dynamite-anonymous

[dynamite-anonymous]

Some people need a reminder of this.

[dynamite-anonymous]

hey, on a very serious note-

be picky with ur submission. lots of doms on this app (and irl) r fake and will just use u to get what they want and then move on.

furthermore

be picky with ur domination. lots of subs on this app (and irl) r fake and will just use u to get what they want and then move on.

if you’re into being used and discarded, that’s valid and also a separate thing. if ur into being used and ALSO cared for…

be picky.

[dynamite-anonymous]

can this guy get a fucking grip and stop posting nothingburger on main

You have got to be fucking kidding me

[dynamite-anonymous]

I was gonna room with someone I didn’t know that well at a kink convention only for insane (but trustworthy) allegations to come out about them like two months before the con. Needless to say I won’t be rooming with them anymore, and ultimately I’m glad to know sooner rather than later, but that is sooooo fucking annoying and inconvenient. Therefore you have got to be fucking kidding me

You have got to be fucking kidding me

[dynamite-anonymous]

You have got to be fucking kidding me

[dynamite-anonymous]

hey, sex batman! i recently found out that im like, super into hurting people. like, Super into hurting people in a sexual context. does that make me, like, a bad person?

hi anon,

I'm not really interested in declaring who is and isn't a bad person, because I'm not a cop. let's work with something a little more actionable, like "what impact are my actions having on others?"

now, broadly speaking, many people would hear "I like to hurt people" and have the knee jerk reaction that that's bad a scary. but let's pump the breaks and consider nuance and context.

you know who loves to hurt people? my tattoo artist. she punctures my skin, makes me bleed, and causes permanent damage to my body, and she takes great pride in her work. I don't know if you've ever gotten a tattoo, but your body does very much react like you've been hurt, because you have. it doesn't matter that I sought out the pain and willingly paid for it; I was very much injured.

so does that make my tattoo artist a bad person? most people would say no, because she's only hurting people who ask her to do so and are aware of the risks, sober, and of legal age to consent to body modifications. she also follows appropriate guidelines to make sure that while she is hurting me she's doing it as safely as possible, minimizing the risk of infection or other complications that would cause me unnecessary pain or make my healing more difficult.

so we can agree that under these circumstances my tattoo isn't a terrible pervert unfit for society, right? she's a person doing something she likes to people who eagerly seek her out for exactly that purpose.

okay, now let's look at you. you want to hurt people sexy style. that alone is a neutral thing; desires are neither good or bad. thought crime isn't real. but if you want to enact this with real people, what's your move? are you planning to find people who want to be hurt sexy style (an abundant population, I assure you) and talking out the ways in which you could hurt them that would be pleasurable and fun for everyone involved? or are you going to hide in the bushes and assault people like a villain of the week on SVU?

only one of those is bad, in my book, because only one of those options involves victimizing another person and taking away their ability to consent to having sex with you.

so idk dude, I don't really believe many, if any, people are just fully irretrievably Bad. but a lot of people treat others badly. you can't really make that call based on sexual proclivities! there are people who use kink as an excuse to be shitheads the same as there are real assholes who only have married missionary sex with the lights off every other Wednesday. the only deciding factor is how you treat people.

and how you treat people is up to you!

[dynamite-anonymous]

The Uncompromising Submissive

“You’re not really all that submissive.”

This came from a man who messaged me, intrigued by my submissive heart. He said I was clearly a natural submissive—someone who needed it to the core of my being. So far so good… But then he said he appreciated a woman who knows her place. And seriously, fuck that. I felt compelled to correct him. I responded that I am not a woman who knows her place; I am a woman who is seeking to create a place at the feet of a person who has earned it. Then I wished him luck in his search for someone. He was stunned that I would stop talking to him over “something small” like the way he phrased a sentence. He called me rigid, and he challenged my identity. Not really all that submissive. 

But the thing is, dating as a submissive is fundamentally different from dating vanilla. There’s a weird duality that submissives must balance. Single submissives must look for someone they want to follow while also maintaining strong boundaries. It’s hard to hold back when you are a person who yearns to please others. But they have to be someone who deserves it—someone who has proven they are worthy of devoted submission. So when I’m dating, I have to hold back. I don’t give up control to anyone until I am overwhelmed by the need to submit. It’s only then that I know I’ve found someone worth following—someone who has inspired me to kneel.  

That doesn’t happen often. I am looking for a very specific thing—a long-term relationship with ownership and power exchange at the core, woven into everything we do. I’m looking to build a life with someone. I’m looking for a person to be my person—to sleep by my side, to raise children together, to live an everyday kind of love. That is not an easy thing to find under normal circumstances. With the added layer of D/s, I know I may be searching a long time. 

