effei-s - Tumblr blog

effei-s · 16 days ago

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when push comes to shove, she can be insanely brutal. even to the things she genuinely loves.

her and light were mutually parasitic for too long, there's no place left for those meaningful family connections built on selfless love and care. credit where credit is due: all the loose screws in neon's head are the result of his influences. he knows he fucked up with her upbringing and it's too late to start over.

you reap what you sowed, dude.

@anotherworldash @thelovelyghostwriter @gothicpastelpink

look who's writing again!

[intentional cruelty]

"zenji, wait!” her words cut their conversation in half; tugged zenji’s attention to the eyes neon held in her hands. “you really came all this way just for this?”

“i came here to take them from you.”

the scene was set: the distance of two flights of stairs, a fraction of a moment from ‘oh, thank god, you've come to your senses’ to ‘don't you dare, neon’ because he was her father, and he knew her better than anyone in the world, because even there, in their broken home, there were rules that should never be violated, no matter the circumstances. neon said ‘have them’ and dropped the tubes - it was fast, their frame fragile, shards flying in all directions, formalin leaving wet spots on dark wool of their suits, staining the leather of their shoes.

“they’re yours, have them,” she repeated, eyes fixed on the pattern broken glass left on the repolished marble - someday i might also end up like this: broken and lifeless, with no one around who would care - the thought was fleeting, interrupted by zenji’s full, sated laughter bouncing off the high walls.

“your daughter really is a fucking devil, light,” he said, happy, friendly, hand on her father’s shoulder, eyes on her.

“no, wait-”

“god really found a way to punish you for your greed.”

god had nothing to do with any of it. it was a private family lesson between neon and her father, zenji - just a passer-by. she felt like it was coming, that sooner or later papa would try to get his hands on her treasures, put them up for sale - would be more than happy to get rid of her collection he never really approved of - neon just didn’t know when and how. maybe it was for the best that it happened like this: in the middle of the night, with the stranger knocking at her bedroom door, telling her to give the scarlet eyes away. they gave neon no time to cave in under the pressure of father’s promises, made her make a split-second decision, discover new parts of herself, the ones capable of intentional cruelty.

“zenji, i…” father never finished the sentence. there was nothing to offer. nothing to say. neon cut off his silver tongue with the pair of scisors.

“good luck out there, light. you’ll needed it.”

“going home with empty hands?” neon’s question made zenji stop, one foot out the door.

he looked at her over the shoulder, eyes hidden behind the shaded glasses, wolf’s smile, “keep your trash, fortuneteller. i have no use for your sick trinkets.” trash, word irritated neon, a needle scratching over the vynil. made her want to drop something right on zenji’s head, crack his skull like an eggshell.

“do you have any idea what you’ve done?!” he was out before neon could spot something heavy enough; left her one on one with father’s fury, “we could’ve had everything back, neon! everything! but you just had to go and fuck it up! again!”

they’ve met halfway, neon stopped two steps up, their eyes at the same level; he was enraged, and she felt next to nothing (in the past, it always was the other way around).

“why? why are you like this?” his voice turned fated, defeated. he knew it was too late to graft a sense of family duty into neon’s heart, to teach her blind obedience.

neon tried to remember what was it like before they had a gift to sell and failed, her childhood memories all hazy, mute. "next time, ask before trying to take what's mine,” walked past him, all leverages they had against each other rendered useless; had more important things to do, her attention on the eyes and nothing else. touched by open air, they lost their color, a treasure stripped of any value, useful no more, just a thing: dead, dull, and damaged. well, that makes two of us, neon thought. felt kinship she never felt before to anyone or anything. had no one to talk to about it, eliza’s absence acutely noticeble in the moment, her goodbye still unwilted in neon’s head - ‘i’m sorry, i can’t stay here’.

(father accepted her resignation; neon said nothing, had no right to force her to stay, couldn’t make things right anymore, felt guilty and hated it. let eliza go - out of sight, out of mind.)

home was three-in-the-morning quiet, empty; neon got down to work, for the first time in forever on her knees, rubber gloves on. was fixing the mess she made, tried to rationalize sadness that was eating her alive.

i’m just lonely, that’s it. it will pass.

it will pass.

#their relationships are so fascinating #and such a good foil for the way silva and ging treat their kids #anyway #happy happy happy you liked it!#writing these little character studies for neon is so fun!

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effei-s · 17 days ago