estupidongjuantamad

[estupidongjuantamad]

After two months of waiting, this finally showed up in the mail.

I know I haven’t been very active here lately. Getting back to work has kept me busy. The ER isn’t too overwhelming at this time of year, but we’ve been working on ways to improve the patient experience.

Lately, I’ve been focusing more on supporting underinsured and uninsured patients. The goal is to help close the gaps in care they often face once they leave the hospital. It’s been challenging. A lot of them are just trying to stay afloat, and sometimes all it takes is one person who believes in them, especially when they’re struggling to believe in themselves.

At the same time, there’s ongoing talk about proposed Medicaid budget cuts, and now all this heartbreaking news about wars and missile strikes. It’s a lot to take in. What else is 2025 going to throw at us?

Hope you’re all staying safe and looking out for one another.

06/23/25 1330 PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

So me and my photography brother are doing this photography challenge. Ha! It started as doing street then ended up night photography. I told him I’ll capture the streets when I get to Oakland during my videography workshop and then I’ll do night photography after that.

I have this idea in my mind but I’ll do that for the next project. I am combining writing and photography as I want to publish my own book.

Now I am excited with this current project and can’t wait to create more content!

5/11/25 l 1825 PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

No matter how many times I've been here, I still feel like it's my first. I remember that very first day decades back, I was that happy and excited kid who asked his mom to capture that moment. Now I am here, still the same kid but creating and capturing more memories in a photograph.

Golden Gate Bridge & Embarcadero, 2019 l Nikon D750 l 24-70 f2.8

5/11/25 l 1518 PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

So recently, I was thinking about joining a photography tour. I wanted to either go to Europe or somewhere in Asia so I can join people who share the same passion while travelling. Unfortunately, almost all of them are fully booked until next year.

I may just do a domestic photography tour like an out of state tour. On the other hand, I stumbled this local photography group and they offer workshops. Oh man, I got so excited so I am joining one of their workshops this month. I can't wait to join their darkroom workshops too.

I've been into film photography the last five years and I do develop my own exposed films. However, I had been struggling since now I have small kids at home and the chemicals I use can cause serious problems so now, I'll probably stick to my trusty lab for the mean time or just probably ditch the C41 developing and focus on B&W.

I discovered this Filipino photographer who happens to live close to where I live. I wish I can meet him one day. I never had a friend who has the same level of passion as I have but nonetheless, I will network with others when I attend the workshop. I am so excited.

This is a photo I took back in 2020 during the pandemic along the pacific coast highway AKA highway 1. Shot using Fujifilm Superia 400 film partnered with Minolta alpha 7.

One of my favorite places in the pacific coast highway here in California.

5/9/25 l 0405 PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

I randomly saw Ed Sheeran’s post on instagram and it made me reminiscent of my life 10 years back during my mid 20’s. I had this set of friends back then that were all dear to me but fast forward 2025, I felt like it’s all gone. They are all gone. We all moved on with our lives. We have different goals in life. Some had their own families and some explored different paths. Some I had conversations with were from 6-7 years back.

It’s sad to think that when you spend time with someone, you will never know that it’ll be the last. I don’t even remember the last time we all talked. We used to have a group message and people be sending messages here and there throughout the day. Then one day, no one ever sent anything anymore. The silence became small gaps. It eventually became a space and now a void that we can never fill. So whenever I hear Ed Sheeran’s album back in 2014 “X” I always remember them and the fun times we had. It’s my core memory that seems like a movie. One day you are happy and then the next thing you know, you are on a different path and they all moved in different ways. I am grateful for the friendship and for the great memories.

I am always praying that we all succeed and win in life. But I was wondering, do they even think about it too? Does it ever cross their minds? Well, we are not kids anymore but I guess it’s more of like the half empty half full perspective of a glass.

I couldn’t help myself so I responded to Ed’s post and here’s what I said:

I used to play your “X" album all the time more than 10 years ago and when you mentioned 2015, it was one of the best years of my life. The time I met my now wife. I also had my closest friends back then that I no longer talk to anymore but looking back, I just cherish the great and fun memories we had!

We now have our own lives. It's not that I hate them for leaving. Did they really leave or am I the one who left? Or we both outgrew the friendship? I am still uncertain but I guess that's just the normal course of life. We meet people one day but we don't know if their characters will still be there in the next chapters of your lives. I am always here silently praying that we all win in life even though we don't talk anymore. I miss y'all and the good times but I am grateful and at my happiest where l am right now. I wish our paths would cross again. :)

They may or may not see this comment but I guess I want to share so I can let go of the things that are running circles in my head whenever I remember them.