And yet, I would rather be alone than compromise. It’s because I know the inevitable pain of compromise. I have left a man I loved deeply because he was incapable of D/s. I have been devastated by the loss of a Dom who knew he could never be the everyday love I needed. I don’t regret those relationships, but I’m also not eager to repeat that pain. No, I will not date you if you are married and/or polyamorous with a primary partner. I will not date you if you want a vanilla relationship plus bedroom kink. I will not date you if you are long-distance. I know those roads. They almost never lead where I want to go. 

I have been called uncompromising—and as a result, unsubmissive. But I’m uncompromising precisely because I am so deeply submissive. When I give, I give my whole self. I take down all my walls, and I put my Owner’s needs first. I see ownership as all-encompassing and nearly limitless. There is no part of me that my Owner shouldn’t know or see or touch. To build that kind of bond, I have to be careful who I choose as a partner. I can’t compromise what I know I need. If I do, I will never have it. 

I can’t give my submission to just anyone. I have to give it to someone who needs the bond of ownership as much as I do. I have to give it to someone who shares my dreams and my vision for the future so that when I let them lead, I can follow with my whole heart. So yes, I am uncompromising—right up until the moment when I give everything. And I will settle for nothing less. 

[dynamite-anonymous]

there’s such an unbelievable multitude of this type of (straight) woman who’s like “when he mentions a ‘she’ 😡🥺👀” “when he calls some girl his ‘friend’ 👀👀🔪” etc and this person is like a different species to me. this person is a space alien. this type of person makes me feel like amy adams in arrival

[dynamite-anonymous]

bdsm test worried - please read

Okay, so because I got bored I started the BDSM test again I did about two years ago to see if anything had changed. I’m finding as I go through it that some questions are a little strange because they don’t seem to serve any purpose in determining what BDSM orientation a person has, and I’m pretty sure they weren’t there last time I took this test. 

Now, please indulge me when you read this because I wouldn’t write it if I weren’t worried. I know this may seem far-fetched. I understand if you may think I’m trying to kick up a fuss, all I can say is: please that aside for a moment and take a moment to read this as I’m truly worried that someone is possibly scouting/luring vulnerable girls in our community and I would appreciate your input in discerning whether I’m right to be concerned or not. 

I think some of these questions don’t have a whole lot to do with orientation, but are there specifically to weed out young, vulnerable girls who would be ready and willing to leave their home behind. I know, I know, big statement, and to the untrained eye BDSM tests can come across iffy but … I’m not (entirely) untrained and my alarm bells are ringing. I wonder if it’s at all possible that this website is run by Charles Michael Segaloff/Michael Makai, or someone like him, and if they’re looking for their next victim. If you remember, Michael Makai ran a website with several BDSM tests, one of them I’m pretty sure led to this very BDSM test that I was taking, just back then it said bdsmtest.com instead of .org. I think this is the same test. I’ve checked his old website and unsurprisingly, since Segaloff is either still standing trial, or has been convicted by now, the links formerly leading to his tests haven’t been working, but this test looks exactly like the old one to me. Do not google the Segaloff stuff if you’re easily triggered, this is a known sex offender who’s MO was exactly this. 

Please would you peeps have a look and give some input? I really think something’s wrong. I’ve made screenshots along the way and saved them if needed. 

This is sort of a ‘mark how well this applies test’ so all questions are in first person. I’ve put them under different headers for clarity:

Possible fishing questions:

‘I like to feel that I’m older/(mentally) stronger/bigger/further in life … than my partner.’ - ok, yes seeming older may on the surface seem like a dominant trait, but .. I think it’s a buffer question for the one following a few questions later:

‘I like to feel that my partner is older/(mentally) stronger/bigger/further in life … than me.’ - this could be unnecessary question (masking as an age-play question) but whichever it is, it’s also an excellent question to fish for young girls who would be open to meeting an older man.

‘I feel like I would need to find someone to guide me around in this whole kink/BDSM thing.’If you click ‘absolutely agree’ (which I did only to see what happens because I have a hunch at this point) a box pops up under the question with the text ‘Completely optionally, enter your email address if you would like us to help you find someone (will only be used sporadically to inform you about major new kink/BDSM projects related to this question):’ followed by a white box to enter your e-mail address. This concerned me because it A. singles out those who are not taken and B. invites them to contact whoever is behind the website for guidance. This singles out those who are impressionable, inexperienced, young, and alone. 

‘I currently have nobody I can talk to about my darkest fantasies, and would love to find someone to talk to.’If you click ‘absolutely agree’ (which I did again for the same reason) the same box pops up under the question with the text ‘optionally, enter your email address if you would like us to inform you [sic] opportunities related to this question (will only used sporadically to inform you about major new kink/BDSM projects related to this question):’ followed by a white box to enter your e-mail address. This singles out those who are alone, lonely or may feel misunderstood, all easy targets, and invites them into leaving their contact details. 

