dungeons-and-douchebags

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

Villain: Siirdak, Ambassador of the Hollow Lyceum 

The ephemeral powers are woven through this world like gilded thread, waiting for my hand to shape them into a grand tapestry. For you Insect, they are more like a spider’s web: invisible, unbreakable, thoroughly beyond your understanding

Adventure Hooks: 

While traveling across the land, the party hear a great shout from above as a figure falls out of the sky and hits a nearby hill at a great and lethal speed. From what they can recover from the splattered remains, this figure was an older man dressed in gilded but solidly crafted armor and a minor fortune in jewelry. Do they take this literal and gory loot drop? Bury him? Cart the remains to the nearest town? This choice matters quite a lot, as once they get to the next town they’ll discover the body belonged to the local count, a man well beloved by his subjects and minor hero of the last war who just flew through on Are the party praised as dogooders for returning the body? Or seen as vicious robbers when someone recognizes the bloody trinkets they’re trying to hawk. Regardless, they’ll have to contend with the count’s family, who are very intent on finding out the circumstances of the count’s passing. 

Having heard of the party’s good deeds, a woman of the court by the name of Elegaine request’s their service and digression. She’s begun to be hounded by rumors of frequent indiscretions with a newly arrived ambassador, despite the fact that she couldn’t have been in any of the places she was purportedly seen. This looming scandal threatens to ruin her reputation and derail her plans to propose to a charming minister, so she needs a set of eyes uninvolved in the politics of the court to investigate for her.  

Just as the party is about to avert some grand disaster, save the village, and earn a reputation as heroes, some ponce in gold and silks strolls up, waves his hands, and diffuses the whole situation with an ostentatious show of magic. Disappearing into an elegant carriage before they can find out who he is, the party is faced with a decision: track down this glory-thief or hit the road and try to find ANOTHER chance at fame and fortune. 

Setup: A sinister figure by the name of Siirdak has ingrained himself into the local court, claiming to be the representative of a powerful but mostly forgotten group of mages called “The Lyceum of Consonance” who offer their services to the great and the good. This infiltrator started with simple parlor tricks and elevated to elaborate gifts, using sorcery to brute-force the problems of the nobility with little care for the practical or magical fallout of his actions. No power-mad arcanist bent on conquest or reshaping the fundamental forces of reality, Siirdak has more venial aims: influence, luxury, control, and uses his overwhelming arcane power to seize upon them at every opportunity. 

Should the party make an enemy of this mage, they can expect the halls of power to become increasingly hostile as Siirdak whispers in the ear of the many who’ve become indebted to him. Only if they move against him openly will the ambassador use his sorcery, and then only in subtle ways like blinding charms and dangerous geases, though he’s just as likely to get them labeled outlaws. 

Keep reading

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

Hey there! May I ask for 1d10 village myths/folklore please?

Never cut a knot. You must always untangle it, lest the thread spirits grow angry. They lurk in every knot you tie, from your apron strings to the woven talisman above your door to the rug at your hearth. See that the threads hold fast, and they will bring you good fortune.

They say a young man lives in the woods, with a face as sweet as an angel’s and a voice to match. They call him The Deathless. If you wander too far from the path, he’ll come to greet you. You must never follow him or else you’ll be lost in the woods until you starve.

Once there was tricky, clever girl. She saw fit to challenge the way of things, and for that the gods frowned. She challenged them to a contest: three tasks, and whoever completed them first and best would be free to do as they wished. It is a long story, but in their folly, the gods allowed her to choose the tasks, and in so doing, she trapped them in paintings, leaving her free to live as she desired without the overbearing press of the will of the gods.

There is a creature that lives at the bottom of the well. You must whisper your sorrows to it, and in turn it will cry great puddles of tears. Its is a sad life, but our well never runs dry.

If you must cross the river when the water runs high and threatens to sweep you away, tuck a gift of bread and wine into your pocket. Toss them in when you reach the center, in hope of sating the river spirits.

Fear not the dead of night, for the sky is merely a blanket and the stars are pinpricks of light through which the lady of midnight watches and shines her light. The moon is hers, a carefully crafted button that slowly, s l o w l y is done and undone as the days pass.

When you look at the fire in your oven, take care not to stare too long. The vulpine creature that lives in flame can steal your heart through one smoldering gaze.

A pinch of rosemary in your porridge in the morning and a bitter brew of sourgrass and bleeding heart leaf in the evening will ensure your loved one will take notice of you at the next snowfall.

