dysmotility

[dysmotility]

i wish a very *realize it’s a very bad thing to not be wearing a mask anymore* on all queer people who aren’t wearing masks anymore, annoys the shit out of me to see my sisters and brothers and family willingly stop masking and stop trying to protect themselves and their wider community

[dysmotility]

This may sound like a backhanded compliment, but I'm not intending it that way, I just don't really know how to articulate it better.

Unmasking autism had such a positive impact on my wellbeing. After reading it, I basically came away with the impression of you being smart and competent - which you 100% are IMO. Then I randomly found your tumblr like last week and realized you're also kind of a hot mess. It makes sense. Dr. Demon Prince is also you, but not what is reflected in a widely published book.

There wasn't a moment of epiphany where you overcame and transcended. You just continued being you, which is a complex and messy human. I guess I didn't see the connective sinew between pre-diagnosed riding-the-struggle-bus Devon and the PHD Devon who wrote an impactful book when you're the same person.

It is very encouraging to me to see that. I too can be a hot mess, but also competent at what I am good at. Looking forward to reading Unmasking for Life.

I wish that people would realize that every single author they have ever gotten something meaningful from is a goddamn fucking mess with fucked-up relationships, questionable morals, intellectual and emotional blind spots, compulsions, and insecurities that radiate off their person as clear as sunlight. and it's not just authors either. every professor or teacher or mentor that you've ever had is completely incompetent in so many areas of their life that you can't see; every boss who has intimidated you is ultimately feckless to the extreme and has probably completely obliterated their marriage, finances, or just their whole life in five different ways. nobody that you look up to has any fucking idea what's going on, and every authority figure around you papers over the holes in their person with the symbols of propriety and status. nobody's admirable, nobody knows what the fuck's going on, most humans are driven by their emotions, their desire to be loved, and a collection of insecurities that have been katamari damacy'd onto them throughout the course of their life. Don't be impressed by anyone. Don't ever think that someone is out of your own intellectual or emotional league, or use them as a cudgel with which to punish yourself for all that you lack. these dumb motherfuckers lack a whole lot too. and you can take what is useful from a person, or an idea, without expecting purity or perfection from them. All that is good in humanity comes from us as snarling, petty, insecure, cheating, angry, wounded, crazy beings.

thank you so much for reading, and I do take what you have to say as a type of compliment. You're regarding me more as a human being now rather than as a symbol, which I appreciate. I hope you like the new book.

[dysmotility]

okay also semi related post. I think it is really silly when people make all these posts about how adderall is so different than meth and start saying demeaning stuff about meth users when they’re discussing the artificially created adderall shortage. the two drugs are both stimulants and yeah they are not chemically identical but they are enough the same that I currently know of a clinical trial where people are piloting adderall as a form of MAT for meth users. (Which has been really popular with the participants so far, people were telling me they liked having access to a consistent supply of adderall and were interested in reducing their meth use to only a couple times a week instead.) so maybe we should start thinking a little bit more about how there’s a lot of propaganda sensationalizing and stigmatizing meth use and stop blaming people who use meth for a shortage that the DEA is causing!!!

[dysmotility]

You know what, despite the horrors, at least there's still butches.

[dysmotility]

Images that go hard as fuck

[dysmotility]

something i constantly struggle with as a psych survivor is that "self-improvement" or "self-care" were utilized as punishment in adolescent psych treatment. "you self-harmed, fill out this worksheet about it" "we will be kicking you out unless you agree to use three skills before using behavior" "you spoke out of turn in group, go sit alone in the room for hours for self-reflection + write a plan as to how you are going to reintegrate into the community"

it wasn't collaborative; it was imposed. it wasn't curious about my needs; it was imposing their vision of how they wanted me to behave. it wasn't about addressing my pain; it was about addressing specific things i did with that pain which were deemed undesirable.

in contrast, self-destruction was routinely a way to act against power + authority that were causing me to feel belittled, unloved, trapped. finding ways to self injure when every second of my life was monitored. finding ways to use 'coping mechanisms' against themselves as ways to harm myself. cultivating self-hatred because i knew that's what i wasn't supposed to be doing + i needed to rebel against the people telling me what i was supposed to do (this rebellion is sacred, btw).

now, as an adult, taking care of myself still feels like something i'm Supposed to Do under Penalty of Punishment, while self-destructing still feels like resistance + freedom. self-destruction feels like a precious thing that proves that i belong to myself + self-compassion feels like people trying to take away that belonging.

anyway. kill the psychiatrist inside you but be mindful of the terrified child he created who is still bloodying their nails on the insides of the asylum walls.

[dysmotility]

“i carry most of my weight in my lower body” - me trying to explain to my online therapist that i have thick thighs and a fat ass

[dysmotility]

anyone else have the flavor of autism where ur weirdly good at descriptive language??

i was diagnosed with frozen shoulder a few years ago as a complication of EDS, and it’s been feeling worse so i was talking to my doctor about it. i said: (warning kinda gross lol)

“you know when someone’s eating chicken wings, and they’re like really getting em clean and kind of gnawing in them? like that sound of bone and cartilage kind of crunching together? yeah, that’s how it feels in my shoulder like all the time”

everything comes in metaphors to me, it’s like it’s my brains way of processing things. i’ve always said autism feels like living life on manual mode when everyone else is on automatic.

sound sensitivity is a physical pain for me, but more specifically it hurts like the feeling of going to beach and getting a sunburn, your skin is red and sore, and then having dry, coarse sand rubbed right into it

i might think of more later but i’ve just always been this way, i feel very compelled to be extremely precise and descriptive with my language. part of this is the way i was raised as well. but it can actually lead to verbal shutdown in moments of overwhelm because i feel like my thoughts need to be perfectly formulated in order to speak at all, and my thoughts are moving too fast for me to figure out how to put them into the right words

[dysmotility]

Some of us can’t recover!!!! We will never be 100% sane!!!! Get it through your head that we deserve love and support too!!!!

