endofyouths - Tumblr blog

[endofyouths]

i'm really struggling lately so i haven't really been around much or doing drafts. i don't cope when the boyf leaves and my work situation is a shit show and i'm so over it and just not coping with existence

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my drafts will be done one day maybe i'm just sick and moody

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about grace - trust fund baby/college student/general menace open to f/m/nb - friends/new bae/idc

"so i dumped his ass and told him to go get some therapy." grace shook her head as she stretched herself out on the floor, eyes trained on her phone. "there's a balance between crazy hot and just plain crazy. i'm into crazy hot and crazy in bed. that's my vibe."

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“alright, alright. i got you. i get it. can’t ruin the vibe with your new bestie.” grace could tell by the look in levi’s eyes that he cared. could tell just how much he cared, but he was hurt by the whole thing. it wasn’t her place to get involved any more than she was involved by pure association, so she was going to leave it at that. “semi sane is the criteria here, semi! oh my god, we can go on my raya and look at all the hot dudes together, we could find who you’ve fucked. that’d be iconic.” grace grabbed her multiple drinks, downing one before she even moved away from the bar before moving back to where they had been seated. “i don’t know, i hadn’t planned that far ahead. i just drink and worry about that later, but yeah, i can do that, he was cool.”

"i don't care." levi shook his head. "i don't want to talk about him anymore, it's killing my vibe." the blonde huffed. and he did care but it wasn't healthy. it wasn't good for either of them. besides it wasn't his business what grace and heath got up to. levi and heath weren't talking. levi wasn't about to roll over and give in either. enabling heath was the worst thing he could do. it's what everyone else around him did. levi wasn't going to be part of it anymore. he was just trying to be drunk and happy and text his boyfriend later to come get him. "you don't need to tell me what he needs. i know!" he protested. "dealt with him for years, i know." he assured her. "i'm sorry you sat on his dick and got a dr.phil episode." he laughed. "none of them are sane. i've slept with enough of them to know they might look like kinda ugly losers but they're all fucked." he pointed out. once their drinks were set in front of them he pushed hers in front of her before taking her own. "who's driving you home? my boyfriend can pick us up."

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"life's a bitch and then you die. i'll talk to him later, he'll look all sad and say he misses you, but i'm gonna tell him to deal with it." grace shrugged it off with a grin. "wanna find out?" she raised her eyebrows at him, smirk tugging at her lips. "heath needs therapy, not a relationship. levi, please. i'm not one of those i can fix him girls, i just wanted to fuck him and he turned out to be a hot mess." she leaned propped herself between the bar and levi, ordering multiple drinks to cover her for at least the next twenty minutes and taking full advantage of the open bar. "you find me a hot hockey player that is semi sane, and i'll take you with me. i like my men hot with big dicks, i don't ask for much."

"you answered your own question. we all have issues. we still gotta fucking live with them." levi shrugged. "if we let them eat us alive then we'll just end up like that." the blonde frowned. levi knew all about having issues. pushed his own to the side and made money instead of feeling sorry for himself. "yeah i guess it's sad but it's not like it'd be a chore to fuck you." levi rolled his eyes but there was a grin on his lips. "you're not ugly." he snorted as he held her close to his side. he was drunk but not stumbling. could still keep them both upright. "and the thing is it'd never work between heath and i." he shook his head. "he's beautiful to look at but he's just not my type. i fuck criminals." he snorted. at her mention of her program he could only laugh loudly. of course. "oh so you're trying to psycho analyze him and fix him." levi grinned. he sided up to the bar and ordered a drink before he loosened his grip on her a little bit. "it's not for everyone that's for sure. but if you get into the wag box you can take me with you and then it won't be so boring."

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"okay," grace can only agree, nod her head and go with it. she knew that he was right, knew that levi knew heath better than anyone. maybe she had her own saviour complex, couldn't be as bad as this wren dude's, but it definitely existed. "i just worry, you know? he's not a bad person, he's just got issues. i mean, don't we fucking all? i'm taking your word for it, you know him better than i do. he's literally just fucking me because he can't have you and that's fucking sad, right?" grace laughed dryly, allowing levi to pull her up with him, alcohol hitting her hard as she stood, drunken sway taking over for a moment before she regained her balance. "behavioural science and psychology, ironically. oh, he's smart and pretty. no, you are so sexy. god, we could be like power besties, levi! fuck heath. we can just take over the world together. you wanna know something? i have never watched a game of hockey in my life, i don't even know how the fuck it works."

