elliottalexzander

[elliottalexzander]

Happy New Year! 2020! Xoxo -Elliott Alexzander

[elliottalexzander]

So I know I dont post many fashion photo shoots anymore, and it is something I want to get back into. But for now, here is my usual day to day kind of clothes or whatever I wear around the house. My main focus lately has been working on myself, but also creating sexy content for my fans and followers else where on the internet. If you’re looking for more content like that just check out my twitter @transgoddess4 Xoxo -Elliott Alexzander

[elliottalexzander]

HRT Day #914 10/21/2019 Wow, what can I say? HRT is wild, but worth it. I’m really just out here living my best life. Everything from rediscovering my sexuality, to exploring my new body. All these photos aren’t from the same day, but the first one is from today. I am very happy. Xoxo -Elliott Alexzander

[elliottalexzander]

I had to stop counting the days of my HRT for my mental health, honestly. 

Idk, something about keeping a mental record was also allowing me to hold onto this “im blah blah days from being perceived as a guy” notion, reinforcing the thought that I was stepping out of being perceived by others as male, and into the perception of being female. But honestly, nah. Not only do I still regularly refer to myself as he/him but like, I generally am still perceived by others as both or at the very least, definitely queer. Which was what I wanted really, because HRT is just a part of my non-binary existence, it is not something exclusively for transgender people and it doesn’t make me trans.

I am trans because I feel gender fluid, I relate to being on a spectrum. But more importantly I am trans because I understand that allowing myself room to outgrow these terminologies, and become something completely different than what I am now, is important to my very existence. I just feel like, what a boring damn life to have to remain the same until the day I die. I have to give myself more freedom than that to exist. 

I have to be able to change and become something or, someone mentally, emotionally and physically new. Change, growth, expansion of myself on all levels. 

Speaking in terms of how I generally present, like the bigger my titts get and the longer my hair grows, the more I find my style leaning towards a very relaxed almost kind of tomboyish vibe. I think its just a side effect of getting used to my new body, and feeding it what it needs to complete this adult pubescent transformation. LOL. 

At least, thats the best way I can describe it right now.

Xoxo -Elliott Alexander

[elliottalexzander]

Umm, honestly I cant recall the exact day I took these photos. But here, have them. My husband took them. Its just me being a tease somewhere out in the woods, hahahaha. These ole titty skittls will do it though, wont they? Thats me though, listening to my music. In my head, plotting and scheming im sure. Hahaha. Gosh, what do I even say these days? If you ever catch yourself feeling low or something, you gotta pull yourself back up a little or lean on a friend. But find a way to try your best, and manifest positivity back into yourself. You really ARE what you THINK and BELIEVE that you are. Each day you put a little bit into yourself. These days pass and overtime, I become everything that I put into myself. I may not have big boobies yet, but when im 35 i’ll be writing a book about how I grew my own. lolz. Xoxo -Elliott Alexzander

[elliottalexzander]

HRT Day #667 02/10/2019 Oh my gosh, where do I start? Im pretty sure ya'll know I started the new year with a new female hormone called progesterone. Well, she is most certainly working great alongside my other meds. My ass is plumping, seriously catch one of my cam shows if you don't believe me. Okuurtt! My tits are starting to get sore and develop more above my nipple instead of underneath and the sides. I am feeling amazing, young and healthy. Very excited for the weather to warm up once again. This new year remains exciting and fulfilling. Each day I am rediscovering myself, building myself up once again instead of putting myself down. Moving forward with a renewal of thriving energy. The highs and lows are a pretty regular hormonal thing, but I am successfully adjusting and as I find my balance, I am feeling the happiest I have ever felt in my life. 

Xoxo -Elliott Alexzander

[elliottalexzander]

HRT Day #631 01/05/2019

Continuing to look more like myself each day. I am blessed beyond words and thriving on these hormones. Xoxo -Alex

[elliottalexzander]

Top photo is a before and after. On the left is Day #1 and the right is Day #600 of my therapy. The photo on the bottom is from today, with no make up. I have been testing to see if I could still grow out some scruff, and I can. <3

Day one I was freshly shaved. So, as you can tell I had COURSE and DARK facial hair, that couldn’t be covered with just a touch of make up. Foundation and concealer would just make that part of my face look dried out and flaky, unless I wore an actual layer of concealer to the point where my skin couldn’t breath. So, I just didn’t wear make up and tried to have the healthiest skin I possibly could. 

