egoanesthesia

[egoanesthesia]

[egoanesthesia]

let's bee together

[egoanesthesia]

On This Day in Schitt's Creek: May 21

2019

Abstract ideas [david/patrick, G, 3,040] by JessX2231

"Besides throwing a party, is this...something you’ve wanted before?” He swallowed, knowing his phrasing was dodging the root of their conversation. He figured if he couldn’t even say the word, then why even discuss it? So he added, a little cautiously, “Marriage?” David and Patrick talk about marriage. Set between 5x05 and 5x06.

call it what you want [david/patrick, G, 3,203] by my_middle_name_is_awkward

He could say without a doubt in his mind that he was doing better now than he ever had been in his past life.

I'd like to... [david/patrick, T, 3,083] by @startswithhope

Patrick offers to pretend to be David's boyfriend for a night, because that's what roommates and good friends do, right? David is about to find out.

Sunday Mornings [david/patrick, M, 1,372] by @this-is-not-nothing

David likes getting woken up by Patrick

you fold into me like a heart with a beat [david/patrick, G, 10,441] by @alittlepudge-neverhurtnobody

“Wait,” says Stevie. “Why do you think Patrick is about to break up with you?” David leans over his mug of mediocre coffee. “He ate an entire half a cheesecake after dinner last night!” he hisses, although Patrick is safely across the street, minding the store while David takes his lunch. “And the other half for breakfast this morning. What else does that mean?” Or: when Patrick begins putting on some relationship weight, David's doomsday anxieties threaten to get the better of him.

2020

Apple Juice and Graham Crackers [david/patrick, T, 4,626] by @roberttchase

It’s about half way down, a mile left, that everything goes to hell in a hand basket. Patrick doesn’t see the root this time, arched up from the ground, and he trips. Instinctively, he throws his arms out to catch himself, but the angle is wrong and it happens too fast for him to fix it. He hears a faint scream- Alexis. She tells him later it was his own.

David Rose is Not a Good Person [david/patrick, G, 389] by ThighsLikeTreeTrunks

Patrick thinks about his uneven marriage.

Naked Challenge [david/patrick, M, 832] by @dazedwriter1

Patrick does the naked challenge on David during isolation.

2021

Church Bells Ring, Carry Me Home [david/patrick, NR, 2,939] by @egoanesthesia

A collection of wedding-centric conversations and scenes. (Tags added as I update.)

Day Nine [david/patrick, T, 2,346] by @maxbegone

They’ve been doing this for nine days. Dating, or...something. They haven’t exactly put a label on it, it’s too soon. But just being together, kissing, sharing space for nine days now, casual flirting and working side-by-side prior notwithstanding. This is day nine, almost ten when Patrick checks the time, and it feels so right. — A missing scene between Dead Guy in Room 4 and Pregnancy Test.

Expect the Unexpected [david/patrick, G, 1,074] by @kiwiana-writes

And Patrick’s not stupid; he knows that David has good reason to be hesitant due to his romantic history, knows that the way he found out about Rachel caused a serious backslide in the work Patrick had been putting into slowly dismantling all his carefully curated walls. Or: everything's the same except three little words haven't been uttered yet as at 5.01.

Grand Opening [david/patrick, M, 16,128] by DrClaraMandrake

I didn’t sleep much the night before Rose Apothecary’s big debut. My mind kept going in crazy, swooping circles. I was excited, scared, happy and nervous all at the same time. So I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, making mental lists. My nearest and dearest have teased me about this habit, but it does help. First up was: Things That Could Go Horribly Wrong Tomorrow: 1. No one will show up. 2. Hardly anyone would will show up. 3. People will come, but no one will buy anything. 4. David will freak out. A first person exploration of Mr. Brewer, being all Patricky and worrying about the store opening, his past and REALLY mooning over David. And who can blame him?

