eunhae-code

[eunhae-code]

Hi!

A lot has happened in the last two years. My depression has mostly healed. I was seeing a therapist and on meds for a bit. I meditated, prayed and spent so much time with myself. Forgiveness took a large part of everything. I needed to forgive myself for my mistakes.

This blog was my home for the longest and officially, I will never return. This place was a coping mechanism for me, my heartache and loneliness was filled with the messages from everyone and I felt part of a wonderful community. And it’s time for me to move on and build new memories. I’m no longer that sad teenager crying herself to sleep. I’ll be leaving Tumblr entirely, as will this blog eventually by next year. My entire account will be deleted as I step forward to new and exciting things.

I wasn’t sure if I would return to say this, but for those that followed me from Asianfanfics (which will also be deleted by Jan 2023), you know how much I’ve been through, endured and overcame and this just felt right to tell you all.

I am married :) I found my happiness last year and a baby girl is on her way~ I wish you all the same joy and healing that I have found. Thank you for everyone who followed and supported me.

[eunhae-code]

Hi everyone!

Wanted to update again. I am still here. My depression has become worse. I’m barely focusing at work and all of the plans I had several months ago fell apart. I haven’t moved out nor found a better job. My bank account is non-existent from trying to find material ways to cheer myself up. The heartbreak hit me like a landslide. I can’t find my joy anymore.

I am burnt out and I mean that in the worst of ways. I’m struggling. Every day is harder than the last. My motivation is gone. All I want to do is curl into a ball, hide under my blankets and never come into human contact again. I want to live in seclusion. I’m not sure how long I can take any of this before I pack up and go full nomad.

This will be my last post. I thought I would have the strength to return, but now I know I need to be alone. I need to cry, scream and grieve and stop putting on this happy front. I came out a little more emotional than everyone else and I need to fully accept that I may never be happy.

I truly wish all of you the best. I will continue fighting. Thank you for all these years. May you all keep fighting as well.

[eunhae-code]

PERSONAL UPDATE;

In case anyone is wondering why I’m M.I.A, last year I went through a tough breakup. I fell in love for the first time and as the saying goes, “first loves never last”. I applied to over 200+ jobs and got turned down from every single one. I spiraled back into depression, family problems became unbearable and overall, gave up. I thought that was it. I was meant to stay broken.

Then a job I never heard of, reached out to me right before Christmas. They interviewed me several times and I started the other day. I created a budget for myself, starting to save bit by bit, I’m on the path to getting my own place and becoming more independent. I’ve ever started on the path to owning my own house.

I’m nowhere near the happiness I had achieved a year ago and it’s left a growing void. Hopefully I can find that person within me again. But for now I’ll continue taking a break from here as I focus on my mental and physical health. Please support each other!

Thank you to everyone who has supported me and this blog since the beginning. It’s been almost a decade! We got through their flirty years, scandals, the creation of D&E, and the army. I’m proud of us :)

[eunhae-code]

I’m sorry y’all this is archaic by now but Hyuk’s outfit istg. Anchovies come get your boy plz I’m sobbing

hyukjae just wants a hug :(

[eunhae-code]

010121 SMTOWN LIVE || Growing Pains 💙

part1 -> part2 ->

[eunhae-code]

On seouls house ep. Eunhyuk says " i want to live with my family even for a short period before i get married." Honestly if it was Donghae i wouldn't think to much because he often talks about getting married or having child. But now even Eunhyuk mentioned of marriage, oh my eunhae feelings hurts so much and my heart broken:(((( because i'm on the side of "eunhae is real"

What do you think about what Eunhyuk said?

Ello anon~

They’re getting older and bit by bit everyone is starting to settle and find someone. I’m not surprised that he’s saying that. It’s their way of reminding ELF that they need love too, they want families of their own but it’s frightening to see the reaction of fans too. Look at Sungmin. Years later and he still can’t catch a break. Fans can be supportive and then you have the rabid, obsessed children that demonize them.

[eunhae-code]

From the future :)

Happy New Years 2021!!!

I wish everyone the best of health and happiness. Truly. If you feel like you’re struggling or have been this entire time, please remember the small joys in life. The smell of freshly cut grass, the first step of fallen snow, the smell of flowers in the rain, the clouds forming different shapes. Please hold onto those emotions and the small joy it brings you.

I am always here for you. Always. You can contact me privately or send a message. My hope is that I can bring you comfort even for a second. I am thankful all of you have been here with me since I was a teenager writing about my love for eunhae and now I’m a starry-eyed adult searching for my own love.

Thank you all. I mean that so much.

[eunhae-code]

Hello, I have a question that may seem disrespectful (??) but it's not my intention at all. I have some theories about Donghae's rapprochement with the church after the army period, and these theories involve the fact that he tries to unlink the ~possible~ image of being in a homoaffective relationship with hyuk. Do you think that makes sense? Do you think his church community suspicious about smt or even would accept if they came out?

Ello anon~

It’s not disrespectful, it’s an observation you made. Donghae has always been part of the church alongside Siwon. I’m guessing it’s what brought them closer and gave Donghae the solace he needed when his father passed.

