ejwcoaching

[ejwcoaching]

How did I get here? Part 2

Decisions! Choices! Life!

Decisions and choices. Learning stuff and becoming the most ME I have ever been this year. How did I get here? Part 2

So, yeah......two pivotal conversations with two different people about a month a part from each other this year. These conversations helped me get out of my 2018 feeling of stuck!

It was early Spring and someone asked me why I don’t do what I do on my own. I laughed and said that I suck at follow through so it would never work. Conversation moved on and the lightness and joy of the gathering went on.

But I didn’t forget that conversation. And I didn’t forget my answer.

I suck at follow through.

I suck at follow through and one of my talents is fear.

Gonna let that sit for a minute.

The second conversation, about a month later occurred with a young man just getting started and making decisions with his college career.

He had questions.

“What if this is all bullshit?” “What if when I am done with school, I hate what I am doing?” “What if all of this is a waste of time?” “What if this is all a mistake?”

What if? What if? What if?

Those “what ifs” hit me......I never really thought of those what ifs.......my what ifs are fear based.......What if I can’t do it? What if I am not who or what I think I am? What if I fail?

I have lived my life doing - doing -doing -doing ......just doing. Absolutely no thought to if it was “a doing” in a direction. And in what direction? I let life just happen to me. Not seeing that my decisions and choices were creating my world. And definitely not paying attention to HOW my decisions and choices were creating my world.

At almost 50 years young, I am just now discovering all of this!

Compelled to back up for a moment.....

My life is amazing - always has been! An amazing family and a fantastic job. It’s only in hindsight that I see that I have LET most of my life happen rather than MAKE it happen.

I almost feel like the teenager I used to be ...... being lectured about my grades......”Erica, your passing your classes simply because you attend class and pay attention. What would happen if you just applied yourself and studied and did your homework?”

And here I am .....applying myself and terrified!

Backing up one more time ......those what ifs from that young man .....well, what if this is all bullshit? What if you hate what you are doing when you done? What if you weren’t meant to do this or that?

Right, what if ....to that I answer (not sure I am supposed to answer) but to that I answer .....it’s life ......enjoy the adventure, learn from each experience, including the mistakes.......live your life and know that your choices and decisions create your life!

Well, alright then .......where am I?

I love what I do but I won’t be where I am forever so I need to work on that follow through thing so I can do what I do wherever I am. So starting in January 2019, I am enrolled in a Life Coaching program called Leadership That Works! And I am anxious, nervous, and super excited!

To get ready for that adventure, I am taking a psychology course at one of our local colleges and working on being a student again, working on applying myself.

And so at almost 50 years young, I am creating my next life adventure! And I am scared! And I am excited.

And this is how I got here, part 2.

Peace, yo.

[ejwcoaching]

Okay! So this lady, The High Priestess, is my girl! I started working with her as an Archetype in August. The day after I made the decision to pull in more of her energy, she was my first card pull of the day. The week after I decided jto work with her energy, I drew her 3 times. Never reversed.

I wanted to pull her energy in and work with her as an Archetype so that I could embrace my Divine Feminine and connect with my intuition, compassion, empathy, and inner wisdom.

And, I am so very chill tonight with her message in reverse. She brought to my attention that I am experiencing a lack of personal harmony. Reversed, she is asking me to quiet my world and remember she is deep inside ready to share her wisdom with me.

The truth is I have been in a state of imbalance. And the fact that she chose to visit me today reversed, spoke very loud volumes.

I listened. I worked in my yard. I listened to music.

Tonight, I am feeling more balanced and calm. I am thankful for my work with my girl, The High Priestess!

[ejwcoaching]

De-fucking-cluttering Everything

a.k.a. .....Clearing Spaces

As part of my Year of Preparation For My 5th Decade (gotta come up with a good acronym....any ideas?) on our Earth, in this body, I have decided to open my eyes and have a good looksee! And I see too much shit! I have too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit. And I am not just talking about all the possessions and physical stuff.....I can totally relate it to my enlightenment through Tarot. There is too much shit emotions, shit energy and shit thoughts.

Now is the time to do something about all this shit! It’s a process. And given the Virgo who is writing this blog, it definitely does need to be a process. There is more to it though ......there needs to be a commitment to follow through ...(and that’s another acronym I need ......A Commitment to Follow Through).....which is one of my lifelong weaknesses being addressed during my Year of Preparation For My 5th Decade.