Moderately Edible Gravy Fries [david/patrick, G, 1,329] by Varanidae

What if Stevie covers the motel for Mr. Rose on grad night and David finds out it’s a date before the date?

2022

Gate Change [david/patrick, NR, 1,134] by @tyfinn

David and Patrick meet for the first time on their way to Toronto.

Patience [david/patrick, M, 1,785] by @a-noble-dragon

Patrick regrets the day he found a birds feather then chased David around the garden with it until he screamed. At the time, he hadn't realised David would end up getting his own back by sending away for a calligraphic quill pen with a - “sanitised, thank you very much, Patrick!” - black feather, then torture him mercilessly. He never knew it would end up with him splayed out on their bed and desperately trying to stay in control.

Thunderstruck [david/patrick, E, 700] by @legalgal421

A thunderstorm, some sexy times. And a divergence in writing style

2023

"Twitches" & Chill [david/patrick, G, 2,652] by @dinnfameron

“Ew,” Alexis says. “Stop groping him, David. Tonight is my scheduled quality bonding time with Patrick. You’re supposed to be passing out candy.” OR It's Halloween, Alexis is in town, and Patrick promised to do face masks and watch Twitches.

Never Be the Same Again [david/patrick, T, 470] by @a-noble-dragon

David's been on the bike for less than 5 minutes, okay! It's not his fault that he was cycling past Ray's then ended up steering straight into a pole. The cute guy in midrange denim who is currently scooping him up off the floor, is totally the one to blame.

one week is seven days too long [david/patrick, E, 4,253] by @flowertrigger

The bedroom door has been left ajar, an insight into how Patrick is feeling. On one hand anxiously waiting for David and on the other a little shy and conflicted about his needs. He gives the door a light tap as he pushes it open finding Patrick exactly how he predicted. Curled up on his side facing away from the door, naked and waiting. The late setting summer sun casts the room in vibrant shades of orange and pink, illuminating the pale skin on display. A week without sex results in an antsy Patrick and a David determined to give him all that he's got.

touch me [david/patrick, E, poem] by elifisher96

i stand before you, naked and bare,the heat of your gaze on me scorching me from the inside out

Stats:

No fanworks for 2017, 2018 or 2024 2019: 5 fics/21,139 words 2020: 3 fics/5,847 words 2021: 5 fics/23,816 words 2022: 3 fics/3,619 words 2023: 4 fanworks (3 fics, 1 poem)/7,685 words Total: 20 fanworks (19 fics, 1 poem)/62,106 words

[egoanesthesia]

On This Day in Schitt's Creek: May 22

2018

When the parents are away [david/patrick, M, 2,983] by @howami40

2019

Everything She Always Wanted [david/patrick, G, 2,169] by @mostlyinthemorning

After their engagement, Patrick takes David to visit his parents for the first time.

2020

[Podfic] Love & Sandwiches [david/patrick, E, podfic] by @ships-to-sail

David and Patrick's love story, told through a series of sandwiches.

Night Terrors [david/patrick, T, 1,311] by ArgoLane

David has a night terror and Patrick is there to help him through it.

This...is super HOT [patrick/oc, E, 2,184] by zeusandstella

Patrick and David become friends and then roommates and hang out with Stevie.

2021

[podfic] Swiping Regret [ray & ronnie, T, podfic] by Amanita_Fierce @reginahalliwell @rhetoricalk @schittposting

Ray’s adventures on Bumpkin: the aftermath of five bad dates and one good one. [Podfic of Swiping Regret]

ain't that the worst thing you ever heard [david/patrick, G, 2,317] by @swiftlythebest

They’d been together a little over three months, but he’d been utterly captivated by David since they met. There was definitely some alternate universe where they hadn’t gotten their shit together, and this serenade held a different significance, no less important, just another end goal in mind. As much as Patrick wanted to pretend his open mic idea was solely for the store, he knew it was more selfish on his part. He wanted to show off a bit, let David into this part of his life he’d been neglecting since moving to Schitt’s Creek. Or an "I love you" AU set during Open Mic

all the fear and the fire of the end of the world [david/patrick, T, 4,153] by @ratchet

