emmaseppala

[emmaseppala]

3 Science Backed Reasons to Take That Vacation – Now.

Photo by Seth Doyle on Unsplash

Americans generally believe that they need to “deserve” their vacations—that they should work hard, even push themselves, before they actually take a break.

In researching my book, The Happiness Track, I came across these startling statistics:

Although Americans have fewer vacation days than people in any other country, they have been taking less and less vacation over the last 15 years.

Fifty-five percent of Americans did not use all their vacation days in 2015.

Even when they actually do take vacation, 41 percent are checking into work while away (i.e., they are not fully unplugging).

84 percent of U.S. executives have cancelled vacations in order to work.

There may be cultural reasons for this phenomenon. Countries most influenced by the Protestant work ethic, like the United States, place a lot of value on industriousness and proving oneself—as opposed to countries influenced by Catholicism, which is a salvation-based religion. In Catholic-influenced France, for example, 90 percent of people take all of their vacation days (despite having more than twice as many—30!—as most Americans).

Ironically, while Americans may pride themselves on their hard work and dedication, research suggests that we will actually work harder, perform better, and have greater health, stamina, and enthusiasm for our work if we take time off.

Three ways vacation is good for you

Research suggests that leisure is an important predictor of our well-being and satisfaction with life, including our health, work engagement, creativity, and even marital satisfaction.

1. Vacation is relaxing. We often take vacations in order to relax, but do they actually work? Scientists out of the University of California, San Francisco, examined this question with a rigorous study: They looked at the impact of a resort vacation and a meditation retreat on biological measures of stress and immune function. The data showed that a resort vacation not only makes us feel more energetic and less stressed than we were before we took the vacation, it also leads to a strong and immediate impact on molecular networks associated with stress and immune function. Participants who attended the meditation retreat also showed a boost in antiviral activity.

So pick your favorite leisure activity: surfing in the sun and hanging under the cabana, or sitting on a zafu and taking yoga.

2. Breaks make you more productive. Another personal and professional advantage of taking vacations is the ability to detach from work.

Sabine Sonnentag, professor of organizational psychology at the University of Mannheim in Germany, finds that the inability to detach from work comes with symptoms of burnout, which of course impact well-being and productivity. However, disengaging from work when you are not at work, she finds, makes us more resilient in the face of stress and more productive and engaged at work. Even a short weekend getaway can provide significant work-stress recovery, while longer trips away provide even more relief.

After a vacation, 64 percent of people say that they are ”refreshed and excited to get back to my job.” It’s a win-win both for employees and organizations alike, especially given the fact that unused vacation costs U.S. business $224 billion per year.

3. A change of pace boosts creativity. Another professional advantage from taking time off is a boost in creativity. Across countries and industries, CEOs rate creativity as the #1 most important trait for all incoming employees. Yet researcher Kyung Hee Kim, author of The Creativity Challenge, has shown that we are facing a dramatic “creativity crisis,” with creativity scores dropping significantly in younger generations. Here again, more vacations and leisure may help.

Many workers tend to specialize in their own field, and fail to explore new areas or diversify their interests. Yet research shows that being exposed to new and different experiences actually boosts your creativity. For example, one study showed that hiking in nature disconnected from all devices for four days—a very unusual experience in our day and age—led to a 50 percent spike in creativity.

Brain imaging studies show that doing nothing, being idle, daydreaming, and relaxingcreate alpha waves in the brain that are key to creative insights and innovative breakthroughs. And research by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, author of Positivity, has shown that positive emotions—the kind we feel on a relaxing, playful vacation—make us more inventive and able to think outside the box.

How to make the most of your vacation

When planning your time off, keep in mind that all leisure activities are not created equal. A German study comparing different leisure activities showed that while spending time with friends, doing sports, and vacationing boost your well-being substantially, other leisure activities including Internet browsing and TV watching do not; in fact, they lead to lower satisfaction with life. That means that your couch isn’t necessarily the best vacation destination.

Depending on your age and gender, research by Iva Sverko and colleagues has shown, different leisure activities may lead to greater well-being—but for people of all ages, leisure activities like visiting friends and family and going to church are positively linked to well-being. Later in life, for example, social activities seem to be particularly important. This finding makes sense since a large and growing body of research shows that the degree to which we are socially connected across our lifespan significantly improves our physical and psychological health, and even our longevity.

When should you schedule your time away from work? Some of us are so good at delayed gratification that we’re constantly putting off our vacations, thinking we’ll enjoy our “well-deserved” leisure more later—after we write that report, finish that big project, or get a promotion. But this is not necessarily true: A new study shows that fun times are fun times no matter what, and we enjoy them just as much whether they come before or after hard work. Also, the professional and personal benefits that we get from leisure time may help us succeed at our work goals.

So plan your vacation now. Better yet, don’t get caught up in too much planning. Another recent study suggests that spontaneous leisure activities are more rewarding than planned ones. So let your hair down, play hooky, and let loose once in a while. There’s still some summer left, so enjoy!

  Find out more about why your happiness and time off actually makes you more (rather than less) productive in The Happiness Track. 

    A version of this article originally appeared on Greater Good Science Center

http://ift.tt/2fKRfeF Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2vDbfpa from Blogger http://ift.tt/2v2hijL

[emmaseppala]

11 Keys to Mastering Difficult Conversations

As a happiness and workplace well-being researcher, I hear these questions all the time: What’s the best way to master difficult conversations? How can we give feedback with a good outcome?

After all, such talks are inevitable, at home and at work. I’ve written a number of articles on the topic; here is a summary of that work, including tips from my book The Happiness Track and great advice from my colleague Kim Cameron, author of the highly informative book Positive Leadership:

1. Deliver more positive than negative feedback.

High-performing organizations deliver roughly five times as many positive statements (supportive, appreciative, encouraging) as negative ones (critical, disapproving, contradictory). This is because bad is stronger than good; our brains focus on negative feedback more than positive feedback. (You know this if you’ve ever had one bad conversation ruin your whole day.) Positive communication correlates with much higher worker engagement, our research suggests. You can correct your employees, even criticize or confront them, but you want to do so in a positive context. That is when you will see the best results and maintain morale and engagement.

2. Focus on communicating the other person’s strengths, unique contributions, and best-self demonstrations.

Traditionally, we tend to focus on giving employees critical feedback. However, by focusing on their weaknesses, we only create competence. By focusing on their strengths, we create excellence. Be as specific about positive feedback as you are about negative feedback. We usually gloss over the strengths, mentioning them briefly, but then focus in much greater detail on the critical feedback. Remember to add examples and details to your positive feedback.

3. Emphasize collaboration and commonalities.

Try to stay objective when you speak about a negative event. Describe the problematic situation, rather than evaluating it; identify objective consequences or your personal feelings associated with it, rather than placing blame); and suggest acceptable alternatives, rather than arguing about who is right or at fault.

4. Be aware of your facial expression.

We deduce how someone is helping from their facial expression. Someone’s smile activates the smile muscles in your own face, while their frown activates your frown muscles, according to research by Ulf Dimberg. We internally register what another person is feeling by experiencing it in our own body. Smiling is so important to social interactions that we can discern whether someone is smiling even if we can’t see them. Your smile is thus something to think about even if you are delivering feedback over the phone. Smile appropriately to project warmth and goodwill.

5. Maintain eye contact.

Eyes really are the windows to the soul: You can predictably determine someone’s emotions from their gaze. Eye contact is the crucial first step for resonance, or a person’s ability to read someone else’s emotions. It’s also important for creating a feeling of connection. Make and maintain eye contact when you’re giving someone feedback.

6. Control your voice.

From infancy, we are acutely aware of the voices of people we consider important, and the way we feel about another person shifts the way we speak. The tone of our voice, more than the words themselves, can give away how we feel. In fact, new research shows that we can often predict someone’s emotions from their voice.

7. Take an easy posture.

The way a person sits — slumped or sitting tall, arms open or crossed — transmits a message. When we walk into a room and find someone sitting with their arms crossed, we feel less connected to them. Having your chest open, arms uncrossed, making sure to keep nodding, smiling, and vocalizing (saying things like “mm-hmm” and “yes”) will help. Make sure you take on a non-dominant stance. Your role is already powerful; the best way for the other party to hear you is if you are not domineering.

8. Breathe.

Research shows that the emotions we feel change the way that we breathe. You have probably noticed that when you’re stressed or angry you breathe quickly and shallowly, and when tired or exasperated, you are more likely to sigh. Similarly, when we are with someone who sighs a lot, we may feel that they are annoyed at us. Before your conversation, try to take some deep, calming breaths. When you exhale, your heart rate and blood pressure decrease, so focus on breathing out longer than you breathe in. Doing this for a couple of minutes before a meeting will help you start from a place of calm. That calmness will also help your interlocutor feel more at ease.

9. Pay attention.

Our mind wanders 50 percent of the time, research suggests. Moreover, given our busy schedules and the messages and emails that pop onto our screens all day, we are sometimes not present with the people in front of us: We’re still processing something that happened earlier, or thinking about an article we just read or a call we just had. The people you are talking to can tell. When you are not fully present, you are less likely to hear them and respond skillfully, let alone understand where they are coming from.

10. Be authentic.

Even if you follow all of the other tips listed here, it’s critical that you be authentic, or all of your efforts will backfire. Just think of how you feel when you’re around someone who seems to be something they are not: We often walk away feeling uncomfortable or manipulated — and our blood pressure rises in the face of inauthenticity, according to research by James Gross at Stanford.

11. Show compassion.

Rather than seeing the feedback situation as “work” or something you need to get through, see the conversation as an opportunity to connect with another person who has their own needs and pain. Everyone, at some point, goes through tough times, sad times, painful times. By remembering the human experiences we all share, you will find that you are able to bring kindness and compassion into the conversation. If you are giving feedback, you will probe into what has prompted your employee to act a certain way, and you will find the right words to encourage a different type of behavior. Research shows that employees feel greater loyalty and are inspired to work harder for managers who are compassionate and kind.