So flashback quick (maybe) story about My Giant, my baby boy Z. For the last couple of years, he’s been getting to spend time on a ship and his living space is tiny. Absolutely no room for excess stuff! After his first trip, he came home and tore up his room something fierce. He tossed everything he owned on the floor and went through each item piece by piece. And then proceeded to throw out about 80% of his stuff! I was agog! “How? Why? What about? Wait, what.....you threw that out too.”

Hey, that was pretty quick. Cool. And it was all done pretty quick also - maybe a week, perhaps even less.

So, nope! Not prepared to throw everything I own on the floor and go through it piece by piece. I am prepared to, however, (and this is one of the key factors to my Commitment to Follow Through) make a daily list of simple miscellaneous stuff that needs to get done that often doesn’t get done because I forget or because social media has sucked my brain out and left me staring mindlessly at brain cell destroying devices with blue lights. Like right now.

Pulling it together: Part of my transformation and becoming me is seeing the shit, recognizing the shit, letting go of the shit and actually literally throwing out the shit!

How it’s being done:

1. Social Media is destroying me. Has destroyed me and I am working on finding myself again. That said, I do love connecting with many of my people via social media. So rather than stepping away forever, I am sort of practicing delayed gratification. I enjoy my time on social media but I am now limiting it to the evening only and only after I have done what I gotta do. There has been an occasional drop by Instagram but that it not my major source of brain sucked out loss of time.

2. Daily List of must dos ......helps me remember what I gotta do. And gives me something I check off and physically see that I am following through.

3. The Art of Practicing the Follow Through. The daily lists. The check offs. The big dreams and goals intention setting. It doesn’t and won’t get done if I don’t commit to the list.

4. Setting routines and rituals. Obsessed a little, yes but my morning routine is essential to the success of my day. Next on the list, figuring out a legit evening routine and ritual.

5. Let’s talk about the daily list and the the decluttering. On the list every single day:

Throw out at least 5 things. This can include anything.

Find 5 things that are no longer useful to you but could be useful to someone else. Set the plan to give it away. This can also include anything.

Put away 5 things. And this doesn’t mean put away 5 dishes and leaving the drying rack full of 12 other things. All the dishes are one thing only. This is actually great for laundry (I am notoriously lousy at laundry).

Read for 20 minutes. It’s on the list because I love to read but because of social media brainsuck, I forgot how.

Homework. Research. The information I need to learn about stuff. Often forgotten about when I suffer from social media brainsuck.

I rambled on this blog. It’s really all about the list for me right now. It’s the practice of the Follow Through and the Commitment to Me. The de-fucking-cluttering of my physical space and the cobwebby corners of my brain!

Peace yo!

[ejwcoaching]

Card draws today. Spirit card from The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit...inner truth, speak your truth. Be authentic. Aligns with the Throat Chakra. My three card spread asking for the vibe of the (Usually to the tune of “Tell Me Something” by Rufus and Chaka Khan 🤩🤩🤩) is also from The Wild Unknown Tarot. It’s me now, my path and my potential. Three cups (which makes me sing Bob Marley’s Three Birds) brings me connection to my network, my community. Six of pentacles in my path card shares with me prosperity, growth and I feel like a giving and a receiving vibe and my potential card shares The Magician (one of my most favorite cards ever and one that I resonate strongly with right now). The Magician has all the tools, I know what to do ......I just need to do them. Translated to my actual day: terrific day at work working with my members, my community and my network plus tonight is date night. Started committing to the creation of my jewelry again .....pictures to come this weekend. And my day and my year is definitely reflecting all that is the Magician!

[ejwcoaching]

Today’s reads as I decided to post to another blog post. Feeling very connected to these cards today as I strive for structure and follow through in my existence today.

[ejwcoaching]

......Becoming Me

Virgo Sun, Pisces Moon, Sagittarius Rising. What does that even mean? What does that mean to me? It means that my summer of transformation of transformation has connected me to ........(in no particular order).....

