away, I tried to find any reason for him to leave me. He never wavered, never once showed any sign of doubt in his love for me. It’s not romantic, but it’s not platonic either. I’m confused, I’m attached, I’m hopeful, I’m hopeless, and I’m in love. I think if he could love he’d be in love with me too. The thought of him breaks my heart every single day. But I’ll keep a brave face, I’ll cherish the friendship we have, I’ll remind myself that the depth of the connection we have, the love and devotion we both feel is more than enough. I can’t get greedy. I think he loves me in every way he knows how. It’s not his fault he can’t give me what I want. But I’d withstand a billion more heartbreaks if it means I get to share this life with him as my friend.