He can do this. He can love Patrick and not tell him and live with that. Alexis has done it, she’s living her life knowing she’s in love with Ted and not telling him that and just accepting that for herself. Alexis is managing it. If Alexis can manage it then David can manage it. David needs to be able to manage it. Patrick wants to focus on the business and David needs to do that, for Patrick. Because he loves Patrick. And perhaps loving Patrick can just look like this, for now. Doing what Patrick needs him to do and being what Patrick needs him to be. David took his week-long selfish and he figures it's time to be selfless. For Patrick. or: the olive branch but make it worse before it gets better again.

always be my baby (piñata) [david/patrick, T, 1,483] by @dessertwaffles

This is not how David expected his evening to go. He thought he’d be enjoying some rare privacy with Patrick while Ray was in Elmdale for a business dinner. Instead, he’s standing in Roland’s living room, surrounded by very questionable decorating choices and holding the most horrifying fucking piñata he’s ever seen in his life. Or, David never thought he’d have a major romantic milestone in Roland Schitt’s living room. It's a lot to handle. (A canon-divergent AU where Patrick says "I love you" at the baby sprinkle)

Crossed Wires [david/patrick, T, 2,388] by @hagface

“Okay,” Stevie says, doing her best to rein in the unique brand of crazy that befalls the Roses in the morning hours. “The old man in room 4 died alone in his sleep.” “Why do I find that scenario even more bone-chilling than murder?” David asks. He knows exactly why, of course—he’s spent too many nights alone, abandoned by friends and lovers alike, for something better than he could offer. For far too long the possibility of ending up alone—and therefore dying alone—has been a constant fear that his brain liked to threaten him with, periodically dragging it to the forefront of his mind. Maybe the thought loomed especially large today, considering last night's events. _ Or: A DGIR4 canon-divergence with twice the miscommunication!

hold me closer tony danza [david/patrick, T, 831] by @schitthappens

Patrick mishears David which leads to love professions.

if you try to hide it, it's gonna shine even more [david/patrick, G, 1,012] by @hullomoon

After David performs the Number, he and Patrick have a chat

Lie With Me And Just Forget The World [fic + art] [david/patrick, T, 3,146 + art] by @shimmies

Patrick, frankly, didn't understand what all the fuss was about. He'd asked Rachel Murphy to homecoming that year, and they'd kissed after. He took her on a few more dates and got to cop a feel in the backseat of his car before he'd dropped her back home. After a few more dates they'd fooled around in her bedroom. It was all a formula; a to-do list. And that's why it fizzled out when he'd run out of steps. The drive to be successful was no longer there when there was nowhere else to climb. It was an unseasonably warm day, midway through October, after junior year had started. Just an ordinary Monday until second period—chemistry—when a figure in the doorway threatened to flip Patrick's life upside down. Or, maybe, right side up. He felt like his eyes were glued to the handsome boy who walked in, dressed in head-to-toe black with a fuzzy mohair sweater, artfully ripped jeans, and high-top sneakers, offering a shy smile as he took a seat at the desk in front of Patrick. He learned the boy's name was David, and he'd just transferred to their school. ----- A high school sweethearts AU ----- 5/22/21 - Now featuring companion art in Chapter 2!

Okay, David [david/patrick, NR, 1,237] by @brobeckology @egoanesthesia

David and Patrick's quiet afternoon is interrupted by a rogue spider in the living room.

Stop and Smell the Flowers [david/patrick, T, 2,174] by @agoodpersonrose

“I hate this.” Patrick tuts, and David scowls as his boyfriend smirks and turns his chin towards him with a patient expression on his face. “I know you do. But it’s helping, right? It’s not as itchy now?” OR, as Patrick helps David wind down from his difficult day at the store, secrets come out in Ray's bathroom (the most romantic place in Schitt's Creek).