Transformation

Acceptance

Meditation

Clearing

Preparation

Transition

Intention

Healing

Pieces of me I didn’t know were there. It’s like the jigsaw puzzle spread out on the table. You know the pieces all belong together to become a complete picture but it requires the time, effort, contemplation to connect those pieces.

And this was the summer that it all came together. Or rather began coming together because, let’s face it .....three pieces now connected doesn’t quite make the whole puzzle!

And so, let talk about this summer.

Transformation ended up coming up first but I really think it’s a life long process so there is more transformation to come.

Acceptance. This is pretty powerful. I accept ME for ME. I no longer feel a need to apologize for being me or hiding the real me.

Meditation. This has been life altering! Dedicating 20 minutes and sometimes more every morning to meditation has inspired focus and follow through for my days.

Clearing. My energy. My house. All of my spaces. Clearing the negative and letting go that which no longer serves me and perhaps never served me.

Preparation. Prepping myself for my future in so many ways. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. Financially. Joyfully.

Transition. Summer of Transition. Say hello MENOPAUSE. I would really like to say good-bye to you. And I know I will in good time but until then, could you please keep your bullshit to a minimum. Not a fan! Seriously. There is a lot of transition. Empty nest for one. What will be do with that bedroom? Becoming a student again. A possible and eventual new facet to my career of helping know their full potential.

Intention. And can I add positive Manifesting. Making things so with intention. This summer has proved to me that it is possible beyond my dreams. Set the intention and begin co-creating your dreams!

Healing. Forgiving. I did connect with some amazing healers this summer that brought me closer to myself and showed me ways of forgiving myself.....forgiving my inner personalities that have spent a lifetime of protecting me so defensively that I ostracized life.

So much already and we haven’t even covered my signs (hello, Bill Engvall, I am not talking about your signs.....you can keep those!)

The final(at least for this blog) piece of me becoming me came from learning about my signs. I am a Virgo Sun Sign, a Pisces Moon Sign, and a Sagittarius Rising Sign. This means I have three of the four elements driving me through life: I am Earth, water, and fire!

Lets dive in and believe me what I mean is I am dipping my toes .....I still have much to learn.

Sun signs. Your essential personality. It’s your basic self, that person you are when you are not surrounded by others. Your zodiac sign is based on the date you were born.

I am Virgo. I am a Virgo. The first sentence feels truer. Virgo is an Earth Sign and goodness knows I feel very connected to the earth!

Virgo is hardworking, efficient and in search of perfection always. Always, almost to a fault because they can be seen as over critical and nit picky. There is a strong attention to detail and they are reliable and loyal. They tend to worry to the point of hypochondria but will always be happy to serve you. They are workaholics and will go out of their way to make sure their people have what they need.

I am a Pisces Moon. Your Moon sign defines emotional development. Your inner self. Pisces is a water sign. It expresses the unconscious side of our personalities. Pisces Moon Signs are powerful healers drawn to spiritual pursuits. They tend to be empathic and connected to their emotions. They need to feel needed.

I am Sagittarius Rising. Your rising sign is the mask you wear in public. It’s your first impression to the world. It’s what you bring out when you are surrounded by people. Sagittarius is a fire sign. Sagittarius Rising is active, direct in their language, opinionated and restless. They have a strong sense of adventure and an optimism for success. Education is lifelong.

After my brief amount of research to understand this combination, I feel like I am more me than I have ever been. Each one of those signs and their idiosyncrasies have driven my life in one way or another throughout my life. Now that I know and believe in it (which could be and may very well be another blog), I can see how I can learn to be the driver of my life instead of just being driven by the Sun, Moon, and/or Rising signs.

[ejwcoaching]

My The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit three card read for the week!

[ejwcoaching]

How Did I Get Here?

The right now, just this moment answer? I was led to being here in my morning meditation this morning, which, by the way, I kind of suck at. I suck at meditating. My monkey mind never, I mean, NEVER lets go! The right now, just this moment answer is I was led to being here during my quiet time of contemplation. I have given up on trying to stop my mind from wandering (thank you Lennon and McCartney for my new ear worm ....”I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in .......”) and have begun embracing the paths my mind wanders in. And funny thing is, once I let go of control and started exploring the paths, I have found some pretty cool places and that brings me to the here and right now answering the question of “how did I get here?” Today, I was told I need to blog in my meditation/quiet time of contemplation.