Ed’s multiply album is still my favorite and currently on my playlist.

5/1/2025 l 0051H l PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

I celebrated my 30th birthday in Yosemite National Park. As soon as we headed to Mammoth Lakes, we heard that there was another wildfire that just started. The skies were clear when we arrived but the next few days turned into something I will never forget. The sky turned orange for days. Too bad I couldn't find my photos of the orange sky. The air quality was the worst and it was still in the middle of the pandemic. It was a breath of fresh air for me because at that time, I was still working in the ER and my wife still worked in the ICU. I couldn't believe at that time that the world would stop for a minute. Look at now, things changed and we survived. These are some snaps when I went to the Hot Creek Geothermal Site.

I couldn’t believe this was almost 5 years ago. Almost half a decade. I’m literally mind blown while writing this.

Long Valley, CA l Nikon D750 l 09/2020

[estupidongjuantamad]

This was from the summer of 2023 at Mt. Rainier National Park, my daughter's eighth national park to visit. I can’t remember how many times she threw fits and had tantrums along the trail, but my core memory of her is when we were sitting on a bench, and a squirrel approached her and climbed onto her shoulder. I always think of that moment when I remember Mt. Rainier.

P.S. I had to fight for a spot when I took this shot because people are all taking selfies left and right when all I wanted was to get a nice photo of Mt. Rainier.

4/28/25 l 0327H PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

I couldn't fathom the vastness of this place. First thing that popped in my head was the movie 127 hours. This place is amazing. I can't wait to come back again after graduation.

4/26/25 l 1533H PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

This is my happy place. I really love going here and just sit by the shore not thinking about anything while watching sunset.

I used to go here a lot when I was in my 20's. But it's been four years since the last time I've been here. This is the last photo I took of Big Sur. I remember I was with a friend who came all the way from NY just to see Northern California. It was fun!

The feels just by looking at this photograph. This is where I brought my wife when we first started dating and then we had a nice dinner by the Old Fisherman's Wharf in Monterey. But do not be deceived by the pretty view because ground squirrels can pop out of nowhere during summer and those little creatures can spook you! :)

I am not ready to bring my kids here yet because it's just the cliffs, sand, rocks and water. This is very dangerous for small kids. I want them to see this view someday.

I also miss photography. I miss going out randomly and just capture what my eyes can see. I have thousands of photos taken and then just stored. That's my creative process because I do not want to be biased on which photos look good. I view them years later. I know, weird but it's probably just me; my own preference. To each his own. I will probably post some more photos here in the future. I like to capture beautiful places and also candid shots of public places and people. My heart is full just by simply doing my thing while people exist around me. I capture memories and not just photos.

4/26/25 l 0106H PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

I’m just testing this wireless mic that I recently bought if it works well with recording vocals but the kiddos couldn’t stop taking. But seriously, I bought this for a project and can’t wait to start it very soon. The dismay on my face that is apparent at the end of the clip. LOL :)

4/26/25 l 0047H PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

Yesterday, I was at the city to attend my leadership graduation. It’s been a little busy the past week because I had a certification test, two papers due for this semester and this graduation to attend to.

The first two were checked off but the night before, I know I mentioned about my foot that’s fractured, my daughter canonballed my foot. So on the day of, I could not literally walk. I had to use the cam boot again and I was so happy that the ibuprofen worked.

I dropped the kids at my mom’s and then went to the BART station. It’s always traffic in San Francisco so driving on a weekday isn’t the best idea. I used to drive there all the time but recently, I just want to take the BART train because it’s more convenient. I got off the Embarcadero station and went ahead to get some grub at Senior Sisig for a burrito. It was a bummer because I told them I want pork sisig but ended up receiving a tocino burrito. It’s still good but I would’ve been happier if it’s pork sisig. The calamansi juice is blah probably because we have a calamansi tree at home and have access to fresh calamansi. I sat down at my favorite spot to eat lunch and if you are familiar with the Filipino movie called “Sana Maulit Muli” that’s where Aga Muhlach and Leah Salonga met to eat lunch but Leah only brought Aga tuna sandwich and OJ. That’s my favorite movie. lol

I wore the cam boot the whole day and I walked from there up to UCSF Leadership Institute’s building. It was around over a mile. It was fun to meet with my colleagues again and the leaders of both Kaiser Permanente and UCSF. It was an amazing program and we were stuffed because there was a lot of food and I was surprised there’s some good wine and spirits’ selection.

I am literally resting while writing this because I have been sleep deprived the past week.

