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There have been three distinct moments in my journey where I’ve been deeply affected by how clients perceive me—each experience leaving an imprint on my confidence.

The first was with my very first client, the one I was eager to open an account with—and did. But in the end, they chose to leave. At the time, it felt like a devastating blow. I lost sleep over it, questioning everything: Was I too forward? Too eager? Did I somehow drive them away? In hindsight, it was a small bump in the road, barely a blip in the bigger picture, but it rattled me deeply when I was just starting out.

The second time came when a significant client nearly left due to a clerical error—something outside of my direct control, yet I felt entirely responsible. Again, I lost sleep, gripped by the fear of losing a major asset. The anxiety of that moment mirrored the insecurity I felt with my first loss.

Today marks the third such moment. I missed a scheduled client meeting—forgot to meet them at a prearranged location. They were understandably upset, and I’m left once again feeling like my entire credibility has been erased by a single mistake. I can’t help but reflect on the previous incidents, wishing I had approached them with more perspective and trust that things would eventually work out. I would have hoped by now—by the third time—that I’d be more seasoned, more resilient. But the sting still feels just as sharp.

Adding to this is another kind of discouragement I’ve faced—one that came from those closest to me. Friends and family who doubted my capabilities, perhaps because they’ve always known me in another context. It’s often hardest for those closest to us to see us in a new light, and that doubt from people I love made those early days even harder. Looking back now, as my confidence slowly grows, those voices feel less defining—but in the moment, they were deeply disheartening.

Despite these challenges, I am reminded to shift my focus. My identity isn’t determined by the mistakes I make or the perceptions of others—it is rooted in Christ. I don’t want to rely solely on my own strength or the validation of clients. I want to lean on God and trust Him with my business. As Proverbs 3:5–6 says:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Moving forward, I aim to view these setbacks as temporary stumbles, not defining failures. I want to carry a quiet confidence that I can grow through them, trusting that God is shaping me through each experience—and that no misstep is wasted in His plan

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Ways that God takes care of me.

I was so sad this week because I missed my Starbucks birthday drink…I debated heading to two Starbucks locations, but in the end didn’t. It was ridiculous how disappointed I was, I had it in my calendar and looked forward to it the whole year!

In the end, I went to bed pretty sad.

But God didn’t forget me, it sounds so silly, but to me, his thoughts of me manifested, that even though I didn’t get what I really wanted, he gave me something even better, it took a few days of waiting, but this morning Square one sent me a message saying I have a free coffee 😂.

Thank you ABBA, no one will understand this tiny gesture from you, but I will treasure this in my heart forever. Thank you for loving me…

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Bye ‘Bao Bao’, bao bao means precious in Chinese. I’ve called my son bao bao from when he was present for all these years, and today out of the blue, he looked me straight in the eyes and said… “I’m not bread mamma”. His seriousness cracked me straight up, and I couldn’t stop laughing. Bao bao is also what we use to describe buns, but it’s a different intonation. Navigating 2 languages is hard sometimes.

I can tell it’s these moments that my son is formulating and connecting many things in his little brain, the neurons are working hard at making sense of this non sensical world. So many things to process, so many things to learn, yet he is learning… bit by bit, day by day. My precious boy is formulating thought processing and starting to ask the whys that takes us some time to respond.

“Why don’t we celebrate Halloween? My friends do at daycare”

“Why do you get old?”

“Why do we die?”

“Why can’t I get more marvel characters?”

“Why do you say that?”

These questions seem simple on the surface, but to explain to a 3 year old in simplistic terms, and to incorporate our belief as God’s children in a world that is contrary to what we do, is indeed a tough task.

I pray for wisdom and discernment, and for God to equip us to raise this child. We are inadequate and fail in many regards, but we trust that the Lord is good, and will continue to be with Bo as he grows.

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Often when we are in a situation…where we are thinking it is the worst situation ever, how could this even happen to me. We fail to see that God is at work, and that everything works out well in the end. But it is during the moment, where we are so submerged in the pain, the unfairness, the non sensicalness of it all!! That we lose sight of God… and his plan for us.

