I've been described as old, authentic and cold. Like an empty parlour... I've been described as warm, inviting and joyful. Like a parlour full of party guests.
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I plant roots so deeply in the people I love that I always lose a piece of myself when they go.
Beau Taplin (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
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Onions (i suppose)
Onions.
When someone asks one how they are, commonly the immediate response is shallow and it's suppose to evoke a desired reaction from the askee.
A quieter soul often says they are "doing well, thank you" sometimes the shit disturber says something along the lines of "fucking awful" or somewhere along the like, but honest or lying, we all hope for a specific response.
To be frank, if you ask me how I am doing, I will answer honestly. No matter how I am feeling I will answer honestly.
But here's the catch; sometimes even when the world makes no sense, sleep has evaded for days and every fibre of my being cries for relief (or to be blissfully unaware) I will truthfully answer: "I am fine thank you! How are YOU?"
Because my soul, my life, my cognitive , my innermost being... is fine. Usually it's good, even great.
I'm not saying I feel ok most of the time, for the truth is that 90% of the time everything is wrong and I'm heartbroken... but I'm still okay.
Because of sister layers that are odds and evens.
1) The outside is usually dry, sort of useless and shallow, but it protects the second layer that usually gets the most dirt, like when someone asks me if I'm okay and I say yeah! Because... well, read on... -2- is the layer where I worry about what I said two days ago, worry about the friend I haven't made time to call. Worried about the Mom who can't shake the bottle even though her kids eyes reflect pain in every drop she drinks. That worry is always there. Sometimes it turns into mold and threatens all the layers. The third layer is doing good! A-ok. Living life, occasionally making out. Chill, unbothered. Fourth layer, man it's tired... feels like it can't get out of bed or finish this job or like it can ever be warm again because it just didn't have the energy to cook food today. Fifth layer is freaking out, amaze-balls, STOKED AF to get out and see the world and all the people there are and paintings to paint and life to be had. Sneaky $ix is wondering if the dentist will take pity on someone who is helping support two parents. Maybe take out a tooth free of charge and offer some dentures. Number 7 is dancing in her safe little layer, to romantic music and soft lights. 8 usually cries when she gets lonely and homesick. 9 is drawing surrounded by chit chatterers, kind of lonely if you ask me... but content. The big #10, the heart of it all... well, everyone has a different #10. I hope you've found yours, maybe it's even the same as mine. Because the heart of this Onion is the hand of Jesus. This super spicy centre that started all of this contradicting emotion has found it's protected, safe, and joyful place to anchor to.
What are your layers like, onion friend?
#onions#friends#life#draw#paint#dance#ballet#hide#findingmyself#loving#prettylights#being human#layers#reading#listening#learning#visit#real#daughter#troubled#mind#build#support#dyingparents#hurting#healing#growing#protectme#God#yesthatisatoiletididntwanttocarryitoutsidesoidecoratedit
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