dxmdeeds

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Beware!

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*me, getting ready to hit you with a sick-ass keyboard smash*:

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Wouldn't mind dying in my sleep tonight.

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The look in my face when I realize I am at the end of my narrative.

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When I die I will know I lived.

I know I have tried.

And I know I will have failed.

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Darling I was never going to be okay. I fought for you. I fought for the people we loved.

I fought drugs and got on medications that were supposed to help my weak psyche.

I don't think I was supposed to be saved.

I think I was supposed to die a miserable death that you delayed six years ago.

I have lived more than I was supposed to. I thank you for that my honeybean.

I wish I had the strength to be here for you and so many others that I know need me but I have been fighting off this horrific pain and I have no strength left.

I love you. I hope this drawn out suicide doesn't take. I'm gonna keep trying but my hope is thin and my strength is withered.

I never should have brought you into my doomed narritive

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Soberiety is not easy

I am aware of the pain of every person I care for

I am aware of my pain

I am aware of my mistakes.

I am aware that I can do whatever I wish

I am aware I can relapse

I am aware of what that will do.

I am aware that I can cause an unsatisfactory ending to everyone else's experience of knowing me

I'm aware that for so many people that I wished to make proud of me, I already have done this and I have to live with this when I continue to exist.

I'm aware I can end it all for me. I know it won't make me feel better.

I am aware it will make pain the last thing i feel.

I am aware I refuse that.

I am aware that i will go on, for better no matter what

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disconnect of stunted sobriety

my bone do not settle in this world. They creak and ache in the absense of chemical distractions and i try to tell myself that this is the fate I need to better myself. i am in my mid twenties and still supposed to be in prime condition. However, the abuse of my body in my further youth has doomed me to struggle.

I yearn for the opium of any sort, any kind just to escape full lucidity even if it scares my surrounding support. The jumbled mess my mind becomes intoxication is more comfort to me but antagonizes the ones i love.

Pain is beauty they say but beauty is comfort to others and I am so FUCKING tired of comforting others at my own expense.

One year sober. one year sober a touch too late, i lost my home, the tent i live in is covered in mildew and sickness.

I can't do this anymore. I have a job that pays too much for help getting into housing. My dream job.

I'm going to relapse. And i know that may spiral me to my own death but it was a death i expected at 18.

I feel i was only on borrowed time.

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Things that work in fiction but not real life

torture getting reliable information out of people

knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour

jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact

calling the police to deescalate a situation

rafting your way off a desert island

correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes

effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else

ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences

heterosexual cowboy

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Jeff Bezos's Amazon and Elon Musk's SpaceX are both fighting in court to have the National Labor Relations Board declared unconstitutional. Starbuck's and Trader Joe's joined them in separate lawsuits. All of these companies have a disgraceful history of worker abuse and union busting. All of them have been charged by the NLRB with hundreds of violations of workers’ organizing rights The NLRB is standing up to their union busting. That’s why they’re trying to destroy the NLRB. I'm going to do my best to keep you all informed about this case as it snakes its way through the courts. The future of unions may depend on the final verdict. http://dlvr.it/T49LM1

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Jeff Bezos's Amazon and Elon Musk's SpaceX are both fighting in court to have the National Labor Relations Board declared unconstitutional. Starbuck's and Trader Joe's joined them in separate lawsuits. All of these companies have a disgraceful history of worker abuse and union busting. All of them have been charged by the NLRB with hundreds of violations of workers’ organizing rights The NLRB is standing up to their union busting. That’s why they’re trying to destroy the NLRB. I'm going to do my best to keep you all informed about this case as it snakes its way through the courts. The future of unions may depend on the final verdict. http://dlvr.it/T49LM1

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Jeff Bezos's Amazon and Elon Musk's SpaceX are both fighting in court to have the National Labor Relations Board declared unconstitutional. Starbuck's and Trader Joe's joined them in separate lawsuits. All of these companies have a disgraceful history of worker abuse and union busting. All of them have been charged by the NLRB with hundreds of violations of workers’ organizing rights The NLRB is standing up to their union busting. That’s why they’re trying to destroy the NLRB. I'm going to do my best to keep you all informed about this case as it snakes its way through the courts. The future of unions may depend on the final verdict. http://dlvr.it/T49LM1

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yeah man we can tell

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Having dxm and a bath is pretty good

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