"grace." levi stared at her. he didn't need another wren. he didn't need another person who coddled heath, that would never help him. because levi had never coddled him, always treated him like a grown man and didn't mince his words ever. and it still hadn't been enough. so what was the point in fighting anymore? the blonde had given up after wren told him not to be at his own house in the morning. fuck that and fuck them. "if he wants to ruin his life it's no ones fault but his own. he knows what he's giving up. he loves the show but if it's not worth it then that's on him. not you." he shook his head. "and it's no one's job to save him." he finished his drink. needed another. there were no waiters walking around at the moment. he grabbed grace's hand and pulled her up with him. "in college for what? i'm about to be in my last semester for biochem." he nudged her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "that's sexy actually, i love that for you. might wanna start fucking someone else on the team if you don't want to play emotional babysitter though."

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"it's pretty bad, like all he's done since we saw you the other day is drink and sleep like he's in some self destruction era, but if you say that's normal, i'll take your word for it. i don't know about that, he said he'll never talk to him again, didn't want to go, wanted to give up the league, and he hated hockey. it was a lot for eight in the morning." grace shrugged, not sure how to take any of it, figured if anyone was able to understand it, it would be levi. when heath did very rarely mention levi, he spoke so highly of him, but grace never pressed on the subject. never asked questions, figured he would say what he was comfortable with. however, grace wasn't blind, she'd caught their conversation on the yacht, caught the look in heath's eye when he spoke about the other man. knew she was nothing more than something to fill the void. "you know what? good for you. you make that bank, baby." grace laughed softly, finishing her drink as she watched him. "technically, you could call me a trust fund baby, but i am in college. fuck, i don't remember. tinder? raya? i was drunk and then i was at his place."

"i used to worry a lot too but realized nothing will ever change." levi shook his head. "it'll help and yeah that's his best friend they'll be fine." the blonde waved off even the mere idea that the two of them would be fighting for very long. it hadn't been his job to worry about heath ever since he was pretty much forced out of his own place. he was used to being treated like that so it wasn't really a big surprise. he just left, let a client put him up in one of his condos downtown. "i fuck old dudes for money." levi grinned as he pushed his sunglasses up through his hair. the client who contacted him used to live in the city, must have moved for work, levi didn't keep up. didn't care to. "what do you do other then deal with emotional unavailable men? how did you even meet him?"

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grace knew heath only had her around as a distraction, knew that she wasn't what he wanted in his life. she knew that he had some weird relationship with levi that she didn't understand, probably never would. "there's a lot i don't know about heath, but i really worry about him. especially the past few days, but i don't know. he was seeing the team today, maybe that'll help. i did hear the words fuck wren about fifty times before we left the house though." hugging levi was a lot different to heath, levi was warm and friendly whereas heath always felt cold and distant, like it was a chore to be there. "new york? damn. what do you do? it's probably better than being stuck in this hell hole anyway." grace grabbed a drink from a tray as a waiter walked past, taking a sip before meeting levi's eyes.

"hi honey." he murmured with a grin. levi didn't know what someone like grace was doing with heath. even if he desperately wanted someone to click with him it wouldn't be someone as sweet as her. "i'm sorry your man is that way. he's always treated like a kid so he reacts like that." the blonde muttered with a shrug. he wrapped his arms around the woman and hugged her tight. she smelled like sunscreen and booze. he liked it. "i'm sure he'll be blowing up your phone soon." levi grinned as he pulled away and grabbed his drink. "good. i got a job offer in new york. might go and fuck around."

