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I’m so glad Charlie’s found someone.

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you just KNOW that if Bella had idk, worn eyeshadow? edward would have been like “oh, i can’t read the WHORE’S mind. that’s weird. anyways” and the book would have ended right there.

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I feel like I’m falling in love with someone that doesn’t know I’m here.

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interviewer: Mr. Wayne, have you heard of the popular internet jokes about you dating Batman?

bruce wayne: Yes I have heard of them, but if I were going to date any superhero it'd be Superman and not an overdramatic furry

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when i was in fourth grade i was in the gifted program and they let us go to the library more often which meant we had more chances to take the accelerated reader tests and get points and whoever reached a certain threshold got to go to chuck e. cheese so i‘d go around asking ppl i knew had a hard time reading what their logins were and sneak in to take tests for them so they could go to chuck e. cheese too. i got caught and they didn’t let me go to chuck e. cheese but it was worth it fuck you

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The Cullen Kids do not let Carlisle and Esme kiss in front of them because whenever they do, they go from 0 to intercourse REAL QUICK.

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All right!! It's time for new vampire Olympics headcanons! Emmett and Felix are running the show as always, but they're on the lookout for new events this year. Thoughts?

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Bella falls on her ass

Esme : oh dear is your bottom ok

Emmet : HEY EDWARD MOM WANTS TO KNOW IF YOUR OK !

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Esme, the moment Carlisle shuts his eyes so he can pretend for a moment that he can float in the liminal unconsciousness of sweet and peaceful slumber: would you still like me if i was a snail? :(

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possibilities

Esme and Carlisle’s first kiss. on ao3 here. 

Keep reading

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thoughts of the day!

carlisle is like... intimadatingly attractive

me*sees carlisle*

carlisle: how is your day going?

me: uh..my...m-my

carlisle: take your time

me.exe has stopped functioning

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mutuals to burn down banks with

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The ocean is sentient and she’s a pretty lady with water hair! Trust me, I went to science school.

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DOCTOR WHO — The Magician’s Apprentice

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it bugs me how many lesbians have issues with trans women. like, we're supposed to love women. what's next, you gonna start hating short people too? fuck off.