evilmadscientistwizard

[evilmadscientistwizard]

recently my elderly shattered-up phone started letting me charge it to 107% which I've been using to get let's just say a little bit extra out of it on long days

[evilmadscientistwizard]

Dear Reverend Michael McGregor, PhD,

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤAs you may have heard, I have recently completed and tested an extradimensional portal generator capable of opening portals to— among other dimensions— the realm of the undead. Once Bishop Percival discovered this he proposed a partnership to hasten his ascension in exchange for granting me a share of his newfound power. While I do trust our dear bishop to a reasonable extent, I believe it would be best to request your expertise in magical dealings before we proceed.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤHow should one go about forming a soul-binding contract? I have experience with writing legally binding agreements with the family lawyer, yet I have a hunch that laws are irrelevant in the face of functionally limitless power. Would such a contract be enforceable if the other party has little to no magical abilities of their own?

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤWould you be willing & able to both attend a meeting with my lawyer and be present at the notarization of our contract? I would also like to ask for your assistance on finding the Glornch’s prestigious library’s books on the topic.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤSincerely,

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤProfessor Zosimos M. Trismegistus

[evilmadscientistwizard]

@bishop-percival

(Previous) “Hm!” Cas curiously hummed in regards to Theodore’s research. Cas examined the motor, then shrugged. “Okie doke,” he chimed before possessing it. It remained still for some moments. Then it clicked as it rotated by a tiny degree. Then some more. Then it hummed to life, spinning and spinning. Cas kept it up for about 20 seconds before expelling himself from the motor. He was panting. “Heh… Phew! How was that?”

Professor Trismegistus waited with bated breath for any sign of movement. Then when the rotor gained a significant amount of speed they threw their arms in the air and cheered, “Woohoo!”

Tris rewarded Cas with a thumbs up. “Absolutely delightful! How did you control it? Would it be possible to force a ghost to perform that task or does it require genuine willpower?”

[evilmadscientistwizard]

@bishop-percival

Cas was in fact already there, and indeed as Tris suspected, he refused to simply show himself to whoever this detective guy was. He was preparing to let Tris know he was present when they suddenly walked over to the detective and smacked him! Cas hadn’t even done anything yet and already the theatrics were in full swing. He watched with immense amusement as his friend and this rando traded threats. As much as he wanted to watch this play out more, he knew Tris was a bit shrimpy and didn’t want their big talk getting them hurt. Cas quickly looked around for any watchdog in subpar shape and speedily possessed a tired-looking fellow. He then hurried over to Tris and the detective and stood between them. “Ay ay ay! No fightin’ in the food court! Please, I just wanna eat, we’ve already had like five brawls break out just in this past week!” A true statement. Cas had developed a hobby out of possessing random watchdogs and making them chuck their food at others. The recent uptick in cafeteria food fights was noticeable and had many on edge. This unknown watchdog also looked Fez up and down, noticing the lack of any Hater Empire uniform. “...You aren’t even from around here, are you? What makes you think you can come here and start causing trouble?”

@detective-fez

(Previous) Fez stared at the watchdog, a deer in the headlights, through the stinging of the previous smack he held his hands out defensively, waving them. “Oi! They asked me to come here!” He yipped, then turned to Tris. “So?!” He stepped closer but still remained at a distance because as much as he hated to admit it, he didn’t want a binder to his eye again. He stomped at Tris, similar to a horse when it gives out a warning. He was a spitfire, not wanting to punch them more-so make his point and get this over with.

Trismegistus had entertained too many aspiring crime lord playmates to take threats from the guy who kept picking fights with Commander Peepers and wimping out seriously. As far as they were concerned it was all hot air.

“Ah, I simply asked to meet up,” Tris said with their hands innocently held behind their back. “He wanted to make a brawl of it. In the food court.”

While they were speaking they reached into their back pants pocket and retracted their hand into their somewhat oversized sleeve. All while doing their best to position their body between their hand and the overblown detective’s line of sight.

[evilmadscientistwizard]

@bishop-percival

(Previous) Autumn waved those two dorks off. With them gone, she made sure to mend the salt barrier before leaving. Cas curiously looked around the sewing area. Bowtie, huh? He was an interesting fellow. A materials scientist who once summoned a demon. It was a shame he wasn’t around. “He must be pretty good at his job for you to consider him your “I know a guy” guy. But I guess until we can catch him, we’ll have to see what we can do,” Cas pondered.

Tris puffed out their chest as if they had been praised. “He is! Lately he’s been researching the physical form of magic and I cannot overstate how excited I am to see the results!”

“Anyhow,” Tris said as they entered the library. “Our first order of business is to establish compatibility with a DC motor.”

They set the box on the table. Then they put it down, placed a small stepper motor on table, and prepared to take notes. “See if you can either make the middle part spin or induce a current.”