Recently I was so distraught over a situation regarding my job transition that I was like, this must be a joke. No amount of logic and sense would allow something like this to happen, but it did…. And to me. During those days, I questioned, doubted, and was mad, because I had little faith. I threw a tantrum at God. I asked him to turn this situation around, to display his power by doing and obeying my request, do you see the arrogance and foolishness of that, because I see it now, after the situation.

At the end, the situation worked out well, even better than my previous state of being. I realized that God was taking care of me all along, but this situation was something that really tested me, it was incredibly daunting during that time, but incredibly the opposite of everything else I felt after the fact.

How little faith we have, how little faith I have during times of trials. I pray I will rely more on him during the good and bad times, to be faithful to him in dire situations, because this was a reminder to remain faithfully rooted in him.

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Boaz Jonathan Tse

Boaz - "swiftness", "in the strength of", "in him (is) strength", "to be strong"

 

Johnathan - God Has Given, gift of God

 

Isaiah 41: 13 NKJV

For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand,

Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’

 

賦 – gift of God; talent from heaven; endowment; ability;

承 – support; help; undertake; pledge; promise; Thanks to God for his promise in Isaiah 41:13; Pledge to God to be faithful with strength

 

謝賦承 – Tse Fu Shing, Cantonese; Xie Fucheng, Mandarin.

谢赋承

12pounds 4 oz July 7th

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The moon is always round.

🌙 🌕 🌖

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As A. W. Tozer notes,

God knows instantly and effortlessly all matter and all matters, all mind and every mind, all spirit and all spirits, all being and every being, all creaturehood and all creatures, every plurality and all pluralities, all law and every law, all relations, all causes, all thoughts, all mysteries, all enigmas, all feeling, all desires, every unuttered secret, all thrones and dominions, all personalities, all things visible and invisible in heaven and in earth, motion, space, time, life, death, good, evil, heaven, and hell.

Consider Tozer's words on God's eternality:

Because God lives in an everlasting now, He has no past and no future. When time-words occur in the Scriptures they refer to our time, not to His. When the four living creatures before the throne cry day and night, "Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come," they are identifying God with the flow of creature-life with its familiar three tenses; and this is right and good, for God has sovereignly willed so to identify Himself. But since God is uncreated, He is not himself affected by that succession of consecutive changes we call time.

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There is something exceedingly improving to the mind in a contemplation of the Divinity. It is a subject so vast, that all our thoughts are lost in its immensity; so deep, that our pride is drowned in its infinity. Other subjects we can compass and grapple with; in them we feel a kind of self-contentment, and go on our way with the thought, "Behold I am wise." But when we come to this master science, finding that our plumbline cannot sound its depth, and that our eagle eye cannot see its height, we turn away with the thought, "I am but of yesterday and know nothing.

C.H Spurgeon

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Possible realization.

As I was cutting vegetables, a realization hit. Why am I so eager to catch opportunities, and refuse to wait once a decision is made. Could it be that my impatience to wait due to some experiences from childhood?

When I was younger, my parents on multiple occasions would promise me many things. However, due to circumstances, or certain instances, I remember the important events that I was looking forward to sometimes didn’t happen, or the expectation of leading up to that moment was offset by a change of plans etc. I think these events has shaped my mind to never expect good things, because if you do? It will slip away… but if you expect the worst of the worst, then that good things probably will happen.

I pondered for a while to think why I think like that, and I realized something profound. It’s because the promises I were spoken to as a child were often broken. And so I believe as a child, I had no security and assurances in the promises that were made to me. When I was left with broken promises, I started to take matters into my own hands, to make it happen. And the faster I made it happen, the more probability of it will be coming true.

And so I started to think about my personal relationship with my son. Sometimes I tell him, that this will happen, but something comes up and I don’t follow through. Him being just a bit verbal at this age doesn’t really talk about it afterwards as well, and so I glaze over it thinking in my mind hoping that maybe he will just forget. However, I realize that’s not true. He remembers.