‘Assuming I was single, I would like to join an existing couple’s or polygroup’s relationship for sexual and/or emotional purposes’ - that could’ve easily been phrased as ‘I consider myself polyamorous/am interested in etc’ this phrasing just makes it sounds like someone’s .. fishing? 

‘I want to meet more like-minded kinky people, and am willing to put effort in that.’ same as before -> Optionally, enter your email address (will only be used to inform you about major new kink/BDSM projects related to this question): followed by white box for email. - ok could be completely innocent, but in context? Girls eager to please (’effort into it’) and actively looking for contact are singled out here. 

‘I have a thing for large age differences in sexual encounters or relationships’ - woah woah woah, in real DD/lg that is NOT a thing. I should know, I identify as a Little. This can easily mask as an ageplay question, I don’t know enough about that but I’m pretty sure it’s age PLAY meaning the actual biological age difference is irrelevant. This is actively asking who’s up for large age difference relationships which the BDSM community at large continually warns against because it puts the younger party power-wise at a disadvantage (and not in the kinky consensual way).

‘I would be willing to leave everything I have behind, to live the BDSM-life of my dreams’ - What. The. Actual. Fuck? *alarm bells* 

Other ways to try and get email addresses:

‘If I felt a project or website contributed significantly to the BDSM community as a whole, I would be willing to make significant financial donations to it.’ - ok .. so this makes me submissive or an easy target? Unsurprisingly, if you click ‘absolutely agree’ (I’m ticking every damned box I see) the same box pops up under the question with the text ‘Completely optionally, enter your email address if we can sporadically email you about relevant projects that could use your contribution):’ followed by a white box to enter your e-mail address. - I mean, fair enough I guess, but why put it in the test.

‘If a new awesome kink or BDSM project was launched, I would like to be kept up to date.’ again Optionally, enter your email address (will only be used for emails related to this question). Followed by a white box. - on its own, not much suspicious, in conjunction with the other questions, seems like just another way to fish for contact details in case any questions of interest are answered in the affirmative.

‘I would like to work myself on a new BDSM-related project and I have ideas for such [sic] project (or already have it) or I would like to actively help out with an existing project. Again -> Optionally, enter your email address if you would like us to ask for your project interests and put you in contact with people with similar project interests to cooperate with (we will not give out your email address). followed by a white box.  

Why I’m worried:

Aside from an entertaining BDSM test, the test also figures out the following and continually prompts for an email address: 

whether someone is female (at the beginning of the test), 

whether they’re open to/attracted to/or specifically into older figures. This is worrying to me in conjunction with the following:

Open to and feels in need of guidance. This singles out those who are inexperienced in life and at BDSM, possibly insecure, too trusting and definitely impressionable. 

Open to moving in with a polyamorous couple. I have no idea how this serves as anything other than a baiting question. This could’ve been phrased 5 different ways.  

Willing to leave everything behind and move to ‘their perfect BDSM life’ -if you haven’t read the Segaloff stuff, this is to a T what Segaloff did to the underage girl-, this has nothing to do with what orientation you are and everything to do with whether you have: a strong social circle, are protected by friends and family, anyone would miss you if you were gone or it’s likely you’d be able and willing to find a plausible excuse to leave. I’m creeped out because this is exactly what Segaloff did last time.

There’s probably more but it’s almost bedtime and I’m gonna get in trouble if I don’t get ready. I know it’s a long post, and I probably rambled, I’m on a lot of painkillers so sorry about that and thank you for reading. If the test is yours and this is not your intention, I’m truly sorry for doing this, but in that case I’m sure you’ll understand with the recent MM stuff why I was worried, and I’ll happily publicly apologise as many times as needed. 

I’m tagging some people who are vastly more knowledgeable than me. If I’ve tagged you and not spoken to you before, please pardon the intrusion but I very much respect your knowledge and experience and could use your input on this. If I haven’t tagged you and you think I should, I probably thought I may not have been welcome. I’m so sorry if this is a false alarm but I’d rather be wrong than have something go wrong. I’m gonna tag for possible triggers, just in case.

@ddy-dragon, @iamyourdom, @enslavedwhore, @subduedlioness, @icandolotsofthingsmaster, @lovemysub, @belovedsangi, @toodomforyou, @mistressmg, @diaryof-alittleswitch, @subgirlygirl, @zuzusumisita, @dwpreturns

P.s.

@ddy-dragon checked and the domain is registered to a Dutch webhosting company, which means that I can’t get any information as to who owns it or who’s behind it. At least not right now, of course I can try tomorrow during business hours.