[evilmadscientistwizard]

@detective-fez

(Previous) Fez whipped his head around to face Tris. “Ah! Look who decided to show up—” Fez was then met with a binder to his face, he gagged on his words and stumbled back, rubbing his eye, stunned. “Ow-ah! Rude!” He barked back at them, squinting. “What? Gonna sick your ghost on me next?” He grunted, keeping his distance. He adjusted his glass so it was fitted correctly on his face, he then crossed his arms and gave Professor Trismegistus a look of pure disdain. He scoffed. “This better be some damning evidence! I’m very busy, solving cases, and all that..” He turned his head up. “Don’t pick a fight you can’t win, by the way. I will surely fry you.” He hissed.

“Oh pardon me,” Professor Trismegistus said with sarcasm dripping from their voice. They crossed their arms and stuck their chin up. “I was under the impression that you wanted a fight.”

Then they looked Fez up and down before holding their hand in front of their mouth and letting out a staccato chuckle. “I could take you.”

Professor Trismegistus was mostly bluffing. They may be able defend themselves in a pinch yet they couldn’t throw a good punch.

Oh well. This poser didn’t seem much stronger. If he was at all.

[evilmadscientistwizard]

Professor Trismegistus had hoped that their dear friend Cas would reach this foolish detective first. Alas, with his pendent for dramatics they doubted that he’d show himself before the perfect moment.

They leaned on a wall out of Detective Fez’ line of sight both to ensure that Cas would reach them before that smug fucking mamaluke mocked them and cook up a good way to make that perfect moment happen ASAP.

That wait came to an abrupt end when they heard what came out of his mouth. Their temper flared, although they were able to hold the majority of it back.

“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, bozo,” Professor Trismegistus sternly said while slapping Detective Fez with a binder summarizing their spectral research.

Then they tucked it under their arm. “My associate will be here soon enough.”

@evilmadscientistwizard

Fez was overall a busy man, working long shifts that blended his days, but something he enjoyed exponentially was proving he was correct in every situation, his career could wait, right now he was smug, excited to be his delightfully blunt and prudish self. Once and for all he’d put a stop to these ghost chronicles and get these pitiful believers off of his mind.

With his head held high, confident and fiendishly self-righteous, he marched to the food court and stood affirmingly dead set in the center full of bumbling watchdogs. He chuckled, fueled by his canting philosophy and so-called moral high ground, he placed his hands on his hips in a sassy demeanor and waited, grinning, watching for Tris.

“This is too easy!” He whispered to himself, snickering gruffly.

[evilmadscientistwizard]

[text] Meet us in the food court!

@evilmadscientistwizard

What would you say to meeting a skeptic?

It always took Cas a few minutes to type out messages when possessing an electronic device, but he replied as quick as he could.

[text] O K!

[evilmadscientistwizard]

Will do.

@evilmadscientistwizard

Where can I find you? Are you on the Skullship?

yeah, I'm here. pull up, and we can brawl

[evilmadscientistwizard]

Try waiting until you actually got something before you talk big.

Oh, for the record detective: Ghosts are real. I can ask him if he’d like to meet you if you want.

The ghosts are going to get you if you keep dissing them

yeah, when pigs fly

[evilmadscientistwizard]

Nonsense! You can’t get footage! If it was possible I would have done it by now!

The ghosts are going to get you if you keep dissing them

yeah, when pigs fly

[evilmadscientistwizard]

@bishop-percival

(Previous) Just to confirm the amount, Autumn took a quick peek at their phone, then happily scooped up the crystals and placed them into Tris’ hands. Cas pointed at the jar of what he decided to call spirit juice and asked, “And this? This was part of the free demo so we can have it, right? Right?” Autumn snorted and rolled her eye. “Yes, Cas. Just bring the jar back sometime.”

Tris put their new purchases in the box they’ve been lugging around and headed out as they said, “Well, see ya later alligator.” This time they remembered to keep their volume down.

Once they made it back to a floor acolytes were allowed on they stopped to rest against the wall for a moment. Then they glanced up at Cas before heading back towards the library.

“Now let’s go get this analyzed! Fortunately, I happen to know a guy who specializes in analyzing materials.”

Tris stopped one door short of the library and entered the laundry room instead. “Walters! You down there?”

...Nope. Not only was there nobody around, but there was still no sign of the sewing area being used since Slornday. They immediately turned around to head back up.

“Probably busy with his day job again,” Tris said with a shrug. Even if they knew that it was his day off. And that he happened to get “busy” after Sam bashed his head against the ground.

[evilmadscientistwizard]

@bishop-percival

(Previous) Still shielding the crystals with one hand, Autumn grabbed Tris’ hand with quite a bit of grip and gave it a good shake. “With Glorn as our witness our deal is sealed.”

“Righto!” Tris cheered between gritted teeth as they endured Autumn’s overly-tight handshake.