Read Emma’s full book on the topic: The Happiness Track

You’re reading 11 Keys to Mastering Difficult Conversations by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2tWSfyt Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2vgaGlT from Blogger http://ift.tt/2vlKt4Q

[emmaseppala]

6 Pieces of Bad Advice We Give Our Kids – And What to Do Instead

Most parents want their kids to be successful in life—and so we teach them attitudes that we believe will help them achieve their goals. But as I learned while researching my book The Happiness Track, many widely-held theories about what it takes to be successful are proving to be counterproductive.

Sure, they may produce results in the short term. But eventually, they lead to burnout and—get this—less success. Here are a few of the most damaging things many of us are currently teaching our children about success, and what to teach them instead.

What we tell our kids: Focus on the future. Keep your eyes on the prize.

What we should be telling them: Live (or work) in the moment.

It’s hard to stay tightly focused. Research shows our minds tend to wander 50% of the time we’re awake. And when our minds wander, we often start to brood over the past or worry about the future—thereby leading to negative emotions like anger, regret, and stress.

A mind that is constantly trying to focus upon the future—from getting good grades to applying to colleges—will be prone to greater anxiety and fear. While a little bit of stress can serve as a motivator, long-term chronic stress impairs our health as well as our intellectual faculties, such as attention and memory. As a consequence, focusing too hard on the future can actually impair our performance.

Children do better, and feel happier, if they are learn how to stay in the present moment. And when people feel happy, they’re able to learn faster, think more creatively, and problem-solve more easily. Studies even suggest that happiness makes you 12% more productive. Positive emotions also make you more resilient to stress—helping you to overcome challenges and setbacks more quickly so you can get back on track.

It’s certainly good for children to have goals they’re working toward. But instead of always encouraging them to focus on what’s next on their to-do list, help them stay focused on the task or conversation at hand.

What we tell our kids: Stress is inevitable—keep pushing yourself.

What we should be telling them instead: Learn to chill out.

Children are feeling anxious at younger and younger ages, worrying about grades and feeling pressure to do better at school. Most distressingly, we’re even seeing stress-induced suicides in children—especially in high-achieving areas like Palo Alto in Silicon Valley.

The way we conduct our lives as adults often communicates to children that stress is an unavoidable part of leading a successful life. We down caffeine and over-schedule ourselves during the day, living in a constant state of overdrive and burning ourselves out—and at night, we’re so wired that we use alcohol, sleep medication, or Xanax to calm down.

All in all, this is not a good lifestyle to model for children. It’s no surprise that research shows that children whose parents are dealing with burnout at work are more likely than their peers to experience burnout at school.

I recommend that parents consider teaching their children the skills they will need to be more resilient in the face of stressful events. While we can’t change the work and life demands that we face at work and at school, we can use techniques such as meditation, yoga and breathing to better deal with the pressures we face. These tools help children learn to tap into their parasympathetic “rest and digest” nervous system (as opposed to the “fight or flight” stress response).

What we tell our kids: Stay busy.

What we should be telling them: Have fun doing nothing.

Even in our leisure time, people in Western societies tend to value high-intensity positive emotions like excitement, as opposed to low-intensity emotions like calm. (The opposite is true in East Asian countries.) This means that our kids’ schedules are often packed to the brim with extracurricular activities and family outings, leaving little downtime.

There’s nothing wrong with excitement, fun, and seeking out new experiences. But excitement, like stress, exhausts our physiology by tapping into our “fight or flight” system—and so we can unwittingly prompt our children to burn through their energy after school or on weekends, leaving them with fewer resources for the times when they need it most.

Moreover, research shows that our brains are more likely to come up with brilliant ideas when we are not focusing (thus the proverbial a-ha moment in the shower). So instead of over-scheduling kids, we should be blocking out time when they can be left to their own devices. Children can turn any situation—whether they are sitting in a waiting room or walking to school—into an opportunity for play. They may also choose calming activities like reading a book, taking the dog for a walk, or simply lying under a tree and staring up at the clouds—all of which will allow them to approach the rest of their lives from a more centered, peaceful place. Giving your kids downtime will help them to be more creative and innovative. And just as importantly, it will help them learn to relax.

The point here is not to never challenge them or deprive them of opportunities for learning, the point is not to overschedule and overcommit them to the point where they don’t have opportunities to learn independent play, to be with themselves and daydream, to learn to be happy just being rather than always doing. 

What we tell our kids: Play to your strengths.

What we should be telling them: Make mistakes and learn to fail.

Parents tend to identify their children by their strengths and the activities that come naturally to them. They say their child is a “ a math person,” a “people person,” or “an artist.” But research by Stanford University’s Carol Dweck shows that this mindset actually boxes your child into a persona, and makes them less likely to want to try new things that they may not be good at. When a kid receives praise primarily for being athletic, for example, they’re less likely to want to leave their comfort zone and try out for drama club. This can make them more anxious and depressed when faced with failure or challenges. Why? Because they believe that, if they encounter obstacles in a given area, that make them “not good at” the activity.

But our brains are wired to learn new things. And it can only be a good thing to learn from our mistakes while we’re young. So instead identifying your child’s strengths, teach them that they actually canlearn anything—as long as they try. Research by Dweck, author of best-selling book Mindset, shows children will then be more optimistic and even enthusiastic in the face of challenges, knowing that they just need to give it another go to improve. And they will be less likely to feel down about themselves and their talents.

What we tell our kids: Know your weaknesses, and don’t be soft.

What we should be telling them: Treat yourself well.

We also tend to think that criticism is important for self-improvement. But while self-awareness is of course important, parents often inadvertently teach their children to be too self-critical. If a parent tells a child that she should try to be more outgoing, for example, the child may internalize that as a criticism of her naturally introverted personality.

But research on self-criticism shows that it is basically self-sabotage. It keeps you focused on what’s wrong with you, thereby decreasing your confidence. It makes you afraid of failure, which hurts your performance, makes you give up more easily, and leads to poor decision-making. And self-criticism makes you more likely to be anxious and depressed when faced with a challenge.

Instead, parents should encourage children to develop attitudes of self-compassion—which means treating yourself as you would a friend in times of failure or pain. This doesn’t mean that your children should be self-indulgent or let themselves off the hook when they mess up. It simply means that they learn not to beat themselves up. A shy child with self-compassion, for example, will tell herself that it’s okay to feel shy sometimes and that her personality simply isn’t as outgoing as others —and that she can set small, manageable goals to come out of her shell. This mindset will allow her to excel in the face of challenge, develop new social skills, and learn from mistakes.

What we tell our kids: It’s a dog-eat-dog world—so look out for number one.

What we should be telling them: Show compassion to others.

Research shows that, from childhood onward, our social connections are the most important predictor of health, happiness, and even longevity. Having positive relationships with other people is essential for our well-being, which in turn influences our intellectual abilities and ultimate success.

Moreover, likability is one of the strongest predictors of success—regardless of actual skills. Wharton professor Adam Grant’s book Give & Take shows that you express compassion to those around you and create supportive relationships instead of remaining focused on yourself, you will actually be more successful in the long term—as long as you don’t let yourself be taken advantage of.

Children are naturally compassionate and kind. But as psychologist Jean Twenge has written about in her book Generation Me, young people are also becoming increasingly self-involved. So it’s important to encourage children’s natural instincts to care about other people’s feelings and learn to put themselves in other people’s shoes.

It’s true that it’s a tough world out there. But it would be a lot less tough if we all emphasized cutthroat competition less, and put a higher premium on learning to get along.

Read Emma’s full book on the topic: The Happiness Track

Source: HarperOne

  You’re reading 6 Pieces of Bad Advice We Give Our Kids – And What to Do Instead by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2vkDGsp Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2uVRM0Y from Blogger http://ift.tt/2tXbwA7

[emmaseppala]

The Powerful Yet Little-Known Benefits of Greening Up Your Space

Wellness programs are becoming an integral priority for most human resource managers. After all, research shows that a happier workplace is more productive. To this end, workplaces are adding health-related perks from exercise rooms to yoga classes. Leaders are coached, learning emotional intelligence, and participating in mindfulness and compassion trainings. However, there is one important wellness factor that many are forgetting – yet it may be the most potent of all: access to greenery.

Green spaces aren’t just air-fresheners that are pleasant to look at, they can actually significantly boost employee well-being, reduce their stress, enhance their innovative potential and boost their sense of connection to one another. Yet Richard Louv, author of the Nature Principal, argues that nature is so important to physical, mental and even spiritual health, that he has coined the term “nature-deficit disorder.”Adding a little wilderness to your corporate offices may just be the smartest move you can do this year.

Green Spaces Improve Your Health

For one, exposure to green spaces profoundly enhances physical and mental well-being. Organizational health costs could be significantly lowered by introducing more green spaces and plants into an office space. Studies are showing these interventions can reduce not just everyday stress but also boost general health.  Taking walks in nature lowers anxiety and depression while boosting mood and well-being, a large-scale study showed. Exposure to more light can boost Vitamin D levels which are known to increase mood, especially in colder months. Another reason for nature’s health benefits – including lowering risks of depression, obesity, diabetes and cancer – that scientists are proposing is that exposure to nature benefits our immune system. The immune system certainly receives a boost from stress-reduction. The sounds of nature trigger a relaxation response in the brain. Exposure to natural environments lowers stress, including its physiological correlates the “stress hormone” cortisol, heart rate and blood pressure. By boosting mood, natural environments may also lower inflammation at the cellular level.  In short, even a small green intervention like plants at work can significantly boost employee happiness, and we know that happiness is a powerful predictor of an organization’s success.

Green Spaces Boost Your Intellect & Decision-Making

Second, greener office environments can boost employee performance and decision-making. One study found that exposure to greenery through office plants boosted not just employee well-being but also productivity  – by 15%! Lead researcher Marlon Nieuwenhuis concludes: “Our research suggests that investing in landscaping the office with plants will pay off through an increase in office workers’ quality of life and productivity.” For one, plants, natural environments and greener offices offer superior air quality which in turn strengthens employee cognitive function – allowing them to perform at their best. Moreover, research shows that exposure to a natural environment helps people be less impulsive (while urban settings do the opposite). In this particular study, participants were asked if they’d prefer to make $100 immediately or $150 in 90 days. Those who had either been in a natural environment (or simply looked at photos of a natural environment) were more likely to make the more rational and beneficial decision: wait for the $150. Such was not the case for those exposed to cityscapes. Exposure to nature may therefore foster boost superior decision-making which includes better foresight. Exposure to natural environments also strengthens attention and may even help strengthen memory. Finally, we know that the #1 trait leaders look for in incoming employees is creativity, and exposure to natural environments dramatically improves our ability to think outside the box and make superior decisions.

