esperantoauthor

[esperantoauthor]

A little update

Hi Fam, I just wanted to share a little update. I'm approaching 1 month post-op (26 days!) and I'm feeling really good! The first two weeks were really rough but now I am starting to feel almost like my old self again. I have gotten my daily walks up to 30 minutes (I started with once around the block), pain/discomfort is minimal, I've attended a few social outings, and my eating is finally back to normal (all the meds can make your stomach sensitive). I still fatigue quickly but I'm getting there. I had a post-op appointment with my plastic surgeon and he said everything looks like it is healing well.

The only bad news, is that after they did pathology on all the tissue they removed during surgery, they found that in addition to DCIS (stage 0 breast cancer), I also had a small tumor of invasive cancer (stage 1 breast cancer). On the plus side, my lymph nodes were clear of cancer. I am still waiting on more tests to find out whether or not I might have to have chemotherapy.

[esperantoauthor]

[esperantoauthor]

[esperantoauthor]

POPULAR KLAINE STORIES 2020-2025*

Solid Gold by @heartsmadeofbooks

The Hating Game by orphan_account

Turn into a pose by @little-escapist

All of me by CoffeeCat72

Until the Sun Falls Down from the sky by @caramelcoffeeaddict CoffeeAddict80

Sonder by @gleefulpoppet

99 perspectives on a single love story by @spaceorphan18

Opened one minute ago by klaineanderhummel

Spinning out by @rockitman

Express Yourself by @esperantoauthor

I Have Guidelines by @hippohead

Reprise by Calliope_Melpomene  Read at:  [PDF]

Is There a Twelve Step Just For You? by TheNameisBritney

When the Night is Over by dizzywhiz (@kurtstinypurse )

My Heart, It Pounds, Yeah You Got Me by @nineofhearts4

Cornelia Street by @blurglesmurfklaine

Wild & Free by @scatter-the-stars

Lost Boy by myownpatronus

About-Face by @quizasvivamos

Out of Eden by @wowbright

*based on kudos on AO3, we added one per author

[esperantoauthor]

[esperantoauthor]

Happy Birthday Simon!

“Simon Snow in America: jeans and a white T-shirt, skin already pinking up from the sun.” —Wayward Son

For Simon’s birthday this year, I’ve gifted him a roadtrip where everyone is smiling. 

@rainbowrowell

[esperantoauthor]

The idea of surgery just psychologically really freaked me out but honestly that part didn’t bother me after. Not until today when my fucking incisions started opening up. I cannot tell you how distressing it is to see parts of you that are clearly meant to be inside from the outside if you are squeamish. Also I’m supposed to monitor them which means I have to keep *looking* at them 😭😭.

[esperantoauthor]

a classic, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

[esperantoauthor]

TIL the cat who played Lord Tubbington on Glee is featured in an episode of “My Cat From Hell”!!! I’ve been watching a lot of this show while recovering from surgery and it took me right out when suddenly she is like this cat is a celebrity. Also don’t worry, he wasn’t the cat with behavior issues he just lived with one.

Here is what I learned:

1) his real name is Aragorn

2) his owner is named Cece and lives with her girlfriend, whose cat Bea was very aggressive

3) Aragorn is a bengal cat and he weighs 24 pounds.

4) his owner was pushing him in a stroller because he was so overweight. The cat dude from the show Jackson got him on an exercise routine and even got him like a giant hamster wheel for cats.

[esperantoauthor]

My surgery was completed yesterday and I am now recovering at home. Family is taking good care of me.

(The above photo is from my Fuck Cancer coloring book)

[esperantoauthor]

When you see those soft wet eyes, you just have to draw them <3 

[esperantoauthor]

Featured Contributor: @justgleekout

Fic:

"Grease Monkey" (page 14) -- AO3 -- Tumblr

Art:

Cover Art: Kurt Sitting

"Lazy Sunday Slow Dance" (page 46) -- Tumblr

Mechanic Kurt (page 15) -- AO3 -- Tumblr

For "Season of Grace" (page 55)

"Morning Cuddles" (page 70) -- Tumblr

For "cardigan" (page 71)

To accompany "The Touch Of Your Hand (Says You'll Catch Me)" (page 90) -- Tumblr

Q&A (under the cut!)

What was your inspiration for the fic/art you submitted to the zine?

as i submitted more than one artworks and one shot, it totally depends. The fic and most drawing come from a itchy corner of my mind. I have a thought about a specific moment/scene i want to see I just have to put it to paper, either in words or in artwork hehe. but some other drawings were inspired by the other lovely stories in the zine!