There was a great hero who lived here once. Did you know? They drove off the monsters that had stripped this land bare. A great lord came to them and invited them to his manor, offering riches and acclaim. But the hero refused. Then a mighty king came to the hero, promising honor and and half his kingdom. The hero again refused. Finally, a golden god came to the hero and promised immortality and glory. Still, the hero refused. Here they stayed for the rest of their days, laying down their sword, which became the river you see now, and burying their armor to create fertile farmland for their descendants to tend for years to come.

During the first falling leaves of autumn, you might glimpse the shadowy shapes of children among the branches of the trees. These are the children of trees, gone to plant themselves anew somewhere else.

request a d10 list

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

if you definitely 100% own all of the dnd 5E content after spending hundreds of dollars on it whether physically or digitally (or both!) u should use this site here as a quick n easy reference point for the content you definitely already legally own because you’re a law abiding citizen who has paid hundreds of dollars for a shittonne of books.

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

Hey, D&D players!

A Facebook acquaintance of mine is working on her PhD, which involves studying the experiences of people – and particularly women – who play Dungeons and Dragons. (Yeah, she’s living the dream.) As part of her research, she’s passing around three surveys.

1. Main survey (open to all D&D players; takes about 10 minutes tops)

2. This survey asks people about their characters - very quick

3. Finally, this survey is aimed at non D&D players.

Please pass these around – let’s help this fellow nerd get a robust dataset!  (2/11/20)

@randomitemdrop​, @prokopetz​, @dungeonqueering​, @battlecrazed-axe-mage​, @yourplayersaidwhat​, would you mind signal-boosting?

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

i’m playing a sailor in my new campaign and i love sailor superstitions, so i made a bunch of dnd sailor superstitions/traditions! (some might be weird/bizarre, but a lot of ours are too so i felt it fitting)

having a water genasi on board is good luck, even better if they’re higher ranked (captain, first mate). however, if they’re a prisoner, it’s extremely bad luck for the crew that has them imprisoned. 

holy people of sea gods closely follow water genasi in good luck/bad luck.

sailors tend to get tattoos of a land god’s symbol in hopes that if they drown, a land god will get them back safely. however, sea gods find this extremely rude and disrespectful, so sailors have to find ways of hiding the tattoos at all times, whether with magic, clothes, or makeup. 

every port city has a shrine or temple to a sea god. the very last thing sailors do before heading out on the ocean and the very first thing they do when they get back on land is pray at one of these places. bigger port cities have special roads for sailors to take.

the only time it’s okay to sing sea shanties on land is if you have a vial of seawater on you. if you don’t have any, sea gods think you’re singing for the land gods instead of themselves. and if they think that, things will turn nasty when you get back to sea.

sailors don’t talk about their families/friends/loved ones while at sea. the sea could get jealous, and try and keep the sailors all to itself–by whatever means necessary.

there are various tattoos one can get for certain accomplishments (ie. defeating a monster, sailing for a certain amount of time/for a certain distance, which port you hail from, etc)

every ship brings a small animal that’s special to a sea god on board (ie a crab). that animal has all priority–in food, in defense, in healing. it’s said that if that animal dies, the rest of the crew will soon follow.

bonus sea shanties:

dwarf and orc shanties have a very steady rhythm and often involve drums–meant to keep rowing easy and sailors focused.

tiefling and elf shanties are melodious and often eerie to hear from another ship–especially in foggy/stormy weather. they’re meant to simulate the sound of the wind, waves, and those who died at sea.

dragonborn and genasi shanties often involved overlapping lyrics and melodies, causing them to sound like the storms out at sea. they’re meant to pay tribute to and appease the gods.

halfling and gnome shanties are cheery and peppy, meant to keep things interesting after monotonous days at sea and to make sure morale is up.

human shanties are as wide and varied as the race itself. they often tell stories–of the crew, of other ships’ adventures, or of history.

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

An all emo bard DnD group

My Critical Romance

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

© (c ) copyright 1990-2011 Rebecca Sinclair

See the original HERE

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

Hey folks!

Some of you might know that 2019 has been a real bastard of a year. A lot of shit happened that I can’t fix but there is one thing I CAN fix. My PC broke down about 6 months ago, and I kind of need a new one.

I’ve been saving my money, but unfortunately I live on disability, and don’t often have a lot left over after I’ve paid for groceries and bills. All of my extra necessities (clothes, transport, pet supplies, medical bills, etc.) were paid for with money I made from digital art, and without that extra income I’ve been in a bit of a tough place for most of the year. 

