elysiangods-blog

[elysiangods-blog]

oh suicidal girl with the flowers in her hair do you yearn to be persephone who traded in a suffering soul for a throne of bones she was the goddess of springtime and a queen amongst death whose lips were stained blood red in hopes she can stay with death a little longer suicidal girl with the flowers in her hair tell me the story of how you got here of how the darkness consumed the light in your soul and how death has wrapped its arms around you and follows you around suicidal girl with the flowers in her hair do you drown yourself in your thoughts like the poems talk about, or do you take your thoughts in stride hoping they bloom into something more suicidal girl with the flowers in her hair when you kissed death and lived did he tell you he’ll see you again, did you take it upon yourself to hide amongst the humans in shades of red and grey hoping one day you can descend and take your place on the throne -v.y

elysiangods; v.y

[elysiangods-blog]

It's late at night and the only source of light is the dim glow of the street lamps and your thoughts are racing a million miles a minute and you remember the last words she said to you, a soft resounding “I love you and everything will be ok”, just a couple of days before she passed. The only thing on your mind is the way you used to go upstairs to check on her because no one else would and the way you could talk for hours about how your day went or what was bothering you at the time. How you knew she was your best friend because you were closer to her then half of her kids and nearly all her grandkids. The way her eyes lit up when she saw you and the way she called you her favorite and the way she would tell you she'll see you later because goodbye implies you would never see her again. Yet, it's been nine months and it still feels like the very first day you lost her. The tears keep streaming down your face and you feel as if you can hardly breathe. Your hands hover at her number that you refused to delete because it makes her death seem a little more real and you want to press it, to hear her voice one more time but you can't and it's like a cold shock of reality each and every time so all you can do is cry. It's nearly midnight when you put down your phone and stare up at the dimly lit stars that have been on your ceiling for years. With your racing thoughts and pounding head, you just want to sleep, in hopes that this is all a dream and when you wake up she will still be there and she will still be alive and well and happy. But deep down you know that this is the harsh grasp of reality and the only words on your lips is a soft resounding, “I miss you Grandma”

[elysiangods-blog]

She was a goddess in disguise, with power at her fingertips she could reach towards the sky and fix everything on earth. Yet, there she stood with her hair the color of the earth cascading down her back as the world moved around her. Her body littered with scars of years of self hate and destruction, some faded and some healed wrong. Her she stands with amber eyes, the color of the embers the fire leaves, as the world comes to a halt. She stays on earth with the hope that things become better, that things heal and grow and can thrive. With her tending to the gardens others have left to die, she seeks solace in the beauty of earth. For it’s when humans see that bringing nothing but death and destruction has not brought them closer to peace but further from happiness, will she fix everything they have done and then take a step forward and lead.

for she is a goddess | vy

[elysiangods-blog]

It’s been nine months, one week, seven days and 3 hours since we broke up. Yet, no matter how hard I try to forget the pain you left me and how you never loved me, I’ve realize why I left in the first place. It was when your hand was on my thigh, slowly and steadily creeping higher and higher that I realized it was the weight of the world that was on my shoulders as I sat there letting you touch me. And no matter how many times I said no or removed your hand, you continued insisting that I wanted it because before I didn’t say no. When you pulled me under my umbrella to escape the rain and held me tightly, walking me home and not letting go until I was in my building no matter how much I tried to move away. It was when I wanted to get high, to forget the pain that was in my heart. Trying to forget the death of my grandmother, of my best friend yet you told me no and I shouldn’t make mistakes when I’m young. Yet, here I am now getting high to forget the pain people left me because I realized it was okay to make mistakes. I’m sixteen, I’m young, I’m free and it’s better to fuck up now then fuck up in the future. It was when you told me you loved me that I realized that I was in too deep to leave you because all I wanted was to feel wanted to feel love and no matter how heavy your hand felt on mine, at least it meant someone wanted me. At least I wasn’t alone, that someone wanted me. And you told me you loved me everyday whether it was a message left on my phone or a whisper in my ear as you told me goodbye it was something I held. It was when I started to distance myself away from you, started to hide and revert back to how I was before we started going out that I realized you never really cared. You reached out once or twice saying that you miss but after that you became a ghost, as if I was never there, as if I never meant anything to you. And it was that summer that I was glad you moved away, far from me and far from your heart because seeing your face only meant that I was reminded of everything I didn’t want to remember. It was when you deleted me off your phone and off of skype, erasing all our memories that I knew you didn’t want to remember me. Now I’m sitting on my bed, and it’s 3 a.m, realizing that I never wanted you the way you wanted me. I just wanted to be loved but there you were controlling what I said and what I did and it wasn’t healthy in the slightest. The weight of the world is gone and now I’m searching for someone to treat me right and show me what love really is. Someone who will let me make mistakes and is there to catch me when I fall. Someone who will take me to art museums and let me talk about my writing. Someone who’s hand doesn’t feel like lead on mine, heavy and deadly, because I realize that what you showed me wasn’t love.

for my love wasn’t enough; vy

[elysiangods-blog]

first love, first date, first heartbreak

i. first love

It’s falling hard and fast without a care in the world. It’s staring at him as if he’s a god and all you can do is worship him. It’s wide eyes and a flushed face when he calls you beautiful and tells you that you’re the only one for him. It’s talking to him until it was late at night and the only thing on your mind was him. It’s staring at his dark brown eyes, the color of the mahogany wood where you once stood when he told you he love you, promising comfort and truth.

ii. first date

It’s going to that park with your friends and getting pulled aside so he could be alone with you. It’s the walk in the park on a warm spring day with cherry blossoms in the trees, the only thing that can rival the color on your cheeks. His soft smile and his hand in yours is the only thing you can think about as you lay in the grass, staring as the clouds pass. It’s the conversation you two have as time passes by, yet you can’t think. It’s the soft touches along your skin and the soft whispers of love and adoration. It’s being called beautiful for the first time and having someone you can always talk to and it’s that day where he gave you a kiss, promising your worries away.

iii. first heartbreak

It’s lying in your bed at three a.m with tears streaking your face and shaking hands realizing that he never really loved you in the first place. It’s realizing that the blankets that cover your flushed skin hug you tighter then he ever has and for all those times he told you that you were more beautiful then the pictures that you took were all lies designed to have you fall in love with him even more. It’s realizing that once he left, he ripped your heart out and placed it on display for everyone to see. For you were the girl that fell in love blindly.

[elysiangods-blog]

I've fallen in love with someone who's a work of art. Beautiful but untouchable.

[elysiangods-blog]

00:02

I remember what it was like to first fall in love. I fell quickly and deeply. First with the idea of you and then with you. It was fast and unexpected.

[elysiangods-blog]

00:01

To find a way to convey how I feel is hard, because it's scratching my way through the pain and the beating heart that goes faster and faster with every breathe. It's wanting to scream at the top of my lungs because it hurts so much and my limbs feel heavy. It's trying to find the words to say when nothing can escape you except body shaking sobs and the mumbles of your feelings. It's talking out loud when nobody can hear you because when the words are out in the open you feel better. It's cold nights wondering what went wrong and when it went wrong because nothing has ever hurt this much.