egotokill - Tumblr blog

egotokill · 4 days ago

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playing undertale at last after somehow unintentionally avoiding all major spoilers for my entire online life (UT came out two years before I first used social media) and oh my god. this game is crazycool. lifechanging. I kind of want that gay robot

#gonna piss myself laughing at this. good luck.

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egotokill · 8 days ago

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the alienation of the mind

#pathologic #favorites

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egotokill · 11 days ago

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i made a faux sticker sheet inspired by the 2025 mix of three cheers cuz it's really freakin good !

#mcr

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egotokill · 11 days ago

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The dream of the Earth

Mother Bodho

You are forever her beloved son

#pathologic

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egotokill · 12 days ago

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If you haven’t changed your url in years tell me why as someone in your same boat it’s for science

#(slimecicle voice) my brand #<- prev. yeah #its my name by now. jepha from the used referred to me as ego a few times on a few dif streams #nicholas leung (dan hengs en va) also knows me as michael egotokill. these two are the coolest egoers i know #and besides it sounds sick as fuck. ego to kill. cmon

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egotokill · 12 days ago

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@egotokill happy birthday !! This is late as hell, sorry for that, but hope your days go well :)

Here is your present:

It's natural for people to realize the value of something only after it's gone. A consistent phenomena, documented by so many beings throughout the galaxy no matter their origins or personalities. A diary of a child after an argument with their parent, a work in progress of a writer slowly rising in popularity thanks to their sincerity or the notes of a scared soldier, who was drafted and put onto the battlefield against their will.

As it is, this heartache is natural for Dan Heng to experience, even though it's the least of his worries in the situation they are in. Just a small thought lingering on the back of his mind, akin to getting a pinprick while already nursing a serious injury. It's silly and frankly insignificant, yet the feeling lingers. Dan Heng misses the outer space. Or, more precisely, the stars. The infinite reach of the cosmos with endless lights in it, the universe's own one of a kind painting, impossible to replicate or record without betraying its grandness and beauty. However, that's not exactly the reason.

It's a given that getting locked in the Shackling Prison during the borisin attack would reinforce the nightmares. Dan Heng was already certain that place would make the old ones resurface, but the sudden life-threatening situation to his companion and himself cemented that thought. That was instantly overshadowed by the uncertainty of their survival at all (and he meant it when telling Caelus that his death would come only after his own), but the fact remained: the memory of that day easily joined the circulation of his average nightmares and persisted the most for a while. What made it worse compared to the rest is that he couldn't find it in himself to calm down when behind the closed door of the archives like he used to. The surrounding volumes of information used to feel comforting, but now at bad nights the tiny space felt like closing in on him and the shut door mocking. Coming to the conclusion that falling asleep again was pointless, Dan Heng silently exited the archives and headed over to the main area.

To his surprise, the place in front of the big window was already occupied by none other than Caelus, who seemed too lost in thought to notice him approach. His greeting question ("Something on your mind this late?") made them jump, which confirmed that much. As the other hesitated with the answer before slipping into an easygoing smile and redirecting with a playful 'who knows?', he already concluded that it was most likely the same reason, and if his companion didn't want to discuss it, then there was no use to push.

They sat in silence for a little while, before Dan Heng gave up on trying to find a good topic to switch to and asked with a defeated sigh at his own social incompetence:"So...Why the stars?" The question seemed so random and awkward, that it startled Caelus out of whatever haunting memory he was relieving as they snorted and turned to him with a slightly teasing but grateful smile before looking back at the sprawling outer space in front of them. "Oh, they just bring comfort, you know? Some of these little dots might just be the centre of a system with planets and so many people on them, and the amount is pretty much endless!" - he exclaimed, their tone of voice was back to the usual cheerfulness. After a slight pause they added quietly with a somber note:"And maybe out of all those people out there, some of them are like us." - ('Like me, with the Cancer of All Worlds in the chest', - was left unsaid, but heard still).

Feeling utterly useless once again, Dan Heng silently mourned that March was soundly asleep and not present for this conversation. She would be able to make a supportive speech to lift the other's spirits, or at least cheer them up. The spear and battle skills were useless against the turmoil his friend was in from the very first day on the express, and all he could do was just to be nearby. Slowly, he moved closer, carefully brushing shoulders, and replied as quietly:"Maybe there are". If Caelus was surprised by the sudden initiation of the contact, he didn't show it, instead gratefully leaning their head onto him, and they spend the rest of the hours watching the stars together.

There is always an eternal day in Amphoreus, and the gentle embrace of the clear night sky is forever out of reach. Dan Heng was never a sentimental person, and the scenario of that night didn't occur again. And yet he can't help feeling that this was another thing this strange world of the heroes and prophecy has taken away from him.