[dynamite-anonymous]

Combating Disorders

This is just the tip of the iceberg on what you should do and what helps, but its a good starting point.

@daddybrad80

[dynamite-anonymous]

DOMS NEED AFTERCARE TOO!!!

Tell them they did good

Remind them they didn’t hurt you and that you are mentally ok

If they did hurt you tell them how much you enjoyed it

Tell them you felt safe in your scene

Make sure they hydrate and refuel with a little snack if they need it

Thank them for fulfilling your desires

Cuddle them, pet them, hold them

If either of you safeworded discuss why you did so and how to prevent it from progressing that far in the future

Relax! Watch a movie play some video games together! Don’t just leave or ask them to leave afterwards…doms are not just sentient sex toys

[dynamite-anonymous]

it's actually so funny how challenging it is to write bona fide graphic, horny smut. like people don't give smut writers enough credit. you are constantly running out of words to describe the same 2-4 body parts and same 4-6 motions. you are constantly attempting to do interesting and dynamic things in the prose with this extremely limited set of words. you are looking at your prose for the nastier bits and wondering if it actually sounds hot or if it just sounds goofy. you are then toning down your prose and then wondering if it now sounds tasteful or if it's just boring. you do ctrl+F for the word "cock" and there are 37 instances of it in the doc but you hate the 1-2 acceptable synonyms so there's nothing much you can do about it

[dynamite-anonymous]

To a homophobe, even the most chaste kiss on the cheek between gay people is exactly as disgusting and degenerate as a hardcore BDSM orgy hosted in the town square, so you may as well ally with the BDSM orgy enthusiasts to throw bricks at the cops who are going to try and arrest all of you together anyway.

[dynamite-anonymous]

tumblr puritans have never spoken to a kinky person and you can tell this because they talk about ~scary~ kinks like a child who thinks their teacher sleeps at school. they have a 1700s "actors cannot be trusted for they engage in obscene behavior" mindset. yes lil buddy people can in fact roleplay situations and then exit that roleplay and have different thoughts and actions 🤗 adding sex to performance does not actually cast a magic spell that turns you into a monster incapable of morality <3

[dynamite-anonymous]

a special shoutout to my ace homies who are sex favorable or are kinky freaks. you guys are just as valid and asexual as any other and don't let anyone tell you different. from one ace to another, you are asexual, end of story.

[dynamite-anonymous]

Do yall ever think about how expressing attraction as a sub and/or bottom is seen as much more acceptable than expressing attraction as a dom and/or top. 

Like. A video of a gorgeous actress. You look in the tags. There’s comments to no end of people wanting her to “step on me, mommy”. Not one comment about wanting to step on her, though. That is violating, violent.

A picture of a beautiful person. “I want them to top me” a little explicit, yeah, but a common enough sentiment. “I want to fuck them” - why would you sexualize them like that, that’s disgusting. 

People saying “Choke me, daddy” about a singer might raise an eyebrow but that’s about the most negative of a reaction you’ll get. “I want to fuck his mouth” will get your problematic behavior vagued about on twitter. And you don’t even have a twitter account. 

Like obviously I, tumblr user toppingjeffsatur, am not complaining about people making sexual comments about celebrities they find attractive . I would have a negative amount of legs to stand on if I did. Expressing attraction, including sexual attraction, is literally fine. 

It’s the hypocrisy that gets to me. The tone about this is somewhere along the lines of “it is objectifying to express attraction to someone if you want to dom/top them. If you want to sub/bottom for them it’s barely even sexual” and there is so much wrong with that on both ends.

On one hand, doms and tops aren’t inherently predatory. And on the other hand. Being a sub and/or bottom doesn’t inherently make one incapable of abuse or making unwanted advances.

They are both just sexual preferences, nothing more to it. But the way one of them is seen as dangerous while the other is seen as so… inoffensive, if you will, that people sometimes straight up forget it is sexual too. It’s weird. 

Note that I have kinda conflated top and dom as well as sub and bottom in this post. I know that those words mean different things, believe me. But they are viewed in similar ways, which is a whole other thing. So is the whole subs abusing doms not being taken seriously just like men being assaulted like women not being taken seriously. And the way people apply sexist heteronormative stereotypes to gay ships based on top/bottom dynamics. 

All those things are connected in one big ugly pile of conversations the internet isn’t ready to have.

Tl:dr: the way people get upset at tops and doms for expressing attraction compared to how they react to subs and bottoms expressing attraction is fucking weird and it annoys the fuck out of me.

[dynamite-anonymous]

idk who on nsft needs to hear this but it’s actually really really important to have kinky friends who are older or more experienced than you. It’s really important to have kinky friends who you aren’t sleeping with to ask about their experiences and for advice. It is a good thing to have people in your circle and in your community who you are not attracted to.