Day six hundred I was freshly shaved. I have had no laser treatments or permanent hair removal at all. I simply shaved, and applied a very light layer of concealer, no foundation. We are talking less than a dime size amount mostly under my eyes, chin and jaw. Applied with a sponge that absorbed half that dime size amount, lol. I did put on mascara, lip gloss and light blue eye liner on my bottom lash line. I also shaped my brows in both pics with a brow wax/gel combo. 

So... I would 100% say that HRT has completely eliminated ANY dysphoria I once had over my facial hair. Being me, I wanted to know how long it would take for me to look scruffy, as my facial hair is both lighter, softer and grows very slowly now almost 2 years into my therapy. It took me 4 days just to grow out what you see in the bottom picture, and to be honest I fucking LOVE that if I damn well please, he can still grow a beard!

Living my best genderfluid life! 

Xoxo -Elliott Alexzander

[elliottalexzander]

Accurate. 

[elliottalexzander]

Day #1 Day #160 Day #258 Day#408 Day #494 Day #565 Day #600 Words can not articulate what it is that I feel,  when I look in the mirror and what I see,  connects with my soul. 

Xoxo -Elliott Alexzander

[elliottalexzander]

HRT Day #600 12/05/2018

What can I say, not quite a full 2 years on hormones and I am absolutely feeling myself. My mental stability might be taking a hit, and some new symptoms like vertigo and morning sickness have occurred recently. BUT! I literally went to the doctor yesterday and they said I am fine. These things are common with hormone imbalances and shifts, and HRT is a BIG one for my 26 year old body. Growing boobies hurts! hahaha! SO! I go back in a week for blood test just to check my levels and double check my thyroid, just because it produces a lot of the natural hormones in the body, so if the thyroid is acting funky sometimes it levels out, sometimes it doesn’t. Thats why I get blood work done, to ease my mind and know that my therapy is on course. 

On another note, I heard that Tumblr will be porn free starting sometime this month. So, if thats what you’re on Tumblr for, make sure to head on over to my Chaturbate profile and click follow. Sign up if you don’t have an account, its free! I do live cam shows, sometimes sexy, sometimes not, sometimes omg what the fuck is going on, you never know. So follow me and show love!

If porn is not why you are on Tumblr, thats cool, because I have a lot of other content. As I slowly get my shit together, lol. I plan to start doing fashion photos again, Which I think will be fun in this new body of mine. 

Anyways, I'll shout again when I hit my 2 year mark on HRT!

Xoxo -Elliott Alexzander

[elliottalexzander]

HRT Day #565 10/25/2018

When you become something you never thought possible. I haven’t even been on hormones for a full 2 years. Damn, this feels good!

Xoxo -Elliott Alexzander

[elliottalexzander]

HRT Day #540 10/01/2018

This past Sunday was my 26th Birthday. I gave myself an amazing bath experience at home, complete with 2 dozen roses, bath soaking salts, red wine and a photo shoot of course. Oh yeah, and I broadcasted the whole thing live on the internet, in front of hundreds of people, so there is that. Hahahaha. It was quite an experience, one I will remember for the rest of my life.

My therapy is going fine. It is not always easy. Adult puberty Is equally as hard as it is wonderful, honestly, and I remain excited for more changes to come. I can tell you that I have never loved my body this much, so much so that most of the time im naked. My house is a steady 75 degree’s so I can literally just be naked all the time. I know, it sounds like a lot, but considering what I went through during my teen puberty, constantly trying to mask or hide what was happening to my body… Yeah… Ya girl feels free for the first time ever, now that my body is becoming what I have always felt was right. 