Green Spaces Strengthen Your Values

Third, nature can actually positively impact workplace culture by strengthening employees’ values and leading to greater harmony and connection to one another. Exposure to nature doesn’t just make you feel and think better, it also makes you behave better. People who have spent time in a natural environment – for example they’ve just come out of a park – are more likely to notice when others need help  and to help them. In line with these findings, researchers at the University of Rochester found that exposure to nature made participants value community and connectedness over more superficial concerns like personal gain and fame. Participants also became more generous and willing to share with others.  As the lead author Netta Weinstein observes, “we are influenced by our environment in ways we are not aware of….to the extent that our links with nature are disrupted, we may also lose some connection with each other.” Given that there are fewer and fewer “human moments” in the workplace yet that employees happiness and well-being is in large part due to positive social connections with other people, embracing greener environments could be tremendously beneficial for a workplace. Other studies have confirmed that exposure to nature leads to less antisocial behavior and more social connection and harmony.

What dose is needed? 5 minutes is enough – especially when coupled with exercise like walking or running, some studies find. In many of the studies mentioned above, the effect didn’t come after significant periods of time immersed in nature. Participants often simply looked at pictures of nature (vs urban environments) for a few minutes or worked in an office with (or without) plants – easy touches to add to a work setting.

While creating a “green office” or home may seem daunting, it really isn’t.

Easy ways you can make your office or home space greener 

– Encourage your staff to have “walking meetings”

– Encourage your staff to sit outside or in naturally lit areas on breaks or over lunch

– Provide outdoor walking, meeting and sitting spaces

– If outdoor spaces are not available or you are in an urban environment, create indoor gardens or green “edible” walls, include fountains

– Open windows, allow outside air and natural sounds into your workspace, if this is not possible, play nature sounds in your break and lunch areas

– Light rooms with natural sunlight as much as possible, open blinds

– Display nature photography or artwork

– Play nature videos or nature slides on your television or display screens

– Place as many plants as you can prominently around the office (making sure a designated person takes good care of them)

– Move your office closer to a park or natural environment

  As German poet Rainer Marie Rilke so elegantly wrote:

“If we surrendered

to earth’s intelligence

we could rise up rooted, like trees.”

This article is co-written with Johann Berlin, CEO of TLEX.  A version of this article first appeared on Harvard Business Review

You’re reading The Powerful Yet Little-Known Benefits of Greening Up Your Space by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2tczbiM Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2sTfQAq from Blogger http://ift.tt/2sexxJ3

[emmaseppala]

5 Ways to Boost Your Mental Energy – Infographic

We’ve all been there: the afternoon slump, the slow morning, the work daze. While researching The Happiness Track, I discovered that 50% of people are burned out across professions. We’re facing a literal energy crisis.

The good news is that there are some science-based tips to help us have more energy that I shared in my book. Below is an infographic that can give you some of my favorite tips.

    These tips really work if you put them into practice. I know I do every day and it makes a huge difference. Let me know how they work out for you!

You’re reading 5 Ways to Boost Your Mental Energy – Infographic by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2rKGcmR Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2t0jw5L from Blogger http://ift.tt/2t4pjrk

[emmaseppala]

How to Support Others Without Burning Out

Evan Kirby/Unsplash

In our over-stressed world, many health care providers, social workers, and caregivers are suffering from slow yet painful burnout. Many of the rest of us, working long hours and raising families, seem to be approaching burnout, too. Sometimes we may feel that we’re too exhausted to keep giving to others, even though giving is a primary source of happiness in our lives.

So how can we keep giving without burning out? We’re told that self-care is the answer: Give yourself a treat; you deserve it. Take some time for yourself. Say no.

Indeed, a research review found that psychologists in training who practice more self-care report feeling less distressed and stressed and more satisfied with life. The question is: What does self-care look like, and how much of it do we need?

As it turns out, the trick is to be other-focused and kind, but to balance that with taking care of yourself as well. Here are some practices to help you do that.

1. Self-compassion

One particularly potent form of self-care involves transforming our relationship with ourselves—in particular, practicing self-compassion.

Self-compassion is treating yourself as you would a friend—with kindness rather than self-judgment—especially at times when you fail. Self-compassion is remembering that we all make mistakes, instead of beating ourselves up. And it means being mindful of emotions and thoughts without getting overly immersed in them. Self-compassion doesn’t mean being indulgent or letting yourself off the hook, but it also doesn’t mean being overly self-critical and harsh.

Elaine Beaumont at the University of Salford has conducted numerous studies looking at the impact of self-compassion on burnout and compassion fatigue. In a study of 100 student midwives—who routinely see both the miracle of new life and the tragedies that can accompany childbirth—Beaumont and her team found that midwives who had higher levels of self-compassion also showed less burnout and compassion fatigue symptoms. The opposite was true of midwives who were highly self-critical. She repeated this study with different caretaker professions and found similar results in nurses and students training to be counselors and psychotherapists.

In addition to being protected against burnout, people who are more self-compassionate tend to report feeling less stress and negative emotions. They’re also more optimistic and feel more happiness and other positive emotions, among other benefits.

To practice self-compassion, try some of the exercises that pioneering self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff has studied and written about in her book on self-compassion, such as writing a Self-Compassionate Letter, taking a Self-Compassion Break, or asking yourself: How Would I Treat a Friend?

2. Social connection

Caring for ourselves also means seeking social connections, who can provide practical and emotional support to us when we’re struggling. A study of nurses found that belonging to a more cohesive group at work helps prevent burnout and compassion fatigue, reducing the effects of stress and trauma.

This should come as no surprise: Social connection, from birth to old age, is one of our greatest human needs. Social connection leads to lower rates of anxiety and depression, strengthens our immune system, and can even lengthen our life.

Researchers agree that social connection has less to do with the number of friends you have than with how connected you feel on the inside, subjectively. In other words, you don’t have to be a social butterfly to reap the benefits; just aim to cultivate an internal sense of belonging with those around you.

How? The tricky part is that stress is linked to self-focus; our stressed minds turn towards me, myself, and I—making us even more miserable and disconnected from others. Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, and walks in nature, as well as curbing caffeine, can all help us calm down and feel ready to reach out to others. A study we conducted at Stanford showed that loving-kindness meditation can be a quick way to nurture a sense of connection. Better yet, try meditating with a partner!

3. Empathy and compassion

It might seem counterintuitive that empathy—which includes attending to others’ struggles—would help us with our own, particularly for caregivers. But research in social workers shows that having more empathy can also prevent burnout. Brain-imaging research by Tania Singer suggests that compassion training can actually make you better at coping with other people’s suffering—helping you help others without paying the cost yourself.

One potential explanation for this finding is that, by developing feelings like compassion and empathy, we are protected from feeling distressed or overwhelmed in the face of suffering. When you truly connect with another person who is suffering, you can actually feel empowered and energized because you are inspired to uplift that person.

We’ve all had the experience of having a friend ask for help during a time of emergency. In these moments, we are usually capable of so much more than we imagined—we seem to find hidden reserves of energy. Afterward, we end up feeling much better than we did before.

Again, loving-kindness meditation is one way to start to cultivate empathy. When you speak with someone who is suffering, practicing active listening can help you provide comfort and support to them without having to solve their problems.

The benefits of giving

If we can figure out how to continue giving to others without suffering from burnout, we can expect to reap many benefits.

For example, volunteering can have a positive impact on health, with benefits for obesity, blood glucose, blood pressure, and longevity. Older volunteers can derive a great feeling of purpose and self-esteem from volunteering; research shows that it makes them feel happier, more connected to others, and more confident of their self-worth. The benefits of volunteering for well-being seem to be universal, holding across cultures as well as generations.

Other studies have found that we’re happier when we spend money on others, and that we experience more positive emotions when we engage in acts of kindness for others, rather than ourselves. As a researcher of happiness and someone who has written a book on the topic, I can attest to  the many, many studies that have been written on the topic.

If you are shy or introverted or even have social anxiety, giving to others can actually still increase your happiness. Although giving tends to feel better when we connect with beneficiaries, for the truly shy or those who don’t have time, even kind acts conducted over the computer can increase well-being. Finally, as Adam Grant has shown in his book Give & Take, being a giver also leads to greater professional success.

Self-compassion, social connection, and empathy are powerful forms of self-care—but that doesn’t mean that traditional self-care activities have no place in our lives. Keeping your spirits up with exercise, sleeping in, and making room for fun activities like movies or shopping are important. These pleasures give us short bursts of happiness that can help fuel us and keep us playful in life. To complement these more physical pleasures, however, giving and connecting with others in positive ways will bring us long-lasting feelings of joy that come from a life of purpose and meaning. The balance between the two is a ripe recipe for a happy, long, and fulfilling life.

  A version of this article originally appeared on Greater Good Science Center.

You’re reading How to Support Others Without Burning Out by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2rDFx6N Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2sRQKE5 from Blogger http://ift.tt/2sVdkwK

[emmaseppala]

Why So Many People Feel Lonely & What To Do About It

Chetan Menaria/Unsplash

About a month ago, a group of about 20 men—all fathers in their 30s and 40s—gathered at a home in Oakland, California to talk fatherhood. Alarmingly, when asked how many of them had “real friends”—the kind of confidantes with whom they could talk honestly and vulnerably about life on a regular basis, through good times and bad—only two people raised their hands.

It might be tempting to interpret this sense of isolation as a crisis of masculinity in the US. But the available research suggests that loneliness is a problem that supersedes gender. In a revealing sociological study, a large percentage of Americans report having shrinking networks and fewer relationships. The average American has only one close confidante, the same study showed. And the leading reason people seek out counseling is loneliness.

The Reason We’re Lonely

Why do so many Americans feel disconnected from one another? Many critics have blamed social media and smartphones. But the truth is that online social platforms often help us feel more connected to our communities—not less. The larger issue lies not with technology, but with Americans’ individualistic ideology.