2. What was your process like choosing which fic/art to contribute and/or completing new fic and/or art exclusively for the zine?

I looked at the theme of the zine and picked a fic that fit and I was also proud of. Same goes for the art. Some of my work I am just really proud of and would love to see in a beautiful printed version along with so many other awesome creators.

3. What was your experience like participating in the creation of and contributing to the zine?

It was such a fun experience! especially the designing of the cover and the bookmark! It was really fun to collaborate with so many amazing artists!

4. Can we expect future submissions to subsequent Klaine fanzines?

If nothing too crazy happens, absolutely!

Have more questions you want to ask @justgleekout about their work? Go ahead on over to their blog and ask away!: https://justgleekout.tumblr.com/ask

[esperantoauthor]

[esperantoauthor]

[esperantoauthor]

Million dollar idea: match mastectomy patients with transwomen. We give them all our bras and tops that don’t fit anymore.

[esperantoauthor]

So, I have cancer...

About 6 weeks ago, at the age of 35, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. In less than 2 weeks, I'm having a double mastectomy.

So Esp, why are you posting about this on your fandom blog? Well, because it is really my only anonymous presence on the internet and while I am sharing a lot about my journey with friends and family, there are things I want to say that I don't want them to hear.

Also, I am hoping to do some watch parties with y'all while I am recovering. Time to take advantage of all those disparate time zones so you can watch shit with me in the middle of the work day (my time) and the early evening (your time).

Cancer really does feel like something that happens to other people, stronger people. When it comes for you, it is most of all surreal. I read a little about the stages of grief and something that stood out to me was that denial is a healthy coping mechanism your mind engages to protect itself from overwhelmingly bad news. It lets you put off fully confronting until you are ready, or it lets you confront it in little pieces rather than all at once.

I am incredibly lucky in so many ways. My cancer was caught very early and as long as the pathology comes back showing the same thing the biopsy showed, this surgery will be the beginning and the end of my cancer treatment. The reason it was caught so early feels like such a happy accident that it's a little scary to think about, honestly. I get chills.

So here's the story: A while back, my doctor's office pushed out an online questionnaire that wanted some family history. I filled it out and at the end it said that based on my family history, they recommended I take a genetic cancer panel. I kind of shrugged and said sure, why not. I didn't expect it to show anything. My family cancer history is minimal. I have exactly one blood relative who had breast cancer and she got it in her 70s. My dad had prostate cancer but back then I had no idea that could have anything to do with breast cancer. None of my doctor's have ever brought up concerns that I might be at increased risk of cancer. I did the test with sort of a shrug might as well attitude and that ambivalent decision is the only reason my cancer was caught stage zero.

I learned that I have a pathogenic BRCA mutation (yes, like the one Angelina Jolie was very public about having), which was a lot to process and probably needs to be a separate post. My gynecologist was flabbergasted when I told her, that's how unsuspicious my history looked. I started on the recommended "high risk" schedule of breast screenings, starting with a mammogram and a breast MRI (which I would then alternate doing every 6 months). I was told these tests would establish a baseline and was warned that since they have nothing to compare it to, there is a higher rate of false positives. So I wasn't overly concerned when the MRI results indicated a biopsy. The mammogram was clear, the clinical breast exam was clear. It was probably nothing. I was mostly just stressed about the procedure itself, since I don't do well with needles.

Well, the biopsy did not come back clear, as you probably guessed. They called me the next day to tell me I had cancer. I had a good cry and was mostly in shock. Two days later, I met with an oncologist who explained that even though my cancer was not yet invasive, it had already spread across a large area. So large that the surgery I was expecting to hear about, a lumpectomy, wasn't an option. I had already been reading about mastectomies, since many women choose to do a preventative double mastectomy when they find out they have BRCA. I had mostly decided I would stick with the screenings when I found out that I no longer had that choice. The only question was one breast or two. I thought about it but honestly it was easy to decide to do both at that point. My main fear was going through surgery and that was happening no matter what. My risk for developing cancer on the other side would be pretty high, thanks to my genetics. Plus, if I kept the other breast I would need to take hormone suppressing drugs for at least 5 years, which have unpleasant side effects.

So that's how I got here. My house is full of special mastectomy shirts and surgical bras and antiseptic body wash and special wedge pillows. I'm terrified. I just want to be on the other side of it. Wish me luck!

I don't know if I will post more on this topic, but if I do I will try to use the tag #esperanto does cancer, so feel free to filter that if you want to skip any future posts.

[esperantoauthor]

At a children’s sports class

4-year-old: “This cone is broken.”

Coach: “We’re all a little broken.”