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"i know, baby, i'm working on chilling you out. save the intensity for the ice and all that, hm?” tanner pressed soft kisses to ben’s jaw, pressing his body against him before making their eyes meet. he was proud of the way ben seemed to calm in his presence, stopped being his little hot head like he used to be. “i’ll always give you anything you want, baby. just say the word and i’ll give you anything and everything you want, my darling. i promise.” tanner knew ben wasn’t comfortable with labels, not yet. as much as tanner called ben his boyfriend in his head, and was exclusively seeing him, he wouldn’t say anything until ben did. not until he was ready. “yeah, fuck, of course you would, bub. you’re like ten times their size.” he rolled his eyes, laughing softly as he rested his head against ben’s shoulder. “you know i do, baby, it’s not even a question.” tanner turned his head softly, pressing soft kisses to the skin of his skin. “i’d fuck right here against my car, but the scandal of the famous ben hood having sex in public? oh god.”

"that's just my brain." ben defended himself as he tapped two fingers on tanner's cheek, a fond grin on his mouth. ben's brain either thought too much until he felt crushed beneath the weight of his anxiety or he could hardly string two words together. being with tanner seemed to calm that for the most part. put ben in a state of contentment where he could shut his brain off. "yeah, you always give me anything i want." he nodded slowly. it was obvious there was something more between them but ben wasn't about to say it out loud. wasn't about to force them to name it. he liked that tanner pulled him close. ben didn't even glance around this time, pressed their mouths together softly. "i'd kick major ass on a little league team though." ben shrugged as he flicked his gaze to tanner's. he couldn't help the obnoxious grin on his lips when tanner's hand pressed to his ass. "do you?" ben raised a brow. he cupped the other mans jaw and pulled him in. "you wanna fuck on the sidewalk or should we go home?"

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send me "be honest..." with a question your muse has been dying to ask mine and they'll answer truthfully.

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"just opened, huh? how's that working out for you?" he rolled his eyes, staring up at the sky above them as he listened. "oh yeah, you never ever lose your cool, you are so chill, you could be a saint. saint warren, we'll call you." sawyer laughed, remembering how he'd just had to break up the moment warren lost his shit at the house party. "yeah, super pretty. i decided to hang out with my best boy instead, i can get laid later. life goes on for a while, my dude."

"dude, my third eye just fucking opened. cut me some slack." he frowned. "nah, mine are neatly packed away. never lose my cool." warren also could just lie because he'd just lost his shit like three hours earlier at the house party they attended. he adjusted against the other as he snatched the joint back to press it between his lips. warren exhaled his reply while laughing. "pretty? don't know about that you're stuck here with me instead of getting laid aren't you?"

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the words hit him hard and he doesn't like the implication of them, doesn't like the look on cameron's face as he said them and it makes atlas feel sick to his core. "what the fuck does that mean, cameron? what are you talking about? what the fuck?" he's moving to sit beside cameron, hand holding his, all anger gone as he looked at him. "what's going on?"

"there's a lot i should've thought about months ago." it was the truth in so many ways and the words of his doctor were still ringing in his ears even now. there was a chance he could make it, could survive what was to come but he wasn't going to chain atlas to that, to him. not when so much was a fucking coin toss right now. "no. i did care and i still do. which is why i have to do this now while i still can." even if atlas didn't understand right now, he might in the future or he might hate cameron forever. which, if things didn't go his way, might be a kindness in the end. if atlas hated them, then it might not be so bad if he didn't make it.

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"i can practically see your brain in overdrive, benny. chill." tanner had sworn to himself when he met ben that he would never let his mess affect his career or his life. he'd back off at some stage if he had to. though, he was really hoping that wasn't the case, somewhere along the way tanner was thinking he'd picked up feelings. it was terrifying to think about, the downfalls that could come from this relationship on ben's behalf all because tanner was selfish and wanted him all to himself. "that's me, baby, anything for you." tanner had plans to get out of the drug game, he didn't know when he'd be able to do it, but he wanted to leave it all for ben if ben would have him. "i always give you what you want." tanner can't help but pull ben closer when he kissed him, wants his body pressed against him as close as he can get it. "you're too hot to be on a little league team, my boy. yeah, you are fucking good. star of the month, huh? that's so hot." tanner's hands meet ben's ass, sighing happily at how ben was being. "obsessed with me, huh, baby? it's pretty mutual, my boy. adore you."

