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Coworker: So what’s new?

Me: Well I’ve made the mistake of keeping up with the news and I fear for the state of the country I live in and worry for the lives of many people very close to me but this is a work setting and I’m not going to dump all my troubles on you after a simple innocent conversation starter-

So I’m gonna say “Nothing really”

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STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION "Tapestry" (6.15)

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I might be telling on myself but I’m starting to miss surfing on DeviantArt and being blasted by weird inflation fetish art.

Because it was still more creative than the hundredth AI art piece I found today…

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Blind people must save a lot on electricity.

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DM (me): as soon as you cross the boundary of the gate, you are unnaturally silenced and cannot make a sound.

Warlock: *in ASL* fuck you!

DM: *also in ASL* eat shit and die

Warlock: *mouthing* hey I taught you that! You can't use it against me!

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Showrooms of LANCER Manufacturers

IPS-N

IPS-N showrooms are what you'd get if you slammed a truck dealership, a hardware store, a camping gear shop and a sports bar together in the Bass Pro Shops Pyramid. We're talking row upon row of shelves stocked with the most precision-engineered engine parts you can print on one side of the floor, and on the other, durable, hard-wearing survival gear. Camping stoves you can run off of your mech's coldcore, sleeping bags that'll survive a HEX charge, automatic camo cloth, the works.

Right down the middle, you've got the mech floor. They've got the Tortuga. They've got the Blackbeard. They've got the Drake. They've got the Lancaster and the Kidd. They've got the Vlad (they put a chain-link fence covered in DO NOT TOUCH signs around that one after the infamous CFO's 10-year-old Incident). They've even got the Raleigh, kinda tucked away a little bit behind the water feature, but it's there!

Everything on the shop floor is ruggedized to the point that you could take a mech's fist to it without leaving a dent - and they sometimes do that to demonstrate the engineering quality. There's a giant screen hanging from the ceiling displaying constant advertising for the mechs and IPS-N in general, usually striding purposefully through idyllic Diasporan wilderness or doing hard, honest work like starship loading or construction. There's a mixtape of the most famous bro-country hits playing 24/7.

Smith-Shimano Corpro

In a word: bespoke. Everything in this place is custom. Each and every desk is individually built according to the height of the salesperson who sits behind it, and manages to be a unique art piece without disrupting the overarching aesthetic of the showroom. Whenever there's a change of staff on the sales floor, they rearrange every single desk so that they're still in ascending order.

All of the salespeople are inhumanly pretty, by the way. This atelier has its own fully-staffed makeup and wardrobe team. You're part of a work of art when you work for SSC. Everything and everyone gleams. Even the most chic visitors might feel underdressed in the midst of all this splendour.

The mechs aren't just there to be sold, they're there to be part of the experience. You might see a Monarch holding up the ceiling like the titan Atlas himself. A Mourning Cloak might be posed provocatively like a nude statue. That Swallowtail - is it in a slightly different position every time you see it, or is that just its camouflage decals? How does it always manage to be just inside your line of sight, even when you're looking somewhere else?

They have a catwalk, like you'd see at a fashion show, but it's sized for mechs. If they really think you might make a purchase, they'll queue up the entire performance for you, and you'll get to see a Viceroy strut.

The mix tape for this showroom is a seamless mixture of complex jazz, psychedelic ambient and classical piano music. It's sophisticated and mysterious.

Harrison Armory

Imagine if America could be a showroom. Harrison Armory mech outlets are part dealership, part museum. Every mech is in its own diorama, depicting some heroic event in the Armory's glorious history. A phalanx of Sherman Mk. Is holds the line against some Diasporan slaver-tyrant's army. A Saladin fends off Karrakin hordes during the Interest War. The Genghis Mk. II? Oh, that diorama isn't open right now, it had to be closed for *coughcoughcough* and *coughcoughcough* but let's move on shall we heh heh

Everyone who works here has been in the Colonial Legion at some point, and knows every specification of the mechs they sell off by heart without even looking at their slate. If possible, the Armory tries to employ people who have actual combat experience with the mechs they're selling; people who can speak to the efficacy of their technology first-hand. It's one of the many programs which the Armory has open for retired veterans; it's easy work for decent pay, good benefits and it looks great on your Social.

The music here is a constant loop of patriotic Armory anthems. If you've ever heard the music from Starship Troopers, or the Outbreak of War from Star Ocean, you'll know what I'm talking about.

HORUS

Being a decentralized omninet collective with no official branding or even consistent manufacturing standards, it should come as no surprise that HORUS has no showrooms.

ERR:CONNECTION_INTERRUPT

CartesianWhisper: P55555t CartesianWhisper: Ignore that 5hithead CartesianWhisper: They don't have any idea what they're talking about CartesianWhisper: You want a mech, kid? CartesianWhisper: And I'm not talking the tra5h the Purv5 try to 5ell you CartesianWhisper: Or that overpriced garbage 55C want5 you to mortgage your genetic5 for CartesianWhisper: Or the macho trucker bull5hit IP5-N i5 trying to hawk CartesianWhisper: I'm talking about the REAL DEAL CartesianWhisper: The PROPER 5TUFF CartesianWhisper: Log on to rgx0582.node-7.c4l.omni CartesianWhisper: I'll 5how you what true power mean5 >:]

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Thinking about how there’s probably alot of anti-semetic comic book fans who’re completely ignorant to the fact that all their favorite superheroes were made by jews

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It's a date! 🍔✨

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“NOW EAT THIS, SUCKERRR!”

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Was walking around the mall yesterday and thinking of how something was lost whenever Hot Topic ditched its “Gates to Hell” entrance motif.

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“Hey, you got any New Year’s resolutions?”

Me:

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I’m officially at that age where I need a holiday from the holiday

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wait pacific rim was bad?

I thought it was supposed to be good, it’s by del toro and about climate change

Yep! It's also a paper-thin justification for kickass giant-robot-vs-kaiju spectacle. Almost all the dialogue is exposition, and for some reason whenever they're in the giant robot the main dude cannot stop shouting things at the main girl that she 100% already knows, given that she is the most highly trained and interesting character in the movie. The acting is at its best when the characters aren't talking, star-wars-prequels style. Many things happen that don't make sense as character decisions and exist purely for the sake of tension, like doing a drift compatibility test IN a giant fully-armed robot that can go berserk if one of the participants gets lost in their traumatic memories, which is a very common thing with the drift. At one point a character literally says "as you know-" and proceeds to claim that dinosaurs had two brains. The score, effects and fight choreography are incredible, it's just the dialogue, characters and worldbuilding hold up like wet tissue paper. It's my favorite action movie ever made.