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[emmth]

I’m living in my dream city. I love it and I’m happy. And I tell everyone that I’m so very happy.

I’m not lying. Not always.

But what I’m trying to ignore so hard, and hide away from everyone, is a voice, that’s following me everywhere I go; telling me no matter how far I run, I’m still gonna have that pit in my heart. That emptiness, that nothing and no one seems to fill.

[emmth]

Hope in my next life I get to experience what it’s like to belong, how it feels to be chosen. <3

[emmth]

— unknown (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

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Until I get there, do you think you can love me for both of us?

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[emmth]

You showed up out of nowhere, became my favorite notification, and then just left. With no warning. The space I’d made for you in my heart is now empty. I don’t know what to do with it. No one seems to be able to fill it.

You didn’t even say goodbye.

Then again, you never said hello either…

[emmth]

L'une chante, l'autre pas (Agnès Varda, 1977)

[emmth]

[emmth]

one of the many reasons Fleabag is so heartbreaking and relatable is because no one ever chose her. Not her family. Not her lovers. Not her supposed “soulmate”. The one person that picked her died. She was no one’s choice or option, not even to herself. The way we can feel her loneliness through the screen is enough to make me collapse into a mess of tears on the ground and shake uncontrollably

[emmth]

when you grew up as a lonely uncool girl it will never stop haunting you by the way. you will meet a cool person at a bar or the train station or at a friend's party and you can wear your most stylish outfit and striking eye makeup and you will swear that they can see through all of the facade and see the lonely terribly insecure teenage girl you used to be who desperately wanted to connect and you will swear that they know that there is like an insurmountable gap between you. this will happen forever

[emmth]

probably needed a hug but instead distanced myself from everyone

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I always wanted to have cats. My parents never agreed. My mom would say, “we will end up loving them. Then if something happens it’d be too painful.”

I found it so silly. We can’t shelter ourselves from love, in case it hurts us one day.

…

These days, when for some unknown reason I push everyone away, I can’t help but wonder if the reason is not really unknown. If their words somehow slipped into my mind and buried themselves in there.

[emmth]

“sometimes i wonder, ”

• “wonder what? ”

“if being alive matters. if being dead might be a lot easier. ”

- thomas to newt, tst

[emmth]

Half of me wants to be unforgettable, the other half just wants to disappear for a while.

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empty