I realize more and more the importance of promises, and if they are not kept, to talk about it, to remediate it. As a child I want given that security, I wonder if I can use that experience to make that different for my son.

What an interesting realization that came to me as I was shredding carrots.

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Parent session:

Trait #4 RESPECT

Humility is the key ingredient to respect

1 Peter 2:17

Genesis 1:27

How we treat our spouse has a direct impact on how our children will treat others

1. What we think: remembering, being present, renewing of the mind

2. Where we look - at them when talking, dangers of multitasking, no phones or gadgets when family time, being present,

3. How we pay attention and listen, give our full attention, learning to wait, ways to pay attention and listen

4. What we say, be aware, and sensitive, be lovingly honest with your words,

5. What we do, model

5 things to do that model respect in your family

1. Stay calm, pray, slow to speak, try not to take it personally,

2. Be on time - be aware my actions affect others

3. Serve one another - start from a young age, help kids understand that life is not about fairness or what’s best for themselves

4. Respect differences -

5. Follow through - keep your promises, don’t make promises you can’t keep

Kids who understand the importance tend to have healthier relationships in the future

Trait #5

Grace and forgiveness

We are all flawed, we are all learning.

3 ways to show grace in parenting:

1. The husband and wife relationship, to model they are on the same team. Kids witness the reality that marriage requires constant attention to maintain a bridge of understanding

2. Be aware of personality differences

🦁: leaders, visionary, hard workers, strong, bold, intense, like to be in control, don’t have flexible mind set, don’t like change, don’t like conflict, will deal with conflict right away.

🦦: spontaneous, restless, outgoing, bubbly, flexible mindset, don’t mind crisis, prefer relationships over task. Talker. Opposite of sea otter.

Golden retriever: compassionate, loyal, flexible mindset, tend to avoid and dislike conflicts, people pleasers, not overly opinionated, opposite of lion

🦫: organized, analytical, perfectionist, they like rules, structure, function well, moody, self centred

*some personalities might match more with another. One parent may connect with one of the personalities a lot more.

Four major stages of development

1. Infant to 3 years old

2. Four to five years old - learn about obedience, disobedience, consequences, ask a lot of questions

3. Six to Twelve years old: experiencing lots of changes in brain, emotional, and hormonal, focus on imperfections, flaws, mom and dad says this, but the 🌎 is this, or mom and dad are doing the opposite of what they say. Noticing, sex differences, questions about boundaries, inconsistencies, fairness. They are not trying to challenge our authority, but making sense of the world by questioning us. Understand that it’s normal at their stage. If they bring up an inconsistency in your life: it’s best to acknowledge it. Mom and dad also struggle with it, and don’t try to save face.

We need Gods grace, and Gods forgiveness.

4. 13-18 years old

Becoming more prone to take risks, longing to belong and fit in (fitting in vs belonging). Pursuit of friendship as part of survival. Get bored easily. Tend to stay up later, don’t feel as cold.

***showing grace at each stage of development does NOT mean we lower Gods kingdom standards for our children 👧

Train up a child in the way he should go. And when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Forgiveness: confession involves admitting and asking for forgiveness

Admitting when we are wrong, to our kids, can have kids respect you more!!!!!

Confess: it’s okay to make mistakes, kids don’t need that anxiety to be perfect. Confessions to one another, will bring us together.

Steps to develop forgiveness eness in the family:

1. Prayer “Lord help me, I’m really frustrated right now”, calms you down, so fire doesn’t get out of control

2. Stop and ask questions to understand: do not jump to conclusion. Understanding requires communication. Listening - hear what they are saying “check in to what they are saying”. Seek to understand the bigger picture.

Ex: they may lie because,,, there’s a bigger issue at play

3. PAUSE, reset and restart. Instead of reacting, just take a break maybe to the bathroom.

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Numbers 3

Census here has a different purpose, function than chapter 1/2, like a Bible is different than a regular notebook, so God has set aside the tribe of Levites.