Americans like to think of themselves as independent, unique and autonomous, as a classic study by Stanford psychology professor Hazel Markus has shown and described in her book Clash: How to Thrive in a Multicultural World. Like other individualistic cultures, mostly in Western Europe but also in some immigrant cultures, Americans want to stand out.

This individualistic mindset is in part the result of the Protestant work ethic, which heavily influenced US culture with the idea that every man has to prove his own worth in the face of God. Similar ideas were also emphasized by American transcendentalists including Ralph Waldo Emerson. In Emerson’s essay “Self-Reliance,” he claims that it is the job of individuals to find their own voice, path, and life calling. “Be yourself,” he wrote, “no best imitator of another, but your best self.” Immigrant culture also influenced American individualism, as our ancestors strove to forge their own path toward the American Dream.

Individualism in the US can differ by socioeconomic level. Working-class Americans tend to act more collectivistically, according to research by Kellogg School of Management professor Nicole Stephens. For example, people of higher economic status tend to be more independent, whereas poorer people often tend to be more collectivistic. But in general, Americans pride themselves on their independence, on their ability to succeed and pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

Our quest for independence may also be responsible for our current crisis of loneliness. We know from decades of research described in our book The Happiness Track that our greatest need—after food and shelter—is for social connection. From birth through old age, we need to feel that we belong. Yet we can easily become isolated from one another. Some of us get competitive when we compare ourselves with our peers; others get trapped in 12-hour work days or scatter across the country in the quest for achievement. We drown in workaholism and the busyness of life, then numb ourselves with alcohol and Netflix. Yet social connection is what we all desperately want—that sense of deep and powerful intimacy, whether it’s with a romantic partner or a friend.

Here’s What We Can Do

As men and women grapple with new definitions and forms of masculinity and femininity, we now have a rare opportunity to create new cultural norms around authenticity and vulnerability—the keys to building social connection. As Brené Brown, professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, has so powerfully shown in her bestselling book Daring Greatly, when we allow ourselves to be seen—when we admit our fears or self-doubt, for example—we connect with others and in turn give them permissions to be themselves. In sharing our fears and insecurities, we find true relationship.

It took one person at the men’s group in Oakland admitting his vulnerabilities for everyone to suddenly open up. Thanks to this man’s courage—which at first led to an awkward silence—everyone else started to let loose, bonding with each other authentically. Parenthood is hard, it became clear; so is trying to balance being a good father and a good partner. In order to bond, they had to admit that they didn’t have everything under control all on their own; they needed each other.

Everyone has challenges in life, and many of those same difficulties are shared by the people around us. When we stop trying to emphasize what makes us different from, and better than, everyone else, and instead focus on what we all have in common, we feel a lot less alone in the world.

This article was co-written by Emma Seppälä and Peter Sims. Emma Seppälä is Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, Co-Director of the Yale College Emotional Intelligence Project, and author of The Happiness Track. Peter Sims is founder & CEO of Parliament, Inc. and author of Little Bets.

A version of this article originally appeared on qz.com

You’re reading Why So Many People Feel Lonely & What To Do About It by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2sBMXJb Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2sRNhpl from Blogger http://ift.tt/2tuOIrq

[emmaseppala]

7 Powerful Ways to Uplift a Friend in Need (+ Yourself!)

Unsplash/Cristian Newman

When Sheryl Sandberg, author of Lean In, lost her husband – she said no one knew how to talk to her. People felt awkward around her and didn’t know what to say. One of the goals of her new book, New York Times #1 Bestseller Option B is to talk about how we can both build resilience when we face life challenges but also how we can support friends in need. Sheryl brings up such a good point. How many times do we find ourselves with a friend who is going through a breakup, a loss, unemployment or another difficult life transition and find ourselves at a loss for what to do or say? Here are some research-validated ways that you can support others in the kindest and most effective way.

• Invite them for a healthy meal. New research shows that simply boosting your intake of fresh fruits and veggies can dramatically increase your happiness and well-being. Take your friend to a vegetarian restaurant and load up on those fruits and vegetables to beat the blues. 

  • Take them for a walk outside Research shows that natural light and especially sunlight can boost our mood. Studies also show that taking walks and being in nature reduce anxiety and depression. 

  • Take them to a yoga or meditation class. Oftentimes, we are wound up and stressed. Doing yoga or meditation, studies show, helps reduce that stress and increases your feelings of calmness and well-being. As a consequence, you see things from a broader perspective and may even come up with solutions you or your friend would not have thought of otherwise. 

  • Ask them to point out some of the positive things that are happening to them. For example, if they are complaining about their work, their boss, their children…ask them if there are any things related to that topic that they appreciate. Research shows that we tend to focus on the negative but that in reality three times more positive things happen to us than negative, its just a question of what we choose to look at.

  • Invite them to join you in supporting a cause or helping someone else. When we help others, we automatically feel better. By asking them to join you, you are giving them the opportunity to engage in an act of service that research shows will improve their happiness. 

  • Support them 100%. Put away your phone, your computer, your work and be there 100% for them. Listen to them, support them without judging them. Don’t even offer suggestions unless they ask for them. Just be with them. They will heard and understood and may experience some relief. Research shows that positive social relationships with people help us feel better but that many people actually feel quite lonely – by listening in this way, you can help that person feel connected and supported..

  • Compliment them. People tend to be self-critical, yet research shows self-criticism leads to anxiety and depression. It makes people feel down when they encounter failures or make mistakes. Remind people of their strengths, their talents, and their positive attributes. It will help uplift them. 

  All of these points have a bonus: they will help uplift you too! In researching my book The Happiness Track, I found so much compelling data showing that the more we do for others, the happier, healthier and more successful we are too and we increase our longevity!

      A version of this article first appeared on MindBodyGreen.

  You’re reading 7 Powerful Ways to Uplift a Friend in Need (+ Yourself!) by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2sQMci3 Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2sQZ87O from Blogger http://ift.tt/2rOguSR

[emmaseppala]

When GRIT Goes Wrong & What to Do Instead

Stas Svechnikov/Unsplash

As a researcher and instructor at elite universities in the US, I watch with interest each year as parents and their children celebrate students’ admission to big-name schools with single-digit acceptance rates. I can attest that Ivy League schools and their competitors offer truly excellent educations. But if I could offer one piece of advice to incoming freshman, it would be to learn to take care of themselves—because they are about to be surrounded by people who often have the misconception that racking up achievements and accolades is more important than leading a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.

This skewed view of reality can do major damage to a young person, not just during their time in school, but further down the line. I understand the danger because I’ve gone down this rabbit hole myself.

When I first moved from France to the US to attend an Ivy League school at age 17, I was shocked by the way my fellow students worked. They weren’t just studying hard for class—they were serving as presidents of multiple on-campus organizations, doing community service, launching start-ups, and writing a book on the side. Nothing was ever enough.

Even when it came to working out, my classmates were on top of their game. Growing up in France, I hadn’t seen many people exercising; now I was surrounded by joggers. Of course, exercise is a wonderful thing (and Americans are way healthier than French people that way). Yet I couldn’t help but wonder: Where was everyone running to?

Soon enough, I got caught up in the overachiever culture: I would burn the candles at both ends, sleeping less, eating haphazardly, and leaving myself with little downtime. In return, people told me that I was “successful,” which of course gave me a high. So I kept going—and that’s when my health started to break down. I developed anxiety, and I stopped being able to sleep. Soon I realized that this was happening to many of my friends as well. Yet elite university cultures, as well as high-pressure workplaces, often reward us for pushing ourselves past our limits.

I later learned that the quality I was observing was a form of grit: The ability to keep going, no matter what, in the name of achievement. But we had not understood how to apply it properly. Angela Duckworth, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, wrote thebest-selling book on Grit and has conducted groundbreaking research on the topic. Grit is a phenomenal predictor of professional success (pdf) and an often-admirable quality to boot. Whether you’re a corporate employee facing a big deadline, a Marine struggling through strenuous training and deployments, or a stay-at-home mom persevering after yet another sleepless night, grit is your friend, your ally, your strength.

As Duckworth herself has observed, the real lesson of grit is the importance of working hard at a sustainable pace, without any expectation of immediate payoff. Yet often, students in highly competitive environments miss this message, viewing any grade less than an A as absolutely devastating. As the problems of persistent stress and anxiety in such schools shows, it is possible to push yourself too much.

But as I found while researching my book The Happiness Track, all of the traits that people need to be successful are dependent upon learning self-care. For example, creativity is the number-one attribute that CEOs look for in employees. And yet creativity cannot come from a mind that is stressed and overworked. Creativity does not emerge when you’re sitting at your computer for 12 hours a day. Creativity emerges when the mind is at rest, daydreaming, or spacing out.

Similarly, when we overextend ourselves—skipping lunch, racing from meeting to meeting, and relying on endless cups of coffee to stay awake writing a presentation deep into the night—we break our bodies down, day by day. Stress impacts both our physical health, including our immune function, and our attention and memory—all vital functions for a successful career. Ironically, the more we push ourselves, the quicker we burn out, and the less we can achieve over time.

Should we encourage our children to work hard? Absolutely. But young people need to learn that grit is only effective when coupled with restorative activities like sufficient sleep, exercise, a well-balanced diet, meditation, walks in nature, and time off. Research shows that these basic yet essential self-care habits result in greater focus and productivity, not to mention increased creativity, better decision-making, and stronger emotional intelligence.

Today, programs like Yale’s Emotional Intelligence Project are working to help students understand that success doesn’t have to come at the price of their health and happiness. Sometimes, self-compassion means choosing to cut back on extracurriculars or drop a class. Accepting your limits is an essential part of grit—and so is knowing that, no matter what your fellow high-achieving students might think, getting a B on a test is not the end of the world.

I wrote The Happiness Track to show hard-working and burned out students and professionals what the data really says: If you take care of yourself, you will do better, think more clearly, make better decisions and be more emotionally intelligent. You will attain your full potential – without the burnout. 

