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The kiss and the fight for love

June 2022

Picture by J.Konrad Schmidt

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You think I came all the way over here for that?

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should we go and do something fun?

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“shes toxic” and this is her…

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• Wtfock

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wtFOCK - 7x03

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You deserve someone who doesn't give up on you for once

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i know when you say im yours it means im the most free i could ever be

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The thing is that I don't want to be employed but I also don't want to be unemployed. I actually want our entire economic system to explode but that's not really a feasible option right now

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Voglio sicuramente essere adorata, lo voglio, l'ho fatto...

ma nel mio intimo voglio essere desiderata

Non voglio essere possessiva, né voglio essere la vostra acqua o il vostro dio.

ma voglio essere venerata come lo sono io

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we sit across from each other like this is the first day we sit at the same table

A wodden chair holds you in place and i wish that was me

my hand reaches out and so does yours but this two meter table is just too big for us to just let it be. I wish you would move it, i have tried. I tried and tried but the wood isnt coming apart, it has been in construction for all the twenty five years we have been together,

"please move it" you pass me the salt

"please stand up and come to me" you cross your legs on your chair

you don't understand what im asking for

for you this is okay, for you this table will always sit inbetween us, its too heavy for me please move it

i know you aren't strong enough

i know you love me

but you still have to try

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im a grown woman i dont feel the childish need for acceptance that i craved in my youth anymore. shaking and gripping the sink

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tonight i want to cry

the clock strikes 3h44 which is a very specific hour, makes me rethink why i am paying such close attention to it

my bedtime is at 1h so doing the math correctly, i should have been asleep for 2h44 which is closely the same time i was born. not today of course, years ago... gosh its late, or early to few?

i dont know im not good at math anyways, i have a love for math but it shows like a love an absent father has for his rebellious teen daughter

so many thoughts, such cries for help, but these walls silence me but they are enchoing on the inside

it doesnt leave me alone,

1 2 3 its more than four i think, the walls i mean, in my bedroom i assume oh i dont know its late

i will go to sleep

or maybe i will stay awake the rest of the night looking at the shining moon outside

oh god in so much worry how can she stand there making me be on my knees for her beauty, no energy

i cant fathom having to take my knees to the ground, but i could easily fall, just put my whole weight on the ground of this apartment

not to be carried, not the be carried out like the building is on fire non of that, but

but to be left to burn, let me look into the moon right outside as everyone just lets me burn

please let me burn

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-slumber

today i want slumber

waking up early in the morning and dig more into my bed as i drift off to sleep once again.

At 2 in the afternoon i'm famished for berries i picked in the garden yesterday with you stop maybe just for you

You both live in the kitchen and thats 2 more steps im not willing to take today so i take a pill and i roll in bed to feel you on my back holding me, im famished for attention however i don't want you to look at me

No attention, no eyes, no feelings

no heart

You did a scavenger hunt in me yesterday and you found what you were looking for

i know you meant it i know you felt just like i did... are you in a slumber too? are u famished for me? do you think my scavenger hunt on your heart was successful? do you think i have your heart and you have mine? Maybe that's it, maybe i have your heart and you have mine, maybe my body is trying to get used to your presence or maybe its deniying it all together no devotion envolved

i beathe

i will deal with it tomorrow

today i slumber, today im recovering from the berry picking

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“Do not be afraid to walk the path that you must go just because you cannot see the end. The path becomes clearer as you continue to go on.”

— Unknown

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The Jacaranda Years by Yiwei Chai