evrrlast - Tumblr blog

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Do you want it?

SG Lewis (Feat. Gallant) - Holding Back

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Im fucking crying

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Me @ me

Get off Tumblr and quit being sad you lame hoe

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Projected Timeline of Global Warming

2030: The ice we skate is getting pretty thin

2100: The water’s getting warm, so we might as well swim

2250: My world’s on fire

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I have a million things to say but just can't find the words. But I can say that I don't know how I am going to see you without completely losing it. Clearly I'm not over it.

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self control || frank ocean

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I thought that I was dreaming when you said you loved me. 

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I memorized the wayward expressions Never look down Never let you see me down I memorized the way no directions Can I come over now I’d like to stay a little while I memorized your body exposed I could fuck you all night long From a memory alone

I never forget a face Don’t go plastic on me Nothing’s set in stone You’re not dipped in gold Dipped in gold You can’t breathe if you’re dipped in gold You are not on paper You are not a copy You’re so, you’re so..so thick, so thick

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My heart is aching

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In the simplest terms....

Person: “How come you unfriend people who have different political views than you?”

Me: I don’t mind different political views. Some of my best friends are republican. But if you are going to openly say that you were for Trump on this election, I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t even want to associate with you. At all. You may be good people, you may be people that I became really close to, but the truth is that you are validating that my rights as a woman don’t matter. That my roommate’s rights don’t matter, as she is half black. That my LGBTQ friends don’t matter who I have grown incredibly close to and work so hard for inclusivity everyday at my university. That my Hispanic friends back home, and even here, don’t matter. That the fact that they are first generation college students isn’t good enough. That both of my little sisters in my sorority, whose parents are immigrants from Eastern Europe and the Middle East, don’t matter. By voting for Donald Trump you are directly affecting the people who are closest to me, the people I hold near and dear to my heart, who have shaped me, and explained and demonstrated that hard work will always have a great outcome. And now, here we are, with this country validating that we don’t matter. So please, I ask you, that you do not condone me for not being your friend on social media, because although I took that right away from you, you took away my and many other people’s basic rights.

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So what makes people stay in relationships that don't contribute to their well-being? I'll tell you. Fear. Fear that things won't ever get better than how they are.

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I need to go to bed and I can't because I am restless but also not. I don't know. I remember how much your presence bothered me. How much I hated how young you were and how we got in arguments because you were 25 and I just turned 15. I'm sitting here now, thinking about the past 8 years and how our lives have meshed and changed and how you were always seen as a constant. Keyword: were. Don't date someone who has a kid if you don't plan on being there. Don't invest your time and energy into a family when you're going to be flakey and inconsistent. I feel like I am going through a break up, my own one, with my moms boyfriend. He was around for 8 years and now their relationship is over. How am I supposed to just get over this? How am I supposed to just magically accept the fact that you don't want to be part of our family anymore, and you would rather go fuck around and do your own thing? I get it. I really do. Especially being almost 23 myself now, and living in your shoes in a mere two years. Your age was a set back in the relationship, you were so young and my mom was older than you. And then you sat there for 8 years and thought you could walk all over her. You filled our lives with empty promises, you fooled me all too well. I've been through this before, the only adequate and competent human that has never even thought about putting me through this same bullshit is Andrew. But you... Why you? You taught me how to make scrambled eggs, how to make sure my omelette didn't fall apart. You taught me how to change my oil and brakes and how to pop on a spare when my tire blows on the freeway. You picked me up from events and met all my friends, you had food fights with us. You gave me advice about dudes and when you were locked up you called me to tell me not to go to Arizona to see that fuckboy because you were worried about me and loved me. You told me you loved me. You said you would always be here for me. You made me feel like someone cared, you were the closest thing I had to a dad. If you and my mom ever got married I would've asked you to adopt me. But now here I am, after 8 years of developing a relationship with you. When you came home from prison I balled my eyes out. I waited for you to walk through the door. I cried when you left and I wrote letters to you. We cried together when Zirra died, we held you as we watched your mom pass away on hospice care. We would talk for hours about everything under the sun. I would laugh when you used to karate chop my throat when I was in the middle of talking. You made sure guys would never hurt my feelings, you watched after me like I was your child. You came with me to pick out my prom dress, you made a birthday card for me and sent me one from prison. You bought me alcohol for my birthday and made me White Russians and I got so drunk I cried. You brought me to jiu jitsu and taught me how to fight. You made my entire life so much more fun. You were around for an incredibly crucial development stage and I really did feel like you were my father figure. I am devastated. I feel empty and lost, abandoned. I feel unloved, I feel like I wasn't worth staying around for. I feel so incomplete. I hope that in the future you realize that your break up wasn't just with my mom, it was with me too. The heartache I'm experiencing is unreal and sobering. I feel as though I am being forced to strip the thick skin you helped me build, and that I am expected to forget you. This isn't an ordinary break up....you were my dad. I thought you would be here. I thought you would walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. I hope one day you will realize the impact you made on my life and that you do not make the same mistake of waltzing into someone's life and expecting their kid not to look at you as their father. I hope next time you don't take advantage of vulnerability and that you learn to acknowledge other people's feelings. Because this wasn't a break up with my mom, this is a life altering break up with me.

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‘no’ might make them angry but it will make you free.

Nayyirah Waheed, If No One Has Ever Told You, Your Freedom is More Important Than Their Anger  (via wordsnquotes)

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16 days ugh I can't wait to kiss your face and share my life with you

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I wonder why it's so easy for us to be so angry at someone and swear that we hate them, but crumble so easily when they even say the slightest thing

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Four weeks on the dot. I can do this. I did the rest of the semester, so I can get through these last four weeks. But it's so hard. Between the terrorist bombings and all of the traveling, I'm not sure what's really in store for him the last few months. I am trying to be positive and believe that everything will work out. It always does. Our relationship will be stronger than ever and we will feel more connected but not for another four weeks. Ugh. And then there's school. University is hard. I wish I knew how I was doing in my classes. I'm also dreading my registration date. But hopefully I'll be able to just get through these weeks without it being too dreadful. I'm more excited than anything. Four weeks is so easy to do, especially since the weeks have been flying by like nobody's business. I have date party in two days, thanksgiving, going home, Emily's formal, and most importantly finals. And registering for classes. Fuck me. If I had to do this abroad experience again I wouldn't mind. Mainly because it's only a semester and I don't mind waiting around that long. I may possibly apply to study abroad but I doubt it. The classes I have to take are arduous and I need to pass my classes most importantly. Anyway I'm writing this because I am currently sad I don't have Andrew here but I am so so s o glad that he is coming home soon holy shit.