This article first appeared in Quartz

You’re reading When GRIT Goes Wrong & What to Do Instead by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2rfadxe Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2ss6iLB from Blogger http://ift.tt/2rpnj9T

[emmaseppala]

The Ridiculously Easy Way to Become An Innovative Thinker

From Vincent Van Gogh on through Kanye West, the figure of the broody, tortured artist looms large in the popular imagination. But research suggests that the key to creativity and innovation has little to do with angst. In researching my book The Happiness Track, I found that the biggest breakthrough ideas often  come from relaxation.

History shows that many famous inventors have come up with novel ideas while letting their minds wander. In 1881, for example, famed inventor Nikola Tesla had fallen seriously ill on a trip to Budapest. There, a college friend, Anthony Szigeti, took him on walks to help him recover. As they were watching the sunset on one of these walks, Tesla suddenly had an insight about rotating magnetic fields—which would in turn lead to the development of modern day’s alternating current electrical mechanism.

Similarly, Friedrich August Kekulé, one of the most renowned organic chemists in 19th-century Europe, discovered the ring-shaped structure of the organic chemical compound benzene while daydreaming about the famous circular symbol of a snake eating its own tail. And Albert Einstein famously turned to music—Mozart in particular—when he was grappling with complex problems and needed inspiration.

From Vincent Van Gogh on through Kanye West, the figure of the broody, tortured artist looms large in the popular imagination. But research suggests that the key to creativity has little to do with angst. In researching my book The Happiness Track, I found that the biggest breakthrough ideas often come from relaxation.

What Relaxation Has to Do With It History shows that many famous inventors have come up with novel ideas while letting their minds wander. In 1881, for example, famed inventor Nikola Tesla had fallen seriously ill on a trip to Budapest. There, a college friend, Anthony Szigeti, took him on walks to help him recover. As they were watching the sunset on one of these walks, Tesla suddenly had an insight about rotating magnetic fields—which would in turn lead to the development of modern day’s alternating current electrical mechanism.

Similarly, Friedrich August Kekulé, one of the most renowned organic chemists in 19th-century Europe, discovered the ring-shaped structure of the organic chemical compound benzene while daydreaming about the famous circular symbol of a snake eating its own tail. And Albert Einstein famously turned to music—Mozart in particular—when he was grappling with complex problems and needed inspiration.

Here’s How to Become Your Most Inventive Self First, emulate creative geniuses like Charles Dickens and J. R .R.Tolkien and make a long walk—without your phone—a part of your daily routine. A 2014 study (pdf), published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, found that people who went on daily walks scored higher on a test that measures creative thinking than people who did not, and that people who went on outdoor walks came up with more novel, imaginative analogies than people who walked on treadmills.

Second, get out of your comfort zone. Instead of intensely focusing exclusively on your field, take up a new skill or class. Travel to new places, and socialize with people outside your industry. Research shows that diversifying your experiences will broaden your thinking and help you come up with innovative solutions.

Third, make more time for fun and games. Stuart Brown points out in his book Play that humans are the only mammals who no longer play in adulthood. That’s a shame, because research by psychologist Barbara Fredrickson, author of Positivity, shows that play, by boosting positive mood, makes us feel both happier and more inventive. So spend some time playing fetch with your dog, join the kids for a game of Twister, or join an improv group or soccer club.

Lastly, alternate between doing focused work and activities that are less intellectually demanding. Adam Grant, Wharton School management professor and author of Give & Take, suggests that organizing your day this way can help give your brain some much-needed downtime—the better to make room for your next big idea.

For more on creativity, happiness and how they lead to success, see my book The Happiness Track (HarperOne), now available in paperback. 

This article first appeared on Quartz

Photo Credit: Lara Laing

You’re reading The Ridiculously Easy Way to Become An Innovative Thinker by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2rmX4PY Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2pTGYMy from Blogger http://ift.tt/2qOuQkZ

[emmaseppala]

7 Must-Read Books to Change Your Life This Summer

Photo Credit: Prasanna Kumar

We’ve been indoors, dragging all winter, and if you’re like me, you’re looking for some serious inspiration for the summer months. As an author of a happiness book myself, I tend to be picky about what I read—it needs to be inspiring, smart (research-backed) and entertaining—that combo is rare but always a winner! The good news is that these 7 fabulous new books fit the picture. They will in turn move, elate and motivate you toward a happier, more successful and joyful Spring! Happy reading!

Barking Up The Wrong Tree: Legendary viral blogger Eric Barker, whose blog has 300,000 followers, has finally written an epic book in his usual highly entertaining and well-researched style. Eric stands traditional views of success (think “winners never quit and quitters never win” and “good guys finish last”) and turns them on their head. Funny, witty and highly informative, this book gives you concrete how-to’s for reaching your maximum potential while also living a happy and fulfilled life. Eric interviews extraordinary leaders and champions as well as kung fu con artists and NAVY SEALS. Put your seat belt on and get ready to be inspired!

The Compassionate Achiever by Christopher Kukk: We often hear that it’s a sink-or-swim dog-eat-dog kind of a world. You need to elbow your colleague out of the way, after all it’s survival of the fittest out there. But what does the research say? It says we’re plain wrong. If we operate with compassion and kindness, we actually get ahead better and farther—but we do so while also staying happy and fulfilled, not to mention that we improve our health and increase our longevity. In this new book by Dr. Christopher Kukk who successfully turned his university into one of the first compassionate universities gives us very pragmatic how-to’s for how to live a life that has compassion at its core. (And if you like this book, don’t miss the classic book on givers, takers and how givers get ahead by Adam Grant, an all-time favorite book of mine, Give & Take).

REAL LOVE by Sharon Salzberg: Acclaimed meditation teacher Salzberg has spent decades teaching meditation across the United States and the world. In particular, she introduced the practice of loving-kindness meditation in the West, revolutionizing the way we relate to each other and ourselves. Research that my colleagues and I conducted on Sharon Salzberg’s Loving Kindness Meditation actually showed that even 7 minutes of practice (try it yourself here) makes you feel happier and more connected to others, and that these changes are also reflected in the brain. Now Sharon has finally written an epic book on love. It is a moving account of how the quality of our relationship with ourselves—self-love—can deeply impact our relationships with all others. A must-read for anyone who has ever felt that they are hard on themselves and would like to open their hearts even wider—encompassing not just others, but also themselves. (And if you love this topic, don’t forget the classic book on self-compassion research, a wonderful companion to Sharon’s work, Self-Compassion By Dr. Kristin Neff)

Into the Magic Shop: This moving NY Times bestseller by a Stanford neurosurgeon that just came out in paperback will leave you deeply inspired. Doty was born into dire poverty, neglected as a child by an alcoholic father and invalid mother. Yet a shopkeeper (of a Magic shop of all places!) took him under her wing for a summer and taught him to meditate. For the first time in his life, he felt hope. From those impoverished circumstances, Doty has become one of the nation’s top neurosurgeons and founder of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. Dr. Doty’s stories and insights are always deeply moving and insightful. His entertaining and practical explorations of compassion and kindness touch and inspire.

The Power of Meaning by Emily Esfahani Smith: In this gorgeous book, Smith explores one of the most fundamentally profound aspects of our lives: what gives us meaning? In a world focused on materialism, achievement and status, we’ve all at times felt lost from the lack of purpose of it all. Smith provides us with a powerful antidote. A combination of stories and research, Smith’s moving account delves into what makes us come alive. What makes us feel not only happy, but fulfilled? You’ll be inspired by Smiths’ accounts of extraordinary people living a life on purpose. Smith shows us the way to living a more vibrant, fulfilling and inspired life.

Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant: In this powerful new book by Facebook‘s Sheryl Sandberg and NY Times bestselling author Adam Grant, the authors explore something fundamental to all of our lives: what happens when we are faced with sudden grief and pain and how can we gain strength through these experiences. How do we handle our feelings? How do we reconnect with others?We’ve all been in a situation where either we ourselves have been going through a hard time or someone else has—and yet we don’t know what to do, and neither do those around us. Using research-backed tools and inspirational stories, Sheryl and Adam provide us with the fundamentals of what it means to be resilient and to grow from our difficulties and how we can support others and help them thrive in the face of life’s challenges. A moving and must-read manifesto on how to live life bravely—because like it or not, it comes with its ups and downs. Finally there’s a how-to book by two brilliant people to help us through it.

Awakening Compassion at Work by Jane Dutton and Monica Worline: Written by two of my favorite colleagues, this book explains how living human values at work—compassion, caring and affection—can actually enhance our professional potential. With decades of research and examples under their belt, the authors show us that we can be successful and  retain our values—in fact, we’ll be more successful. Organizations that care about their employees see greater retention, loyalty, customer service and productivity—not to mention a better bottom line. Flying in the face of current views that the only way to retain good employees is to give them material perks, Dutton and Worline demonstrate that authentic human connection goes much farther. Inspiring, practical and a must-read for everyone who wants to be happier at work and become a more powerful and impactful leader.

This article first appeared on MindBodyGreen

For more on the science of happiness and success, check out The Happiness Track!

  You’re reading 7 Must-Read Books to Change Your Life This Summer by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2p7dr5o Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2oA65U4 from Blogger http://ift.tt/2pQLoFk

[emmaseppala]

In a Difficult Conversation, Listen More Than You Talk

When Jared walked into a meeting to discuss a new marketing approach for a product, the conversation didn’t play out well. Five minutes into the dialogue, the product manager, Françoise, started interrupting him with questions he was planning to address later in the pitch. As the conversation ran off the rails, Jared struggled to keep a calm demeanor, while Françoise multitasked; Jared watched in frustration as she sent at least five text messages during their altercation. Jared left the meeting feeling belittled and demoralized. Françoise left feeling frazzled and irritated — she didn’t have time to sit through a poorly thought out presentation. There was too much other work to get done!

All of us have experienced communication meltdowns similar to Jared’s. Maybe you were Jared or Françoise in the scenario. By the time you walked away from the conversation, you could have cut the tension with a knife. And your agenda didn’t play out the way you were hoping. You ended up carrying the conversation with you. It weighed heavily on your mind, adding more stress to your workload. For people like Jared and Françoise, it can take a lot more time and effort to recover from a breakdown in communication than to avoid one in the first place.