V.5-10 different group of Levites, not ordained priests, still set a part. Watch over the sacred objects.

Only Aaron and his sons from the tribe were set a part to serve.

Aged 30-35, so specific!

It’s like clothes, the ones you reserve for special occasions. Like your wedding gown. Or like holidays, uncommon days.

Here numbers 3 God is teaching the children of Israel what is Holy, which things are special, set a part. Tabernacle is at the center of the camp, living in the heart of the Israelite camp.

That God himself would live among his people. He is among them, in the very heart of camp. But he is to be set a part, they are remember that God is Holy.

We are reminded, to never approach God casually. Not only is God set a part from an entire tribe, it also describes the arrangement of the levites. Clan of Gurshan, pitched on the south side…these Levites surrounded the people.

God placed the Levites there, between the people and the tabernacle, for the safety of the Israelites. Because sin will affect everyone there.

What is our attitude towards sin? Do we follow what apostle Paul says about not putting ourselves in any provisions of the flesh? To flee from temptation and sin? Do we treat communion as something holy?

1corinthians 1:11-27

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Nothing lasts forever - pastor Henry

Gods word never changes, the word of the Lord endures forever

1 Peter referencing:

“A voice says, “Cry out.” And I said, “What shall I cry?” “All people are like grass, and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.””

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40‬:‭6‬-‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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How do we know if our church is healthy? - Pastor Chanh

Common evaluations people commonly use which are unhealthy:

- attendance

- is there evangelism taking place

- church programming. The more the better? Shows that we are doing something, at work.

- baptism, are the numbers increasing?

- making decisions

- are the young people who grew up in the church staying? Are new people being added to the church?

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Romans 12:9

Love for God should show how our devotion to our fellow brothers and sisters.

Bible only has one metric to measure healthiness: love

Love encapsulates the whole law and prophets. Love puts ourselves last, serving others, taking others, meeting their needs. How we treat each other, how we speak to each other.

There’s a tendency to gravitate towards things that we can quantify, but that’s not healthy. It’s basically evaluation of something easier, tangible. Concrete: programs are filled out. Our church is in its 40th year is anniversary. And so we boast?

No, these are not the things that we should boast in. Are these blessings? Yes, but it does not measure how well we are doing as a church.

Ephesians 4: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭1‬-‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

What happens when we lose our patience? When things sour?

* what does love in the church look like? ⛪️ what happens when a brother or sister offends… or sins against us?

Forgiveness. 1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

‭another version says: be fervent in your love for each other. Genuine Godly love will forgive, genuine Godly love will overlook wrongdoings.

Don’t focus so much on your own offense. Focus instead on our offenses to God. The key to forgiving others, loving others is coming back to the cross. But understanding how wretched we are, and why we need the cross.

Luke 7: Jesus anointed by a sinful woman

How much we love God is directly proportional to how we view how much of a sinner we are. Just like the servant who owed 500 denarius versus 50 denarius. The one who owed more felt like he was forgiven more.

Growing up, maturing in our faith = seeing more and more of your own sin. At this point in life, we don’t see all our sins. As time goes on, we see more and more. Do t be afraid of the Holy Spirit convicting to see more of your own sin. To see more of your own wretchedness, so that you can love others more. Isn’t this paradoxical? Seeing more of my own unworthiness, will lead to a greater love and forgiveness for others when they sin against you?

Pray: Lord, search my heart, show me how to have compassion for others.

Answer to the question: how is our church in healthy? We look at how we respond to each other. Do we forgive one another, or just tolerate one another? How do we respond?

Love in our church as Paul says:

1. Peace

2. Church discipline

Luke 17:3 “be on guard! Be careful! If your brother sins, rebuke him.” With gentleness and wisdom

Matthew: “if your brother sins, do so privately, if he listens to you. You have won him over….if not, take two or more brothers….. if not, bring up on church. —> this is tough love

“And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12‬:‭5‬-‭11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

How do you view church discipline and accountability? Do you see it as authoritarian? A violation of your rights? No one else’s business?

