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sometimes i just stare at a wall and think ‘wow mcr broke up and i didnt get to see them live’ and i slowly realize that i’ll never have the happiest day of my life

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there is a tree growing inside me

its trunk consuming my spine

branches and roots stretching and splitting

between muscle and bone and mind

every day they reach further out

soon i shall wake up and find

they have finally burst thru my fingertips

and planted my feet in the ground

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i am once again asking, how do i endure. but fr, like i said in the prev tags, how do i get any help when my pain is so nebulous and evil. it literally feels like my legs are evil. i can't say that to a doctor. how do i explain that the pain is slowly chipping away at my resolve. at my personality and freedom and life and future. and that i have been trying so hard not to "give in" and i've been pushing through and trying physio and trying ignoring it and trying more exercise when asked, and then trying less excerise when asked. around and around, for 3 years, but really for my whole life. it's just been inescapable for the last 3, it's never been good.

i love being alive but fuck i hate being disabled and living in ireland. a seemingly endless spiral of not being able to see a doctor > getting worse > seeing a doctor > being told that it's not that bad > not being able to see a doctor > getting worse > seeing a doctor > being told it's too late to do anything > not being able to see a doctor > getting worse > being told it's not that bad > etc.

i can't get better healthcare in my town. probably not anywhere in the country. but i can't move without connections or a job. and i can't get those without getting better healthcare.

this isn't unique to ireland ik, but it really feels like a leftover from when the catholic church just hid us away. disabled people were shameful. homebound if they were lucky, institutionalised and enslaved if they weren't. it was like that well into the 90s. there feels like there's no way out because there isn't meant to be. we're meant to shut up and be quiet.

i am more bitter than usually. when i can't sleep from the nerve pain i get angry and philosophical. but again, genuinely if anyone has any advice for getting doctors to do something, or for moving out while physically disabled, please let me know. i am shouting into the void for therapeutic reasons but sometimes it's nice when the void shouts back.

in the bed. straight up burning it. and by it,, well let's just say,, my legs. ow. ow .ow .ow. ow ow.ow .ow.kw ow ow

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After being released from 104 days of ICE detention for his pro-Palestine activism, Mahmoud Khalil joins his wife, Dr. Noor Abdalla, and their newborn son at Newark Liberty Airport this morning (21 June 2025).

photo via NYT

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When I (M29) was a young boy (M7) my father (M35) took me into the city (X167) to see a marching band (M23, M21, M22, F22, M24, M25, F21, M

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If the last one was where I figured out Michael's hair, this was the one where I settled on a tattoo design.

Even so, please enjoy the fact that what the Distortion considers hair is much like anything in that it is not actually that and is in fact anything but.

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☀️🌙

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Being like. Post-suicidal is so strange. Like hiiiii everybody im new I spent a good chunk of my life languishing and have like 3 or 4 lived experiences. But now I'm ready to fuck and party or whatever. Can we be friends. Im so happy to be here. Can we be friends

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85° in London

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Update on these shorts birch got from value world in '95

I've been using a different color thread for every round of mending just to keep track of how it progresses. The hot pink is the latest

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[Image Description: Two images, one of each side of a tote bag. Embroidered on the first image is the words "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge" and a Gerard Way illustration of a face covered in blood. It is made up of delicate applique and stitching. The second side had the logo "MCR" surrounded by outlines of guns, carefully hand embroidered. End ID]

embroidered mcr tote for my pal

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thinking about that kakapo egg that got crushed but the conservation team patched it up and it survived

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please please please your kids are older now please get your middle aged white new jersey dad ass arrested by the feds for performing i'm gonna kill the president of the usa in 2025 pleasepleasepleeaaaaaase

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This is so fucking funny

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better pictures of my papier mache cat i made when i was 17 (its cat-sized)

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“Don’t get into pointless arguments with jerks on the Internet” –the rabbis