The Shoop Shoop Song [david/patrick, T, 4,984] by @middyblue

David finds the list stuffed under the register when he’s definitely just doing what he’s supposed to be doing, which is cleaning up empty plastic cups and used drink tickets scattered everywhere after the open mic while Patrick takes down the stage. He glances across the store: Patrick’s busy fighting Ronnie to try to take down the stage himself while she’s also trying to take it down. That’s definitely not going to end well, but he’s got bigger problems, such as this list in Patrick’s handwriting of Signs He’s Ready to Say ‘I Love You.’

These Boots Are Made for Walking [david/patrick, G, 1,074] by @mostlyinthemorning

A broken shoelace leads Patrick down an unexpected path. Missing scenes from S04E04 Girls Night.

this magic I've been feeling since I met you (is correct) [david/patrick, G, 1,411] by @lilythesilly

David has had enough. He’s tried to play along and make it seem like he’s a paragon of compromise. He’s tried to clamp down every rant from getting too long, his voice from getting too high pitched and yell-y, his limbs from flailing so intensely he accidentally smacks someone in the face (again). It’s only been a month. It’s too soon for Patrick to see that David is too much. But talk of putting plungers and toilet brush cleaners permanently in the front of the store is going too far. -- Or, Girls' Night canon-divergence where David’s rant includes something else.

Turning Keys [david/patrick, M, 2,736] by @fishyspots

There’s something ferocious and finally free inside Patrick's chest, suffusing his whole body with heat. It’s not desire, which is still slowly bubbling and feels like it could do so for the rest of his life now that it’s started. It’s...something else. Something sure. He knows what he wants now after what feels like forever still searching for it. At different stages of his life, Patrick had been awed and more than a little jealous as his friends and cousins found their purpose, those things that gave their lives meaning. For Miri it had been her calligraphy business, and for Jason it had been meeting his wife and building a life together. For Hannah it had been backpacking across the globe in a bid to mark off all the countries on her scratch-off map. Patrick had ordered stationery and been Jason’s best man and gone to London for a week to support all his friends, but none of those ventures had made him feel this right. Or, Patrick fundamentally misinterprets what "locking it up" is supposed to look like.

Verbal Diarrhoea [david/patrick, T, 1,410] by @januarium

While "taking some time" at the spa with Stevie, David calls Patrick in the middle of the night. The lover's curry isn't the only thing churning in his belly. So glad to get to be a part of this!

Yeah, I can do that [david/patrick, E, 5,484] by @dazedwriter1

“Autofellatio is the act of oral stimulation of one's own penis as a form of masturbation. Few men possess sufficient flexibility and penis length to perform it successfully.” Patrick looked down to where his pants had already started to tent from just the thought of sucking his own dick. The idea intrigued him. A lot. Besides, the website said few men could successfully self suck and that felt like a challenge. And Patrick Brewer never stood down a challenge. Yeah, I can do that.

yes, i said faithful [david/patrick, G, 2,208] by @dinnfameron

“I had no idea it would be the Number,” Alexis continues. “David hates doing that. Like, hates it. But our parents always loved it, so I guess he figured it’d make them happy or whatever.” She flips her hair back over one shoulder, glancing around Town Hall in boredom like she hadn’t just revealed something fundamental about the depths to which her brother would go to take care of the people he loves. - Or, Patrick Brewer loves one (1) ridiculous man.

2022

bite your tongue [david/patrick, M, 3,494] by @stereopticons

She was the one to tell him that nothing would make him feel better like some drinks and trolling for randoms at a sketchy bar, as if he hadn’t tried that before. And she was the one who invited Patrick along, the grin on her face downright diabolical. And then she was the one who disappeared to make out with some townie and left him sitting at the table with his business partner who he absolutely does not have an extremely embarrassing crush on. So yeah, David isn’t responsible for anything that comes out of his mouth tonight. It’s all Stevie’s fault. After Sebastien Raine, Stevie drags both David and Patrick to the Wobbly Elm. David gets drunk and maybe says something embarrassing.