There is so much about this transformation that can’t be seen in a photo, and often times the words to articulate my experiences elude me. I find myself staring out the window thinking, writing down random thoughts in a journal. Sometimes I look at previous entries, debating with myself and dissecting how I felt that day, why, and how did I react? Sometimes I think the act of journaling has changed my life more so than the HRT. It is certainly a mechanism that I use often, to make sense of feelings I have had before HRT, but seem so much harder to deal with/accept after HRT. So I guess you could say my emotional capacity has increased a lot, so my heart and mind gotta catch up. Writing a little each day helps with this so much. It helps to remind me of the times I maybe got a bit more emotional than necessary, simply out of not being familiar with feeling things on such a level. 

How I protect my heart and soul, how I allow myself to be vulnerable around others, how I understand life… It is all changing. Which as a result is changing me as a person, in ways that can’t be seen, but can be felt or heard. I am learning to articulate these experience as I have them, and even 540 days into my therapy, my transition is still young. I used to be afraid of reaching 30, but honestly the older I get the more she is looking better and better. I challenge myself to feel as good and love myself as much as I do now, when I hit the big three zero.

Xoxo -Alex

[elliottalexzander]

HRT Day #492 08/14/2018

When people are like: “Well, if you’re not transitioning into a woman, then what are you transitioning into?”

Me: A crystal gem, probably. Im not sure. Guess we will find out, huh?

[elliottalexzander]

HRT Day #408 1 year & 43 days 05/22/2018

My therapy is… happening I guess. Physically I am very happy with my breast development, and the overall shape that my body is repositioning itself into. It is a very pleasing and comfortable feeling for me. The best I have ever felt in my own skin, honestly, and without having to do so much. 

I promised I would try to be as detailed as possible about the experiences I have while transitioning, and how it changes my life. So, I am just going to come right out and say it. Sex is amazing. I wish sex could have been this way always. I identified as Demisexual before HRT, and much of my sexuality and sense of attraction was already rooted in the emotional connection I have with the other person. So in my experience, my therapy has really helped to confirm what I already knew about myself, which is very reaffirming of my decision to begin the therapy. 

Enough about the physical changes. On the flip side, the emotional and mental shift has been very difficult. Probably more difficult for the people around me, than it is for myself even. Let me tell you, I have the sweetest, most patient and gentle husband. I get overwhelmed by my emotions a lot, and my husband really is so patient. I know it is hard on him though. He cares so much for me that it kills him to see me cry, and I literally cry over anything right now, lol. Sometimes I laugh & cry at the same time, lol. 

I had to put cosmetology school on hold. 6 months into the program, which was about my 8 month on HRT, I was overwhelmed by the amount of work I was trying to keep up with, while also sub consciously reconfiguring the dynamics to my emotional reactions…. I know, a mouthful, right?

In other words, I often found myself shutting down and shutting out, because I was being bombarded with intense emotions from every little thing. It wasn’t any one person or thing, but HRT is kinda like your emotions getting dropped off in Chicago with a map of NewYork, it is impossible NOT to get lost. Thats what I mean by shutting down and out, because I was constantly over-reacting or under-reacting in different social situations. I would look back and regret my emotional response or lack of response at all. This began leading to suicidal thoughts and being emotionally uncomfortable, constantly. I tried drugs, just an anti-anxiety medication from my doctor. However, after a week of taking it, I realized that what I was experiencing wasn’t something I needed to try and avoid. Instead, I just needed to give myself the time and space to let my MIND adjust, and not just my body.

Xoxo -Elliott Alexzander

P.s. You may have noticed that this latest HRT update is originating from a different Tumblr account. Thats because my email was hacked, and I have yet to be able to access my original account from any other device except my iPad, which happens to still be logged into my original account. There is currently not a way to change your password or email within the Tumblr iPad app… so, sadly that is whats going on. I would never just abandon sharing my transition and possibly more fashion in the future with all of you, however, I may never be able to fully access my original account again. So make sure to follow this side account. If and when I gain full access back my original account, this side account will still be used for other projects and things to come in the future.

[elliottalexzander]

Almost 1 year on HRT. Xoxo

[elliottalexzander]