ben didn't look at tanner as he spoke, knew his face would give him away. didn't really want the other to think he was judging him. because whatever, everyone had their own shit but it did make him feel antsy. any minor slip and a scandal could really fuck him over. tanner so flippantly saying "my drug shit" made ben tense up. he didn't think about it too much, tried not to really, because if he did he knew he'd quickly find every reason for them not to be together. if they were together. ben felt fuzzy that he was the good shit in tanner's life, felt mortified that something bad might happen to him. was anything ever worth that? was the way he felt about tanner (who wasn't his boyfriend) strong enough to be worth it? ben laughed nervously at the other's words. he wasn't worried about being hurt, or dying, only ever not being able to play hockey. the only thing that mattered. "my own personal attack dog." ben sighed softly. didn't want to think about tanner's comment deeper. it was sweet in a fucked up way, the way tanner spoke to him. ben didn't want to save him, knew he could handle himself but there was a tiny part of him that wished tanner didn't have to always look over his shoulder. maybe it was selfish of ben too, didn't want to have to think twice about touching the other man one day.

"yeah, nice when i get what i want i guess." ben shrugged and there's a stupid grin on his mouth. ben kissed him again, a little more force behind it then before. like he wanted to get inside the other and live there. they're safe under the cover of darkness, pressed up against tanner's car, ben is okay. he's allowed to touch him. he can only laugh though. "i know you're complimenting me but the way you're saying it sounds like i'm on a little league team." ben laughed as he reached his hands up to slip through tanner's hair, tugging the ends gently. "tanner i know you don't give a shit about hockey but i'm fucking good. you're fucking a star of the month." ben grinned as he nudged his nose against tanner's jaw, rubbing it along the stubble there. "how am i obsessed with you? don't know shit about hockey."

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grace had left heath's place this morning, he had to do a work thing that she didn't really listen to and she had a busy day of day drinking ahead of her. she hadn't been in the mood for his brooding when she woke up either. she knew heath was only using her as a distraction from whatever the story was between the two men. as soon as she looked at levi a little closer, she realised who he was. "bestie levi! i was going to do more of those shots before someone had a hissy fit." she moved over to him, giving him a hug. "it's okay, i left him to be moody somewhere else. we're more fun anyway. how are you? how's life?"

levi hung off one of his girlfriends arm, cheek pressed to her shoulder as he longed for the bottomless mimosa's from brunch. the screwdriver in front of him wasn't really doing it for him anymore even though it was pretty much the same drink. his vision blurred a little at the edges, warmed from the sun and drinking too much. he heard someone's voice before he tilted his head. realized she was talking to him. he blinked a couple times slowly before he squinted at her. did he know her? it wouldn't the first time a drunk blonde girl knew him. probably thought they were related. he stared at her face before heath's moody expression flicked across his mind. "grace!" he pointed at her. "your heath's princess, i remember you. remember the shot you did out of my belly button?"

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this was her third party of the day, ever the social butterfly and not a fan of staying in one place. grace was in the process of doing the usual rounds, greeting people and seeing who she could find in her drunken state. her eyes settled on the blonde man across from her, knew she knew him from somewhere, couldn't work out why. "i know you. why do i know you?" // @mysteryoflovc

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"you're just noticing? that's on you." he'd propped himself up on his elbow, watching the other before taking the offered joint for a hit. "i love you too, jackass. we've all got our problems, don't get me started on yours." sawyer laid down beside him, free hand resting behind his head. "at least i'm pretty to make up for it, right?"

"There's something wrong with you and I can't fucking help you." The words were harsh but his body language was anything but. Sprawled out on the dock, joint in hand as he stared up at the starry sky. What he'd said wasn't meant to be cruel, Warren didn't have it in him. He was just a little bit high and exhausted. "I still love you I just want you to know you have a problem-" Warren handed the joint out for them, "dumbass." @endofyouths

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GRACE VAN PATTEN  as  Lucy Albright  Tell Me Lies (2022)   —   S01E05