Our review of research and company examples suggests there are three things you can do to avoid communication breakdowns like this.

Be Present (Really)

Whether we’re walking into a meeting, drafting an important proposal, or sitting down face-to-face with a colleague, our attention can easily be hijacked, especially when our mind wanders 50% of the time, as research suggests. Add in the dozens of emails, texts, calls, and instant messages we receive every hour, and staying focused just gets that much harder. Once we’re interrupted, it takes effort and time to refocus. Multitasking, especially with digital media, can have an adverse effect on our mental capacity and affect our productivity, as one Stanford study indicates.

Given our busy schedules and the many messages and emails, sometimes we are not present with the people in front of us. We’re thinking about something that happened earlier or an article we just read or a phone conversation we just had. Our mind is elsewhere. The more we can bring our wandering mind to the present, the easier and more natural it becomes to connect, listen, and be open and authentic.

To help stay present in a meeting or conversation, turn away from your computer and put your phone into airplane mode. Even better, leave your phone at your desk. The mere presence of a phone at a meeting can make people feel less connected, damaging your ability to communicate successfully.

If you have a moment or two before the meeting, rather than trying to send a few additional emails, meditate or do some calming breathing exercises. Empty your mind so you can be fully present, attentive, and skillful. Even if you have only a second before answering a ringing phone or walking into a conference room, pause and take one deep breath. Maybe even remember to smile.

Listen More

This wisdom has been around for a long time: “We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.” The quote is attributed to Zeno of Citium, a Hellenistic thinker. Be genuinely curious and interested in what is being said, even if initially you’re not. Pay attention to cues: Does the person spend a lot of time on a particular point? Does she get more animated at specific junctures and less at others? Listening more and with curiosity not only helps you to better connect and understand what is being said, but also provides valuable input on how you may frame your response and navigate the conversation. It can help you tune into the topics your colleague is passionate about. Getting to know them will help you see their perspective and come to an agreement that meets everyone’s needs. From this place of actively listening, your conversation will move forward more constructively.

This type of conversation might actually teach you something as well. Henry Elkus, CEO of Helena, created space to hear feedback from everyone in his company, even interns. Thanks to this openness, one of his interns helped dramatically improve the direction his organization would take. “The intern saved me and the rest of our team the wasted time and energy we might have spent continuing down a suboptimal path,” Elkus said.

Be Open

Communication involves the exchange of viewpoints, sometimes opposing positions. Unless you open your mind to another’s perspective, common ground can be tough to find. And finding common ground requires us to listen in order to really consider someone’s position.

Being open-minded at times may require you to be open to being proven wrong. Elkus created a company culture in which debate is openly valued and encouraged; in this culture, feedback doesn’t just trickle from top to bottom, but also from the bottom up. Though this type of culture is challenging for him as the leader, it has proven tremendously beneficial: “A culture where even the interns can feel free to opine against you means opening yourself up to being proven wrong, often publicly. Indeed, this exact situation has happened to me, more than once! But an intern challenging me so directly — and being right — has immense value. As a CEO, I was warned that this model would threaten my own power inside the organization. In fact, I was uncomfortable, and I was heavily challenged. But the discomfort was worth it. The collective feedback approach was crucial to improving our strategy. And because every employee could feel some ownership in creating our plan, they were far more motivated to execute it.”

As someone is speaking, notice: Are you already thinking about your rebuttal? Are you responding with a “yes,” followed by an immediate “but”? Or have you already interrupted? Be open to another person’s perspective. If you’re worried about not having the perfect reply, you can always say, “I haven’t thought about it that way before. Can you give me a day or so to think it over?” To our knowledge, no one has ever complained about someone listening to what they’ve said and taking a little extra time to thoughtfully analyze and respond to it.

Over time, listening openly and attentively to others helps to cultivate trust. Reflect on your experiences: The more connected you feel to someone, the more you tend to trust that person, and the easier it becomes to talk. This contributes to a sense of psychological safety, which according to a Google study is the key to successful teams. The ability to take risks and speak up can be the difference between thwarting a mistake or learning from one. In the end, everyone benefits.

  This post originally appeared at Harvard Business Review on February 9th, 2017. For more on this topic and the science of happiness, check out my new book, The Happiness Track!

You’re reading In a Difficult Conversation, Listen More Than You Talk by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2leq6hb Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2lLhZur from Blogger http://ift.tt/2mASivV

[emmaseppala]

What to Do When You’re the Target of a Hurtful Office Rumor

When Caroline moved to a new city to take on a job at a company she was thrilled to join, she was surprised when she had a hard time building friendships and positive relationships with her colleagues. A few months down the road, she found out why: Someone from her previous company had falsely told one of her new colleagues that Caroline tries to get others to do her work for her.

Workplace gossip like this can have devastating consequences.  We tend to have a strong negativity bias: almost all of us pay more attention to negative information than we do to positive information. Think about the last time you posted something to Facebook, for example, and got a string of enthusiastic comments followed by a single, stinging rebuke – which comment did you focus on?

We react similarly to information about others. Research by Stanford University professor Robb Willer shows that we take negative gossip about others seriously. We view it as useful information that can protect us.  The result — if someone spreads false rumors about you — is that it’s hard to shake off that reputation. Not only can this experience damage your professional opportunities, it can be extremely stressful on a personal level.

So what are some steps you can take if this has happened to you? Some people think that being a considerate colleague and friendly collaborator can protect you. While this is true in most cases (research shows that being a respectful and kind colleague leads to wonderful professional results for you and your organization), you are not completely immune — you can still be prey to jealousy or envy regardless.

If you are facing hurtful rumors at work, you’ll need to use skills of emotional intelligence to avoid making the situation any worse – and ideally, to make the situation better.

1) Regulate your negative emotions. There is only so much you can do about the situations you face, but there is a lot you can do about how you respond to it. Many people initially respond with feelings of horror, anger, anxiety or even helplessness when confronted with negative gossip about them. Especially when rumors are false, as in Caroline’s case, you feel trapped in an unfair situation. As a result of these feelings, however, you can lose motivation and succumb to the negative effects of stress or become angry. “Taking a moment to step back from these situations [and] simply label your emotions can be very helpful in managing emotions,” says Marc Brackett, Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. Use the calming strategies that work best for you: breathing, mindfulness, unplugging from work, working out or taking walks. Give yourself time to cool off. Chances are you will come up with a far more constructive solution to the problem once the emotions have died down.

2) Expand your perspective. The idea behind cooling off is to help you regain your sense of proportion. Johann Berlin, CEO of TLEX Institute, observes that “because these kinds of situations seem unfair, you feel powerless and can lose sight of the big picture. You either want to fight or you shut down. In other words, you’re either angry or you’re depressed or ashamed. That’s when you need to step back and ask yourself what does success means to you in that moment? Does it mean winning? Or does it mean regaining that feeling of power and confidence?” We know from research that negative emotions like stress or feeling down are associated with a narrower perspective and a tendency toward self-focus — in other words, your perception is skewed. We all know we’re not at our best when we’re feeling upset. In order to figure out a constructive solution, we need to snap out of a negative mindset.

3) Practice self-compassion – and even forgiveness. “During those difficult moments, you can feel like you’re in a dark place and there’s no way out, but cultivating forgiveness and compassion, soft as these terms may sound, can actually be highly effective,” Berlin recommends. Research supports the idea that when you forgiven someone, the person who benefits most is yourself. Forgiveness can help you move on, improves your well-being, your health, and generally lightens your step.

Being able to cultivate forgiveness and even compassion for the gossip perpetrator, in Caroline’s case, actually helped free her from her negative feelings. As a result, she experienced renewed energy to prove herself – regardless of wagging tongues.  She was able to come up with creative new ways of building relationships and demonstrating her work ethic in her new workplace. “Of course, when you’re really upset, it’s hard to generate positive feelings. That’s where exercises like yoga, breathing and meditation, that calm you down, can help you get your bearings so you’re ready for a fresh start,” Berlin points out.

4) De-identify from the situation. Recognize that the situation is not necessarily a reflection of you. Michael Kraus, Assistant Professor at Yale University School of Management, points out the importance of de-identifying from the situation: “The most important thing to realize for people dealing with these kinds of problem behaviors is that they aren’t about you–they are actually the behavior of someone who is nervous and anxious about their position within an organization. People lash out, gossip, and snipe at others to protect their fragile selves. They tear you down to make themselves look slightly better by comparison.”

That said, you do need to be honest with yourself. As Willer points out, “sometimes people are the deserving victims of negative gossip, but don’t perceive it that way.” It’s important to probe into whether there is truth in what is being said.

5) Consider how to respond. If you know who is behind the rumors, Willer suggests that, however challenging or awkward it may feel to do so, “you can offer your perspective to the ‘lead gossip.’ If you honestly explain your perspective on the gossip, and the personal pain that has been caused to you by the gossip, you may be able to change that persons’ perspective.” Here again, it is important to de-identify from the situation and regulate your emotions. As Willer points out, “Critical here is to approach the person in a sympathetic, nonconfrontational way, so that you can win their sympathies.” You want to speak to them from a place that is cool and collected.

Caroline reached out to colleagues at her former workplace in order to understand where this gossip could have come from, but could not identify the source. In cases like these, Willer suggests that you “enlist friends or trusted acquaintances who give your side of the story to very frankly and reasonably counteract the gossip.”

6) Give it time. Remember that time is on your side. Kraus advises that, “as the victim you should play the long game. You have a reputation that is built on a large body of work across many co-workers. One inconsistent bit of sabotage could be harmful in the short-term, but the long term is likely to bear out a different picture of your work.” Willer also suggests performing and acting with high integrity and letting your actions speak for you.

7) Focus on what’s going right. We know that the mind clings to the negative — but research also shows us that 3 times more positive things happen to us than negative things every day. At any given time, a lot of things are going right in our lives. Either in our career or in our personal lives. It could be that you enjoy what you do at work, are grateful for the paycheck, or appreciate your organization’s values or benefits. It could be the joy you derive from your family, hobbies, sports, or community service. When we savor our experiences, we derive more pleasure and satisfaction from them. Spending time enjoying and feeling grateful for what isgoing right in your life will help you weather the rest. Caroline spent hours every week devoted to a community service activity from which she derived the joy and strength with which to face her other challenges.

