emmadozier-blog

[emmadozier-blog]

In 2018 when I was a senior in high school I struggled a lot with my anxiety and feeling alone. Growing up I always had an ideal relationship in my head of exactly what I wanted but nothing ever lived up to those expectations. By senior year I lost a lot of hope, especially with almost all my friends getting into relationships except for me. I was convinced that I needed to have a man in my life in order for me to be as happy as my friends. During this time I was also so worried about what other people thought of me and made me wonder why no one liked me enough to date me. I always felt like there was something wrong with me and this took a toll on my self-image. In the middle of the senior year, I went through a rough patch where I stopped caring about everything school, friends, and my family. This is when I really related to the song Inbetween by Russ. In the song, Russ says “In between high, in between drunk, In between love and I don't give a fuck” which mirrored my emotions during this time. Since I didn’t care about anything I would get high by myself and steal my parent’s alcohol when I felt lonely. I became someone that I didn’t like and I wanted to be better than this. I could relate with Russ through his music because he went through a similarly hard time in his life. With the help of his music, and my friends and family, I eventually got through it but it was tough for me. Russ was my favorite artist at the time and I constantly listened to his song but this one had a big impact on the decisions I made at this time in my life. It helped having music I could relate to throughout my life and listen to escape when I neede it. Although it reminds me of a hard time in my life I know that it made me a better person and made me realize my self-worth. I felt after these years of support from friends and family and experiences that have impacted my life forever I was able to find my true self and my gender identity.

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 In 2017 I started watching a YouTuber named Benny who had a song called Little Games that has a really powerful message. Once my sister showed me this song the words really stuck with me and shaped my views on gender roles today. Like Melaine Martinez, Benny sings from society’s standpoint but instead, Benny addresses the issue of the gender roles society has created. Society has collectively created their own roles that are “normal” for each gender, for example, girls are meant to look presentable, play with dolls, and be polite where boys are supposed to play sports, be strong and not show emotion. Growing up I always thought this was just how boys and girls always were and it wasn’t until I was older I realized that these gender roles were just made up by society. Holding people to these gender roles makes people think they need to change themselves for a society that is toxic to our fight for gender.  Society has always essentialized people meaning they are categorizing a person on their gender which causes a lot of assumptions to be made. Listening to this song made me realize it’s okay to break the gender roles society made and become more of who I am. I started breaking the girly mindset and finding my own style that wasn’t based on my gender. This song was more of a learning lesson for me and made me more openminded to different views. I think that gender is just a construct to separate us but hoping one day we can all live equally as humans not male or female. This song was more of a learning lesson for me and made me more openminded to different views 

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In 2016 when I was a sophomore in high school, one of my favorite artists was and still is to this day is Nicki Minaj. She has been the only consistent female rapper for over a decade, coming out with hit singles about female empowerment and embracing your body and sexuality. In her songs, she addresses how hard it is to make it in a business that’s full of men. But she defies the odds and becomes the biggest female rappers in the industry. Another reason Nicki inspires me is that she embraces her sexuality and defies old fashion ideas of women’s gender roles by being more provocative and rebellious. Listening to her music gave me more confidence to be comfortable with who I am as well as embrace my sexuality. Her songs about women and self-empowerment such as Feeling Myself, made me proud of being a woman today. Although many of her songs are deemed inappropriate a lot of her underrated music has great messages. She tells stories about her life through her songs such as, All Things Go and is someone that I could relate to as a real person not just a celebrity. She sings about real issues in her own life that many other people are going through or have gone through including me. Listening to music I can relate to helps me realize I’m not alone and people are going through the same things as I am. She is someone I have always looked up to because she fought to get to the top and always stayed true to who she was. Her confidence inspires me and singing along to her songs gives me the confidence that she exudes when she sings them. Listening and singing to her music really helped my confidence grow and gave me someone inspiring to look up to when I needed it.  

[emmadozier-blog]

In 2015 I was a freshman in high school and was really struggling with my self-confidence. One song I felt helped me during this difficult time was Mrs. Potato Head by Melanie Martinez. This song is about women changing the way they look with plastic surgery and injections to be desirable to men and society. In the song, she sings from society's perspective when she says “Don't be dramatic it's only some plastic, no one will love you if you're unattractive.” Melaine makes a big statement in this song saying that society is encouraging us to change the way we look for other people. Growing up women are always expected to look their best and act in a polite presentable this is an example of a gender role that society has set for women. I agree that society does influence many women with social media, advertisements, and magazines idolizing unrealistic body types. Its constantly surrounding you and seeing this every day, knowing I didn't look like the models in the pictures caused me to go through a really hard time accepting myself. Hearing someone I look up to write a song about exactly what I was going through helped me realize that normal people don't look like the girls we see on social media. Also knowing that other people felt the same way I did made me feel like I wasn't alone and it's not abnormal to feel this way. Although I struggled all throughout high school with feeling comfortable in my skin, songs like this made it a little easier each day.

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In 2014 I was in 8th grade, my last year before high school, I started maturing and starting gaining an interested in boys. Also during this time my first heartthrobs One Direction were coming out with hit songs like, Little Things and That’s What Makes You Beautiful. I was a hardcore Directioner in my middle school years and listened to their music all day, every day. I wanted what they sang about which was always songs centered around girls, relationships, heartbreak, and love. They use language that evaluates gender by using juvinile words like a baby, doll, girlie to target their audience. Listening to these songs made me boy crazy and desperate for a relationship like in their songs. This is the time I felt I knew who I was interested in and started expanding my dating horizons. I had a picture of what I wanted in a relationship because of their songs and all in middle school I tried to search for that. Little did I know we were too young and boys were too immature, but ever since then I’ve known what I wanted in a future relationship. Like in the song Little Things, I want someone who will love me for everything about me good and bad, always be there for me, always be honest with me, and always respect me. I have always held these values very high and I think it’s important to know what you need for yourself in life in order to make the best decisions. One Directions music taught me a lot about what I wanted in a relationship but their music also taught me a lot about what I wanted and needed for myself. I always go back and listen to their music and it has a whole new meaning to me it shaped me into who I was back then and into who I am today.  

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In 2013 I was in 7th grade and just starting middle school as well as starting to find myself. Growing up my parents have always exposed us to their old school music taste and Boheminum Rapsodey has been our family song for as long as I can remember. When Freddie Mercury was asked about the meaning behind this song he said, “It’s one of those songs which has such a fantasy feel about it. I think people should just listen to it, think about it, and then make up their own minds as to what it says to them.“ To me whenever I hear this song I immediately think about my family, especially my mom and dad, singing it on vacations, in the car, and around the house. I also love how unique and different the song is from anything else yet people love it because of this. My parents are two people I have always looked up to growing up and they have always loved and supported me no matter what. My parents have always told me from a young age that I can love whoever I want and to be whoever I want to be. Although I identify as a Cisgender female, meaning I was born a female and also identify as a heterosexual female they would support me no matter how I identified. Having unconditional love and support from my parents made me comfortable to explore my own skin and find who I am.