eeeeeeeeeat

[eeeeeeeeeat]

very

I'm girls?

[eeeeeeeeeat]

what if good ol derek got hit by the curse i wanna know about his love life :3

the curse hits derek during a budget meeting.

"okay," he blurts out, halfway through a pie chart analysis. "i haven't had sex in eleven months."

everyone looks up.

you choke on your coffee.

steve slowly raises his gaze to look at derek.

"eleven months," derek repeats, louder now, voice cracking like a man on the edge. "i went on a date last week and she told me she 'liked my energy' and then never texted back. i own three houseplants and they're all dead. i have a weighted blanket named tiffany and i use it to simulate affection."

you stare at him. "derek—"

"and you," derek snarls, rounding on steve like a man possessed. "you get to suck face with miss magical tits across the break room like this is a fucking soap opera, while the rest of us are out here raw-dogging loneliness with a google calendar full of solo therapy appointments."

steve's mouth opens. nothing comes out.

"i'm cursed," derek says, pointing at himself. "but you've been coasting for months and the boss still hasn't transferred you? what kind of favoritism bullshit—"

your wand vibrates ominously from inside your tote bag.

"—and don't think i don't remember you talking about astral projection," derek adds, waving a wild finger in your direction. "i haven't seen a nipple since noah's arc and you're over here unlocking the divine clitoris like it's a new skill tree—"

steve stands abruptly. "meeting adjourned."

"NO," derek yells. "i'm getting this OUT."

you stare at him, mortified.

"i'm going to scream," he mutters, tearing at his tie like it's choking him. "i'm going to strip naked and scream. i'm going to take a vow of celibacy and then break it on purpose just to spite god."

you and steve share a look.

"..we need to contain him," you say.

steve sighs. "i'll get the holy zip ties."

later, derek is forcibly escorted to HR and then gently redirected to "a nice hot realm where he can burn off some feelings."

he'll be fine. probably.

his houseplants will not survive the trip.

magical girl masterlist

[eeeeeeeeeat]

Lets go All Over The Fucking Place with mama

[eeeeeeeeeat]

the leftism leaving people's bodies when it's time to build a villager trading hall

[eeeeeeeeeat]

Your tax dollars hard at work

[eeeeeeeeeat]

I made sure I got Beel on the PC version ♡

Satan animation 🥹🩷

[eeeeeeeeeat]

every single person who reblogs this

every

single

person

will get “doot doot" in their ask box

[eeeeeeeeeat]

100 billion dollars cash to anyone who can name these three characters

[eeeeeeeeeat]

thank you Canada 🇨🇦

[eeeeeeeeeat]

first time starting a tag game teehee but found this picrew and just had to get the gang on it, so rb w urs!!

tags: @bunni-v1 @mini-ism @luminique @strawb3rry-saturnzbarz @pinksandss + anyone who wants to join ♡

[eeeeeeeeeat]

[eeeeeeeeeat]

[eeeeeeeeeat]

Trump the Chump wants a government handout.

A draft dodger and coward demanding a military parade for their birthday is a humiliation test. Republicans are humiliated once again.

[eeeeeeeeeat]

All men in the picture.

Who cares why she had an abortion. Who cares about her health. Her family. Her options.

Paternalism and patriarchy want to punish women and mothers no matter.

The goal of white nationalism is to make mediocre men feel powerful and to make all girls/women feel unsafe and less than.

When you acknowledge abortion as health care, you get rid of these lynch mob misogynists.

Republicans crave lynch mob misogynists more than even the thought of healthy independent women.

[eeeeeeeeeat]

this cat said gay rights and fuck trump i heard her say it

[eeeeeeeeeat]

Aoww i missed

[eeeeeeeeeat]

mermaid internet cafe in an upside down boat, where the mermaids go to read fanfiction, and do whatever else they do on the internet. remote work, probably.