[dysmotility]

Source

CDC Wastewater Viral Activity Monitoring

BreatheTeq

[dysmotility]

angel sighting

(old butch at the DMV with crows feet)

I believe in god

(she’s wearing a puffer vest and dickies)

[dysmotility]

“israel is the only place jews can be safe” BITCH HAVE U EVER HEARD OF THE UPPER WEST SIDE

[dysmotility]

moving houses as an autistic person is my actual nightmare.

i’m moving this weekend and i just want to hibernate through it. i want to bury myself somewhere deep in the ground and just come out when it’s all over. i referred to this feeling as wanting to “shelter in place,” to my therapist. the panic. the dissociation. the freeze and flight responses.

if any other autistic adults have experience moving, esp if u live in nyc, i would love any advice

[dysmotility]

This list includes doctors in the United States, Australia, Canada, and Europe!

Even if you're not the target demographic, please share for any of your friends who may be.

And if you or someone you know would like to be added to the list, there's a place for that!

[dysmotility]

depressing news for US people with mental health issues (depressingly unsurprising) - first part pasted below:

The rapid growth of the new 988 mental health hotline has been greeted with positive media coverage. As many people expected, calls, texts, and chats to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, now renamed “988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline,” started climbing immediately with the launch of the 988 number in July of 2022. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) and the nonprofit that was given centralized control over the 988 system, Vibrant Emotional Health (VEH), have been releasing monthly updates on key metrics.

In April 2023, compared to April 2022, calls answered increased by 52%, chats by 90%, and texts by 1022%. The trend was heralded by federal Health and Human Services Secretary Xavier Becerra to CNN: “Our nation’s transition to 988 moves us closer to better serving the crisis care needs of people across America. 988 is more than a number, it’s a message: we’re there for you.”

However, as previously reported by Mad in America, a percentage of people who contacted the former National Suicide Prevention Lifeline were subjected to geolocation tracing of their phone, computer, or mobile device. The Lifeline advertised itself as a place for confidential discussions about suicidal feelings but, according to its own policy, if a call-attendant believed a person might be at “imminent risk” of taking their own life in the next few hours, days, or week, the call-attendant was required to contact 911 or a Public Safety Answering Point to send out police and/or an ambulance to forcibly take the person to a psychiatric hospital.

Many Lifeline users described the experiences of betrayal, public exposure, police interactions, loss of freedoms, and forced psychiatric treatment as dangerous, harmful and traumatizing.

So, since the transition to 988, has anything changed? As contacts to 988 rise, how many people are getting forcibly subjected to these types of unexpected, unwanted interventions?

It appears detention numbers are climbing dramatically, too—even as VEH, SAMHSA, and many news outlets continue to obfuscate the facts publicly.

[dysmotility]

I'm trying to think of a way to articulate my feelings on like... what cripplepunk actually means. There's a lot of talk on who can call themselves a cripple but not too much on how like... if someone describes the economy as "crippled" they're saying it doesn't work. If someone is described as having "crippling" social anxiety, they mean that person is so anxious they can't function in society so they might as well be a cripple.

Cripple means broken and useless. We're seen as a bad and redundant part of society, something to be fixed or forgotten about.

CripplePUNK is about taking that place in society, really a not-place, and saying yeah, I AM worthless to most of society, people don't want to be me or be around me because I make them uncomfortable just by existing. We're considered the lowest of the low and the most useless of the useless. We used to be called invalids for a reason. And fuck you my life is worth it anyways. I'm going to give my worthless life the meaning I choose to give it. I'm not going to spend my entire life trying to be a good cripple and do all my physical therapy and eat perfectly and be nice to people who "didn't mean it" and everything else to try and be worthy of respect from people who think my life is worth than death, I'm going to do what I think is worthwhile and if you don't like me or like the way I live then you can go fuck yourself.

If you're not willing to take on all the baggage of being a cripple, cool. A lot of people don't want that, but cripplepunk is about throwing your disability and your 'uselessness' to society back in their face and experiencing disability on your own terms.

It's also acknowledging some people DON'T make it and their lives were just as worthwhile no matter how short.

[dysmotility]

yes, i will be smoking/vaping AND wearing a mask because 1. i care about other people ?? and 2. i contain multitudes

Reminder that I deserve help and compassion even though I smoke sometimes and even though I drink and even though I’m a nasty cripple that drinks at two in the morning and smokes socially sometimes knowing full well I have lung issues. I deserve help and love and compassion and I do this shit because the medical system is failing me. Stop scolding me like I’m a child who’s smoking and because I’m not, I’m an adult, and I’m a cripple, and I smoke and I drink booze and FUCK YOU.