maplehazelnut

[maplehazelnut]

favorite uncle

[maplehazelnut]

[maplehazelnut]

As an alternative to 'sugar, spice, and everything nice'

I present: 'salt, vinegar, and everything sinister'

[maplehazelnut]

Highlights of my day today:

🌷Coworker who wanted me to rec her a monsterfucker book finally got to the knotting part of the werewolf romance

🌷same coworker and I had a fun discussion about the importance of body safe silicone. Recommended her a wand. Much giggling ensued.

🌷heard Pink Pony Club being absolutely blasted from the garage at work. Someone definitely turned the volume up on that one

[maplehazelnut]

Me trying to desperately be better at texting friends and loved ones bc they deserve to have effort put into communication, while simultaneously screeching internally about how many ppl keep texting me now.

Alas

[maplehazelnut]

The more I reread All Systems Red (too much) the more I adore Mensa, expect more of her scenes because she deserves the world.

[maplehazelnut]

you will live to witness manmade horrors that are completely within your comprehension if you've paid any attention to a single piece of human history but are nevertheless still huge bummers

[maplehazelnut]

it really is crazy how quickly people were willing to just let chatgpt do everything for them. i have never even tried it. brother i don't even know if it's just a website you go to or what. i do not know where chatgpt actually lives, because i can decide my own grocery list.

[maplehazelnut]

When a fic doesn’t fit my head canons but it’s well-written

[maplehazelnut]

Just 2ish weeks until I get to find out if my late planted fiddleheads survived the winter and will come up!!!!!

They're gonna look so great next to my purple front door!!!!

[maplehazelnut]

"Hi y'all, it's Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, here with another taste test. I'm here in 1976, and I'm gonna get some fries from Mickey D's before they changed the recipe, and then I'm gonna take 'em back to 2022, and get fries from the same McDonald's, so I can compare. Now, I've got my Nixon, uh, Ford? Carter? Era fries right here, so now I'm gonna"

*everything appears stretched and distant, and then the camera flies through space, through the sun, over millions of different Earths, past the faces of individual people in a thousand different timelines, splintered day by day, the long-dead alive once more, their varied futures lying before them. They appear to be screaming*

"annnnnd here we are, gettin' the new fries, today. I have to say, I like the old fries a bit better, bit more crisp, but Mickey D's fries are still Mickey D's fries, y'know? Anyway, I know some of you guys were freaked out at all the screaming time faces last video, but like, I'm used to 'em, and they aren't even audible to me? But y'know what is audible? That's right - Audible, use code -"

[maplehazelnut]

[maplehazelnut]

feeling fish emotions today

[maplehazelnut]

i dont care how many sparkles u put over the button that activates some new stupid monetizable service, corporate application. im not clicking on it

[maplehazelnut]

Hone-onna, the Bone Woman 💀⛩

Kicking off Spooky Season with one of my favorite yokai from Japanese folklore!

[maplehazelnut]

starting to think fragrantica reviewers think literally everything smells like piss

[maplehazelnut]

billboard chose VIOLENCE on a random monday