erostarved - Tumblr blog

[erostarved]

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I think this is the end, and I think I’ve finally made peace with it. Happy New Years to me, and a blessed be for all! There isn’t much else to say but this:

It will get easier, and it will get better. Let go, and go forward. Leave behind what you can’t take into the afterlife. I will learn to move, and be happy. I already feel so much better? Thank you, Set.

[erostarved]

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Why can’t I just get over it like everyone else has? Everyone else is fine, acting like nothing happened but I’m here suffering? Why can’t I just be normal and let it go already? I’m being so terrible to my friends. I’m being so mean, and annoying, I’m being so desperate and dramatic and edgy and cringy and terrible.

Why can I just get over it?

[erostarved]

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Me: I’m coping! I feel better!!

Me: the next day - I want to die

[erostarved]

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I think some of my posts shed a bad light on people. It’s not meant to make anyone look bad, or hurt anyone. I just needed a place to vent— a safe place to release. While I’m in the painful place, these feelings and thoughts are just feelings that might not be anything more than assumptions, but whether it true or not— these are my feelings.

I’m working through it, despite the ache in my chest that hasn’t gone away in days. I hope next year will be better.

[erostarved]

[erostarved]

/)/) ( . .) ( づ♡

Today, I feel rejected and alone. We were suppose to have a New Years Party, but I guess that was canceled. I had a survey and everything, but I felt so pushy reminding everyone about it so I said forget it. Everyone had plans to do things anyway, and I feel so unthought about. Does that make sense? People are allowed to move on with their lives, but it just happened. I feel like I never really mattered with how quickly everyone is just going on dates and acting like "Finally!! I'm free and have energy again!!! All because she's gone!!!!" and that hurts. Maybe it's all in my head, but losing you ripped me apart and you seemed so happy to let me go.

[erostarved]

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It’s gonna be a rough while, isn’t it? Please go easy on me. I’m doing my best to be okay, but my chest hurts so bad.

[erostarved]

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I decided when I make mobile posts, I’ll use the bunny emoji because the other one doesn’t work when making mobile posts. ☠️ so hopefully this will be a pretty good compromise.

Woke up feeling destroyed, like always, but I’ll be alright I think. I just have to keep moving forward.

[erostarved]

/)/) ( . .) ( づ♡ I can't help but feel unlovable. I can't help but wonder how you can just stop liking someone and just express more love for someone else. Can't you tell I'm falling apart? Does it bother you? Do you even care? Maybe I should fall asleep, and beg my dreams to stop taunting me. I feel so stupid, so one sided, and even if you tired to tell me otherwise I would know it was to spare my feelings. My chest hasn't stopped hurting for days. I just want to disappear. I wish we could pretend it never happened so that I wouldn't be so embarrassed and feel so stupid. It makes sense why you didn't want to see me, why you didn't want to talk to me, why you didn't want to sleep with me-- your desire for me had died along time ago didn't it?

I'm sorry. I wish I knew, I would have freed you long before now. I hope you can forgive me.

[erostarved]

[erostarved]

[erostarved]

/)/) ( . .) ( づ♡ I haven't made a tumblr in a long time, but I miss it. I always so this, making new ones and claiming I haven't had one in so long with like,,,, the 300 tumblrs rotting away somewhere. Anyway. Here I am!