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Please, please, look at my donation campaign and help me. I have newborn children and my son Ahmed needs treatment. He is a heart patient and suffers from two holes in the heart. He needs help and treatment. We do not have money and we are stuck in Egypt because of the Gaza war. My wife and I lost my jobs and there is no source of income. I would like you to help. To care for my children and provide the necessary treatment for my child Ahmed, please donate even a little thing to save my child’s life

Spreading the word as best as I can ❤️

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Lets go All Over The Fucking Place with mama

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gn

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im reporting your account for being the worsy account

shit im the worsy💔💔💔💔

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Kris watch where you're going with that thing!!

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"I asked ChatGPT--"

Yeah well, I asked the wasps nest in my attic. It sang its answer so beautifully to me, but I am so very afraid of it. Perhaps it will soothe my itching soul...

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you should all watch as you are (2016) it has fucked me up beyond belief

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As You Are.

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JUST FINISHED CHAPTER 4 AND I AM CLAWING AT MY WALLS.

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Happy pride month to them !!

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!!gore warning!!

injury ..

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I feel like a lot of people have tried to analyze Laurens’s sexuality and relationship with Hamilton by primarily (and oftentimes only) looking at Laurens through the lens of Hamilton’s letters.  And this is what leads to so many misunderstandings and incorrect conclusions.  There are two incorrect conclusions that I see come up most often.

1. Laurens’s letters to Hamilton are less frequent and less passionate than Hamilton’s letters to Laurens.  Ergo, Laurens did not truly love Hamilton, at least not to the same degree that Hamilton loved him.

If you take the time to study Laurens, one of the things you should notice almost immediately is that he wrote fairly infrequently.  Laurens did not write much and often forgot or neglected to write people back.  Laurens was not intentionally ignoring Hamilton.  In fact, Hamilton got a good chunk of Laurens’s attention when it came to correspondence.  The most frequent recipients of letters from John Laurens were Henry Laurens, George Washington, and Alexander Hamilton.  I cannot recall many - if any - letters that were written from John Laurens to his siblings during the time of the war.  Laurens wrote to Hamilton more often than he wrote to his siblings or wife.  It’s unfair to compare the volume of Hamilton’s and Laurens’s correspondence to determine which one loved the other more.  Hamilton, in general, wrote a high volume of letters, whereas Laurens wrote pretty sparingly.  It’s not a case of one ignoring the other or one being the better communicator in the relationship.

Additionally, it’s again unfair to compare the language of Hamilton’s and Laurens’s letters and proclaim that Laurens didn’t love Hamilton because his writing was not as passionate as Hamilton’s.  Hamilton was ridiculously sexual and passionate in his letters - he should be an outlier, not a standard to which we should hold the rest.  Laurens was also quite guarded in terms of expressing his emotions, particularly when it came to his romantic attachments to other men.  This is understandable, as Laurens seems to have felt some guilt over his attraction to men (he was raised by a strict Christian father in a heteronormative time period).  But if you compare Laurens’s letters to Hamilton with Laurens’s letters to others, you’ll find that his letters to Hamilton are some of the most emotionally expressive letters he ever wrote.  No, he was not as emotionally open as Hamilton was, but he expressed his love for Hamilton in a way that was more comfortable for him.  Furthermore, several of Laurens’s letters to Hamilton are missing, so we can only speculate what language those letters contain.

2. Hamilton’s writing about having Laurens find him a wife should be taken literally.

First of all, I can tell you this interpretation is wrong from one line in this letter:

Do I want a wife? No—I have plagues enough without desiring to add to the number that greatest of all; and if I were silly enough to do it, I should take care how I employ a proxy. 

Secondly, many people do not understand the context behind this paragraph:

I anticipate by sympathy the pleasure you must feel from the sweet converse of your dearer self in the inclosed letters. I hope they may be recent. They were brought out of New York by General Thompson delivered to him there by a Mrs. Moore not long from England, soi-disante parente de Madame votre épouse. She speaks of a daughter of yours, well when she left England, perhaps ⟨– – –⟩. 

If you read into Laurens’s side of the story, you will realize that Laurens had a wife and child in England which he neglected to tell Hamilton about - for one and a half years.  This paragraph isn’t Hamilton simply telling Laurens that his wife and child are well.  This is Hamilton realizing that Laurens was not a bachelor.  This adds a whole new meaning to the paragraphs that follow about Laurens finding Hamilton a wife.  Those paragraphs aren’t meant to be taken literally.  They were written by a shocked and somewhat jealous Hamilton who used sexual innuendo to both scold and tease Laurens.

