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huge congratulations to drugs for continuing to win the war on drugs

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what is it about men’s hands. i’m serious. they..

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If you ever, and I mean EVER think that you fucked something up royally, remember that the organizers of the 1904 Olympic marathon:

- Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course

- Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual fucking rat poison

- Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries

- Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open

- Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track

- Fucked the other competitors up SO BADLY that Tom Hicks—the guy who ate RAT POISON and was HALLUCINATING the entire run—came in first place

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high school is soo funny in hindsight. the entire time you're there thinking it's the most important period of your life and then the second you're out you're like well that was fucking stupid

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anxiety is so stupid it's like your brain went hey how would you like to experience what it feels like to be a terrified prey animal. you can never turn this ability off btw.

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by Ranurte

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me while crossing the road

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It’s weird to think that your co-workers might be faking their personalities as much as you are.

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The idea that housecats are baby-talking at humans when they meow is based on a misunderstanding.

Yes, it’s true that, amongst themselves, adult housecats generally only vocalise to communicate with kittens, but the particular set of vocalisations that adult cats use to communicate with humans is distinct from, and largely non-overlapping with, the set of vocalisations that they use to communicate with kittens.

Your average adult housecat has anywhere from twenty to fifty distinct vocalisations that are basically only used to communicate with humans.

Cats meowing at humans is less baby-talk and more your cat learning a whole second language.

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will i ever fight for anything in my life as hard as the writers of “mamma mia here we go again” did to get the song “fernando” to make sense in the movie

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Me: goodnight moon

Moon: I cannot sleep, for each fragment of dream is but a tease for fleeting moments that can never be

Me: alright

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Ewan McGregor as Christian in Moulin Rouge! (2001)