escapethe-muses

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𝓎𝑜𝓊.

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“vanishing” by H.P.

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I broke my own heart trying to make you love me and that is something I’ll never forgive myself for.

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Margarita Karapanou, tr. by Karen Emmerich, Rien ne va plus

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There’s certain people that you cannot speak on specific topics with because they don’t have the range, the knowledge, the empathy or the depth, to even understand where the fuck you’re coming from.

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in all seriousness it's very alienating knowing theres Something Wrong With You. like seeing your mental illness come through in your behaviour and thought processes and knowing it's irrational and unhealthy, knowing other people are reading you as weird or stupid, and not being able to do anything about it is such a lonely experience

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Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

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“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.”

— Franz Kafka (via naturaekos)

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I have been thinking of the ways we tell people things. My father's hands shake, but he holds the phone up so I can watch the video from six feet away. My mother emails me the recipe of her beef stroganoff at 6 in the morning with the comment - woke up and didn't want to forget to do this! On the highway, we sing so loudly my voice grows hoarse; on the beach I sneak nice rocks into people's hands so they have something to hold; on the floor we all sit quietly in the same agreeable silence. We are all saying the same thing.

My friends say "Oh you know, keeping busy." This means they are having a hard time but making themselves survive it. I ask them to help me walk me dog; this is me telling them it's okay sometimes to just be present and talk about young adult fiction. When I cancel again because I can't get out of bed, she tells me she's on her way with cookies.

I point out the sunset. She shares her fork before I ask for it. He calls me at 1 AM just because I'm on the road alone, we talk about stupid shit. She waits for me to get indoors safely before driving away. He says - nah, forget it, I'm happy to do it for free.

People are saying it, you know? They say it often and loudly. Sometimes, you know - you just have to be listening.

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I’m actually really insecure. I feel like I’m always gonna fuck things up or people will lose interest in me cause I’m too clingy or too passionate or too much of some other trait that bothers them