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THE FUCKING ICE REPORT AAAAAAAAAAA

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sometimes i struggle to use the word ‘bootlicker’ in a negative sense because of sexual desires i will not disclose here

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this little freak keeps sneaking into my garden and rubbing himself all over my flowers??Hello?????

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anyone else wish they would get roped into a freaky friday body swap situation just for the hope that the other person will go "oh jesus fuck how do you live like this" and instantly validate your feelings of being Strange and Built Wrong.

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sorry I can’t talk right now, too busy with wet t-shirt perky d-cups pierced nipples+they bounce when I top

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I think it would be really fucking funny to write a piece of fiction set entirely in real life but using lazy fantasy worldbuilding talk. I gather coin* for the road west** - I will need it to enter the Capital.***

* two quarters and two dimes

** Interstate 64

*** Richmond, Virginia

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damn people rly hate type 2 diabetics don't they

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the opposite of that "orc can't read ulysses" is an elf who smugly delivers a lecture misinterpreting the Very Hungry Caterpillar

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Fat men, it is your duty towards society to wear shirt sizes too small so that the general public can see your belly hang out beneath the hem.

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To begin with, it’s not what you'd call "gravy." Over the past 200 years, a consciousness appeared layer by layer at the crucible of the Trawlerman. It's not unlike life started in the oceans four billion years ago. Wigan was our primordial soup, a base of evolution. We are formless. We are the very smack and barm that Wiganers invoke so often. How can anyone hope to eliminate us? As long as this chippy exists, so will we.

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He means a little squeeze bottle with brine shrimp inside but… bottle feeding the loblings…

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the summoning

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the whole "lipstick on a pig" thing makes no sense because the second we gave a pig access to makeup she became god's cuntiest soldier

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I love the old timey phrase "you forget yourself". bro that was so impolite like do you even know who you are rn

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We need to bring back free the nipple