But there is so much more to the full and entire answer to that question! So, blog I will, as I believe it is part of my healing and becoming the me I am supposed to be ... if you wanna join me, I’d enjoy the company! Do, please keep in mind, I have never done this before in this format......so patience may be requested! Yes, even required.

And so, I have answered the question initially but there is more. I can start with the fact that I am almost certainly officially an empty nester. One young man has moved out and started his life in a city a few hours away and the other young man, while still in college is planning a life of travel in his career so even if he does come home, it won’t be for long. He has already admitted he doesn’t feel like he belongs here anymore. Growing pains!

So the empty nest is freeing my world to explore....to explore, well.....me.

Have you ever felt so stuck like a guinea pig running on the wheel in the cage? He’s probably perfectly happy to keep running on that wheel so I am not judging just saying .....the wheel just goes round and round and round ......(National Lampoon’s European Vacation comes to mind “Look Kids, Big Ben, Parliament”). Well, that’s where I started in 2018......and funny back story there also ......remind me to tell you about Hawaii someday!

So, I walked into 2018 inspired because you know, THE NEW YEAR! And then I wasn’t. Pure and simple, not inspired. Dedicated, yes. Loyal, yes. Committed, yes. Inspired? No.

I started reading a daily Tarot card. I started small.....just a card a day but I found it extremely insightful and helpful. I resonated strongly with The Wild Unknown deck and it’s the deck I still use although after a while I started working with the Haindl deck and the Crowley-Thoth deck and the Rider-Waite-Smith deck .......and there are two more that I have found and want. The Wild Unknown, thus far, is still my deck of choice!

In April, I purchased a Tarot reading and learned that INDEED .....I was STUCK. Mother of Swords said I know what to do. Father of Swords said I do have the tools to change my path. And the Hanged Man said ......unless something drastic changes, “you gonna just keep on keepin’on”. Which, by the way, I will pretty much always do.

So, stuckness confirmed. What next? I walked into my favorite goddess shop and saw there was a reader available. She pretty much yelled at me the whole time. Yup, I do mean yelled. I was almost on the right path but I needed more schooling. I needed to do some more work before I was gonna be in the groove. It was mostly a dark read and I begged for light .....she laughed and said something like “it’s dark because it has to be dark! Your light will come when you put the work in.” I paraphrased but you get the gist.

WTF.......WTF. Okay. What positive can I take from that investment? She did teach me a meditation technique to “feed the monkey”. See above regarding my type of meditation. I don’t shut the mind. I quiet the mind with an old migraine headache breathing technique I have always used. The idea is to distract the monkey, give the monkey a banana........and holy shit ....it worked!

Strangely quiet day the next day at work ....checked out courses at local college .......and HOLY SHIT! I am going back to school. This time for human services. Psychology, mental health, adding to the work I already do with people as a personal trainer. My body vibrated with the rightness of this decision. I cried. And I still vibrate inside with the deep rightness of this change of course.

Fast forward to alone time bike rides on the rail trail, listening to podcasts. I discovered Hippie Witch! A joyful 30 to 59 minute listening experience of advice, antedotes, lessons and growth. Fun stuff. I really do recommend it. And anyone who “knows me knows me” (yes, I meant a double knows me) will be surprised that not only have I gotten past her bouncy voice, I truly enjoy it. It’s bouncy.

Okay, so let’s check in....covered meditation, covered Tarot, and now introduced you to Hippie Witch. Check, check, check!

I have found ME! I am right now exploring what all this means because at level 49 years young as of tomorrow, I have come to understand that I am more than the Virgo Sun sign that I have always felt somewhat burdened with .......no disrespect to my fellow Virgos. I embrace all the powerful awesomeness of Virgo but the heavy of Virgo always seemed to weigh me down. And now I understand that that weight was my own “baggage” to work through and I finally have the tools.

Learned bunches in her podcasts......but the answer to “how did I get here?” comes in one of lessons regarding Astrology ...Sun Signs, Ascending or Rising Signs and Moon Signs! Holy Fuck! This was life altering. And I do mean life altering.

I am a Virgo Sun! Sagittarius Rising! Pisces Moon!

Blogs to come:

Hawaii experiences.

Healings and Discussions Your Personalities.

Growth

Plus more as life evolves