I made a sideblog for when my mental health is deciding to torture me. main acc is @a-dusty-individual if you know me from there. No you dont.
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(experiences a mania crash) this is just like anders dragon age 2
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Im drunk so fuck it who gives a shit. Im gonna be alone for so long. I dont like meeting people at bars. I onyl like meeting peopel through friends. But like fuck am i ever gonna meet someone i wanna soend my life woth that way. Its al so gucked. I hate everything eveneryone and myself. Fuck all of you and me. Im ending it soon. Idk when but honestly it dont matter cause no one is gonna give a shit.
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Just had a drink that has magnesium citrate in it and honestly with the way it's interacting with my antidepressants, I feel more fucked up than I have done when I've been on hard drugs.
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I'm never going to be someone's first choice.
#why must this thought keep bouncing around in my head#it came back yesterday and i cant let it go#i want deathhhhh
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Prolly a bad thing that i feel happy whenever he has relationship troubles but eh here I am.
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Why do I feel guilty about trying to get over them and focusing on not feeling like shit all the time? He isn't gonna like me like that, so it's not like he is gonna lose owt. Who do i feel guilty for?
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I really wish I could sit with you and we can fill it with silence, deep talks, or laughter. I hope when I find my person they are okay with all of this. I’m more introverted but over time with few people I can be extroverted. So when I meet my person I hope they know takes me few tries to get more extroverted. Yet I can eventually after while knowing you get quiet again. I get quiet when I’m sad, mad, and any emotion. Sorry if I shut down randomly. I love sitting in silence where we only have music playing. I love hearing your deep thoughts. I love hearing your laughter even if you don’t like it.
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Hmmmmmm. Kill myself or kill someone else. My brain is stuck between which it wants to do.
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Im such a fucking idiot. Every time i like someone or someone likes me, I fuck it up by saying or doing some dumb shit. It is almost always something I regret as soon as my brain calms down.
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I dont think im going to be alone forever but I do know I'm going to be alone for a fucking long time and that shit sucks.
#i wish I could be patient but ahaha no#end this loneliness rn or i swear I WILL die alone because ill kill myself
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Bipolar is a lot of fun. I just went from "No one will ever love me" to "Honestly, who wouldn't love me, I'm hot and have a great personality" in the span of like ten minutes.
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Everyone hates me, and god only knows how much I wish i could blame them for it.
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Oh, how I hate pining for someone who will absolutely never love me back.
I feel like a teenager. I want to kill myself over a fucking crush.
#depressing shit#tw: depressive thoughts#relationship#just everything about him drives me insane#and i fully cant place why#and every rational thought in my brain is screaming no and telling me there is absolutely someone better out there#but then every other thought is “shit he is so cute” “ahhhh i wanna make him smile and laugh”#“i wanna cook for him” “i wanna hold him” “i wanna do unholy things with him”
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