emptylittlebug

[emptylittlebug]

It’s 1 am and I was canning some ketchup I just made. As I was trying to get the jars out of the pot of boiling water, a jar slipped from the tongs and splashed on my face. From my nose to my chin. I can’t get it to stop burning. But my ketchup looks good! Can’t wait to put it on my shelves tomorrow after they seal :) Who knew ketchup is only 6 ingredients..

[emptylittlebug]

On 6/10/25 I went to the doctor. I saw my weight on the scale said 282.4lbs. I died a bit inside but put on my smiling face and finished the dr appointment. It was a med check appointment, easy peasy. I told my doctor about my migraines that were at least 3x a week and told her the Adderall I was on wasn’t helping much. She offered to go up on the dose but I let her know I had tried that with my previous doctor and my headaches were 10x worse on the higher dose. She proposed we change from Adderall to Vyvanse. “Come back in 1 month and we will see if it’s working” cool.

It’s been 1 month. My car is broke down so I had to reschedule my appointment. But I believe the Vyvanse is working wonderfully. My work definitely shows it! No migraines since I switched either. I decided to step on the scale today, stupid really since I started my period this morning and it was already 1pm, so meal had already been eaten and water drank.

To my HUGE surprise I’ve lost 13.2lbs in a month! Well tomorrow will be the official month but still!

I’m still obese as fuck but holy shit that’s in the right direction!

What have I done differently since my appointment? Well, I have been trying to make everything we eat from scratch. It’s not every single meal but most of them. this started because we suspected my oldest son was intolerant to milk. So I was trying to modify recipes so he could eat. (That wasn’t the issue some back to having dairy again) We still have pizza rolls or kraft mac and cheese maybe once a week. I’ve been trying to eat more veggies.. not really for any reason other than I have a lot of cans of them and I’m broke af. Not having a car for 2 weeks has helped force me to not get fast food at all. I did have a piece of little ceasers pizza on the 4th though. Oh and since no car… I’ve been at my moms house, basically house sitting for the last 10 days while she’s at her boyfriends house. I’ve been growing a garden in her back yard! Maybe that’s counting as exercise? I’m out there maybeee an hour a day. Probably less because of the storms we’ve been getting and when it’s not storming the sun is trying to cook us alive.

Anyway. Just wanted to give an update on here. I’m not gone. Very mush still on here. I just don’t ever know what to post.

[emptylittlebug]

Doctor changed my meds from Adderall to Vyvanse 9 days ago. I was having an awful time on Adderall. I wish she changed it years ago. I’ve lost 5lbs in 9 days. My migraines are gone. I can FINALLY focus at work. I’m so much calmer towards my kids. My temper has calmed. My house is getting cleaned, and not panic cleaning… just, normal cleaning! And I’m not constantly overwhelmed!! I can hold conversations without feeling like my words are going to explode out of my mouth.

I am just so happy. 10/10 y’all… I absolutely recommend if you’re having a hard time on Adderall (and have ADHD!).

[emptylittlebug]

It’s funny when everything goes to shit you’re just there like: welp, at least I can count my calories

[emptylittlebug]

Posting on Tumblr is like talking to your cat. You don’t know if they are listening, and you don’t know if they care, but for some reason, it still helps.

[emptylittlebug]

you're going to be sad if you're fat and sad if you're skinny but i'd like to cry in a pair of size 0 jeans

’

[emptylittlebug]

I keep forgetting I'm moving into my moms place in just 5 weeks, I should PROBABLYYYYYY start packing some stuff up lmao.

Her place is an hour and a half away from here.

[emptylittlebug]

I'm going to work on myself. I'm going to up my hygiene. I'm going to pare down my clothes. I'm going to dress better. I'm going to learn how to take care of my curly hair. I'm going to set better routines for my kids. I'm going to keep my house cleaner. I'm going to learn how to cook better.

I need better structure and routines.

[emptylittlebug]

Being an adult and struggling with food issues is so hard.

I'd even argue that it is harder than struggling as a teen.

I used to be able to sleep alll day on days off. But now I have kids, work, responsibilities.

My body also does not respond to no food the same way it used to.

[emptylittlebug]

Is it weird that past me is current me's inspo.

I wish I could remember how I did it.

I was a fucking good anorexic.

Not that I WANT to be anorexic... but I am... I have the stupid diagnosis.

But I was so tiny... I was beautiful... I was depressed... but I fit my clothes.

[emptylittlebug]

Goals:

1800 calories a day. Add veggies to EVERY meal.

I cannot keep an exercise goal until I lose some weight. Even walking makes my skin SOOO raw that I cannot stand it. It hurts.

Why did I let myself get this bad?

I HAVE to do something.

I don't want to be alive anymore.

I'm drowning.

[emptylittlebug]

I’m moving back into my mom’s house in 8-10 weeks.

I’m scared af.

35 years old, 4 kids, working full time… and I can’t afford my rent anymore.

I feel like a huge failure.

But it gives me time to pay off my debt and save for a house down payment!

Aiming to buy a home by December.

[emptylittlebug]

Stomach flu yesterday.

That was horrible!

Ended up eating a McDonald small fry and about 1/3 of a Taco Bell chicken cantina bowl yesterday.

[emptylittlebug]

I want to start posting here more but I don’t know what I want this space to be.

I don’t want to post intake posts anymore. They feel too irresponsible.

I don’t know what direction this page is going to take. But feel free to follow along I guess.

[emptylittlebug]

[emptylittlebug]

[emptylittlebug]

Can I do this somewhat healthy? Let’s find out…

I’ve been on a huge make everything from scratch kick lately and I’ve 90% cut out any fast food for the last 2 months. I’ve been drinking nothing but water, iced coffee, and 0cal sweet tea.

I haven’t posted on here in a long time sooo I figured this is as good of a place as any to keep track of how I’m doing on this unintentional journey.

I doubt I’ll be doing low cal. But I am for sure going to be low ingredients. Maybeeee that’ll be close to the same though? I know no idea. It’s gotta be worth something for my health tho, right?