evolvingwarrior

[evolvingwarrior]

i wheigh in at 71 kg i feel better i feel the diffrence,, now my next goal = 70kg then i Will be do happy Every kg i loser makes me more happy and geel good i wanna keep on going on this glow up journey

do yeah pretty much excited Stoked if i wheigh in at 70 for a while i Will be zo glad then i Will be half wheigh through i would have lost 5 kg

and then i Will Just need another 5kg this 5kg was like to get me out of this animale kind

and the other 5kg is like gonna really transform me and the wheigh i move and feel and yeah om excited ITs better for my performance art as well quase being a stunter you know

i really wanna Just get past this loop so in Just doing IT litterly not even trui g zo hard im not strugling not even a bit and im on my period which means i Will probably if i watch what i eat for the next 3 days exercize and really sweat then i Will be 70 om pretty much sure and from that number Every kg i loser Will make me diffrent but the true goal= 65kg

[evolvingwarrior]

i only need 1 more kg then im halfway thereomggg im almost free so tommorrow we fast for 20 hours and then we eat dinner and Orange juice then we fast for another 16 hours

and then we go to kickbox im so excited for that

and we have to drink Apple cider a lot of water with Lemon

and walk/ run jumping rope on the route + loads of strength training fysio incorperated dance comming on in

70 here i come 26 we wheiighh in

if im 70 i Will be do glad then i lost like 5kg which is a Nice amount

then im on the fastest of a new being jup

then i need a nother 5kg to officially become that being i kind of want to go go 67kg and Stay there plateau for a while like that i dont lose IT to fast otherwise you know

geen stress

im excited getting there

and we Will be cleaning out out body and bloat

[evolvingwarrior]

hey ho im back hello

yes,, im just doing it and its working i gues

i wheighed in at 71kg that is commen known terrotorium

so another 1 kg im half way there another 2 and im in the 60's again which means for me im same just save but save yeah

today i experienced hunger which i dont often do,, the food was very nice i enjoyed it cause i was really fueling my body and not eating away my self hatred

i also figured out youre phone and youre memories and the future are youre biggest bullies...

[evolvingwarrior]

HI Hello

I feel absolutely freed of all the circles i have been hanging out in,, im pretty much newborn monster which i somehome have to turn into someting else which pretty much is a fun project if you think about it in that way,,

i watched i guess i overeat because i understand i understand now,,

i really do and i dont judge, i just look and i see i am not needed anymore in that type of way im truly free now,, im not anymore playing the role i used to play im truly free now,,

im bloated and the fattest i have been in a while i notice compared to other people im really big i notice when i skate everything

i think its also healthy for me to maybe take a break a break from hanging out and maybe even skating im gonna be busy trying to fix this cycle im gonna leave completely i want to be gone far gone alone with my other half but i wanna be my best expressive version of myself my best version of myself for me and for him cause you can only love another how much you love youre self,, you dont love yourself then yes you cant love another cause you will be a pain in the ass,, what is love to me,, love to me is learning and creating cool videos and posting them online

love for me is even tho i wanna eat everything i wait and i dont do it

love for me is aknowleding even when you were wrong

love i opened the box and what i found was a lot of love

so yeah what now i have to change animal kind cause im to slow and fat and not fast i have to get the handy out of me

i have to let go of the old to create the new. yes...goodbye...

So what do i want?;

what are my goals you cant reach what you want if you dont have goals if you say exactly oke this is what i want then you can go after it

so what do you want: what i really want is peace of my mind and thats only possible when i do it: Whatever it takes right?

i have had enough pain,, rest,, taking it easy,, im getting sick of it

1. 65kg wegen op die weegschaal

2. getting both my best friends back C + Y

3. running 3x per week langs het water, fietsen ver natuurgebied 4x per week,, tekenen echt tekenen in de natuurgebied wil echt heel goed worden in tekenen wat is heel goed: anatomie, achtergrond, meerdere stijlen, licht schaduw, schilderijen meerdere dimensies

4. ninja warrior knowledge and skills

5. 1x naar west en terug en dan bimhuis trainen met knie beschermers en pols beschermers

5. style veranderen: Dat komt vanzelf

im gonna be someone else

things i want:

New skates the ones i had the black ones, 72mm white and 60 set up

fysio enkel

[evolvingwarrior]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM2AJCv3nXA

[evolvingwarrior]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRKeeelqWxw

[evolvingwarrior]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLPqy2oO-Eg

[evolvingwarrior]

this is punishment you hear me

for letting ME down!! fuckkkkkk

so whats the goal what do you want:

what i want i want a new life,, i wanna be topfit be running be strong muscilier a strong body which is ready for all the tricks

i want to get all the handicap out of me i have to sing dance and make music 

draw and so one 

i have to glo the fuck upp and this time even better and more perfect than before

and i want to have like all this outfits i already have so many ideas

i want all my control back over my R

and i need a chain and a red bear necklance but the only way to get is by going through the 3 bootcamps

oke so that is 1:

handyness bestrijden

3 bootcamps for controle back

oke regels rules wi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w71aDaGAtHs

[evolvingwarrior]

oke

i am on the same grind as before gonna have to work a fuck ton a lot to get a new grind

[evolvingwarrior]

focus

all my focus has to be me one me,,

all of it not the past not the future

its reset, restore, rebuild

legitimed

we have to kill her now im gonna die again

and i will be someone new

[evolvingwarrior]

Darkness

So i went dark reall dark never fell into such a darkhole before,,

never went that dark but life is full of darkholes and repeating things i see

same scenarios 

yeahh,,

but now i have chance to repeat all and then make the right choose all the hard work all the shame for not being the prefect thin R girl yeah with great talent yeah so her i am 

all the way at stage fucking 1 again

altho i wont take long iknow

but i have gained like a lot i wheigh 73 a 74kg

i went through anger, shame, blame, guilt and pain and smoking a fuck ton of hash and drinking and bullshit so i think im over it all eccepted it 

and im not coming back where i came from cause im gonna go another path 

[evolvingwarrior]

boe

whats the whats the plan,,

i had this before exactly before and its kind of going the same way being the ugly giant again the weirdo the one no ones want to be around with the depresent one the freak the weird one im that one again..

everybody is pestering me again just like before in fucking mutherfucking highschool

and its oke i have fully letten go of the past its like the time went on fucking repeat and im just not doing what i have to be doing in order to get what i want

so i have this picture in my head of how i want to be and think i have to be  

otherwise i cant life im a perfectionist and i lost control which fucked with my head big time control so i treied to control other thing instead of myself and look at me now i learned my lessons and i wanna be the person i had to be a long fucking time ago

i wanna make the videos i wanna be that person i see myself to be not this bullshit version lie of myself

and all the shit people told i dont wanna carry it and hearby with this first message i delete all the shit all the bullshit all the drama all the fake believes all the past and all the people

hearby im clean