By helping each other, spot sin, avoid sin, confess sin. This is how we should be like in a church. That’s what genuine love for fellow Christians look like. It’s sometimes difficult, and they misunderstand you. But sometimes, in order to be loving, you need to be misunderstood.

1 Corinthians 5: Paul is rebuking the entire church. He says he will hand the dude to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of Judgement. This discipline was not an act of punishment, but an act of discipline of love….a wake up call…. To make known the seriousness of the sin. This is the point of excommunication. “It’s bound to be misunderstood by some…..oh the church is so unloving…..”

What child is not disciplined by their loving father?

Healthiness of our church?

Look at how the individuals grow, how they forgive one another. How they love one another.

Godly love isn’t just in serving one another and loving in ministries, but in forgiving and disciplining one another in the church.

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August 20th - God Will Judge Perfectly

David = looks to God for his everlasting eternity and security, everlasting salvation. He is our hope

Psalm 7

“Lord my God, I take refuge in you; save and deliver me from all who pursue me, or they will tear me apart like a lion and rip me to pieces with no one to rescue me. Lord my God, if I have done this and there is guilt on my hands— if I have repaid my ally with evil or without cause have robbed my foe— then let my enemy pursue and overtake me; let him trample my life to the ground and make me sleep in the dust. Arise, Lord, in your anger; rise up against the rage of my enemies. Awake, my God; decree justice. Let the assembled peoples gather around you, while you sit enthroned over them on high. Let the Lord judge the peoples. Vindicate me, Lord, according to my righteousness, according to my integrity, O Most High. Bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure— you, the righteous God who probes minds and hearts. My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart. God is a righteous judge, a God who displays his wrath every day. If he does not relent, he will sharpen his sword; he will bend and string his bow. He has prepared his deadly weapons; he makes ready his flaming arrows. Whoever is pregnant with evil conceives trouble and gives birth to disillusionment. Whoever digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit they have made. The trouble they cause recoils on them; their violence comes down on their own heads. I will give thanks to the Lord because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the Lord Most High.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭7‬:‭1‬-‭17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

When you are faced with a difficult situation. What do you do? Do you bury yourself in work? Do you go to friends? Escapism in social media?

Do you go to the God that you professed your faith in? Do you truly believe that God is almighty. That he is strong and will save us from our troubling circumstances. That He is gentle, loving, sympathetic to our causes. Do we truly believe that?

Or do we go to our earthly counsellors and friends?

David’s response: his life is on the line. Lord if you don’t help me, there is no one to deliver me!!! I’m going to be fiercely torn apart!

Psalm 10

David describes his enemies as: “His mouth is full of lies and threats; trouble and evil are under his tongue. He lies in wait near the villages; from ambush he murders the innocent. His eyes watch in secret for his victims; like a lion in cover he lies in wait. He lies in wait to catch the helpless; he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net. His victims are crushed, they collapse; they fall under his strength.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭17…

“Roaring lions that tear their prey open their mouths wide against me.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭22‬:‭13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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When someone is going through pains it’s important to not minimize their pain and feelings. It’s real in that moment, and that’s okay.

In our troubles. The first thing we must do is cry out to God.

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David first examined his own life, self examination. It’s a humble declaration of his innocence. He wishes evil upon his enemies?? He does not, he says he is innocent of their accusations.

Psalm 139: search me oh Lord and know my heart.

1. Walk with integrity

2. Entrust to the Lord

David appeals to Gods perfect justice. Our sense of justice, is very unlike Gods sense of justice. Ours is so overcharged with emotions, disproportionate feeling to getting even. But Gods justice is objective, it is right and even.

Romans 2: “To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. For God does not show favoritism.” - Romans‬ ‭2‬:‭7‬-‭8‬, ‭11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

God will judge in perfect justice. What does perfect justice really look like? Our sense of justice is so skewed, so tainted by sin. Our worldly image of a judge is fear 😨.

Psalm 7:9 God is a righteous God, He feels indignation everyday. David applies Gods judgement to his present situation.

