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fuck it

turning this blog into my public diary 

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PCOS rant 1

So, this is not going to be easy for me. I mean, I have vented out my thoughts publicly before but doing it on tumblr feels totally strange (also, do people even use tumblr anymore, especially as a writing blog? who knows lol).

Last couple of days was pretty scary for me. For the first time in like 9 years, I experienced heavy bleeding, and I can’t lie, it did make me panic more than just a little bit. Not to mention I was bleeding for almost two weeks straight and had no idea when it would stop. Having read stories online about women suffering from PCOS who were on their periods for MONTHS (i’m talking 8 months straight) didn’t help my psyche. Of course, the fact that the last time I bled so heavily ( I was 11 at the time), my period lasted for over a month and consisted of serious, excruciatingly painful cramps; didn’t exactly help me relax either.

I guess the hardest part about living with PCOS is the fact that there is really no definitive treatment out there. I mean I guess you can say that there are some things which can be helpful for everyone, for example eating healthy and exercising, but even within those clear cut instructions there are countless nuances. I get that I need to limit my carbs, load up on proteins (according to popular consensus) but I wish I could figure out a way to limit my to the extent that these people are telling me to. Growing up in a bangladeshi family, white rice is all we have eaten on most lunches and dinners so I really don’t understand how I can cut it out of my diet while still living with the rest of my family!

Now let’s talk about exercise: some people say HIIT is the best for those with PCOS while others say its weight training. Some say add in some yoga with HIIT while others go in a completely different direction and say “just 30 minutes of brisk walking a day is good enough”. I just don’t understand, what is it that I’m supposed to do here, exactly?

Despite the downright unpleasant symptoms of this disorder, I think the absolute worst and most cruel part of living with PCOS is that you never know WHAT is going to work for you, because nobody can give you that answer. Even if you spent months or years following a specific diet or exercise routine, a better routine and diet may just be out there which you wouldn’t have had any clue about whatsoever. Everybody’s always all in my ears telling me to ‘reduce stress’ to deal with it better but how can I when this is all just so beyond frustrating?

Anyways, I’m getting my blood test done tomorrow so hopefully my hormone levels show to be normal (I’m not really expecting that though, but atleast I’ll get to know what exactly is wrong, more or less).

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ambroidering 

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Our grey haven