engineeringnovels

[engineeringnovels]

What we had was a fantasy I never thought I would ever achieve, like the moon landing I finally did the impossible, one small step for man a giant leap for myself. I felt everything so deep that the bottom of the ocean looked like the sky. And when you left, the pain smoldered, a single hot coal in a bed of cold ashes that once held the brightest flame. You helped me soar, but now I'm plummeting and the ground is still further down.

[engineeringnovels]

“I wish there was a way to know that the last time is the last time while it’s still happening. The last time you step in the door of your childhood home, the last time you kiss a lover, the last time you ever see someone you love. Because if I had known, I would have made sure it wasn’t the last time. Or at least I would have lived in that moment a little longer.”

— the last time // m.e.k.

[engineeringnovels]

Hearing your name still stops me in my tracks.  For a moment I forget I don’t know you anymore. You’re different.  Have the last few years been kind to you?  I’ve changed as well, did you notice?  Silly question.  I used to be someone now I’m just a stranger. But the thing is, every version of me longs to know every version of you.

Check out my Instagram for more writing 😊

[engineeringnovels]

i wonder what our younger selves would say if they saw us now. the people we dreamed about. the singers, actors, astronauts, doctors. the famous, rich, lived people we were certain we’d turn out to me. i wonder what they’d say when the people in front of them are us. broken, exhausted, damaged grown ups. living a life so very different to the glitz and glam we dreamed of. a life of tears, puffy eyes, scarred skin, broken hearts. 

[engineeringnovels]

odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”

[engineeringnovels]

If the earth is 70% non-carbonated water, then it technically is flat.

[engineeringnovels]

fantasy characters: “Geez”

me: who the fuck spread Christianity there

[engineeringnovels]

Scientist bakes sourdough bread with yeast derived from 4500 year old Egyptian pottery

i'm losing my mind @ this thread......historie......

[engineeringnovels]

What

[engineeringnovels]

Assertion: The converse of "it's okay not to forgive people [even if they've reformed]" is "it's okay not to be forgiven". If someone has reformed but their victim doesn't forgive them, they too can just walk away. They don't have to stay around groveling forever. They don't even have to care that they haven't been forgiven. They're allowed to move on.

[engineeringnovels]

twitter user @ likewatercress speaks the truth

[engineeringnovels]

“She was forced to consider the startling fact that the love of her life might not actually be someone with whom she could spend a lifetime.”

— Jodi Picoult

[engineeringnovels]

“There are different ways of loving, aren’t there?”

— Patrick White

[engineeringnovels]

To the boy who broke my heart,

Hi, I hope this letter finds you well. Your ship has departed and from the docks I stare out where heaven touches the sea hoping to catch the faintest shadow of a mast. Though it has been six months since your fiery farewell, the recent days have stoked the embers in my mind and I relive the hours as if they were the moment you left. I know you shall not return to this port. Your adventure lies elsewhere, but I cannot help but think of this spot where we confessed our love exactly one year ago. I was a younger man then unaware of how lucky and rare it was for me to find a love that the warm glow of a yellow sunset envied as it dipped beneath the gentle waves that kissed the rocky shore. The promises we made beat back the cold November winds of adversity as we sat on your front steps wrapped in our cloaks and each other.

I remember staring up at that night sky with the full moon as our spotlight thinking that that moment was what home felt like. It never crossed my mind that the universe would deliver an unanswered prayer first sent decades ago when I first felt want; someone to share the empty space reserved for the forgotten, the unwanted, the undesirable. When you willingly stepped into that space raking your soft fingertips through my hair, my only mistake was thinking that Fortune favored us so much that she allowed us to last until the end of days, that our love was as strong and everlasting as Olympus. Alas, our love was not a mountain but a dying tree, full of life on the outside, rotten within. I no longer think of love as a home where something is built around my space, but rather a motel in the middle of the desert, visitors are rare and fewer care to stay. Given your goodbye, I wonder if you had any intention to stay at all.

The worst part of it all, we never fought. Our words never went to war until that first and only battle of an unexpected Christmas Offensive. On the first day, I was the meat of a car sandwich that left me in shock. On the second day, I felt the chilling touch of Consequence. For the first time, I felt terror as I became aware of every action I had taken since I could remember anything. The concussed inner child who grew used to seeing the backs of everyone he ever loved, turned to your bright smile for solace, the same smile that declared that he was everything you ever wanted. He trusted you. And on the third day, you bombarded him with questions. A hail of demands rattled on like machine guns. You nuked him saying the child was like that horrendous human being you call your father, the one who always left you feeling empty and worthless to the point where upon seeing your own face in a mirror disgusts you. You took aim at the child’s dream, a dream he suffered four years for, and shot it down saying that it was worth less than a pipe dream. At least a pipe dream had hope. You slashed him for not growing up fast enough, beat him for not stepping out of his protective shell, stoned him for not being everything you wanted. Then, you turned your back on him. He offered a ceasefire and you accepted the terms but defeat was total and absolute.

You said you’d try to be friends, but you began erasing me from your life before the ink dried. Months later, when circumstance forced us together again, you escaped the first chance you got. Your last words ring in my ears as loud as the day you said them. “I promise to remain faithful while on break, but I cannot guarantee that my bed will remain empty as we figure things out.” Was I so repugnant that you wholly rejected my very existence and needed to fill it with another’s? All those words all those promises, were they as empty as the space between the living and the dead? What mortal sin had I committed that granted me eternal damnation? Did I even leave a mark on your soul as you did mine? I still hurt. I still wait. Do you?  

Is the happiness from your recent exploits real? Are they just masking the pain as mine do? I yearn to see you again, just once more to prove that I am still worthy. Though, I cannot be the man you want me to be, I just need to know that our time together was not wasted. I just need to know if I meant the same to you as you did to me. And that your departure was because it was something you needed to do, not because I forced your hand. Perhaps one day I will have the answer. Perhaps one day, I will gain the courage to set sail for my own distant land. I hope that if our paths ever cross again, we’ll forget each other believing that the moments we shared were part of some long distant dream fading with every passing second. Until then, I wish for good wind and fair seas on your voyage. May you find what you are looking for when you finally land.

 All my love,

K.H.

[engineeringnovels]

me: how do churches deal with gluten at communion

first response on a catholic forum:

[engineeringnovels]

so disney is using emily gwen’s lesbian pride flag with no compensation, and she’s still in need of money. i implore anyone who cares at all about the lgbt community to donate to her instead of paying for fucking mickey mouse pins

[engineeringnovels]

I maintain that Hey There Delilah by Plain White Tees is a 450% better song if it’s about a guy who’s lost custody of his daughter