Long story short, I’ve set up a gofundme.

After 6 months I still have barely anything set aside in savings, and it’s unrealistic to hope that I’ll be able to afford this on my own, as much as I want to. It’s really kind of embarrassing to ask for this kind of thing, but I’m running out of options. 

The PC I’d need is around £500, so that’s what I’m asking for. If you can’t spare anything, I totally understand! Please don’t feel obligated to give at all. Reblogs are very much appreciated, and if you do donate and would like something in return, please send me a dm and I’ll try to work something out!  

Thank you so much for reading!

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

Ok boomer

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

d&d characters are the poor man’s therapy because whether you mean to or not youre gonna UNPACK shit with your characters including things you didnt even realize were there at first 

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

can someone explain the alignment chart for me but in like, the simplest wording possible lmao

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

An incomplete taxonomy of tabletop RPG characters:

I chose whatever traits looked neat and created a character who’s more powerful than any two other PCs combined by sheer accident

Came up with the accent first; devised character to suit

Exists solely to mom the rest of the party

Character type explicitly intended by the game’s authors as an allegory for something or other, but I just picked it because the illustration was hot

“Carries an extremely large weapon” is their entire personality

Definitely not my fursona

Personification of hangups I cannot discuss even with those closest to me, but will now intimately play-act for casual acquaintances

Whatever lets me create the biggest explosions

Magical girl in a setting where that’s really not a thing

Highly specialised build that gives me a +fucktillion bonus to one slightly oddball skill, which I will attempt to roll at every conceivable opportunity

Plausibly deniable expy of popular media character

Implausibly deniable expy of popular media character

Basically just me, except a different gender, which I am doing purely to challenge myself as a roleplayer and doesn’t mean anything okay?

Mechanical traits selected specifically to justify a terrible pun

Just an awful little creature

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

so we all know how percy is supposedly the luckiest player character in crit role, and there's no denying taliesin's various dice blessings, but i was curious - does percy actually roll the most nat 20s proportionally? or just he just roll more in general? critrolestats has the rankings, but that just counts total rolled, not ratio between them

so i did the math myself

and of the 16 main player characters (m9 including molly, vm including tary, excluding tiberius), here's how the rankings actually line up (everything given as a ratio of 20s to 1s, rounded to 3 significant figures unless more are needed to differentiate)

Caduceus (2.6:1)

Pike (2.38:1)

Molly (2.27:1)

Percy (2.21:1)

Vax (1.75:1)

Scanlan (1.52:1)

Grog (1.48:1)

Fjord (1.476:1)

Beau (1.34:1)

Yasha (1.173:1)

Vex (1.171:1)

Caleb (1.15:1)

Nott (1.04:1)

Keyleth (0.896:1)

Jester (0.8:1)

Taryon (0.625:1)

so what does this mean?

well, taliesin's for sure lucky, he grabs three of the top four spots, but percy doesn't hold the title, that actually goes to caduceus, and in fact percy rolls the worst out of all taliesin's characters (could be attributed to him rolling more, so bringing it closer to an average, or just the fact that percy was cursed so that every time a gun of his misfires the others also misfire immediately after, have you noticed?)

pike coming in surprisingly high, leading vox machina in lucky rolls

(worth noting - vax and taryon do have the lucky feat, however critrolestats counts discarded rolls, so it shouldn't matter)

in general, the players roll more nat 20s than they do nat 1s, though keyleth and jester are particularly unlucky, and tary, oof

nott's the closest to rolling an equal number of 20s and 1s, at 57 20s and 55 1s

the average ratio of vox machina's rolls is 1.5:1, whereas the average for the mighty nein is only 1.48:1

additionally, matt's ratio during the tal'dorei campaign was about 1.5:1 as well, whereas his ratio during campaign 2 has so far been a huge 2.11:1

so vox machina were rolling better and in a safer campaign, which honestly tracks

(and just for fun, thorbir, wil wheaton's character. in the two episodes he was on the show, he rolled 1 nat 20 and 10 nat 1s, literally as many nat 1s as caduceus has rolled in his entire 57 episodes, bringing wil wheaton's ratio to a grand 0.1:1, over six times worse than the worst person on this list. additionally, he rolled 49 times, and his average roll across all of them was only 6.959. the dice curse is real.)

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

no witty caption just facts

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

Wizard who got tired of fighting and casts fucked up unethical spells like “super brain hemorrhage” to end them faster

[dungeons-and-douchebags]

it’s wizard time baby

(reblogs+likes are cool just no reposts!)