I hope everyone’s having a great day.

4/25/25 l 1650H PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

There's a bunch of people here because they combined the three different leadership cohorts in this graduation. At last, my schedule is free starting tomorrow. I'm grateful for the opportunities that are coming along the way and I couldn't believe that I get to meet amazing leaders who empowered me to pursue this career path.

On a serious note, I coulnd't even see my face lol.

04/24/25 l 2359H PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

Today has been great. I finally knocked the test off my checklist for this year. I passed the CCM test!

I had to turn and reposition multiple times or else I’d end up with a pressure injury. LOL Kidding aside, it was worded so differently from the practice tests that I did but I am beyond grateful that I did it given just 2 weeks of review. The test taking strategy really works. Of course the knowledge about the content is also important.

Also, it felt strange because this is where I also took my nursing boards 10+ years ago. It brought back the memories. I think I sat at the same seat number like last time. I went to the testing center an hour early because I was sleepy. I had to do some laps so that I feel a little pumped. I saw a boba shop too but didn’t want to have that sugar rush. It was a reminiscent experience nonetheless.

Another topic, I was overwhelmed with school deadlines last month and furious when my professor announced a video presentation wasn’t required just two days before the submission deadline. It seemed inconsiderate to expect students to juggle multiple tasks. What kind of instructor is that? I had already completed the presentation when she made that change. Fortunately, I received an A+ anyway. The three-week break before the Summer semester is a blessing.

The remaining tasks for this month include meeting with my mentor, the chief nurse executive (CNE) of our hospital, and attending the final day of my leadership training program at UCSF, which I’ve been attending for the past seven months. I’m also planning to take a lot of photos at Pier 39 and Embarcadero. I miss those random photo walks. It’s been a while since I last visited the city.

How about you? How was your day? I hope you are having a great one.

4/22/25 l 2315H PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

Last day of work then off to baby bonding. I like how I can step out of the office and listen to music if I need to. What a great way to recenter yourself. I have an exam tomorrow. I also injured myself over 2 weeks ago and now, I have a 4th metatarsal fracture. Cam boot is my best friend the last few weeks. Waiting for my podiatry appointment. At least I am off for a month. This is a very random snippet of my day.

I hope you are having a fantastic day.

042125 l 2015H PST

[estupidongjuantamad]

I have been so busy since I started graduate school. I am halfway there and I can’t wait to get my master’s degree in less than a year. Juggling school, work and kids is so challenging but since I have goals, I have to stay focused.

For some reason, I didn’t know what got into my head why I signed up for the CCM Exam (Case Management Certification). I have a certification test that I am taking in a few days. This is my third certification exam so taking a test like this isn’t new. I am a board-certified ER and wound care nurse and adding this one adds more alphabets after my name lol But the thought of sitting for an exam still makes my hands sweaty. Wish me luck!

A quick update, I left the bedside after more than 10 years and I am now a patient care coordinator/case manager for the last 3 years. I’m still in the same ER but with a different role. I am happier and feeling that “work-life balance”. It’s been so helpful when I started writing again. It really helps with my nerves prior to my test.

I also see new people here and noted a lot are still active. It’s an amazing journey to see my teenage self now became the Tito of tumblr lol Do not ask for my age please. haha

That’s all for today. I just had a quick break from reading my reviewer. I’ll let you guys know about the test results in a few.

I believe and I know I’ll crush and pass this test! :)

042025 l 1739H

[estupidongjuantamad]

I can’t believe that my tumblr account is 15 years old. I started this when I was still a college student and I spent a lot of my free time writing my thoughts even if they’re random. It’s 2025 and for some reason I opened this today and scrolled through thousands of posts that I made and including my drafts and messages.

Fun times. I met amazing people through this platform and some are still my friends up to this point. There are also friendships that I outgrew and I believe things happen for a reason. We attract the people that we deserve to have in life. I don’t take the broken friendships in a bad way because I believe that our paths will meet again. I treasure friendships but we have to move forward if things don’t go our way.

I can’t believe that I have matured a lot based on how I post before. It’s a little cringey but that was my younger self. Btw, I am now a father of 2 wonderful kids. There’s a huge shift in my life and I am happy and content with what I have. I am grateful that I get to experience fatherhood with my loving and supportive wife.

Aghhh such a dramatic post but this 2025 entry is such a great way to start writing again. I miss writing so here I am, starting to pen my thoughts even they’re so random.

041725

0016

[estupidongjuantamad]

So it’s 2025 and I haven’t opened tumblr in years so I am reblogging this again! :)

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)