Laurens’s side of the story is so important to truly understanding the Hamilton-Laurens relationship, yet few seem to be willing to study it.  It can certainly take some time, effort, and digging through long-forgotten documents (I’ve been studying Laurens for about three years now, and I’m still learning new things about Laurens’s sexuality and relationships), but it is necessary if you want to be able to fully appreciate Laurens’s life.

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Literally just all the sexual things Alexander Hamilton sent to John Laurens

“I love you.”

This one is pretty self explanatory. Men were much more intimate back in the 1700′s, forming bonds that seem very ~gay~ in today’s light. Homosexuality wasn’t a very understood thing back then because rigid moral codes and censured education prevented people from learning more about sexuality.

 But Alexander Hamilton knew.

 He grew up on an island where ‘Sodomites’ (gay people) were dumped and  allowed to mingle with the island population. Alex knew that there was a certain zone of interactions between men that went from being merely friendly to sexual. He clearly steps into the bounds of sexual while fully realizing it.

“In drawing my picture, you will no doubt be civil to your friend; mind you do justice to the length of my nose and don’t forget, that I [- - - - - -].”

Ahhhhhhhhh my son Alex, could you be more explicit? Alex here is obviously referring to his something else (you know) with the knowledge that John Lauren’s knows the size. This sentence right here is basically just one long ;).

 “Your friend” seems to be written teasingly, as if they both know how far from friends they are.

And we can only guess how dirty Alex got in those last six  CUT OUT words.

“Dear Boy” [sent by John Laurens]

John laurens calls his wife his ‘dear girl’, and here he calls Alex his ‘dear boy’.  Moreover, Laurens did not call any other man he ever wrote to as his ‘dear boy’. Laurens seems to see Alex as on the same level, if not higher, as his own wife.

“Did I mean to show my wit? If I did, I am sure I have missed my aim. Did I only intend to [frisk]? In this I have succeeded, but I have done more. I have gratified my feelings, by lengthening out the only kind of intercourse now in my power with my friend.”

This phrase right here I unfortunately do not see a lot when people talk about Alex and John’s letters. This, to me, is one of the most explicit. “Wit” also mean one’s you know what (here I give a nod to the Ravenclaw moto), so Hamilton’s saying he was pretty much just messing around with John the last letter he sent. This is the only sort of “intercourse” he is able to have with John, as they are both so far apart. He is incapable of ‘sexual’ intercourse because of their distance, so he feels he must, in the 18th century way, sext.

“I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation.”

As you might have already guessed, Alex is inviting John to a threesome on his wedding night. The idea that Alex feels so at ease inviting John to a threesome with his wife suggests they have already had something going for a long time now. 

“But like a jealous lover, when I thought you slighted my caresses, my affection was alarmed and my vanity piqued. I had almost resolved to lavish no more of them upon you and to reject you as an inconstant and an ungrateful –”

Here Alex compares himself to John’s lover, and a jealous one at that. John seems to be shying away from Alex’s bawdiness, as if realizing how strange their relationships is in retrospect. Alex is scrambling to hang on to him, even though he knows well what are and what happens to Sodomites. He would do anything for John while knowing the consequences. And John is too afraid to join him. And who the hell knows what the last word was.

“And believe me, I am lover in earnest,”

*cough cough* looks like John knows exactly what happens when Alex’s feeling frisky.

“She [Eliza] loves you a l'americaine not a la francoise.”

The French were renowned for their relaxed stance on extramarital love affairs, while Americans were more Puritan-minding and thought love affairs only should happen in church-sanctioned marriages. Thus Eliza has an a l’americaine love of John Laurens, rather than an a la francoise.

“You will be pleased to recollect in your negotiations that I have no invincible antipathy to the maidenly beauties & that I am willing to take the trouble of them upon myself.”

*cough* this sentence is a bit confusing, and could be taken a few ways. What I infer from this is that Alexander Hamilton is willing, and John knows this, to assume an air of femininity because he finds no fault with it. It was commonly noted by people who wrote of Hamilton that he was very feminine in comparison with other men of his day. Alex’s femininity seems to please John, the topic even having been discussed between the two in ‘negotiations’.

“Yrs for ever”

Ok, this one isn’t sexual, but I had to add it because it is so heartbreaking. This was Alex’s last farewell note to John. That is, if he even received it. He died shortly after Alex sent the letter; whether he read the farewell or not is all lost to history. Alex loved John so much, despite the fact that both already had a wife. He would have always loved him, even if they had grown apart…

That’s it folks: time for me to cry.

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Fun fact: jefferson was 12-14 years older than hamilton. The generational gap was exaggerated by the fact that jefferson was also 8 inches taller than him. Imagine getting roasted by a tiny gen alpha kid in court

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petpet is my new favourite thing ever here our blorbos have been pat