8) Remember that you are not alone. The most challenging aspect of going through a difficult experience is the sense of being alone in it. Kraus reminds is that “this behavior is likely chronic across the organization, and so you’re not alone in dealing with it–other people are experiencing something similar to you, and so you have potential alliances with colleagues that can be built around this behavior.” Caroline later found out that her new organization actually had a serious cultural climate issue. A climate survey showed that most employees were highly disgruntled with the leadership and were generally unhappy. The politics she had found herself in were a reflection of a much larger organizational issue.

It’s really hard to be the subject of a negative office rumor, particularly one that has no basis in reality. You can’t always control what other people say about you – but you can control how you respond.

This article was originally published at Harvard Business Review on December 2nd, 2016. 

For more on this topic, and the science of happiness (at work and at home!), check out my new book, out now!

You’re reading What to Do When You’re the Target of a Hurtful Office Rumor by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2gq7cl6 Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2gBo2Rj from Blogger http://ift.tt/2htxIiz

[emmaseppala]

How to Keep Politics Out of the Playground

No matter what our political affiliation, our children are entering a deeply divided society and the results are already being seen in schools across the country. Children’s brains are programmed to absorb information, learning and modeling the behavior they see in others—especially the adults around them. But, at a contentious time like today, the result is that politics enter the playground—sometimes creating hurtful environments. The values endorsed by parents get reflected in children’s friendships and conversations, creating school environments that no longer feel safe. No matter what political candidate you endorse, as a parent, your primary wish is that your child feel safe. Here are some ways that parents can hep foster safe environments for their children:

1. Affiliate with values not parties

Reminding your children about the values you as a family endorse (rather than political party or candidate) is important. By teaching them that kindness or equality are important, they start to see and think beyond a particular person or party. Discuss values with your children, create a conversation around what values are most important to your family. Build a poster in your house that explains the common human values that direct your household and the way in which you wish to treat others. Some examples are respect, integrity, health, compassion, and listening.

2. Turn kids into skillful conversationalists, not antagonists

As difficult as it may be to accept other peoples’ point of view, the truth of the matter is that your children will confront different points of view throughout their life. Rather than teaching them to pass judgment, this is a time when parents can teach their children the power of debate. Having a conversation in which you ask “What are your arguments for or against this policy or idea?” but also questions like “What would your opponents strongest arguments be?” can help your child begin to think for themselves and also to see from another person’s perspective. You can also have them join a debate club in school. Most importantly, by understanding that everyone has a different opinion, your child will realize that his or her identity and value does not depend on another person’s opinion.

The result is a child who understands that opinions are as numerous as there are people, but also a child who thinks critically and can enter into conversation with people of different opinions not as an antagonist but as an engaged and thoughtful conversationalist. What’s more, your child will gain confidence from this newfound skill of expressing an opinion and defending it logically.

3. Hone their critical thinking, not their judgment

We know from research that our emotions impact how we see things, how we process the world and what we remember. As a consequences, our views can be skewed. One of the most difficult things to recognize is that we all make mistakes. You do, I do. We all sometimes fail to see things from an accurate perspective. We were in a bad mood or didn’t have all the information and BOOM—we passed a judgement on something we weren’t truly seeing for what it was. But of course, even more challenging is to admit that we made a mistake. But it is critical to teach your child that everyone makes mistakes and to remain curious and open to others’ points of views. By being vulnerable with them and acknowledging that you sometimes don’t always see the full picture, you invite them to think for themselves, to question their own judgement but also to be inquisitive and curious about why others think the way they do. In doing so, you are actually honing their own critical thinking skills and making them aware of how emotions, environments etc impact our perspective.

Although it may feel challenging to do so, teach your kids to be open to others’ points of views—if only to ensure that they have all the facts right and that their own point of view stands on solid ground. Oftentimes things aren’t as black and white as they appear, but more a shade of gray.

4. Teach them Emotion Regulation Techniques

Whether we like it or not, our children will encounter difficult situations at some point or another. Whether we like it or not, most people at some point or another suffer rejection and, sadly, discrimination for gender, race, sexual orientation or simply cruel gossip. They will get emotional in response to personal events and world events. The best thing we can do them is to teach them emotion regulation early so that they are equipped with tools and techniques to handle these emotions with skill. Research conducted by my colleague Dara Gharemani at UCLA Medical School shows that breathing and meditation programs like YES! for schools can be very helpful in calming impulsivity. Yoga, breathing and meditation practices can help your child take a step back (innerly) from a situation, reflect from a place of greater calmness, and respond more constructively. Rather than responding out of an emotional upset, your child can learn to respond from a place of perspective and thoughtfulness, leading to far more productive results.  Their courage will stem from valor and inner strength, not fear or anger. As a result, they will be powerful and they will be more likely to be heard.

By responding in a more centered and calm way, you are giving your children tools for life. We may not agree with other people’s views, but the best way we can advocate for our own views is not through anger at the “other side” but by living by example. As Maya Angelou so beautifully said: “At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” By teaching our kids to approach others with openness and respect rather than anger and frustration or judgement, we are helping our kids to be those kind of people that others will turn to for their opinion. We are, in fact, turning them into influencers and leaders in their own right.

5. Regulate your own emotions

Sometimes we focus so much on our children we forget the immense role we play. Yet perhaps more important than any intervention with your child is to take care of the state of your own mind. When you are upset, your child will be the first to feel it. If you are angry or sad, your child will be as well—and will take it into the playground, possibly getting her or himself into unnecessary pain and trouble. In order to foster a home that is most conductive to psychological and physical health and to positive relationships, you need to take care of your own state of mind. Here again, techniques like breathing, yoga and meditation can be very simple and effective ways to regain your inner balance (try this one). Similarly, walks in nature, exercise and time outside have been shown to do wonders for mental health. By taking care of yourself, you are doing the best thing for your child and creating an environment where your child can thrive, bringing his or her best, strongest, most courageous and wisest self into the playground—and the rest of her life.

This article was originally published on Pyschology Today on Nov. 11th, 2016. 

For more, check out my book The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success (HarperOne 2016)

  You’re reading How to Keep Politics Out of the Playground by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2eLUl0Y Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2g14BhT from Blogger http://ift.tt/2g1hEzZ

[emmaseppala]

How Senior Executives Find Time to Be Creative

The number-one attribute CEOs look for in their incoming workforce (according to an IBM survey of more than 1,500 CEOs across 33 industries and 60 countries) is not discipline, integrity, intelligence, or emotional intelligence. It’s creativity.

After all, every company wants to be at the forefront of its industry and on the cutting edge of innovation. And for that, you need highly creative employees.

While much of the advice on becoming more creative is known, what’s harder to figure out is how busy executives actually find time to put it into practice. To find out, I spoke to some of the most innovative leaders across key industries, from technology to consulting to manufacturing. Here’s what they said.

Seek out unfamiliarity. Research shows that we are at our most creative when we are in an unfamiliar environment. One study showed that spending a few days out in nature disconnected from all devices — an unfamiliar and unusual experience for most people — led to a 50% increase in creativity.

But if you don’t have several days to retreat to the woods, how do you make time for new experiences? Terykson Fernando, former Creative Director at Hubbl (which sold to Airpush for $10 million) and now Creative Director at Sattva, tries to integrate observation into everyday activities. “The entire universe is filled with ideas and has in it what I am trying to create, so I take clues from everyday life by observing every little thing and being inquisitive about the how, why, what of things around me.”

If that’s not quite enough of a push, Lars Bastholm, global CCO at Google, offers a tip: “I used to tell creatives who were stuck on a brief to go to the magazine store and buy three magazines that they’d never in a million years buy. Like Orthodontist Monthly, The World of Monster Trucking, that sort of thing. Then I’d suggest they read them cover to cover and try to reframe the brief they were trying to crack with the target audience of those magazines in mind. Usually it would not only be super fun, but it would also open up new avenues of thought that could then be applied to the original brief.”

Simon Mulcahy, interim CMO at Salesforce, recommends an exercise he calls “flipping the binoculars around.” For example, if you’re a bank branch trying to increase customer loyalty, look at a company in a completely different industry, like Starbucks, and ask how it keeps customers coming back.

Get feedback from diverse sources. While not every study agrees, there is a good amount of research showing that diverse groups are more creative. The leaders I talked to not only made an effort to bring together people from different backgrounds and perspectives but also took the time to talk to people outside their industry about their ideas.

Rufus Griscom, serial entrepreneur and CEO and founder of Heleo, puts it this way: “Ideas are like people — they don’t like to be isolated or treated jealously. They like to mingle, interact with other ideas.”

“Like most young entrepreneurs, I used to be worried that if I shared a new business idea too broadly, someone else would run with it, and I would lose the opportunity,” he told me. “Now, when I have a promising business idea, I literally share it with every smart person I encounter who has any interest in it. This results in introductions and new information, and it increases the likelihood that the idea will one day turn into a business.”

Phil Harris, SVP and Chief Strategy Officer at Riverbed, adds an important reminder. Inside an organization, really listening to this feedback is just as important as soliciting it: “When we are in a room, there are no titles, grades, seniority. All voices have equal weight and all have equal time. Everyone knows they are listened to, and their contribution is always given time. Everyone is in a relationship that is based on trust and honesty, and not always the easy kind of honesty.”

Give yourself space. Creativity requires space. This may explain why meditation has been shown to increase creativity as well. “I meditate so that I can let go of existing thoughts and patterns in my mind and make space for new ones,” Fernando told me. “To me, creativity is all about letting things well up from within.”

While many executives do meditate, I understand that lots of business people feel like they just can’t take the time. If this applies to you, there are other ways of capturing the benefits of mind wandering.

Taking walks has also been shown to increase creativity, because walking frees your mind up to daydream — which, it turns out, is our brain in active problem-solving mode. As Peter Sims, CEO and founder of Parliament, Inc., put it, “If you want people to be inventive, they need space. Steve Jobs took lots of walks. I see Mark Zuckerberg taking walks on the roof of Facebook’s new HQ.”