Now disclaimer for those who might be offended by my words, I am trying to keep my statements as neutral as possible.

Most religious groups do not accept LGBTQ+. There are texts that state so (or at least what they are taught in these groups). There were also statements Siwon himself made when they were younger being against these LGBTQ+. He has since retracted them, but it gives you an idea of the headspace he was in at the time having been raised by an extremely religious father who is also homophobic.

I wouldn’t be surprised if for the safety of his relationship or his place in church that Donghae tries to keep things as private as possible, something he has done since day 1. Which also means dismissing rumors. I highly doubt they would accept it even given his loyal faith and support.

[eunhae-code]

Thank you so much for replying my question:) It was my first time to do smth like that so it means a lot ahaha. I am not sure if this section is the true place to replying like that sorry. Well eunhae should be my happy place but i realized that it become smth more creepy. It shouldn't be upset me to hearing other rumors and it shouldn't be effect my life like this, so i decided to delete my instagram account, and reset my searching history. It was hard to do but it was necessary i guess:)

Ello anon~

There’s nothing wrong with that at all. You found something that interested you, but I agree. If it becomes too much try and separate yourself for a bit. I have symptoms of OCD and one of my obsessions is that I tend to heavily fixate on what makes me happy/excited. I’ve found that what helps me the most is to stop watching videos for a few months then come back to it.

:) no worries at all! This is supposed to be a safe space for everyone who loves Eunhae!

[eunhae-code]

Hi :) I was watching random vids and i came across "darahae" vids. Just of curiosity i watched 2 vids of darahae and i was like what?? There is nothing?? They even linked their some posts and moments in 2019/2020. In the comment section people were already congrats their future weeding and etc.I dont know why but i am pissed of really, i wanted to respond their comments but instead i came to ask your wise analysis about this topic :D if you know any please please tell me.

Ello anon~!

Donghae and Sandara are actually good friends. Because of this chemistry, for years people have shipped them. Same with Donghae and Yoona, also good friends. There really isn’t any deeper history. Just rumors that in the past Yoona and Donghae dated when they were teenagers and also rumors about Donghae and Sandara. Again, all without actual proof. A man and a woman exist in the same space and people ship them.

This happens to Donghae often. Even when he filmed “Hedgehog and Panda”, people shipped him with his co-star Yoon Seung Ah because of several photos they took together. It was even more hilarious to find out she had a boyfriend the entire time who is now her husband.

Take no stock in rumors unless it’s confirmed by both parties and their respective companies.

[eunhae-code]

So Donghae is passionate and Eunhyuk is versatile....the fanfics write themselves yall

[eunhae-code]

Ello family!

I’m still here! I was just thinking about SuJu’s 15th anniversary and how I’ve been a fan since I think, 2007/2009. Wow how time has flown! I was a teenager who barely knew what kpop was and now I have a whole blog with over 2K followers that I’m proud of :) let us have a happy holiday and stan Eunhae even in the future!

[eunhae-code]

Hi! About the new 9th anniversary picture that Donghae posted. Am I seeing wrong or is his hair braided a little? :D Hyuk is kinda holding his hair and on a top of Donghae's head it looks like theres a tiny braid because parting of the hair isnt very clear.

Hai anon~

I couldn’t tell but it’s super cute ☺️ that means Hyuk was playing with Hae’s hair. So adorable 💕

[eunhae-code]

Let me say this:

If a question is inappropriate I will not answer it and it will be deleted. It’s a matter of respect towards Donghae and Hyukjae.

Do not ask me about their “intimacy”, do not ask me for “sexual” moments.

In the past I have tried to answer these as calmly as possible, but it’s getting out of hand. You want intimate moments, go read fan fiction.

[eunhae-code]

wait, I didn't get the whole sasaeng thing the other anon talks about. what is it about? can you enlighten me?? did a sasaeng fan do something?

Ello anon~

I’m not entirely sure. I hadn’t heard about it before. From what I gathered, that person said a sasaeng fan saw/took photos/had evidence of their personal lives and was threatening them to release it.

[eunhae-code]

that last post is why there is a difference between shippers and supporters. a shipper only wants the in your face fan-service that doesnt need any deep or critical thinking because they have no investment, it doesnt mean anything to them other than a surface level fantasy. a supporter recognizes that a couple may or may not be together but they will enjoy it and support the happiness in whatever form it comes in because they genuinely can see some type of chemistry, platonic or romantic.

Ello anon~

Agreed. The shipper messages I get are...a bit much sometimes. It can get quite annoying because my entire blog is my answer to any question someone might have. I support eunhae but I don’t need them to make out in front of me to believe it. I was in a long distance relationship at one point, we couldn’t meet but that does that make my relationship any less real than others glued together? No. It’s too much to explain constantly.

[eunhae-code]

Well I'm new here in the eunhae ship thing and I really wanna was there times where fans or shippers noticed them being horny and all .....

Thank you 🖤

Ello anon~

There were plenty of times. My blog has a few of them. Mostly in 2014 in their mid 20s.