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[edworm-cullen]

I need New Moon from Edward's perspective bc I need to know just how monumentally he was fucking up the tracking and imagining going home to Bella and I also need a New Moon AU where he DOES end up having to turn up at her window to beg LIKE HE DESERVED

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Or something like that

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Some obvious facts:

The Black Death reduced the population of Europe by between one third and one half.

Vampires are immune to mortal ailments.

Late 14th-century Europe suffers from a massive vampire surplus.

[edworm-cullen]

i bet being a fish whips ass. smooth and wet as fuck. well except for the bears

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The older I get, the more annoyed I am by Bella going on and on and on and on and on about how getting older seems like absolute fucking hell to her and there's nothing worse than not being 17 forever, and in general the way every single vampire is described to be forever young and baby faced essentially because EWWW wrinkles, EWWW imperfection, EWWW being old, like the whole saga is an ode to ageism

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There's a whole bunch of TikTok drama at the moment after someone posted a video asking "would you rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a strange man?"

And the men are *very upset* that nearly every woman replied with "....obviously a bear."

It's honestly wild (I think some of these guys think that bears are movie monsters, craving human flesh).

But it boils down to this- they want you to expect the worst from the bear and the best from the stranger, and they are deeply offended that this isn't the case. 🤷

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[edworm-cullen]

my teeth were perfectly designed to tear abd rend the soft white flesh of the gentle beast known as the mozzarella

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I think my favourite thing about the Twilight franchise is that Alice probably saw all of the shit that went down in New Moon coming from a mile away and she said nothing because sure I can warn them earlier and prevent all of this but then I wouldn’t get to drive around Italy in a yellow Porsche and see Bella run through a sea of people in red capes just to jump on Edward while he was glowing and honestly where’s the fun in that

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[edworm-cullen]

making bracelets what should they say

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“quit trying to make Fangs In Your Neck Friday a thing” for me it is already a thing. I do not care about it spreading or circulating. i’m living my life

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It’s a common misconception that vampirism automatically leads to bisexuality but shocking new information from the World Health Organization says that, through sheer coincidence, everyone who’s ever been turned into a vampire was already bisexual. Scientists and statisticians all over the globe are working hard to understand this absolute statistical clusterfuck. More at 11.

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