Google’s Bastholm recommends any physical, relatively mundane activity: “Vacuum the house. Get on an elliptical at the gym. Paint a fence. Anything that will allow your brain to work in the background.”

Griscom concurs. “If I am working through something, I like to engage in low-intensity activities — walking, bicycling, driving, doing the dishes. I think because I am accomplishing something, however trivial (dishes are getting cleaner! blocks are being walked!), while ruminating on a given subject, it takes the pressure off the thought process and enables me to free-associate.”

Embrace constraints. You might wonder whether the need for “space” and the need for “constraints” goes hand in hand. After all, those seem like very different ideas. Yet research shows that creativity activates both a part of the brain that is associated with daydreaming and a part of the brain associated with “administrative control.” After all, success takes the ability for free-flowing insight combined with the ability to turn that insight into a thoughtful product.

The constraints should be part of the work itself, not arbitrary limitations. As Mulcahy says, “You don’t just say ‘take that hill,’ you say ‘Take that hill in order to do something else,’ so that if the situation changes, your soldiers know they no longer need to take the hill.”

For example, the Nike Flyknit shoe is designed to combine sustainability goals with athletic performance. Hannah Jones, Chief Sustainability Officer and VP of the Innovation Accelerator at Nike, Inc., describes how they set out the project’s constraints: “We set a guiding principle called Zero Compromise. We’re going to make a great product that is beautiful and sustainable….We gave the team irritating constraints — you have to do double business in half the impact. These are unusual bedfellows, and you’re going to clash these two together. Those constraints drive a creative tension that forces a different conversation.” The company considers the project successful: According to Jones, the Nike Flyknit delivers on athletic performance while producing 60% less waste than traditional cut-and-sew methods.

If you want to be more creative yourself, or to foster more creativity on your team, the data and expert advice is clear, and putting it into practice may not be as time-consuming as it first appears. Step out of your comfort zone, give yourself room to think, learn about things beyond your niche, and identify useful constraints — all in the course of a normal workday.

This article was originally posted on Harvard Business Review on September 14th, 2016. 

For more on this topic, and the science of happiness, check out my book, out now! See emmaseppala.com/book.

  You’re reading How Senior Executives Find Time to Be Creative by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2cf2THu Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2d9jyAY from Blogger http://ift.tt/2cfewOF

[emmaseppala]

The Surprising Health Benefits of Spirituality

Milada Vigerova / Unsplash

Spiritual Practices lead to a large host of benefits for health & happiness

While fewer Americans believe in God and millennials are the least religious generation in the last few decades, nine out of ten Americans have relied on prayer in times of duress. What’s more, while a lot of people start yoga for exercise, those who actually stick to it do so for spiritual reasons. So, what is it about spirituality that draws people in, even as our culture seems to be shifting away from it?

Whether you consider yourself Christian, Buddhist or mindful spiritual yogi, research suggests you are more likely to

– report being “very happy” 

– have a longer life

– have a lower risk of depression and suicide 

– be more resilient

– be more faithful in relationships

– have happier children and be more satisfied with their family life

Milada Vigerova / Unsplash

But how does all this happen? What’s the connection? Here are a few of the major ways spirituality can affect your physical and emotional health. Spiritual people are

1. More likely to volunteer or donate to the poor.

Research has shown that regular community service buffers you against the effects of stress, leading to a longer life.

2. More likely to meditate to cope with stress.

Forty-two percent of highly spiritual people will meditate when stressed rather than overeat or indulge in other unhealthy coping behaviors. And, as you’ve probably heard, meditation has all kinds of benefits—from improved health, happiness, and focus to decreased pain and depression.

3. More likely to have a built-in community.

After food and shelter, social connection is the top predictor of health, happiness, and longevity. Religious people are more likely to spend time with family and feel a strong sense of belonging to a community of like-minded people.

4. More likely to turn prayer.

Research suggests prayer helps people find comfort by helping them deal with difficult emotions, encourages forgiveness, and leads to healthier relationships.

Of course, these findings could also be placebo – we tend to feel better when we believe something will make us feel better. But never hurts to take a yoga class (no pun intended!), to volunteer at a homeless shelter, or try a silent retreat to check it out for yourself.

  For more on this topic, and the science of happiness, check out my new book, The Happiness Track, out now!

  This article was originally published on Psychology Today on August 8, 2016.

You’re reading The Surprising Health Benefits of Spirituality by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/2cCmi5K Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2czQe4a from Blogger http://ift.tt/2cA86M5

[emmaseppala]

Happy Workplaces Can Also Be Candid Workplaces

By Emma Seppälä and Kim Cameron 

  Recently the Communications Workers of America – the union that represents T-Mobile employees — contested a T-Mobile Employee Handbook clause on maintaining a positive work environment. The clause reads as follows: “[e]mployees are expected to maintain a positive work environment by communicating in a manner that is conducive to effective working relationships with internal and external customers, clients, co-workers, and management.” Their reasoning was that – if employees are discontent – they need to be able to freely air that displeasure. The U.S. National Labor Relations Board agreed with them, ruling in favor of the union. “It’s official: employers can’t force you to be happy. Hallelujah,” cried the Guardian.

Clearly, employees in unfair working conditions need to be able to dissent, and criticism and disagreement are part of any office. However, some companies have taken this idea to extreme levels. The Wall Street Journal reports that “front-stabbing” is being embraced by managers tired of “dancing around the issue.” Val DiFebo, CEO of Deutsch’s New York office, understands such confrontation as “more big-hearted and caring … than going behind someone’s back.” Certainly a culture that involves back-stabbing is not a good option; however, front-stabbing may not be much better.

The movement toward radical frankness emerges out of the false assumption that having a supportive workplace is antithetical to honest, straightforward, no-nonsense feedback. And the backlash against positive workplaces arises from the equally false assumption that being happy at work means being “relentlessly positive all the time” as the Guardian put it.

However, not only can feedback given in a supportive way be honest, it is immeasurably more effective than blunt criticism in three critical ways: It motivates performance, is less likely to be misinterpreted, and uplifts rather crushing employees.

Kim Scott, who worked directly for Sheryl Sandberg at Google, recounts a time when Sandberg gave her candid feedback on her presentation mannerisms: “When you say ‘um’ every third word, it makes you sound stupid.” For Scott, it was a turning point. But the reason Scott could take that feedback so well was that “I knew that she cared personally about me. She had done a thousand things that showed me that.” In sum, “candor” and “positive” are not antithetical. Research shows that honest and candid feedback, when given in a supportive way, foster higher performance and employee resilience. When given in a harsh and denigrating way, it destroys motivation and engagement.

Moreover, we know that a positive work environment leads to greater productivity, lower turnover, and better health outcomes, while creating an environment that is hostile, anxiety-provoking, and negative leads to lower productivity, performance, creativity, and engagement. Psychological safety improves learning and performance outcomes, and, as research by Amy Edmondson of Harvard demonstrates, is created when leaders are inclusive, humble, and encourage their staff to speak up or ask for help. An oppressive culture simply cannot — over the long run — lead to generative results.

Here are three, research-backed rules of thumb to help managers can deliver constructive and candid feedback without “front-stabbing”:

Deliver more positive than negative feedback. High-performing organizations deliver roughly five times as many positive statements (supportive, appreciative, encouraging) to every one negative statement (critical, disapproving, contradictory). This is because bad is stronger than good; our brains focus on negative feedback more than positive feedback. (You know this if you’ve ever had one bad conversation ruin your whole day.) Positive communication correlates with much higher worker engagement, our research suggests. You can correct your employees, even criticize or confront them, but you want to do so in a positive context. That is when you will see the best results and maintain morale and engagement.

Focus on communicating your colleague’s strengths, unique contributions, and best-self demonstrations.Traditionally, we tend to focus on giving employees critical feedback. However, by focusing on their weaknesses, we only create competence. By focusing on their strengths, we create excellence.  Be as specific about positive feedback as you are about negative feedback. We usually gloss over the strengths, mentioning them briefly but then focus in much greater detail on the critical feedback. Remember to add examples and details to your positive feedback.

Emphasize collaboration and commonalities. Try to stay objective when you speak about the negative event. Describe the problematic situation (rather than evaluating it), identify objective consequences or your personal feelings associated with it (rather than placing blame); and suggest acceptable alternatives (rather than arguing about who is right or at fault).

For a case study of how this can work in practice, consider Eileen Fisher, whose 800-person retail company generated $300 million in 2015. She attributes part of her success to positive communication. “I try to listen and be open to people. I invite others to share what they really think and feel by being open about my own thoughts and feelings.  I approach questions with openness and a curiosity about what people actually think. I try to be kind no matter what. There is more collaboration when you come from kindness.”

Fisher shared an anecdote in which she approached a problematic situation in this way: “There are many examples where people with differing perspectives needed to work together.  Recently, there was a situation where two employees were having a difficult time understanding each other — there was resistance to working together.  I spoke to each of them separately and shared what I saw as the gifts, talents and good intentions of the other.  I invited them to get together and just listen – be open, try to support, just ‘be with’ the other.  The result was that they both felt really good about their connection.  And that’s where something happens.  Through connection comes creativity.  And creativity is where opportunities open up.”

If you want to implement more positive communication, the data shows that you must do so sincerely and authentically — otherwise it can have the reverse effect. Applying a technique disingenuously produces cynicism and defensiveness. Fisher shares that she encourages a positive and compassionate workplace “by modeling my own vulnerability and authenticity. I share my feelings and fears and believe in speaking to what is true.  It’s amazing to see the ideas and energy that surface by telling people the truth.  You tap into this collective drive.  You’re able to come together and move things forward.”

Leaders who want to get results should thus pay more attention to the critical importance of creating psychologically safe work environments by emphasizing positive, authentic communication. You can be both candid and caring.

This article was originally posted on Harvard Business Review.

For more on leadership and the science of happiness, check out my new book! See emmaseppala.com/book for more information.

You’re reading Happy Workplaces Can Also Be Candid Workplaces by Emma Seppala Ph.D. To stay updated on the science of happiness, health and social connection, follow Emma on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+!

http://ift.tt/29fnDRG Emma Seppala

from WordPress http://ift.tt/29eFMjM from Blogger http://ift.tt/29eGNsj