Do you trust Gods justice, that his sense of justice is better than your justice? That you don’t need to take matters into your own hand but leave it to the Lord. David understood that, and entrusted to God.

Psalm 7:12 David trusts not only in what God can and will do, but in His Character, in who He is.

Isaiah - shoot that comes from the stump of Jesse. Spirit of knowledge

Delight in the fear of the Lord.

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Aren’t we the unholy people who consistently sins against God? Isn’t his justice just as severe against us from his flaming arrows? We are unholy in the holy presence. It is hopeless to think that we can make up the offence we have done against him. Eternity would not pay it off. That’s why Jesus came and died for our sins.

V.14

If a person is retaliating in their W ay against injustice. They have not drank fully from the character of God. David prays to Yahweh (7 times). 7 = perfection of God. David is saying there isn’t one injustice he will ever not look at.

Praise to God, praise the the Lord Yahweh.

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Psalm 77

CRY OUT AND REMEMBER GOD

A psalm of Asaph

“Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?” Then I thought, “To this I will appeal: the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand. I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭77‬:‭7‬-‭15‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Application: become prayer dependent, sing worship songs, meditate on God and his word

Psalm 130

Psalms redirect our isolated view of ourselves to God, to focus on GOD.

In these times, remember your God, your FATHER, your deliverer and shepherd.

Cell groups small groups are not just a gathering, but a reminder to each other of what God has done in your life. To remember God and his faithfulness.

Seasons and trials with eventually, inevitably come. All of us will experience suffering to one degree or another. Just remember, God will not abandon us. Remember God, who shepherds you. Who redeems you. Cry out to Him. Even though we walk through the valleys and shadows of death, your rod and staff comforts us.

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May 18

My little human. A chub chub rounded little guy. Who is soon to turn two.

As I was going about my day today, a distinct memory came up. I started reflecting on whether or not my son knows what is right and what is wrong. When no one taught him.

There was one time, when we were at home, I was loading up the dishwasher. Boaz was quite adamant to get his way and refused my instructions and grabbed plates even though he was not allowed yet to do that. I let him, knowing that it was a risk. And it did prove to be quite disastrous.

His tiny little hand gripped one of the plates, pulled it out. Compounded by his unusually stubborn temper and exhaustion at daycare that day, he dropped the plate. There was a loud bam, and plate pieces flew everywhere.

I was instantly on full alert, and perhaps Boaz could feel the tension in the air, as I gasped and said in a loud voice "Uh-Oh!". He froze.

I wanted him to learn and say sorry, he didn't. I wanted my son to know that it was a mistake that he had made, because he didn't listen to me. However, he seemed to think it was natural for plates to fall, by pointing, plate fall. I was mad.

But picking up his little body, I instantly regretted my feeling of anger. Inside his little body, his heart pounded loudly. It was a thump thump thump that was deafening, and I can feel that it was vibrating off his tiny body in waves. My heart melted. Because I know Boaz was scared, he was trying to calm himself by smiling and pointing at the plate, to seek some kind of comfort from vocalizing what just happened. However, I mistook it as mischief. I instantly cuddled my son in my arms and told him it was okay, I snuggled his little head in the crook of my neck, and hugged him tight. I then gently laid him on the other side of the room while I swept everything up and vacuumed.

And so now I think, at what point does he know that he did something bad? Does he understand that he made a mistake? Will he learn from this mistake in the future? I realize now that all these questions don't really matter in the end. What matters to me is that I was there for him, and that I responded not with scolding, or anger at him, but with gentleness. Understanding that he must have been more scared than ever. My protective instincts were on full gear.

It also has made me think about motherhood. What appropriate responses can I have to these moments? How do I teach my son what is right and wrong? How do I make sure to empathize with his feelings and not teach through an adult lens all the time. I want to build him up, and not tear him down accidentally.

I smile when I think about his smile during the day times, so innocent and trusting. He loves us very much, and trusts us unconditionally. I want to do the best for him, and be the best mom for him.