David Rose Is A (Not So) Sociable Person [david/patrick, G, 722] by shapxshiftxrs

David Rose is a very sociable person. He knows this, he’s sure of it. Yet, he found himself feeling drained, sitting on one of the barstools with his head propped up on both his hands. Or: David had run out of his social battery, and Patrick took care of him.

Dinner Can Wait [david/patrick, G, 475] by @a-noble-dragon

David enters through the cottage door, weary, and glad to be home. As he's removing his outdoor shoes and replacing them with his Ugg’s, the scents of tomato and garlic reach him. Feeling reawakened, he follows the trail like a bloodhound with its nose in the air, through the cottage then straight to the food.

English Lit: Tuesdays at 9 [david/patrick, T, 9,023] by PandorasDaydream

David's life changes when he meets Alexis' English Literature professor.

Sweet nothings [david/patrick, G, 3,271] by @demora00

Patrick and David visit a farmer's market in the hopes of signing on a new vendor.Along the way, someone from Patrick's past helps him come to terms with running away.

2023

The Schitt's Creek Job [it's a surprise, T, 2,843] by @qwanderer

“I call dibs,” said Alexis, raising a hand. David paused to consider. “Um… no.” “But you don’t like cowboys!” Alexis whined. “I thought we'd established that.” “I’ll make an exception for this one,” David told her.

2024

Parakeet [david/patrick, G, 135] by @mammameesh

Stevie runs a bird rescue. A new bird comes to roost.

Unhinged [stevie/oc, T, 284] by mallpretzles

A dating app message exchange where Stevie claps back at a fuck boy.

Stats:

No fanworks for 2017 2018: 1 fic/2,983 words 2019: 1 fic/2,169 words 2020: 3 fanworks (2 fics, 1 podfic)/3,329 words 2021: 17 fanworks (15 fics, 1 podfic, 1 fic/art combo)/38,073 words 2022: 5 fics/16,985 words 2023: 1 fic/2,843 words 2024: 2 fics/419 words Total: 30 fanworks (27 fics, 2 podfics, 1 fic/fanart combo)/66,801 words

[egoanesthesia]

Take a Guess!

Hello, everyone!

All the fics have been uploaded to our AWY Mini Collection and are ready for reading. Authors will be revealed on Friday, May 23rd, but in the meantime, we welcome you all to read through the collection and take a guess at who you think wrote what.

Authors - you are welcome to share that you participated and even play along! Just don't confirm or deny until after reveals are posted 😉

Feel free to comment on this post or any of the fic reveals posts from last week, reblog things, make your own post... whatever you like! Tag us, too - we're looking forward to seeing what you all come up with.

❤️💙

[egoanesthesia]

sorry if i was a bitch i probably wanted to go home

[egoanesthesia]

Character, book, and author names under the cut

Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor- Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Dr. Ayda Mensah- The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells

[egoanesthesia]

let's form structures with mamas

[egoanesthesia]

[egoanesthesia]

[egoanesthesia]

my first sweater!! designed and crocheted by yours truly

[egoanesthesia]

a1dbb2 - 6ec8b0 - 3bb6af - a1d6c6 - 73bebb - 44a7b0 - a2d0db - 78b3c6 - 4e97b1

[egoanesthesia]

⋆｡ﾟ🌊｡ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

[egoanesthesia]

yay water

time to drink water woo hoo yay

[egoanesthesia]

LNC: ALEX CLAREMONT-DIAZ (IN.SP) | Henry [x]

[egoanesthesia]

LNC: HENRY FOX MOUNTCHRISTEN WINDSOR (IN.SP) | Alex [x]