esotericswiftie

[esotericswiftie]

sometimes i’m scared he’s too good for me. he’s so sweet and genuine and GOOD and he seeks happiness and peace like any normal person should. i remember in the beginning i kept picking fights, scratching at any possible flaw to try and unravel the whole thing, find the underlying darkness i could hate and condemn him for. i couldn’t find anything; there was nothing there but a kindhearted, gentle boy.

i love him for it, i love him so much, but every now and then, my mind wanders and sinks and starts craving the illicit and horrible again. do i know how to be happy? do i *like* being happy? will peace ever be enough, or will i always crave the cascade, ocean wave blues?

[esotericswiftie]

got the drunkest ive ever been last night (which is not very drunk) and i had a panic attack fml😭😭

[esotericswiftie]

just took a great shit

[esotericswiftie]

almost did *it* yesterday😬

[esotericswiftie]

who was gonna tell me hum was a fraghead😍

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i wanna cry, the metoo backlash is insane. this is insane. i hate them so much.

[esotericswiftie]

oh

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i know she explicitly defends him, yet i can’t help but wonder…does a part of her crave to see him condemned for it? why else show the world, let him be condemned by the masses for what she could never condemn herself?

[esotericswiftie]

happy fall

[esotericswiftie]

oh rob sheffield, you will always be beloved

[esotericswiftie]

On hope

night walk, franz wright// hope in the dark, rebecca solnit// ? // ? // just give me a reason, pink// shake it off, taylor swift// @ hiddengemm_ on x // @mounaks // to be made whole, ada limon// @garcavisconde // jane massey// orange juice, noah kahan// why why why, shawn mendes// ?// august, taylor swift

[esotericswiftie]

gagged me a bit😭

[esotericswiftie]

killing yourself right as you’re about to be exposed…🫠

[esotericswiftie]

everything i write feels so stupid and contrived ugh