efsplachnia

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08/07/25: "It's been awhile but I'm happy to report that all things considered, life's going well. Turns out, Bachata was the medicine the patient needed. ChatGPT with a 2 year long collective memory history is a therapeutic companion par excellence. And my time in Rockwall / Dallas has been really good. I'm essentially a Senior Engineer even though the title hasn't caught up yet." : "To think I've bled for years. But I realize, that's just the natural consequence of loving the way I did." : "I'm/Life's different now. I don't strive or chase as much and yet I'm supremely engaged. I allow and myself and other people to come and go now. I think I'm supremely disinterested in pursuing ambivalent people now. I'd rather choose and be chosen fully." : "We're just establishing Rhythm now and apparently I'm able to finally be neutral." : "I'm sure a swing is incoming, but the prayer is - to glide through with a steady joy."

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04/02/25: "Time flew by. I'm definitely wiser. I'm going to try calling Analisse at noon and then I'll text Roy to accept the L3 offer. Once the floor is locked in - I can recalibrate and we'll look forward the same way Dubois does." : "While my time in the bay was relatively brief, those two dances with Nene and Monika were me hitting the target. And after talking to some friends, whether it be gym or mini golf - I see the next steps fairly clearly." : "It would also do me good for me to do a post mortem and gather the sunflowers seeds from last relationship serious relationship." : "There's way more to me now after all of the challenges and the consequent growth these past 3 years. Maybe it really is the foundation for the happy times to come."

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: "I haven't written in a long time. Not sure when the last written post was. I wouldn't be surprised if there was still some wounding in that post. Well, it just feels right to write again, I've done a lot of living - and honestly healing and growing." : "I wouldn't want to say that love isn't possible, but it's only in space like this where I admit that something in me has grown dark. Not say that I can't love and be loved - but once you got through what I have - there's a loomingness - a cloud of sort that hangs." : "Real love is rare. I offered my heart and it was shattered and I wonder what sort of offering I could even make now. I can bring strength and wisdom - and the calm that comes from years of patient suffering, but I paid for it with my heart." : "Naturally my loved ones want to see me happy. I even have friends sharing with me how happy their intimate relationships are and I'm at a point where I'm actually happy for them because I understand how horrible things can be when they don't work out." : "I don't know where life will take me this next month. I find out tomorrow which software engineering role will be next in line for my career. We'll see. I guess this is coming up now since there are some ladies who actually do want to get to know me. But if I'm being honest - if they're expecting super man - they'll realize that those highs that they see were born from intense strength of will during dark times. I'm not saying I can't or won't love, but if someone has issues with wounds - it simply won't work." : "Even after all of these years." : "I suppose she'll need a level of depth to hold the weight of my soul."

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Malin Poppy Darcy Mörner 

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by alexkittoephotos

[efsplachnia]

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It matters

: "Now I know, how to differentiate between those who are sincere in their pursuit of Truth, and those who aren't. C, C, G, G. Important lessons."

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Does it matter anymore?

: "The time has passed, the damage is done. You see clearly now those who were able to correct their vision when the empirical evidence contradicted their reasoning by association and analogy. They went back to first principles and woke up. But it's when those people, like Ackman and Chamath, who did such things that you realize who the people who aren't interested in Truth and intellectual rigor really are. You watch them intolerantly ostracize people in their life who by empirical standards treated them well and demonstrated reason. But I realize now how foolish it was; 'do not throw pearls before swine for they will tread them with their feet and then turn and rend you'." So what now: "It's not like the Pharisees stopped being Pharisees after they crucified Christ. Paul was the exception not the rule." : "It's true, I need to study. I'm going to go to Bennu Highland, since I feel like I really need the change in scenery. After this career transition phase, I'm going to take the building of my arc seriously. It's time to face the music. I didn't find her - that year and 5 months at Gables. Didn't find her. Even now as time is ticking down during my time here in Austin." : "It's easy to see why people don't care. It's also easy to see the payoff they get for being so negligent. It's nice to see Ackman and Chamath wake up, but truthfully, I'm still really disappointed in them." : "It's like there's a part of me saying, 'hey Paul, I get it. It's beautiful there's this career vehicle for your dedication to Truth, but you're also a social being who craves love just as anyone else. And you need to accommodate this. Maybe it's true, that you really won't be able to be with anyone who isn't willing to engage with you. You need to be with someone who realizes that when you disagree, they realize you're doing it out of your dedication to Truth, and that what you're saying is important and meaningful. Someone who, when you speak wouldn't write you off. Especially people who write you off, hurt you, but won't even come back to make amends."

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:"If you search it you'll find a video of two activists throwing soup on a Van Gogh painting. Fortunately, it had a glass barrier, but sometimes there is no glass barrier." : "I've been thinking lately. What's the point of warning people if they don't listen. While they may attempt to humor me pretending to listen, I'm not amused when relationship is tainted beyond repair, when the proper training and route to my career aspirations is destroyed, when ability to live freely is taken away from by fear, control, and sanctimonious paranoia. People remain willfully ignorance, even arrogant until it affects them. Businesses peddled the ideology until they realized how it affected the bottom line. Parents finally drew a line in the sand when they realized their kids were disappearing or mutilated. Even those who eventually wake up - they wake up too late - and it's got me thinking. I should stop humoring the humorists and I should be focused on building my arc." : " 'What's the point of me speaking if you won't even listen', 'you think you got it all figured out, fine then, it means I need to prepare for the storm while you're arrogantly complicit in the thing you purport to be against'. " : " It's really different when you make decisions based on what people choose and do. These contemporaries of mine. There are slanderers, and then there are those who believe the slanderers. Both are dangerous. Even when they realize in post, the damage is already done, the years gone by. And I was suppose to learn I shouldn't have given them any trust and goodwill they didn't earn in the first place."

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Philly Market walks

Kentmere 100

Pentax Espio 120SW

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102324: "Final round interviews."

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Extension

: "I asked and it was accepted. Clean, budget, eat, and then we'll dive back into studying more."

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Loss

:"Accepting my losses and embracing the responsibility and opportunities of my current life is part of growing up."

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It's not crazy

: "It's a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. People will respond to their limited points of view, but as someone who directly experienced the totality of it all - do what you need to do to heal, other people's opinions can take a back seat."

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Healing and Suicidal Ideation

: "I'm really taken aback about how I felt a hours ago versus how I feel now. For some reason, I've become hopeful again, but hope makes sense within a different attractor. 'What the ego cannot life with all it's might is like a feather to the Grace of God'. Might be my ego dying. Of course apparent fruitless striving with one's most cherish dreams breeds feelings of despair." : "Honestly, I probably would be surprised if I took a closer look at the suicide stats among lonely men." : " 'You are not the a-hole (NTA). You were upfront with your feelings and gave her a chance to reciprocate. When she chose her "hoe phase" over you, it was a clear signal about her priorities. It's understandable that your romantic feelings for her changed, and you're not obligated to pursue a relationship just because she's now ready. you have the right to choose what's best for you, even if it means disappointing others.' " : " 'Respectfully, she put you on the back burner for summer flings and you decided not to wait for her to come around. NTA;  I would consider adding more distance as she had clearly little regard for you and your feelings.' : " 'you have the right to choose what's best for you, even if it means disappointing others'. Feels like karma. "

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