Once her grip loosened they withdrew their hand, took a step back, and sent the money over while concealing their screen. Then they pocketed it before stepping forward and expectantly holding their hands out.

“The transaction is complete.”

[evilmadscientistwizard]

@bishop-percival

(Previous) “Oh, I’d never cheat you Tris,” Autumn replied as they casually pushed their arm off her shoulders. “You’re a good buyer, and I respect my good buyers. Plus you’re a fellow Glornist. Any other ol’ chump, though,” she smirked and shrugged in a “well, you know,” kind of way. Cas narrowed his eye at her. Making them pay to enter the crypt didn’t sound like respect. But he knew better than to say anything right now when they were about to close a seemingly good deal. Autumn broadly smiled at Tris’ offer to buy the filled spirit crystal. She was so taking Lola out on a nice shopping date tonight… Even though they usually just end up stealing shit instead of paying for it anyway. “I suppose that’s a fair price. I can let it go for that. We have a deal.”

Tris moved so they were standing in front of Autumn before holding out their hand and chirping,

“Let’s shake on it!”

[evilmadscientistwizard]

@bishop-percival

(Previous) Autumn’s steadfast demeanor didn’t waver. “That’s reasonable. What do you want me to do, catch Cas in one?” They reeled back a fist like they were preparing to chuck a crystal at Cas, which made him back away and frantically wave his hands. “H-hold on! That— Surely there’s another way!” Like before, Autumn cackled and put her fist down. “Kidding. As if I’d waste one of these on you.” She set the crystals down on the desk but protected them with a hand while she used the other to dig around in her pockets. “Please tell me I didn’t leave it somewhere…” They soon pulled out a big spirit crystal and showed it to Tris. It was indeed visibly packed with a few shadow beasts, all haplessly squirming. “Caught these last night. If you look close, you’ll notice five are squished in there.” “Like I said,” Autumn looked Tris in the eye, “more than fair.”

Tris chuckled at Autumn’s joke while putting a friendly and on their shoulder and, coincidentally, getting between them and Cas.

“Sounds good!” They said in a jovial tone while slinging their arm around her shoulders. “Just had to check that you weren’t trying to pull a fast one! Y’know, with all the Haterzoids on the line and all.”

“Glad to know you’d never cheat me, wouldja?” Tris was still a tad suspicious now that they had thought back to Cas’ reaction to them doing business with her. But, well, at least they knew that they wouldn’t sell them defective goods.

Then they leaned in to examine the five beasts inside. “I’ll take that too for ᚻ1500.”

[evilmadscientistwizard]

@bishop-percival

(Previous) “Two-thousand Haterzoids for these five,” Autumn firmly replied. “A more than fair deal considering these are definitely short in supply.”

Even Professor Trismegistus— who equated magical items to the expensive electronic parts they were used to dealing with and expected similar costs— had a feeling that Autumn was taking them for a ride. Had they been ripping them off all along? Their eye narrowed and they let out a disgruntled sigh.

“Are you telling me..,” Tris slowly said as they started to leisurely pace around her in the same manner Godfather did when he was about to skink his claws in, “...that these crystals have at least four times the capacity of the regular kind?”

They folded their arms. “You need to prove it before we do business again.”

[evilmadscientistwizard]

@bishop-percival

(Previous) Cas was relieved with the excuse Tris came up with, knowing Autumn wouldn’t be on board with their true afterlife portal motive for the same sensible-yet-stifling reason Mike wouldn’t be. Autumn rubbed their chin, then shrugged. She didn’t really have any reasons to disagree with anything there. And so she decided to continue telling them about how she figured out not how to improve the efficiency of the machine, but of spirit crystals. “Alright then. Sooo, I was holding out on you. Because you guys were disturbing my breakfast. But now that I’m over it,” (and because Autumn could smell a good business opportunity,) “I’ll let you know that I have figured out how to make spirit crystals stronger.” She sat in the chair at the desk and leaned down as she unlocked one of the drawers and rummaged around. She soon came back up with bigger, brighter spirit crystals cupped in their hands. “These things for sure can capture stronger spirits. And stronger spirits for sure produce much more of that liquid.” They closed their hands together, hiding the crystals. “Unfortunately for a number of reasons, my methods are secret for now.” She grinned. “I am willing to sell these, however…” Cas looked intrigued. He came close to Tris’ ear and whispered, “We could use these in our ghost making experiments……”

“Ah. Sorry ’bout that,” Tris said as they sheepishly rubbed their cheek. “Gonna try not ta do that again.” Note to self: Don’t bug dogs while they’re eating.

They leaned forward to inspect the larger spirit crystals in Autumn’s hands. Then they let out a sigh when they concealed them.

“I concur,” Tris whispered to Cas before straightening up and looking Autumn in the eye. “So what’s the going rate?”